


A rare pearl.

by herilaveur



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:54:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 47
Words: 103,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28902243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herilaveur/pseuds/herilaveur
Summary: Lucas and Eliott have been together for three years when Lucas develops a tumor.But when Lucas is told that in addition to his tumor, he has a syndrome that affects 200 men worldwide, his world is falling apart.And yet, Eliott will help him get back on his feet and will turn this nightmare into a dream. A wonderful dream.***Or...Lucas and Eliott have an biological baby, together, and it's their pregnancy story.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 469
Kudos: 209





	1. Something weird

**Author's Note:**

> OMG, I'm so nervous!
> 
> I've never been so nervous sharing a fic. Maybe because it's going to be a hell of a roller coaster...
> 
> Come on, let's get started...

"Wait, I have to pee so much."

Eliott frowns and keeps him tight against him.

"Come on, you went to pee just before. Stay with me."

Lucas sighs but pushes on Eliott's chest to get up.

"I'm sorry, I'm going to explode."

Lucas gets out of bed, leaving Eliott sighing, and goes to the bathroom as fast as he can because he really feels like he's going to burst, and yet he barely pees three drops.

But the feeling of heaviness doesn't really go away and especially, now that he's no longer distracted by Eliott's kisses and caresses, he realizes that the feeling of heaviness he used to feel is not in his lower abdomen, but rather in one of his balls.

He flushes the toilet, washes his hands and comes back to bed to finish what they had started.

For a week he tries not to pay attention. Maybe he's been hit and doesn't really remember. But when Eliott takes off his boxers the following Friday and he stops, frowning, Lucas is forced to admit there is a problem.

"What did you do, babe? Since when did you're like this?"

Lucas curls up but he's not limber enough to look at himself in that spot.

"What's the matter?"

Eliott grabs his phone and Lucas grabs the sheet to cover himself.

"There's no way you're taking a picture of that. You tell me. You're scaring me."

Eliott takes a deep breath and sits on the bed.

"It's because I'm scared right now. It's all red and swollen. Doesn't it hurt?"

Lucas looks away and Eliott hits him on the arm.

"How long have you been in pain? Why didn't you tell me about it?"

Lucas sits down and sighs.

"It doesn't really hurt, it's more like there's something weird going on into me."

Eliott takes his phone and puts it to his ear.

"What are you doing?"

Eliott sighs as he looks at it.

"The doctor's office doesn't close for another half hour. I'll make an appointment for you, hopefully tomorrow. You have to show this to a doctor."

Lucas sighs as he lies down on the bed.

"I guess that means the hugs are over."

Eliott looks at him as if he doesn't understand that he's asking such a question but doesn't have time to answer that he's already on the phone with the secretary and gets an appointment for the next morning at 10am. 

"I have no desire to go and show this part of my anatomy an old bearded man with a bald head "

Eliott sighs, comes to lie down against him and it's at this moment that Lucas realizes that he's really worried. They've been dating for 3 years now and it's clear that he can read inside him like an open book. And now, Eliott's face says _"I'm fucking scared but I try not to show it to you so you don't worry too."_

"Hey, my love, everything's going to be fine, okay? He's going to look at me, tell me I must have taken a hit or been stung by something. He's gonna give me some medicine and that'll be it."

That was the theory. That's what Lucas really thought was going to happen. But judging by the look on their doctor's face as he gets dressed, Lucas already knows that's not what's going to happen.

"Okay. I'm sending you for an ultrasound. I'll call the hospital myself, so they can take you right away."

Lucas closes the button on his pants, puts on his shoes and comes to sit in the chair in front of the doctor, regretting that Eliott is waiting for him in the waiting room and that he can't hold his hand.

"What's wrong with me?"

Lucas isn't quite sure, but he feels like the doctor has sighed. He looks up from his computer keyboard and gives him a smile that makes Lucas uncomfortable. He knows this kind of smile very well, it's the kind of smile all doctors take before giving bad news.

"We're not going to worried for now, you're going to do the ultrasound now and we'll know more."

Lucas shakes his head and looks the doctor straight in the eye.

"I'd like to know what you're thinking. You might as well tell me now or I'll go straight to Google."

The doctor sighs and gives him the prescription.

"Google has become my worst enemy. We can't make a diagnosis until we get the results of the ultrasound, but I'm afraid it's a tumor."

Lucas opens his eyes and the only thing he can think about now is " _cancer_." He can't even formulate a sentence in his head. It's as if this word is the only thing that keeps going round and round. 

"You can't be sure until the ultrasound, Lucas."

Lucas opens his mouth but no sound comes out. He doesn't even know what he wants to ask.

"I'm going to get Eliott."

Lucas shakes his head and stands up as if he has just been electroshocked. He grabs his things and finds himself in front of the door before the doctor.

"No, it's okay. I'll do the ultrasound and then we'll see. It's probably nothing. I'm fine."

Walking up the hallway from the doctor's office to the waiting room, Lucas tells himself that he's not going to tell Eliott. He's just going to tell him that he needs to have an ultrasound but he won't tell him what the doctor thinks. There's no point in worrying him, especially since it's not that. If it was a tumor, it would probably hurt a lot more than that, wouldn't it?

But when Eliott sees him and stands up to meet him, Lucas bursts into tears. And if he really had cancer and died, what would happen to Eliott? He can't imagine leaving him alone, it's too hard.

He finds himself against Eliott's chest, safe and secure in his powerful arms and can't figure out how to stop crying.

"I'm here, babe. Don't worry, no matter what happens, I'm here."

Lucas wipes his eyes and takes his hand before heading outside. The fresh air makes him feel like he's being slapped, but it's make him feel a little better.

"I have to go to the hospital to get an ultrasound. He thinks I have a tumor."

Eliott hugs him and nods.

"Okay. Here we go. I've read that in 98% of cases, the patient heals completely. It's going to be all right. I'm here, babe."

Lucas sighs and then smiles as he looks at him.

"I thought you weren't supposed to google, because google see the evil everywhere?"

Eliott makes a sorry smile before kissing him on the temple.

"It helped me pass the time a little faster in the waiting room. And we still don't know if that's it."

Lucas nods and then takes Eliott's hand on his shoulder in his.

"Will you come with me during the ultrasound scan? I'm really gonna need you to hold my hand."

Eliott nods and kisses him again on the temple.

"Sure, babe. I'll be there. No matter what happens, I'll be there."

When an hour later, Lucas finds himself lying on the ultrasound table, he squeezes Eliott's hand in his.It allows him to slightly forget the really unpleasant side of being groped by an old doctor who looks jaded and tired.

''Okay, I see the tumor, and''

The doctor widens his eyes, asks them not to move and walks out of the room. He comes back surrounded by three other doctors and from the look on their faces, Lucas can only panic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're almost there...what's so weird about our Lulu?
> 
> By the way, it's based on a true story...If you like the series like grey's anatomy or Dr house, with their unlikely diagnoses, stay with me...as usual : a day, a chapter...
> 
> I hope you like it...


	2. Something rare.

"It's unbelievable." Said one doctor.

"And did you look more up?" Ask another one before grabbing the device and moving it over Lucas' pubis.

Lucas and Eliott look at each other and then at the screen but apart from black and white Lucas can't see anything and doesn't understand why the doctors are so surprised. 

"Stop! Here! Oh god, it's unbelievable."

"The tumor is that big? Is it cancer?"

The three doctors look at him, almost like that they're forgotten that he could talk. 

"No, not at all. There is a tumor, but I don't think it's cancerous because of its size. You'll have to have a small operation to remove it and we'll do a biopsy, but I don't think you have to worry about that."

Eliott shakes his hand a little harder before looking at the doctors.

"Then what do we have to worry about?"

The doctor takes the probe back and puts it under Lucas' balls, which is really really unpleasant, even more so when there are three other doctors watching.

"You see, there are your two testicles and on this one there's this tiny tumor."

Lucas nods but holds his breath because he knows from the doctor's tone that there is going to be a _but_.

He directs the probe differently and two circles appear on the screen.

"Do I have tumors everywhere?" asks Lucas.

The doctor shakes his head and points the two circles on the screen.

"They are ovaries."

The doctor moves the probe and puts it back on Lucas' pubis.

"And there you have a uterus."

Lucas looks at the circle the doctor shows and starts laughing when he understands what's going on.

"Okay, it's a coded language for assessing the size of my tumors. For a moment I thought you were telling me I was a girl."

Lucas watches in horror as the doctor shakes his head as he puts away his equipment.

"No, you're not a girl, but there is no coded language. You have both reproductive systems."

Lucas, in shock, lets go of Eliott's hand, but Eliott immediately grabs it and keeps it tight between his both hands.

"Is he a hermaphrodite?"

One of the doctors shake his head.

"Not really. We speak of internal male pseudohermaprhodism. It's called the Persistent Müllerian duct syndrome. It's an extremely rare genetic mutation. We're going to take a blood test to confirm this, but there's no doubt, it's the only explanation. The differentiation between the boy ou girl reproductive systems is not done correctly during development, so you have both.''

Lucas looks at the frozen screen where what he shouldn't have in him always appears, and he just can't believe that. It's fucking impossible.

"And they both work?" asks Eliott, "How can that be possible? Why doesn't he ever get his period?"

The doctors smile as Lucas looks at Eliott, thanking him for asking all those questions that he can't asking right away, but for which he will want the answers later, when he can think properly again.

"In fact yes and no, in almost all cases of PMDS, men are sterile. They produce eggs, but not spermatozoid. The testosterone flowing in his veins acts like a contraceptive pill. It's as if he has been taking the pill since birth, so in theory the ovaries and uterus work but in practice the hormones prevent it from working. We will have to operate to remove the tumor, so we will take the opportunity to remove the ovaries and fallopian tubes. Having a functioning female reproductive organ is what creates the tumors and that is what creates the risk of developing testicular cancer, as well as any hormonal cancer. We will remove part of the uterus, but we can't remove it completely under risk of complications."

Lucas gets up from the examination table, grabs some paper to wipe off the gel he has everywhere and gets dressed.

"Okay, that's it. Let me know when you can get this off me."

The doctor tells him that his secretary will call him to meet with the anesthesiologist and she will give him an operation date, so Lucas nods and leaves.

He finds himself outside the hospital without even knowing how he got out.

"Lucas, wait for me, babe. Don't leave like that."

Eliott runs to him and takes his hand, but Lucas immediately takes it away.

"I need to be alone. I'm sorry. Just give me some time. I need to be alone."

Eliott hugs him and holds him.

"Alone to do what? To feel bad? To think terrible things? To tell you you're not normal?"

"But I'm not normal!" Yelling at Lucas and pushing him away, "I'm not a real fucking boy!"

Tears come to his eyes and Lucas pushes Eliott away again as he tries to hug him.

"Don't act like everything's okay, Eliott, I'm a monster. Get the fuck out of here."

Eliott grabs him by the shoulders and lowers himself slightly to be able to look him in the eyes.

"You are unique. You can try to push me away as much as you want, I'll stay next to you. I love you. Nothing will change that. I love you Lucas. You are not alone."

Lucas bursts into tears and Eliott hugs him. They go back to their apartment, and Lucas crouches in a corner of the couch, unable to help but think he's unnatural. 

Eliott serves him his favorite tea, and Lucas accepts it, trying to smile. He doesn't say so, but frankly he'd rather have a bottle of strong alcohol to drown out all the feelings in him.

Eliott takes out his phone and sits down next to him.

"There are almost 200 men like you in the world. You're not really unique after all, just a rare pearl."

"I'm just a fucking flaw."

Eliott shakes his head and takes him in his arms. Lucas wants to run away but he can't resist the urge to be against Eliott's chest, his arms surrounding him so securely that he feels like everything is fine.

"I told you, you're a rare pearl. My rare pearl. I love you. Don't hurt my favorite person in the world."

Lucas sighs and hugs Eliott back.

"Why doesn't that scare you?"

Eliott kisses him on the hair.

"What scares me is the tumor you have and the risk that you have more tumors or that you might get cancer. The rest doesn't matter. You've had this inside you for years, just because we know that now doesn't mean it's going to change the way I see you and the love I have for you."

Lucas nods, letting his tears flow and soaking Eliott's shirt.

They stay like that for a long time before Lucas straightens up.

"And of the 200, any recent cases?"

Eliott takes back his phone and nods.

"Look, these different guys are just like you. Fuck, this one's really beautiful."

Lucas smiles because he knows that Eliott is teasing him.

"But he's definitely not as hot as you are. See, you're always saying how lucky you are that you don't have to shave a lot, they say it's because of that. See, that's cool."

Eliott browses his search engine, stops to read the title of an article but doesn't click on it. Lucas takes his phone out of his hands and clicks on the article. It's about a girl, who was born a boy, and who discovered she was the PMDS after she came out trans. She decided not to remove her female reproductive system and to use it to deliver a baby. The embryo had to be implanted through the abdominal wall, and of course it was born by caesarean section, but he's healthy.

"We can't really say it's the same for you." Says Eliott softly, "although you know I wouldn't mind at all."

Lucas shakes his head and smiles.

What? No. I'm a boy. With a fucking uterus. Please tell me that was a hidden camera for your next film project."

Eliott smiles and kisses him.

"I love you so much. Don't worry, okay? We just have to do what the doctors say and everything will be fine. Don't be scared, you'll be fine."

For the first few days, Lucas feels horribly abnormal. It's like shame was consuming him from the inside out. He feels like everyone looks at him when he walks down the street, or when he's in college, as if everyone knows. Lucas refuses to tell their friends, so he just tells them that he has to have surgery to remove a small tumor.

And then Eliott points out to him that he's still the same person and that no one looks at him differently. He tells him that he's always been that way and that it's part of him. He spends a lot of time reassuring him, telling him that he still loves him and that he always knew he was a rare pearl, just that he didn't know how rare he was.

And then when he can't sleep, the idea germinates in him. A crazy fucking idea that makes him smile. Lucas thinks about it so much that he feels like he can't think about anything else. The rest of the week, he sleeps really badly and hardly eats. He knows that he worries Eliott and tries to make an effort, but he knows he has to make up his mind quickly.

And finally he makes the final decision the following Friday at 7:00 a.m., when the doctor comes to see him before he goes down to the operating room.

"Today, I want you to remove only the tumor."

The doctor frowns as he looks at him and Eliott, who was putting Lucas' clothes in the closet for this, turns around.

"I know you're scared, Lucas." Says the doctor "but we prefer to operate at the same time so that you don't have to go through general anesthesia twice."

Lucas shakes his head.

"I want to keep my ovaries and my uterus."

The doctor sits on the edge of the bed.

"Why?" 

Lucas rolls his eyes, because it seems obvious to him.

"So I can use it someday to have a baby."

If he expected Eliott to greet the news with a smile or a nod, it's clear Lucas wasn't expecting Eliott to shake his head, obviously not agreeing at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have read one article (then several) on PMDS, and frankly I still find it amazing what the human body can do.  
> So there you have it, I wanted to use it for one of my stories.


	3. Something dangerous.

"Lucas, you have to understand you can't do this."

Lucas defies the doctor's gaze and nods, as if to give himself courage.

"Yes, I can. There was a woman who was born a man, who had exactly the same syndrome I did, and she had a baby."

The doctor touches his arm, as a sign of compassion, but Lucas hates it.

"You just said it yourself, Lucas, she's a woman. You're a man."

Lucas sighs, not daring to look at Eliott not moving, seeming too surprised to say anything.

"I'm a man who has the ability to carry a baby. It seems that nothing happens by chance. Maybe this genetic mistake is just made so that I can have a child with the man I love."

The doctor sighs and turns to Eliott. 

"Are you okay with this?"

Eliott shakes his head frantically.

"No. I'm not okay with this. Babe, you can't do this."

Eliott comes to his bedside and gently grabs his hands.

"I don't know why you didn't tell me about this, or how long you've been thinking about it, but it's just not possible."

Lucas rips his hands off of Eliott's. That's exactly why he didn't dare tell Eliott about it within the week, because he was too afraid to realize he didn't want to have a baby with him.

"You don't want to have a baby with me?"

Eliott smiled as he hugged him.

"Of course I would. If it were possible, I swear I would love it."

"But it's possible." Groans Lucas.

Eliott shakes his head again.

"You heard what the doctors said. Keeping this in your body could lead to tumors or cancer and we can't take that risk. I love you and I would love to have a baby with you but I wouldn't risk your life for that."

Lucas steps back and smiles because he realizes that it's not the fact of having a baby together that Eliott is afraid of, but the risks it could bring.

"Anyway'' says the doctor ''You would have to take synthetic hormones and especially the baby would have to be made during in vitro fertilization and no doctor would want to do that. I'm sorry, Lucas, but that's not gonna happen."

Lucas frowns when he looks at him.

"In some countries trans men are allowed to have a baby. I don't see how it would be any different with me."

The doctor smiles.

"You're not a transsexual, Lucas."

Lucas just shrugs his shoulders. He's had plenty of time to think about it over the past week and he's come to the conclusion that if there's a chance they could have a baby that's 50% him and 50% Eliott, he wants to take that chance. He could carry their baby. They could feel it growing, just like any other couple. No matter what society says, he knows he can do that.

"I know. I just want to tell you that there are other men who became pregnant and their society isn't dead. I know you're going to tell me that people are going to look at me weird, that everybody's going to think I'm a trans man and frankly, surprisingly, I just don't give a shit. If one day I can have a baby with Eliott and feel the baby move inside me, I will. I'm only giving my consent to remove the tumor today. Give me time for the rest. I need time."

The doctor sighs and gets up to walk to the door.

"I'll tell the nurses to redo the paperwork. That will give you some time to think about it and especially to realize that this idea is totally absurd. I only hope you realize this before you get widespread cancer."

Lucas shows him his middle finger, taking advantage of the doctor turning his back. It is certain that he added this just to scare Eliott and make him change his mind.

"Why didn't you tell me about this, babe?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and then looks at Eliott and smiles.

"I was afraid you tell me you didn't want to."

Eliott sighs and sits on the bed.

"It's your body, I can't force you to take this off, but I'm really scared that your idea of keeping it all is not a good idea. I can't risk losing you. Did you hear what he just said?"

Lucas sighs and gently strokes his cheek.

"I know you're scared. But I think the reason I have it all that inside me is so that I can give birth to our baby. Can you imagine us having a baby of our own?"

Eliott takes him in his arms and puts his head in the crook of his neck. 

"It will be, even though he's not biologically ours. We could adopt."

Lucas shakes his head.

"In France? Adoption is open but it is very rare for homosexual couples. At best one could do a PMA but you would have to go abroad and use a surrogate mother. We would live the pregnancy by correspondence. I know it's done, and of course I would want to do it with you if we had no other choice, but we have another choice. You're the one who told me that I was a rare pearl, so please accept that maybe this is my destiny."

Eliott sighs and shakes his head.

"And then what will happen, Lucas? What if I agree to let you carry our child? Would you want another one afterwards? And then maybe another one? And you'll end up dying of cancer? And I'll be all alone?"

Lucas strokes his cheek, forcing him to look him in the eye.

"First of all, don't call me Lucas. And secondly, you won't really be alone if we've had two or three childrens."

The absence of a smile on Eliott's face is enough to make Lucas take it all back.

"I was kidding. I read that there's a 20% chance it will work and I don't want to spend years trying and thinking about it. We could both compromise, like we promise to try two IVF's and if it doesn't work, I have an operation to remove everything. And I promise you that if it works, when the baby is born I'll ask them to take everything off. One miracle will be enough."

Eliott puts his forehead against Lucas' forehead.

''I'm really afraid."

Lucas smiles and kiss him.

"I thought as long as we were both together, we weren't afraid. I swear I know I can do it."

Eliott nods and smiles.

"You're so crazy."

Lucas smiles a little more while caressing his arm.

"I know. But frankly, what does it matter if I keep him 5.6 or even 10 years longer? As you said yourself, we didn't know it was there before and it didn't bother us. We're just going to keep it nice and warm until we're ready to use it."

Eliott immediately shakes his head.

"It's out of the question. If we do it, it's right now. I don't want to live with a sword of Damocles over your head."

Lucas shakes his head. He had never thought about it like that. It's not that he's not sure of their relationship for have a baby right now, but it's definitely not the right time. 

"We're both students, Eliott. We can't have a baby right now."

Eliott looks him in the eye and Lucas knows he won't change his mind.

"This is my condition. It's now or never."


	4. Something to announce.

Lucas hates hospitals. It's always been something he was afraid of.

Maybe because his first memory of being in the hospital was a December night when he went with his mother. He was 6 years old and at the time he didn't understand. His mother kept crying and saying that it was her fault, and a nurse had to sit next to him and explain to him that the little brother he was supposed to have would never come.

It wasn't until years later that he found out that his mother was 6 months pregnant and that the only reason she had to take him with her when she was losing blood it's because his father was actually at his mistress' house. 

Frankly, he doesn't even know why he's thinking about it now, but it terrifies him. 

Eliott gently grabs his hand and smiles at him. Sometimes, Lucas feels that outside of these episodes, Eliott never stops smiling. 

"It's gonna be okay, babe."

Lucas sighs as he looks at the other patients in the waiting room and nods.

"Lucas, the doctor is waiting for you."

Lucas stands up while keeping Eliott's hand in his and follows the nurse to the doctor's office.

He gives them a big smile as he shows them the two seats in front of his desk.

"I was sure you would eventually change your mind, Lucas. I'm really glad you're coming back to see me."

Lucas take a huge smile and touches his belly.

"I actually did it. I'm pregnant. I want you to take care of the ultrasounds and the follow-up."

Lucas is pretty sure he'll never forget the doctor's surprised and shocked face.

"What? How did you do it? I only saw you 10 months ago."

Lucas smiles but shakes his head. From the beginning they agreed with Eliott that French doctors don't need to know how they did it. All that matters is that the baby is here.

"It doesn't matter. What matters is the present. Can I count on you to take care of it or do I have to go to another doctor and explain my case to him all along?"

The doctor nods with a smile.

"Of course, I can take care of it. Just to find out what I'm getting into, do you want to make a media fuss about it?"

Lucas shakes his head again with a smile.

"No. I'm just a trans man who got pregnant naturally by his boyfriend."

The doctor sighs.

"I know that's not true, Lucas."

Lucas smiles and nods.

"I know, but this will be the official version for all the people who won't see me naked. Only my friends will know the truth and the medical team will work with you. If you want to use our story to tell other colleagues, to do an article or whatever you want to do, you'll just be asked not to mention our names."

"We just want to have our baby." Adds Eliott "Don't make the buzz."

The doctor nods and shows Lucas the exam table.

"What tests have you done?"

"So far he hasn't done anything. We didn't want to draw attention to ourselves. We've taken a pregnancy test every week for the last six weeks and it's always positive."

Lucas likes it when Eliott tells us. Just hearing it erases the months of being sick from hormones, the pain of harvesting eggs, the fear of doing something illegal, and most of all the guilt of lying to their friends. At the moment, nobody knows about this whole story and it's really hard not to tell them, but he couldn't bear the fact that his friends are trying to change their minds.

The doctor nods in agreement by rubbing his forehead.

"Are you taking hormones, Lucas?"

Lucas nods as he sits on the examination table and Eliott takes out the medicine packet to show the doctor what he's taking.

"Before we get started, I just want you to be aware that the positive test could be a false positive due to hormones."

Lucas immediately loses his smile. Eliott joins him and takes his hand in his.

"So the fertilization took place 8 weeks ago?"

Lucas and Eliott nod their heads at the same time.

Two months.

It's crazy because right now, he doesn't even feel like the baby's really here yet, but hopefully in seven months they'll have their baby.

The doctor turns off the lights before he turns on his machine. The frost is really cold but all Lucas cares about is seeing a little heart beating. If Lucas had taken just one pregnancy test, he might think it was a false positive, but since they've taken dozens, he's convinced it's not. 

Frankly at first, he doesn't see anything at all. Everything is black and white. And then the doctor shows them this white circle that shouldn't be inside him, but Lucas hardly looks at it, because he sees it.

Inside the circle, there is a small black point, like a peanut.

The doctor zooms in on it and a white thing starts blinking. Lucas shakes Eliott's hand a little louder and an almost deafening noise sounds in the room. 

"Ok, his heart is beating really well."

Lucas lets out a noise, a mixture of joy, emotion and relief before kissing Eliott.

"I can't believe it. You're pregnant. Where did you do this?"

They both shake their heads at the same time. They're well aware that they've done something illegal. They paid a doctor to falsify a record, and officially, it was a Lucie Lallemant who was inseminated. It was creepy and afraid, and Lucas feels that they were only able to breathe properly again once they got back to France. 

Lucas left three quarters of the inheritance he received from his maternal grandparents there, and it's clear that this was the only try they could afford. But now that he can hear their baby's beating heart, it doesn't matter.

"Nothing's won, guys. I'm not telling you anything by telling you this is a really risky pregnancy."

They both nod, but they're just on a cloud. 20% chance. It's just unbelievable that they made it with only 20%. So the doctor can say what he wants, Lucas really feels like he's done the hard part.

"But at this stage, he's developing like any other baby. I'll see you in a month for the mandatory ultrasound. I'll see how we get that through administratively. I'll give you a blood test to do every week to make sure the pregnancy is progressing well, because since you don't have a vagina, if the pregnancy stops it won't be able to be evacuated and we have to operate. And I would test for cancer markers every month because hormones can cause you problems. God, this is unbelievable."

Lucas nods with a smile. They've just come out of the hospital and Eliott is hugging him.

"You did it. You're carrying our baby. Oh, Lucas, you're amazing."

Eliott's eyes shone as if they were filled with stars.

"We did it. We did it. We fucking did it."

Lucas jumps for joy, feeling like nothing can ever dull their happiness.

"You know the hardest part's still ahead?"

Lucas nods with a laugh and slips his hand into Eliott's, taking his phone out with the other hand.

"Tonight?"

Eliott shakes his head.

"No, tonight it's just the two of us. Just the three of us."

Lucas nods and then looks at his phone.

"Tomorrow?"

Eliott nods before wrapping his arms around Lucas' shoulders.

"Don't worry, I'm sure it'll be fine."

Lucas tries to think about that the next day as they both stand in front of all their friends.

"Are you two engaged?" Ask Emma.

"What?" Basile says, surprised. "Already? You haven't even finished your studies."

"It's the kind of engagement that will last for 5 years before marriage?" Ask Yann.

"No, Lucas is way too impatient for that," says Alexia, "I'm sure they're going to tell us the wedding is this summer."

"Shut up." Shouts Lucas "there's no wedding."

All their friends look disappointed so Eliott and Lucas start laughing.

"We asked you to come tonight because we do have a big announcement to make."

"If you weren't two guys, we'd swear you're gonna tell us you're having a baby."

Lucas takes a huge smile and lifts up his shirt. His belly is still flat, but Eliott had a good time drawing on it. He drew a hedgehog that wears the same mask as raccoons and has the same pointed ears. He holds a sign that says "Surprise, I'm here...I'm get out in September".

Their friends looked even more shocked than the doctors the day they discovered that Lucas had a uterus.

There is no noise in their living room until all of a sudden, Yann starts laughing.

"Is this a hidden camera for Eliott's school?"

"You guys are fucking idiots" declares Basile while running a hand through his hair "I really believed it! I thought "how the fuck did they do it?"

Eliott hands them the hospital file with all the ultrasound pictures.

"There's no hidden cameras. Look, it's definitely Lucas' name written all over it. He's having our baby."

Lucas looks at Imane who grabs the file and passes it to the others.

"How could you do this? It's just impossible."

"Just lot of love." Answers Eliott, putting his arms around Lucas ''Love always win.''

Lucas rolls his eyes and pushes Eliott into the chair before sitting on his lap.

"In fact, when they discovered my tumor, they also discovered that I had some kind of malformation. In fact, during my conception there was a bug and even though I'm a boy, I have a uterus and ovaries."

Their friends are so motionless that they are almost scary to see.

"Don't look at me like that. It was pretty hard to accept and normally the doctors would have to take it all out because that's what causes the tumors and could give me cancer but we decided to use it before we took it out."

Lucas doesn't know if he should say more or wait until his friends are ready to hear what happens next, because right now they seem to be completely fragmented.

"But don't you have a vagina?" Basile asks.

"No ! Of course not !" Moans Lucas "I'm a boy on the outside, just like you, but more bigger."

Basile starts laughing and p show him his middle finger.

"So it's really your baby?" Emma asks "How is that possible? No kidding, you're making a joke on us, right?"

Eliott shakes his head and strokes Lucas' belly.

"Haven't you guys noticed it's been at least two months since Lucas has had a beer?"

The guys open their eyes and nod and Lucas smiles.

"So what?" Imane asks "Let's say it's true, how did the conception take place?"

Basile and Arthur open their mouths, probably to say the worst possible nonsense but fortunately Eliott is faster than them.

"Remember we went on vacation at Christmas? Well, it wasn't really a vacation. We did an in vitro fertilization and an egg was implanted in Lucas. It was illegal and we paid a not exactly honest doctor to fake our records, but now if all goes well, our baby should be here in early September."

The girls immediately frown.

"You could have at least agreed on the dates. If the baby was made at Christmas, it should arrive at the end of September."

Lucas sighs, feeling that their friends will never believe them. Okay, if he's honest with himself, maybe he wouldn't have believed such a story if it wasn't happening to him, but since they'll be the only ones who know the truth, he'd like them to accept it now and just be happy with them.

"Since the baby will only be able to come out by C-section, the doctor doesn't want to take any chances, so he'll deliver the baby almost a month ahead of schedule."

Daphné stands up and gently touches Lucas' belly.

"Is this true?"

Lucas nods and Daphne hugs him before looking at him and smiling.

"Me too.''

Lucas steps back, wondering if he heard right, but he looks at Basile who has a huge smile on his face.

"It looks like the new gang is in preparation. We too are for the end of September, we wanted to wait for the official ultrasound to announce it. We just realized it in fact. Surprise!"

Eliott grabs a non-alcoholic beer on the table and raises it to make a toast.

"To future babies!"

Daphné jumps for joy as she claps her hands before hugging Lucas again, not seeming to care that he's sitting on Eliott's lap.

"I hear there's nothing better than sharing a pregnancy with a friend. Oh, I'm so glad!"

Lucas can see that Yann is still frowning, not believing it, just like Arthur and Imane, but it doesn't matter, they will have time to realize that they are telling the truth.

Eliott explains to them that they are the only ones in the secret and that for all the other people they will lie.

Frankly, if lying for a few months allows him to give birth to their baby, he sees no harm in it.


	5. Something we do together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little leap in time ...

Lucas comes out of the lab and goes to the bakery to get some croissants, like every Saturday morning for the last 3 months. In spite of this, he doesn't feel at all like he's already 5 months pregnant.

When he comes home, Eliott is still deeply asleep. Since he works late on Friday night, Lucas likes to let him sleep as much as possible on Saturday. He takes off his sweater, really happy to see that his belly is growing slowly.

It's just a slight rounded bump, as if he's gained weight, but Lucas knows that's not the case. Firstly because he hasn't gained any weight, and secondly because he can feel their baby moving inside, as if he was right below his belly button.

When he goes outside or goes to class he wears hoodies to Eliott. Because they're so big, everyone thinks he's gotten fatter and no one would imagine he's expecting a baby anyway. 

In a month's time the classes will be over and after taking his exams, Lucas will finally be able to relax quietly and stay at home without having to hide his belly, hoping that he really is bigger. It's not that he wants a huge tummy, but when he sees Daphne, he can't help but wonder why his belly isn't growing as big as her own.

He just hopes it won't be too hot this summer because if he wants to go out for a walk, wearing big hoodies when it's 25 degrees is not exactly discreet. But on the internet, Lucas has found several testimonials from girls who tell how they hid their pregnancy until full term, so Lucas is inspired by them. In the end it's easier to hide than to have to explain, lie and face people's horrible and accusing looks.

He gently caresses his belly, puts the croissants on the kitchen table before joining Eliott in bed.

Eliott immediately surrounds him with his arms, he kisses on the cheek before finding his lips while caressing his belly.

"Hello my loves. How are you this morning?"

Lucas smiles as he turns on his side to kiss him.

"Very well. Only one more week! Seven days! I can't wait!"

As he expected, Eliott sighs.

"We said we didn't want to know, Lucas."

Lucas pouting and look at him with a puppy dog eyes even though he knows Eliott won't change his mind.

"You said you didn't want to know. I'm too impatient for that. What if I asked him to tell me and I didn't tell you?"

Eliott shakes his head laughing and gently pushes him so that Lucas lies on his back before climbing on his thighs and bending over to kiss his little baby bump.

"Your daddy is so impatient sometimes. We can't wait to see you little shrimp."

For the past few weeks, Lucas has been feeling the baby move. It's not really blows, it's more like bubbles going up into his belly. Like when he drinks lemonade.

But this morning he feels a real kick.

''Wow. Did you feel that?''

Eliott shakes his head and puts his hand gently on Lucas' bump.

''You want to talk to us, baby? You know you're my baby inside my baby?"

This time, Lucas is sure of himself, it was really a kick, but since Eliott seems to be waiting, he already knows he didn't feel it. So he slides his hand next to his, and it's just too weird because he feels the baby kick inside him, but he doesn't feel it with his hand.

''Do you think it's because of me? Basile has already been feeling his baby move for almost two weeks. It's like Daphne is expecting twins compared to me."

Eliott looks at him with his head to the side.

''What did we say before, babe? Don't compare. Your bodies aren't the same, and not just because you're a boy. Not every woman has a big belly at five months. Our baby is growing inside of you and that's already incredible. It's worse than incredible, it's miraculous. I'm sure I'll be feeling it soon, but until then I'm really happy that you feel it. I'm so proud of you."

Eliott caresses the little bump in his belly with both hands, wrapping it as if he wanted to protect it.

''And you I love you.''

He bends over to kiss just below Lucas' belly button.

''I don't care what's between your legs, or not, I love you so much already.''

Lucas strokes Eliott's cheek before caressing his belly.

''I love you already, too, baby. I just wish I could imagine if I put dresses or hoodies on you.''

Eliott comes and lies down next to him, leaving one hand on his belly, and playing with Lucas' hair with the other hand.

"Our daughter will wear hoodies with no problem. You're an idiot."

Lucas rolls his eyes and smiles.

''You understood very well what I meant. And our son will wear dresses then?"

Eliott shrugs his shoulders.

''Didn't you have a dress at your baptism?''

Lucas nods with a smile.

''Yeah, that's right. But if it's a boy, he's not gonna wear a dress to his baptism.."

Eliott steps back, eyes wide open before looking at him.

''His what? You know I'm not comfortable with that, babe."

Lucas smiles, stroking his belly and joining hands with Eliott.

''I'm not talking about a religious thing, but I think we could do a baptism in our own way, like we invite all our friends over and celebrate the baby's birth all together. It's not like I want to pick a godparent, because they're all going to be equally important to our baby, but I just want us to celebrate the birth of our miracle together. I was thinking of a baptism like "welcome to the gang," we could even do that with Daphne and Basile's baby."

Eliott nods before he kisses him.

''You know he's gonna be celebrated an incredible amount, right? You want to baptize our baby, Lucas? Like, really?"

Lucas shakes his head. He's thought about it a few times, mostly because he knows it would make his mom happy, but it shouldn't be his main motivation.

"I don't need that to know that our baby will be a blessing. Besides, they'll never baptize a baby who has two daddies. No, I want us to do a baptism our own way. Us and our family. I want to find something that makes a difference. I'll think about it."

Eliott nods as he comes over to kiss him.

''Okay. Would you like to invite our parents?"

Lucas likes to see Eliott understand him and know that what Lucas calls "our family" is the family they and their friends have created. He hesitates and caresses his belly and smiles when he feels a little kick again.

''I don't know. It depends on how they react, I guess."

Lucas tries not to be anxious about their respective parents. They have decided not to tell their parents about the pregnancy. Lucas is afraid his mother will find it unnatural and never want to see him again, and Eliott is not sure his parents won't do the same, so they decided to say they adopted the baby. Okay, their parents may not believe it at first, but when they see the official papers saying that they are both the baby's parents, they will have to believe it. And it's not like they can imagine the truth anyway. As for Lucas' father, he's long gone missing from the picture so he'll probably never know.

''We don't need them to be happy,'' said Eliott before hugging him ''I'll take care of you two."

Lucas grunts, hating when Eliott tries to play the knight in shining armor.

''And I'll take care of you. We're a team, love. We support each other, remember? No princess in distress."

Eliott sighs but nods.

''Let me protect you from this horrible world. I want to keep you warm in my bed for the rest of your life."

Lucas shakes his head and pushes him away so he can kiss him.

''Too bad, there are croissants in the kitchen. And if I stay here, I'm gonna miss the ultrasound next Saturday and you won't be able to see if our baby's okay."

Eliott sits down and kisses his belly again.

''I'm sure he or she is doing just fine.''

Lucas smiles, really hoping Eliott is right. 

''Come on babe, don't worry. No matter what happens, we can handle anything. Right now, you just have to deal with coming over for breakfast."

Eliott kisses him before he gets out of bed and gently pulls him up by the arm. Eliott prepares two coffees for them then deposits his cup in front of Lucas who takes a sip before smiling.

"I miss real coffee. Decaffeinated coffee is not real coffee."

Eliott shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

''I miss Vodka. At least you only last nine months. Well, eight. Come on, only three more months. Look at me, I'm doomed to stop drinking hard liquor."

Lucas gives him a blank look and Eliott laughs.

''Okay, I'm just kidding, I know you like it when I moan. I promise you that on the day of the birth, I'll bring you a cup of real coffee. The one you like, Ethiopian."

Lucas immediately frowns and takes Eliott's hand on the table.

''What do you mean by "bring you"? Are you suggesting that you're going to leave the hospital and come back? You're kidding me, I hope? We go in together, we go out together. There's no way you're leaving me alone out there."

Eliott slips his fingers between Lucas' fingers and smiles.

''You're not really gonna be alone. Our baby's gonna be with you.''

Lucas shakes his head.

''No. I want you to stay. 24h/24. Coffee will wait. Promise me you'll stay."

Eliott loses his smile and shakes Lucas' hand a little harder in his.

''Eh. It's gonna be okay, babe. But I don't know if dads are allowed to be in the maternity ward all the time."

Lucas shrugs his shoulders before he bites his crescent.

''I don't care. I will stay there for several days and yet I'm the dad too."

Eliott sighs with a slight smile.

''You know exactly what I meant.''

Lucas gets up and comes and sits on his lap, putting Eliott's hand on his belly.

"They're going to cut me open to get our baby out, I can't take care of the baby properly for the first few days, and even though it's their job, I don't want the nurses to do it. I want you to be there with us. Tell me you'll be there. We're a team. We need you."

Eliott kisses his neck while stroking his belly.

''Of course I'll be there. I promise."

After breakfast, they spend a long time searching on the internet to find out how long Lucas should be hospitalized after the C-section, and especially if dads can sleep in the maternity ward. And in fact, it depends on the hospitals.

''We'll ask, but I don't see why they would refuse. I promise I'll be there."

''Look.'' Said Lucas, pointing to the hospital site where they are being followed, ''They say that father can attend the C-section. You'll be there, right? Daphne told me that in a lot of maternity wards, they ask the dad to take the baby naked against him after the C-section."

''Why?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders.

''I don't know. Wait, let's take a look... To reassure him and warm him up. But since our baby will be ahead of schedule, they may not be able to do that."

''We'll do what the doctors tell us to do and everything will be okay, I promise."

The more research Lucas does, the less he feels he knows and it gets a little scary. 

''We're definitely not ready, are we? I feel like I don't know anything about it. I don't even know how to change a diaper. We don't even have a changing table. We don't even have a bed."

Eliott smiles and pulls him into his arms to kiss him.

''Relax, babe it's only May. Next week we do the ultrasound and then we start buying what we need for the baby. I'm sure there are parenting classes or something like that. We'll look into it and we'll be totally ready for September. Is that okay with you?"

Lucas nods and kisses him. Lucas immediately relaxes, feeling completely reassured. Eliott is right, they still have time ahead of them..

''It's perfect."

And now Lucas is looking forward to next weekend twice as much.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't wait for the ultrasound, and you? ... do you all feel it was too sweet to continue like this? ok, get ready for tomorrow...😈 or 😇?


	6. Something scary.

The closer the ultrasound date approaches, the more stressed Lucas feels. He doesn't really know what he's afraid of, because he knows the baby is moving well and they will love him even if he has a deformity or any problem, but he's still scared to death. 

He tries not to think about it too much and tries to focus on school because he absolutely must have good marks on next month's exams to validate his year, but every night before he falls asleep, he holds Eliott in his arms and caresses his belly hoping they won't get bad news. Neither for him nor for the baby.  
What reassures him a little is that Daphne tells him she feels exactly the same way. In the end, she was right, it's really cool to share this with a friend.

Except when that friend calls him completely overexcited the following Friday night, having had what she calls "the idea of the century.". Lucas can't say he really listens to her because he's really tired tonight. It's almost 10:00 pm, he just got out of a study night with two girls and a guy from his class, so he can't wait to get home to meet up with Eliott and finally relax. Frankly, he doesn't even know why he doesn't just have his voicemail take over, because he doesn't feel like talking at all.

_''Lucas? Aren't you listening to me? Should I sign you up with me?"_

Lucas sits in the bus ride home and sighs. 

"I don't need to go to classes to learn how to give birth. Why would I go there? I said we want to learn how to take care of the baby. I'm not interested in going to classes to learn how to push and breastfeed."

And it's only when he meets the look of the woman sitting in front of him that Lucas notices that he was caressing his belly. Since he feels the baby move, it has become a kind of reflex and even though he tries not to draw attention to himself, he doesn't really hide either. He feels like he's living in a bubble of happiness, and no one, not even the bitter old woman in front of him, is going to spoil that.

_''To be with me? Basile says the four of us could do that? And then we also talk about how to take care of the baby after it's born. At worst you might miss the birthing class, although I'm sure we'll talk about the C-section too. And I've asked and she can do a private lesson just for the four of us so you can be comfortable. We can ask her to adapt the content if you want. Come on, that would be so cool."_

Daphne spends the next ten minutes explaining how this kind of prenatal class works but Lucas doesn't really listen to her. He sighs and gets up because the bus stop at the top of their street.

"I'm going to talk to Eliott about it, but I'm not super motivated. Honestly, it's weird, isn't it?"

Lucas looks at the end of the street. He doesn't see their building yet, but he's close enough to know he'll be home soon. Eliott sent him a message about ten minutes ago to tell him that he's back from his job and today he had his first job interview, so Lucas is really looking forward to finding out how it went. He hasn't even officially graduated yet since he's taking his final exams in June, and it'll just be great if he gets a job right after that. But even if he doesn't, Lucas isn't worried, Eliott will eventually find a job he likes.

Lucas is thinking about his incredible boyfriend who must be cooking dinner and he's smiling, trying to imagine what Eliott will have wanted to try. He's been having some pretty weird cravings since he's been expecting their baby, and even the bacon-blueberry muffins have become fun to eat, so he assumes he's going to enjoy it and think it's weird at the same time.

_''Lucas? Are you listening to me?"_

Lucas sighs and shakes his head.

''No. I'm sorry, I'm exhausted. I'm just looking forward to going home, but don't worry, I'm right up the street. The baby's been moving around all night, and...

Lucas finds himself pushed into an adjacent alley before he understands why. It is only when he is hit in the back that he realizes what is going on.

''Let go of me."

He turns around, takes a blow to the jaw but manages to hit one of the two guys in front of him who falls to the ground. The second guy hits Lucas in the face again, and by the time he comes to his senses, two guys out of nowhere hit him and knock him to the ground.

"If you wanted to be a mom, you shouldn't have wanted to be a man, dirty tranny."

Lucas withdraws into himself, trying to protect what's most precious in him, but the kick he gets in the middle of his belly makes him see stars. It's as if the pain is so deep that everything goes white for a few seconds.

''We're going to show you what you deserve. You're gonna love this, bitch."

Lucas feels like someone is trying to pull his pants down, but he can't move anymore. He can't even scream. All he can do is think about the pain he feels all over his body. All he can think about is his baby.

"Fuck, he's a guy."

''You said it was fucking trans!''

One of the guys grabs him by the sweater and looks at him with a mean look on his face.

''Don't tell anybody about this.''

The guys run away as fast as they can and Lucas stay lying on the ground for a few seconds. He wishes he could get up and sit down, but he just can't move. So he just puts his hand on his belly and starts crying.

''Move. Please, baby. Tell me you're okay."

He's trying to focus as much as he can on all the feelings he's having inside his body. It's really hard because he's sore all over, but he's sure that he can't feel his baby move.

So the pain in his heart becomes even greater than the pain in his body. 

''Lucas! I'm here. Daphne called me. I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry. Help is on the way."

Lucas grabs his hand and starts crying.

''I'm the one who's sorry. I was supposed to take care of our baby and I screwed up. I couldn't protect him."

Eliott gently hugs him and kissing him gently in his hair.

''It's gonna be okay, babe. It's gonna be okay."

Lucas shakes his head and cries. He should have been more discreet. He should have seen those guys following him. He should have hit harder. He should have protected his baby.

''He doesn't move anymore.''

Eliott puts one hand on his belly without letting go of Lucas and cried.

''I'm sorry, babe, I should have come for you. I'm so sorry.''

By the time the ambulance sirens cracks in the night, Lucas still don't feel his baby move. Lucas don't say a word for the rest of the ride. He can't even look at Eliott. He won't be able to bear to see the disappointment in his eyes. How could he look at him? How could he look at all the pain in his boyfriend's eyes because of him?

All he had to do was carry their baby for 8 months. The doctors were adamant that he shouldn't even last 9 months: just 8. He just had to keep him warm for 8 months, take care of him and give him time to grow and he couldn't even do that.

And now he can just think about how unhappy and sad Eliott is.

They should have had some sweet times: Eliott caressing his belly, whispering words of love through that bump that he would watch grow with pride, drawing prettier drawings one than the other. They should have been happy and together, and finally they find themselves unhappy. Eliott will resent him for endangering their baby. For killing their baby. What if he can never forgive him? What if in the end they broken up?

Was Lucas too selfish in wanting to have a baby with Eliott? Is this a way God found to punish him? Why were those guys so upset about him having a baby? Lucas bursts into tears. He just wishes he could come back a few minutes early and do things differently. The ambulance man gently strokes his arm.

''We're almost in the hospital.''

Lucas can't even say it reassures him. He doesn't want to hear the doctor tell them that their baby has died. He closes his eyes and thinks about his mother. How could she smile again after that?

Eliott gently takes his hand and kisses him. Lucas knows that he wants to ask him if he feels the baby move but he doesn't dare to do so, not wanting to make him feel even more guilty, but since he doesn't feel it anymore, Lucas just shakes his head.

Seeing Eliott cry in silence only reinforces the pain inside him. Eliott kisses his temple, shacking his hand more harder.

"I'm here, babe. I'm here."


	7. Something unexpected.

They are taken to an examination room where their doctor arrives, without a gown, and with their hair still wet.

''I came as quickly as I could. What happened?"

Lucas starts crying, seeing the four young people hitting him again, as if he was outside the scene. He should have fought back. He should have hit harder. If he hadn't been taken by surprise, he could have defended himself better than that. He should have defended himself better than that.

''They hit me. The baby's not moving."

Lucas sobs against Eliott's chest while the doctor fetches an ultrasound machine.

And for the first time since then, Lucas looks Eliott in the eye.

"I'm really sorry, I"

Lucas stops, straightens up and touches his belly.

''He moved. I think he did."

Eliott puts his hand right next to Lucas' hand, which grinds slightly because the bruises on his belly are already starting to hurt him. An enormous kick resounds inside and Lucas starts to cry. Because it hurts, but because it's the hardest kick he's ever felt, as if their baby wants to reassure them.

''Was that him?"

Lucas nods and laughs between tears.

''Or her.''

Eliott kisses him then gently kisses his belly.

''It's gonna be okay, baby, we're gonna take care of you. You're strong like your dad. You're gonna be okay."

A kick as loud as the preceding one sounds and Eliott starts to laugh of joy.The door that opens startled them, and Lucas wipes his tears as he looks at the doctor.

''He moved!'' Eliott yells ''I felt it. I felt it.''

The doctor nods and comes and sits down next to them.

''I'm really sorry something like this happened to you, Lucas. Let's have a look."

The sound of the baby's heartbeat echoes around the room, and Eliott immediately takes Lucas' hand in his.

''Look,'' shows them the doctor ''His little heart is really beating normally. That's his hand, look there, he's sucking his thumb. There, it's his legs, he crossed them, as if he were at the beach. He looks relaxed."

Lucas relaxes all at once, feeling all of his anxiety leave his body. The doctor examines his spleen and his liver, but apart from bruises, Lucas has nothing serious. 

''We'll keep you here overnight, hooked up to a monitor to watch the baby's heart, just to make sure, and I'll see you tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m. as scheduled for the full ultrasound, okay?"

Lucas nods, relieved and Eliott kisses the top of his hand before looking at the doctor.

''I want to stay with them.''

The doctor hesitates then shrugs his shoulders.

''If you want, but I want you to sleep. Lucas needs his rest."

Eliott nods, thanking him and kisses Lucas' forehead.

"I love you so much."

They are taken to a small bedroom together and a really nice nurse comes and puts a sensor on his belly before treating the wounds on his face. 

Eliott takes out his phone and quickly types a message.

"I just want to reassure Daphne."

Lucas nods, smiling.

“She's my guardian angel. I hope it didn't stress her too much. Tell her I'm ok with her prenatal class, it'll help her relax. "

Eliott nods then smiles.

"She says she knew you would end up saying yes."

Eliott moves the armchair so that he's as close to the bed as possible and settles into it, but after only five minutes, Lucas lifts his blanket and taps the space next to him.

''Come, please.''

Eliott shakes his head and strokes his arm.

''No, you need to rest. Don't worry, I'll sleep here."

Lucas shakes his head in turn.

''I need you to hold me. Please."

Eliott gets up and walks around the bed, settling behind Lucas, making him his little spoon before putting his hand on his belly. The baby starts to move immediately and Lucas puts his hand on Eliott's hand.

''I'm so sorry. I stroked my belly on the bus, I talked about the pregnancy. They must have seen it. They must have"

"Shh." Eliott says softly, stroking his hair, "They're the ones at fault, not you. You did absolutely nothing wrong. They're ruthless bastards, and I swear I'll kill them."

Lucas slides his fingers into Eliott's fingers, wiping his eyes with his other hand.

"No way. We have to forget about it. I don't want to think about it ever again."

Eliott shakes his head in his neck.

''I want you to press charges, babe. And I want you to tell me one day if you see them on the street. I want them to pay for what they did to you. They can't get away with this."

Lucas backs up a little bit more in Eliott's arms and they stay just like that for the rest of the night, just feeling the baby move. Lucas falls asleep, feeling in safe, in Eliott's reassuring arms.

Finally, Lucas has two large bruises on his belly, one on his back and a black eye, but that doesn't stop him from smiling when he sees their baby again during the ultrasound.

But he loses his smile when he sees the doctor take measurements three times in a row.

''Is something wrong? What's wrong?"

The doctor puts his hand on his belly, tries to move the baby and smiles.

''Nothing, I'm surprised at his weight. Hold on, I'm just going to try to get him to move. Okay, that's good.''

He frowns again, and all the stress goes right back into Lucas. It was obvious that it couldn't go well. He hasn't gained any weight at all since the beginning of the pregnancy, it's obvious that their baby is too small.

''Is he that so small?''

The doctor looks at him and laughs, pointing at the screen.

"At this stage, their babies are often 25cm for 500g. Yours is 29cm and is estimated to be 640g. These are just estimates and we'll reconfirm that at the next ultrasound, but it looks like it's going to be a big baby."

Lucas looks at Eliott who is smiling up to his ears and that makes him smile.

''Okay, go ahead, I think you can say it."

Eliott smiles even more even though it seems impossible and kisses Lucas.

''It looks like the baby's inherited my height.'' 

Lucas laughs and Eliott kisses him again.

''Do you want to know the sex?''

Lucas looks at Eliott and shakes his head.

''No, we'll wait for the surprise. Enough excitement for now."

The doctor nods and turns off the device.

''Everything is fine. More fear than harm. I would advise you to be careful, Lucas. The outside world can be really bad. But I guess I'm not teaching you anything."

Lucas nods as he gets dressed. They leave the hospital hand in hand, even though Lucas feels exhausted, he's really happy. Their baby is fine and that's just the most important thing.

''I can't wait to go home and do nothing all day. Just the three of us."

Eliott smiles a little bit more and nods. All the way home, Eliott's thumb is stroking the top of his hand and it's amazing how reassuring that tiny gesture can be. When they arrive in front of their apartment door, Eliott stops and smiles at him.

"I hope you don't mind, but it won't be just the three of us today. It was planned before all this and I didn't want to cancel. I just warned them so they wouldn't be surprised by your bruises."

He opens the door and Lucas spreads his eyes wide when he sees a multitude of multicolored balloons floating in the air.

''Surprise!''

Lucas looks at all their friends with big smiles, visibly trying to disregard the scratches on his face, and suddenly he bursts into tears. Eliott immediately takes him in his arms and leads him into the apartment before closing the door.

''It's okay, babe. All our friends are here to find out the sex of our baby with us."

Lucas immediately raises his head to look at him.

''What?"

Eliott nods and smiles.

''Yeah. Come on, let's go."

In the middle of the living room, there is a square painting canvas with a black balloon pinned on it. In the corner of the canvas, there is a raccoon and a hedgehog standing, hugging each other and looking towards the balloon.

Lucas looks at their friends who are waiting, visibly impatient, and turns to Eliott.

''So you know? I thought you wanted to wait the birth."

Eliott laughs and shakes his head before kissing him.

''No, I don't know. I've always wanted to know, but I wanted us to share this moment with our friends. Our family. So from the beginning, it was planned that Yann would call the doctor to find out.''

Lucas turns to his best friend.

''So you know?"

Yann nods with a big smile.

''Yeah! I'm the only one who knows. This is so good!"

Mika comes to give him a needle, smiling.

''My kitten will find out what's inside his belly. I still can't believe it. When I think of the one you were when we met. So far away in your closet."

Camille puts an arm around his shoulders and takes the needle from his hands to give it to Lucas.

''You're getting way too sentimental, sweetie. You're going to have to accept that the student is going to outrun the teacher. Soon Lucas will be the one to tell us how to take care of our baby."

Lucas opens his eyes and looks at Mika then Camille who nods and smiles.

"We're not there yet, but we've decided to use a surrogate mother. It's going to take a long time but I hope that in a few years you'll force Mika to call you ''guru'' to explain to him how all this baby stuff works.''

Lucas takes the two boys in his arms, not coming back from learning this.

''But in the meantime,'' Mika whispers in his ear, ''If you want to talk about what happened, I'm here.''

Lucas nods and returns to Eliott.

''Lola?'' asks Eliott ''Are you ready?''.

Lola nods with a smile, her camera in hand.

''Whenever you want, guys.''

Lucas smiles at her then takes a new inspiration before looking at Eliott.

''Are you ready?"

Eliott kisses him then nods.

"Ready."

They sting the balloon that bursts and everyone starts screaming. It just goes completely crazy. Eliott lets go of his hand to jump for joy, screaming as much as the others, while Lucas watches the color paint on the canvas, and is speechless, a huge smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hear your cry of frustration...smile, baby is fine! (and Lucas too)...
> 
> so your verdict: pink or blue paint?


	8. Something even more unexpected.

  
"It's a boy!"

Lucas feels like he's reacting after everyone else, but he doesn't care. All of their friends stop suddenly and look at him with wide eyes, shouting in surprise and Lucas looks at the painting again, feeling like he just said something stupid.

He watches the paint flow onto the canvas, creating a beautiful caimaieu of blue.

"What? It's a boy, isn't it?"

Yann starts laughing and nods while Lola takes a picture. Lucas frowns, not understanding why everyone is looking at him like that all of a sudden, and he tries to take Eliott's hand next to him, but all he encounters is emptiness. Yann grabs his shoulders and makes him turn around completely.

Eliott is right behind him, one knee on the ground, holding a black box with two rings in it and he has a beautiful smile on his face.

''Lucas, you are the love of my life and I can't imagine one minute of my life without you. One day you told me that in your parallel universes, there were lots of Eliott and Lucas getting married. So, I don't know about the others, but what is sure is that in this universe I would really like you to become my husband. Will you marry me?"

Lucas widens his eyes, hiding his face in his hands, not being able to believe that this is really happening. He always knew that Eliott was for marriage, but he never imagined that he would propose now. Lucas looks at the man he loves, smiling, waiting patiently as if there could be any other possible answer than yes. Lucas jumps on him, almost making him fall to the ground while kissing him.

''Yes. I want it. Yes. Yes, I do. Yes, yes, yes, yes."

Their friends start clapping, whistling, yelling and jumping for joy around them. Eliott lifts him up and Lucas wraps his legs around him, happy to see that Eliott can still carry him like that, and he gently hugs him, not wanting to hurt him, but Lucas doesn't even feel his bruises anymore, so much his body is flooded with joy. 

They are going to have a son. They are going to get married. This overflow of happiness inside him almost hurts. Does he really deserve so much happiness? Eliott kisses him, bringing him back to reality. And that reality is more beautiful than any dream.

''I love you. I love you so much, my love."

Eliott kisses him again before putting him back on the floor and takes his hand to pass him a silver ring. There is a kind of wave on it, and Eliott shows him that it forms a heart when the two rings are against each other. 

''I didn't want you to be the only one wearing an engagement ring so I took two. I want everyone to know that I'm yours."

Lucas smiles and take the second ring before putting it on Eliott's finger.

"We're getting married!"

Eliott kisses him several times before squatting down to kiss his belly.

''I'm going to make your daddy an honest man before you're born. That way the three of us will have the same name, no matter which one we choose."

Lucas frowns slightly.

''Before the birth?''

Eliott nods with a smile.

''Yeah. I don't want something giant. Just you, me, our baby, warm in your belly, and everybody in this room who smiles like idiots and being our family.''

Daphne starts crying and says it's because of these hormones. Basile cries too, blaming the hormones and they all start laughing.

Eliott sits in an armchair and gently pulls Lucas to sit on his lap.

''Do you agree, my son? One shot for yes, two shots for yes, yes."

Lucas starts to laugh and Eliott smiles.

''You see! He agrees!"

"Is he moving?" asks Yann. "Do you feel him moving?"

Lucas nods and bends down to catch his hand that he pulls to put it on his belly.

"Eh my Little Boy, it's your uncle Yann."

Yann opens his eyes and stands up.

"Was that him? Oh my God. I felt a baby move in your belly. Lucas, it's crazy!"

Lucas bursts out laughing and Basile pushes Yann.

"I want to feel it, too. Mine turn."

Arthur pushes him the same way.

"Hey, go feel your baby. I've never felt a baby move."

"It's not the same." Basile complains as he puts his hand on Lucas' belly next to Arthur's, ''This is a unique experience. There's a baby in the belly of our best friend.''

"I'm not your best friend?'' asks Daphne pouting, crossing her arms on her belly which seems to be double that of Lucas.

"I thought it was me." Said Arthur in the same tone.

Basile rolls his eyes while delicately moving his hand on Lucas' belly.

''Of course you are. Okay, how did he grow up in such a small belly...oh damn! He moved! Fuck, guys, he hit my hand! Our first check!''

''Move over, I want to feel that!'' said Mika as he put his hand on Lucas' belly. ''Oh my God, he's kicking hard! Hello sweetie, it's uncle Mika. The one who will teach you how to put make-up on."

Lucas bursts out laughing while Eliott kisses him on the neck. And he's really happy that Lola keeps taking pictures of them, because he will really want to remember moments like this.

''I love you."

Lucas turns around slightly so he can look at him. Eliott is happy, his whole face oozes happiness and Lucas smiles back at him, finding him just gorgeous.

''I love you too, my love. I love you so much."

''We love you too." Emma raises her glass and says ''I'm so happy for you.''

'''We're not going to start crying anyway.'' Imane asks ''It is a happy moment, right?'' 

''General hug!'' shouts Basile with hugging them.

He finds himself in the middle of a collective hug and frankly he has never felt so lucky as he does now. Okay, the coming weeks are probably not going to be easy, but he is going to marry the man of his dreams, have a son with him, and their friends are there with them, in good times and bad.


	9. Something stressful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big chapter today...I didn't want to cut it in half or take out some details, so I hope you'll like it...

Lucas gently opens his eyes and realizes that it's already daylight. Indeed, a quick glance on his phone confirms him that it is almost 10 o'clock, and he's really happy to see that Eliott is still sleeping. 

  
They had a party at Daphne's house last night and learned that she's expecting a boy too. Basile didn't ask her to marry him, saying that their parents were already digesting the fact that they were having a baby, but he asked her to live together and Lucas is really happy that they are moving on, even though he knows it's hard for Basile to leave his mother and little brothers.

Like every morning for the past week, Lucas' first reflex is to look at that silver ring on his finger. He never needed this promise of marriage to know that he wanted to spend his life with Eliott, but now that he looks at the ring on his finger and knows that his name will soon be Lucas Demaury, he can't stop smiling. They decided to get married on August 12th because it's Perseid night and Lucas can't think of a better way to end their wedding day than watching a meteor shower.

"Somebody woke up in a good mood, it seems."

Lucas turns to the side to watch Eliott looking at him.

''Yeah. I was thinking about how much I love you. I'm so lucky."

He moves closer to Eliott so he can kiss him and slides his hand down his chest to his lower belly. But when he tries to get under the elastic band of his boxer, Eliott stops him.

''Babe. Just give me a hug."

Lucas wraps his arms around him and hugs him but sighs.

''Don't tell me you already don't want to make love to me anymore.''

Eliott kisses him on the neck, on the jaw and then on the lips before placing his forehead against his own.

''You need to rest, babe. I don't want to tire you out. Or hurt you."

Lucas smiles, caressing Eliott through the fabric of his boxer.

''You're only doing me good. I don't want you to treat me like I'm sick. The bruises are almost gone. I'm fine. I just want you to make love to me."

Eliott looks at him, looking sorry, obviously not knowing what to do.

''Please, my love.''

Eliott sighs and puts his hand on the little bump on his belly.

''I can feel him moving. It's so weird. Why you doesn't it feel weird?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders.

''I don't know. I just wanna have sex with my fiancé."

Eliott nods and Lucas gets down on all fours so he can drop his boxers and suck on them gently. Eliott strokes his back, slides down his boxer shorts before stroking his ass.

''You're so sexy, babe.''

Lucas would almost laugh because he doesn't feel sexy at all, but when he looks at Eliott he looks so sincere that finally Lucas accepts that he's not just saying that to please him. Eliott helps him to gently settle down so that he comes to lie down with his back to him and wraps himself around him, making him his little spoon before gently making love to him, intertwining their fingers and repeating to him that he loves him.

They stay like this for almost half an hour, after coming, without talking, just holding each other. And it's Lucas who finally breaks the silence.

''Are we going to take a shower?''

Eliott nods but does not make any movement to move.

''Let's stay here a little longer. I just want to hold you in my arms."

Lucas huddles against him and Eliott slides his hand to his belly, tracing patterns on his skin.

''Have you ever thought of a name?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and turns around. 

''And you?"

Eliott smiles while nodding.

''I thought about it all night. I can't believe Basile and Daphne already know it, so I felt like I couldn't stop thinking about it. There are so many possibilities. How do we know which name will really be the right one?''

Lucas smiles as he strokes his cheek.

"I think it's beautiful that they call him Jules in honor of Daphne's mom. Come on, tell me. What did you think?"

Eliott stands up a little and seems to be thinking.

''Actually, it depends on whether we're looking for a name that speaks to me, to you, or to our story.''

Lucas frowns, not quite understanding what Eliott means by all this.

"If I'm looking for a name that speaks to me, I would say Charlie, without hesitation, for Charlie Chaplin. But if I think of you, I think of Jean-Philippe for Rioppy.''

''Our son will not be named Jean-Philippe.'' Laughs Lucas. "No way."

"But if I think of us." Pursues Eliott ''I think of Pollock. Except that Jackson isn't really a name that I like, but I like the idea that his name speaks to our history, so I don't know how we should choose that. It's a huge responsibility, and''

Eliott talks too fast, almost seeming lost in thought and Lucas strokes his cheek.

"Eh. We still have time, okay? Do you want to come shower with me to start? We'll have breakfast and then we'll look through the book that Imane gave me, okay?"

Eliott nods with a smile, seemingly appeased.

''Okay. Sorry, I'm a little worried about that. I've heard that a lot of parents regret their choice after the fact, so I wouldn't want that to happen to us."

Lucas hugs him and smiles.

''We won't regret it, I promise. We'll take our time and come up with a name that we both like."

In the end, it's a lot harder to do than Lucas thought. Imane offered him _The Guide to First Names_ , and frankly there are so many different names, so many possibilities that Lucas is starting to think that they will never be able to choose.

"And Lucien?"

Lucas looks at Eliott and shakes his head.

"Lucas and Lucien? No, it's too similar."

Eliott smiles and shrugs his shoulders.

''I hope he looks like you.''

Eliott opens his eyes as if he had just realized something and started to panic.

''What if he looks like me? What if he's bipolar like me? We shouldn't have to do that. Can you imagine if he's like me?"

Lucas grabs his hand and puts it on his belly, looking Eliott in the eyes so that he forces himself to look at him too.

''That's your son. He has two arms, two legs and twenty tiny fingers. I don't care if he's bipolar or has any kind of disease. He's our son and I hope he looks like you because I love you. I love you with your bipolarity because it's part of you, okay? Just relax, my love."

Eliott nods and then stands up with a sorry face.

"Oh shit! I've been forgetting to take my meds since you were attacked. I'm sorry."

Lucas smiles and shakes his head.

''It's okay. Go take it and come back for give me a hug."

Lucas puts the book on the coffee table and smiles as he looks at Eliott.

''We still have three months to think about it, don't worry, we have time. We'll find the perfect name for him."

Eliott disappears in the bathroom, then comes back a few minutes later and lies down on the couch with his head on his thighs.

''I don't want to screw up. I'm sorry. There are all his thoughts in my head. What if he didn't like his name? What if he doesn't love me? What if we regret? What if we realize that we were better together? What if you realize that you can do it better without me? And if"

"Eliott, stop. Tell your brain this is all bullshit. Already, I couldn't do it without you, and I'm sure we will be wonderfully good with our son. You're gonna be a wonderful dad. You just need to stop thinking and rest."

Lucas strokes his cheek and smiles at him.

''Come on, get some sleep, I'm going to work."

Lucas works all day on his exams. In three weeks he'll finish school and he's really looking forward to it, but there's no way he's going to miss this year. He won't be able to start next school year and he has decided to stay home with the baby, taking advantage of paternity leave for a year.

And that's when he realizes.

''Fuck! Your job? I forgot about it. I'm really sorry about that. How could I forget that?"

Eliott opens his eyes and smiles.

''I forgot that, too. I think that went well. They have a crazy project. They want to create a series where each episode would be filmed in one go. Basically, the camera never turns off. They said they would let me know in June, but there were a lot of other people, and some more experienced. But otherwise don't worry, I'll get a job at a coffee shop or something.''

Lucas smiles and bends over to kiss the tip of his nose.

''I'm not worried. You're going to graduate and get your first job in the movie business. A coffee shop? You're kidding, right? You're gonna be a wonderful director."

Eliott smiles and closes his eyes.

"I still have to pass my exams."

Lucas gently strokes his cheek.

''Don't worry, it's two weeks away. I'm watching over you, my love. Do you want to eat?"

Eliott shakes his head then caresses Lucas' belly.

''Yes. A little. Just so that you eat too. Promise me you'll take care of you if I'm not feeling well."

Lucas nods, hugging him gently.

''I'll take care of both of you, don't worry. We're a team, remember? We support each other."

Eliott pouting and grabs his hand.

''What if''

Lucas shakes his head, caressing his cheek.

''Minute by minute, my love. No ifs. Just one minute at a time."

Eliott closes his eyes with a smile, visibly soothed and Lucas kisses him before getting up to go and prepare Eliott's favorite pasta. When he comes back with the two plates, Eliott has fallen asleep and he doesn't have the heart to wake him up, so he puts his plate in the fridge.

He looks at him slightly worried but he knows there is nothing more he can do to help him. He can just be there for him. And that's what he does the next few days: he goes to school, he studies, he prepares his exams, eat properly, and he watches over Eliott. 

Eliott's not well since five days when Lucas realizes that he doesn't fit into any of his pants anymore. It's as if his belly had doubled in size in just a few days. He borrows one of Eliott's jogging pants, then calls Daphne, a little panicked and she starts laughing and tells him that she changed all her pants more than two months ago and that she had already thought about it.   
And indeed, Imane, Alexia, Manon and Daphné come to spend the whole following Saturday at his place and turn his jeans into maternity pants. It's kind of weird to have jeans that fit with an elastic band, but it's kind of nice to have his belly supported so finally Lucas is happy. And then spending an afternoon with the girls is always nice.

The girls are sewing while helping him study between each try on the pants so Lucas doesn't even feel like he lost his afternoon. 

"Stop stressing about your exams," says Imane as she leaves before gently stroking his belly, "it's not good for my little nephew. And in any case, you're definitely going to make it. Don't worry so much.''

Lucas nods, but as soon as the girls leave, he settles in the bed next to Eliott and starts studying again. It's the last straight line and he must absolutely validate his year.  
He's again in this position, the next day, when the bell of the apartment forces him to stop, at almost 7pm. 

''Lulu, you need a break!'' declares Yann.

Lucas sighs, ready to say that he doesn't have time for that, but his friends gently push him to go back into the apartment.

''Why did you choose such a difficult thing, Lulu? I don't understand why you didn't come to business school with us after the prep year."

Lucas looks at Yann and sighs again.

''I didn't want to do a job I didn't like just to be safe. I don't have time to take a break, I still have to study."

Arthur shakes his head while Basile protests.

"I like the idea of having a quiet job. And I'm so happy to be back at school with my friends. Finally it was good that you did a year of prep school. But we miss you, Lulu."

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

''I know, but I didn't like it. It's okay, I just have to work a little bit more, but it's going to be okay. It's just etnomusicology that scares me, the rest is fine."

''The name alone is scary!'' laughs Basile.

"And after, what are you going to do?'' asks Arthur, pushing the manuals that Lucas scattered around the living room this afternoon, not thinking that his friends would come tonight.

''Afterwards, I'm going to rest and then prepare for the arrival of our baby.''

Lucas caresses his belly as he sits in the back of the couch. He's really looking forward to the exams being over.

''I was talking about next year.'' Arthur says, "Okay, you're gonna miss the first day of school, but you'll be back in the middle of the year?"

Lucas shakes his head and smiles.

''No. In fact, if I can get through my first year, I'll take a year's break. I'll stay here with our little boy while I take music therapy training at a distance. Next fall, I'm going back to college for two years. That way, when I get my license, I will have already followed the music therapy training and I will be able to find a job.''

Basile stands up and pretends to introduce him.

''Lucas Lallemant, music therapist, it's going to swing in the hospitals.''

Lucas starts laughing and nods.

''Yeah. But it's gonna be Lucas Demaury." Lucas sighs as he looks at his books, ''I'm sorry, I've got to get back to it, guys, I'm not ready for this.''

Yann shakes his head.

''You're ready. You need to take a break. Eliott would tell you if he could. Come on, let's do it tonight. Tonight is Sunday night, you relax a little bit. The girls said that you spent studying all day yesterday."

Yann takes the book from Lucas's hands and his elbow slaps his chest. It's not a really hard hit, but Lucas jumps back because it just really hurt him.

''Oh. Are you okay, Lulu? I'm sorry, did I hurt you?"

Lucas's holding his chest, and that's where he feels it.

''No. It's okay. I gotta pee."

He closes the bathroom door and takes off his shirt immediately. When he usually does this, he smiles as he looks at his belly, which is really getting larger and rounder, but now he's too busy looking at the spot that hurts him. He feels a kind of ball inside his breast, and his skin is red and swollen.

The door opens and Lucas curses himself for not having locked it. Yann looks at him then frowns.

''I'm not the one who did this, right? How long have you had this? Why the fuck didn't you say anything? It's bad?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders, trying not to panic.

''No! I mean... I don't know. The doctor said it could happen. Because of the hormones proomotes tumors and cancers. But I had nothing this morning. I don't think so."

Lucas tries to think about it, but he doesn't really know if it was this morning or yesterday morning that he took a shower. And if he had looked so much at his big belly that he didn't pay attention to his chest. Yann looks at him again and frowns.

''Call your doctor! Immediately."

Lucas sighs and puts his shirt back on before picking up his phone. Luckily, he has the doctor's direct number now. He explains everything and the doctor gives him an appointment for the next morning at 8:30 am.

"So he thinks it's a cancer?" asks Basile, visibly worried.

''What cancer?"

Lucas turns around with his eyes wide open, not expecting to see Eliott standing in the opening of their room.

"What cancer? What's wrong with you?"

Lucas waves to his friends to leave because he knows he won't leave Eliott's arms tonight. They both lie down in bed and Lucas shows him.

Eliott touches delicately and frowns.

''It looks like a million tiny tumors. Oh Lucas, what did we do? Why didn't we listen to the doctors?"

Eliott bursts into tears and Lucas holds him down.

''It's gonna be okay. I promise you it's gonna be okay. The doctor says if that's it, I can start chemotherapy even during pregnancy. I promise you it's going to be okay."

Eliott goes back to sleep but Lucas doesn't move. He dozes off a little but can't really sleep. It must be 4 am when Eliott wakes up again.

''Are you scared?''

Lucas shakes his head against his neck.

''No. Not afraid. Not since I've been with you."

Eliott sighs, visibly refraining from crying.

''I'm afraid. I've never been so scared in all my life."

Lucas strokes his cheek, rubbing their noses together.

''Really, I'm scared too, but I don't think it's the same as you.''

Eliott looks him in the eye and it almost hurts to see. He always seems ready to break when he has an episode. It's so hard to see him so insecure, and to see him suffer like that.

"What are you afraid of?"

Lucas sighs. He knows that Eliott is going to think he's an idiot, because he is an idiot, but he hasn't stopped thinking about it since the doctor talked about the probability of getting cancer.

''Having to go through chemotherapy and losing my hair.''

Eliott smiles and runs a hand through his hair.

''I understand. I hear that sometimes it grows back differently. Can you imagine if it grew back curly like Basile's hair?''

Lucas bursts out laughing and Eliott holds him tight.

''I'm afraid I'll never hear your laughter again. It terrifies me."

Lucas shakes his head and smiles.

''You will always find a way to make me laugh. I'm not worried about that."

Eliott's chin trembles as a tear comes out of the corner of his eye.

''You know that's not what I meant, I''

Lucas shakes his head. 

''It's not going to happen.''

Eliott squeezes himself gently against him, resting his head in the hollow of his neck.

''Please don't die. I can't do it if I'm alone. I can't do it without you."

Eliott starts crying and Lucas holds him, gently stroking his hair.

''I'll be there. I promise I'm not going to die. You're just gonna have to put up with me for a long time."

Lucas knows he shouldn't promise something like that, but he needs to say it: he's not going to die.

He spends the rest of the night holding Eliott against him and stroking his belly while whispering.

''We're going to fight, my champion. I swear we won't leave your Dad alone."

When Lucas gets up at 7:30 am, he discovers with surprise that Yann is still there, asleep on the couch, holding Basile in his arms. Lucas takes a picture of them laughing with waking them up.

"I've got the croissants!'' whispers Arthur as he joins them, ''Oh, they've finished hugging? I gathered the armchairs to sleep, I slept like a baby."

Yann pushes Basile away calling him a glueman and Lucas prepares them a coffee and asks them what they're doing here. In fact, Basile and Arthur are going to stay here to look after Eliott while Yann accompanies Lucas to the hospital. Lucas points out to them that they could have gone home to sleep and come back this morning and the three boys start laughing because they didn't think about it for a second.

Finally, as Eliott is still fighting with himself, Lucas is really happy that he doesn't have to go to the hospital alone. Having Yann with him is pretty weird, especially when he has to go shirtless on the examination table, and that Yann asks him if he wants him to hold his hand, but it's always better than being alone.

But even so, Eliott's hand is terribly missing in his. And what is certain is that Eliott would never have reacted to the diagnosis the way Yann did.


	10. Something to think about it.

  
Lucas is revising when Eliott starts to open his eyes. He puts his book on the bedside table and gently strokes his hair, smiling gently at him.

''Hi my love, how are you?''

Eliott looks at him and sighs as he snuggles up against him.

''I don't know...but I want to come with you to see the doctor. What time is your appointment?"

Lucas smiles and pushes back his hair stuck to his forehead.

''It was this morning. It's two o'clock."

Eliott stands up, sits up in bed, looking really bad.

''You should have woken me up. What did he say? How bad is it?"

''Shh, don't worry, everything's fine."

Lucas strokes his cheek to help him relax, but Eliott sighs.

''Fine, like it's easy to fight? Or like''

Lucas raises his eyes to the sky and bites his lip not to laugh so much he feels like an idiot.

''Like your idiot boyfriend and his even dumber best friend have panicked and it's actually just the lactation trying to set itself up. It's a duct that got clogged. Wait."

Lucas pulls out his phone and opens the memo he made to himself, asking the doctor to tell him exactly what he has because he knew Eliott would want to know.

''They call it mastitis. It's an infection because of a blocked milk duct so I've got some antibiotics to take and it will pass in a few days.''

Eliott smiles and hugs him.

''So you're okay?''

Lucas shakes his head and smiles.

''I tell you : everything's fine. He has checked everywhere and there are no strange masses. Just my body making milk. I'm surprised you haven't heard Yann's laughter so far. It was so contagious, even the doctor laughed with him. I didn't fucking think it would happen. Can you imagine if my tits get huge?"

Eliott shrugs his shoulders and huddles up against him again.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there with you.''

Lucas squeezes himself gently as he strokes his hair.

''Don't worry, I wasn't alone. And besides, I didn't have anything at all. You feel better today?"

Eliott shrugs his shoulders and Lucas kisses him on the forehead.

''Do you want to take a shower?''

Eliott touches his hair and nods.

"Would you come with me?"

Lucas pulls him gently out of bed and they walk through the apartment hand in hand to the bathroom. He helps Eliott to undress and then takes off his clothes and there Eliott looks at him and the shock is plainly visible on his face.

"Wow!''

Lucas cross his arms over his belly as if by reflex, to hide it. Every morning, he has the impression that his belly is even bigger than the day before and it is clear that it is a big shock for Eliott.

''I know. I've gained almost 3kg. But I swear I'm not eating more than I used to."

Eliott puts his hands on the top and bottom of his belly, which makes this rounded side even stronger.

"You are so beautiful. It's unbelievable."

Lucas smiles, feeling foolish for having been uncomfortable with Eliott, and turns on the shower water. They are both still holding on despite his belly taking up more room than before, but it's certain that if he keeps growing like that, soon they won't be able to do it anymore. But this time, Lucas still manages to make his shampoo for Eliott then to hug him gently in his arms while the water warms them both.

Eliott insists that he stops his revisions for at least an hour, reminding him that he's totally ready and that he's going to pass his exams without any problems, so Lucas puts down his textbooks and get with Eliott on the living room.

"I'm really scared we won't be ready when the baby comes," says Eliott softly.

Lucas smiles as him, brings a plate of cakes and tea.

''We could make a list of everything we're going to need for the baby. You want?"

Eliott nods and smiles, while taking one of the cake so Lucas grabs his computer and comes and sits down next to him.

''Honestly, when it comes to furniture, I think we should look at secondhand listings. I don't know about clothes. But I don't think he's going to wear so few of the first clothes that we don't have to spend too much money on them. Okay, tell me what you want us to look for first."

Eliott nods and puts his head on his shoulder.

''First we need a bed. Since he's going to sleep in our room, I was thinking that co-spleeping would be great, but I'm afraid it's going to go wrong if I have an episode so it's not a good idea."

Lucas frowns slightly.

''Do you want him to sleep with us? Isn't that weird?"

Eliott shrugs his shoulders, stroking his belly, seeming to wait for the baby to move but he has to sleep because he doesn't respond.

''He's gonna need reassurance, right? Don't you think he'll feel lonely and lost if he's all alone? I don't want him to feel alone.''

Lucas puts a video explaining the benefits of co-spleeping but explaining how to do it to limit the risks of cot death. And the cradle that clings to the end of the parental bed seems to be a good solution.

"I couldn't sleep if he's in our midst, I'd be too afraid to crush him. But okay, with this kind of bed, we could put him next to you and I'm sure that knowing that we're just the side of him will reassure him. Good idea, my love, me either, I don't want he feel alone.''

Eliott scrolls through the different kinds of cradles and then nods. 

''Okay, but why on my side?''

Lucas smiles while caressing his cheek.

"I imagine us, me holding you in my arms, and you sleeping with a reassuring hand on his belly. Yeah, I like that."

Eliott kisses him and then puts his hands on his belly.

''You're gonna be the most spoiled little boy in the world. And if sometimes we move your crib a little bit into the hallway, don't worry, we'll come back for you afterwards. Sometimes your daddies will need to be alone to show how much they love each other."

Lucas laughs before he kisses him while calling him an idiot. While browsing classifieds sites, they find a folding changing table ten minutes from home, and this woman also sells a newborn to one-year-old boy's mat, toys and boxes of almost new clothes for a very low price, so Lucas calls her.

''Okay. I think we'll take it all. When are you available?"

_''Weekdays is complicated, but how about next Saturday, is that okay? I also have a baby carry sling if you want."_

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

''I don't know. We still have to think out about it. But Saturday's fine. 10:00?"

_"'Yes, no problem. I will send you my address. Talk to the mom about the scarf. It's really nice to feel your baby close to you when you're not carrying him in your belly anymore. It makes you feel less empty. You'll let me know on Saturday if you want it."_

Lucas hangs up happy but frustrated. He can't help but think, "There is no mom" but at the same time, considering that his eggs were used to conceive this baby, isn't he technically the mom?

''So? What did she say?''

Lucas looks at Eliott coming back with the pizzas they just got delivered and frowns.

''What are we gonna tell our son? When he asks who his mom is, we're gonna say it's me?"

Eliott puts the pizza boxes down and hugs him while he puts his forehead against his own.

"We'll tell him the truth, that he has two dads, but that one of them has an extraordinary body and gave birth to him. I don't think he's asking the question right away, but I don't want to lie to him. I want him to grow up seeing the beautiful pictures that we've already taken and that we're going to make of you pregnant and I want him to know that you were the one who carried him. So yes, when he's really older, we'll explain to him how we did it, biologically speaking, but that doesn't make you his mom. You'll always be his dad."

Lucas snuggles up against Eliott, laughing because now his belly pushes Eliott when they hold each other like this.

''Thanks. By the way, it's okay, we can go Saturday morning. She has a carry sling too, she asks if we are interested. You want it?"

Eliott shrugs his shoulders, so they eat while watching videos explaining the benefits of babywearing, then how it works and finally Eliott seems to be really into it.

"I want to do this! Anyway, strollers in Paris are miserable. And then like that, we gain space here. I was wondering where we were going to put the stroller. It's crazy that such a small thing needs so many things."

Eliott looks around and sighs.

''I really hope we can move soon. It's sad that the baby doesn't have his own room."

Lucas shakes his head and smiles.

''It wouldn't be months before he would sleep there anyway. I know you, you wouldn't have let him sleep alone for fear of not hearing him. And then we can't afford to pay more, my love. Especially if I still have three years of school left. But if I don't, I could find a job.''

Eliott frowns immediately.

"If you can't handle the music therapy training with the baby this year, you'll do it after you graduate, but no matter what, next year you're going back to college for your second year. I don't want you to stop yourself from doing what you love because I wanted us to do this baby right away.''

Lucas smiles and hugs himself.

''I wanted that too. It was a shared choice, and if there are compromises to be made, I"

''No compromise like that. There are a lot of young parents in college. Some are even still in high school. Some even live with their parents. You're right, we just need to make our apartment different. Some families live in studios. We'll get there."

Lucas wasn't worried, but he's happy to see that Eliott is less worried.

''And so? While we're talking about practical matters. Are you thinking of breastfeeding him?

Lucas laughs but stops as soon as he sees Eliott seriously asking the question and obviously waiting for an answer.

''What? No! I hope you're kidding.''

Eliott shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

''Why? If they work, why not?"

Lucas looks up to the sky and smiles.

''Okay, that's out of the question already. I don't even know how you can even imagine that. And besides, since the doctor is going to take out my ovaries and uterus at birth and I'm going to stop the hormones, it should all stop, I guess. So no, sorry but I wouldn't do that."

Eliott laughs and strokes his cheek.

''Don't apologize, it's up to you. I was just asking."

Lucas rolls his eyes as he looks at Eliott. How can he just imagine that. Lucas imagines the scene and starts laughing.

''Can you imagine it? Me breastfeeding our baby?" Lucas touches his forehead and laughs, "I think you're feverish."

Eliott laughs and lies down on the couch, putting his head on Lucas' thighs in order to stick his ear against his belly.

''You're carrying our baby. Nothing is impossible with you. I was just asking the question, but yes, I can imagine it, and frankly I wouldn't mind. But I'd also like to be able to give him a bottle. I was just wondering if you've thought about it."

Lucas shakes his head.

''No. I'm his daddy, and daddies don't breast-feed.''

Eliott shrugs his shoulders.

''You're a daddy who has the ability to do it. Isn't that what you told the doctor the first time? I'm a man who has the ability to carry the baby of the love of my life... ...so what if you give him the milk your body apparently produces for him?"

Lucas raises his eyes to the sky and Eliott bursts out laughing.

''Okay, I didn't say anything. But I'm sure you're wrong and some dads are breastfeeding. Want to bet it's happening?"

Lucas dares him with his eyes, before he sighs.

''Okay. Let's bet the dishes for this weekend.''

Eliott picks up Lucas' phone from the couch and puts on a big smile.

''In the Akas tribes, dads have the distinction of being able to breastfeed their babies. There are also at least three stories of men who breastfed their babies, naturally, without any hormones because the mother had passed away."

Lucas takes the phone out of his hands and reads the article with a sigh and Eliott starts laughing.

"You see? Nothing is ever impossible. The dishes will be yours."

Lucas smiles and nods.

''Damn it. Okay, why don't you breastfeed him?"

Eliott smiles and shakes his head.

''My medication isn't compatible with breastfeeding, it says so on it, and I don't think you just have to want it to make it work. But I think I would have liked to have done it. Isn't that cool? And super economical and natural."

Lucas sighs and plays with Eliott's hair before smiling.

''Natural? This baby grows inside a man, there's nothing natural about that. Oh, you're pissing me off. Now I'm not gonna stop thinking about it."

Eliott's huddled up against his belly and he's smiling because a kick hit his cheek.

"I love you too."

Lucas giggles, playing with his hair.

"Are you talking to me or our son?"

Eliott rolls his eyes, kissing his belly while caressing Lucas' cheek.

''To you, idiot. But I love you too, my little boy. Give me five!"

Eliott pretends to do a check on his belly, and Lucas smiles because a few seconds after a small kick answers him. 

"I missed you too my baby.'' says Eliott, gently stroking his belly. "I wasn't feeling well, but I'm here now. Did you remind your daddy to stop his revisions because he's the best and he's going to pass his exams without any problems? He didn't listen to you and spent all his free time studying and practicing? He should know that he can do anything without problems."

Lucas smiles, looking Eliott who talk to their son and kiss his belly. Listening Eliott, so sure that everything will go well, Lucas feels all the stress of his exams which are approaching leave him ... at least for a few moments ....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this kind of moment when you have to imagine the life we will have with the baby.
> 
> Okay...I have a big question : I stop this fic with the birth (in 17 chapters) or It would please you to see the first moments of the boys with their baby (return home, presentation to the gang ... in short, their life has 3) ???
> 
> For now i wrote until birth, and I don't know if I stop there or if I continue ...tell me what you would like 😘💕


	11. Something great.

  
''I can't do this, it's impossible!''

It's the last exam he has to take, but it's the one that terrifies Lucas the most. He has to sing and show that he can play two instruments, while at the same time showing that he has managed to integrate a personal musical improvisation into an existing song. He's been preparing this for weeks, but it's just too stressful. Lucas is about to turn around when his teacher holds him back.

"You go in there, you play perfectly well and you get the best grade you can get. You can do it, Lucas."

Lucas looks at his teacher, who seems more sure than he is She looks around and then puts her hand on his belly. And even though Lucas is wearing a shirt too big for him that makes him look really chubby, the teacher puts her hand right on his baby bump and it makes him jump.

''If you can do that, you can play your piece.''

Lucas looks at his hand, placed kindly on his belly and then looks at it.

''How did you know that?''

The teacher smiles as she raises her eyes to the sky.

''I wondered when you came back with fight marks. And then I saw how you put on clothes that were too big when you didn't before and how you caressed your belly at times, when you think nobody see you. Your voice changed. You could never have sung what you're going to sing in a few seconds at the beginning of the year, and it's not just because of practice. And for the past two weeks, you haven't been holding your guitar like you used to and you've backed away from the piano. I understand that you're hiding it, but I'm sad that you have to do it. Anyway, I think it's pretty brave to carry this pregnancy to term even though I guess it wasn't meant to be. My cousin is trans too, and when I told him about you, he told me that he really thought testosterone prevented pregnancies, but after looking on the internet he found lots of cases like yours."

Lucas looks away because the exam room door opens and his teacher takes her hand away.

''Anyway, it doesn't matter. You're going to go in there and play perfectly to get your year validated and I'd be really happy to have you back the next school year. You could come back in a few months, and catch up on the classes from the beginning of the year, you know?''

Lucas shakes his head while caressing his belly.

''No, I'm going to stay with my son. But I'll be here next year."

''Lucas Lallemant.''

Lucas smiles as he hears his name being called. That too will have changed when he comes back. He greets the three people on the jury before taking his guitar and putting the strap around him. He sits behind the piano, moving the bench back a little because his belly no longer allows him to be totally glued to the piano, let alone with the guitar on his legs. Fortunately it is his last day because it is clear that in a few weeks he will not be able to hide it at all.

''We are listening to you. Whenever you are ready."

Lucas smiles and nods as he puts his hands on his guitar. Normally, he would play two songs with both instruments, but he decided to mix the two on the same score. He knows it's a rather daring choice, but when the first note of music sounds on his guitar, all his worry disappears. It's just him and his guitar. As he does every time he plays, his baby has stopped moving, as if he stopped instantly to listen to the music and Lucas smiles as he continues. His teacher is right. He's pretty sure that if he wasn't taking the hormones that guarantee the good continuity of his pregnancy, he wouldn't be able to sing this song. 

He closes his eyes because he doesn't need to look at the score he knows by heart, since he is the one who changed the intro of this song. His mind escapes, as if on a journey inside himself, and he imagines their son, warm inside him, sucking his thumb, as he listens to his musical notes. Today he's playing for him. So he reopens his eyes to focus on his song and try to sing as well as he can.

" _All of these lines across my face. Tell you the story of who I am."_

Lucas doesn't miss the slight smile of the jury and even if he keeps singing, he wants to stop and tell them that they don't know him. He's only almost 21 years old, but he has been through a lot already. He remembers the anxious nights he spent sleeping in Mika's basement, all the evenings he lied to himself and his friends, not daring to be himself. He remembers the day when Eliott wanted to go away from him, saying that he was going to make him suffer, and that they invented the minute by minute. He sees himself completely panicked when he learned that he was not like the other boys. He sees the guys hitting him again in the alley just a few weeks ago. All those moments that made him who he's today and made him stronger.

_"I crossed all the lines, and I broke all the rules. And, baby, I broke them all for you."_

This time, it's Lucas who smiles because it's so true. And yet he has absolutely no regrets and he would break the rules again to feel his son move and grow inside him.

_"You made me feel like a million bucks. You do. I was made for you."_

Lucas sends his guitar on his back to put his hands on the keyboard. He repeated this gesture an incredible number of times and he had to do it again because of his belly which now takes up more space, but now he does it perfectly.

_"You see the smile that's on my mouth. It's hiding the words that don't come out."_

The notes resonate in the room as loud as they do inside him. He loves the guitar, but his thing is really the piano. It's really with this instrument that he feels like he's one. He feels like his hands are playing without even thinking, and that's why he can look at the jury while he sings.

_"No, they don't know who I really am. And they don't know what I've been through like you do."_

Lucas lets his hands do it all by themselves and they perfectly realize the improvisation he added, as requested for this exam. 

The baby gives a huge kick, as if to say "Go, Daddy, you can do it!" and Lucas plays faster and harder while watching the jury. There is no stress or anxiety in him anymore. He knows he sings with a huge smile because he really enjoys playing. It's just great.

_"All of these lines across my face. Tell you the story of who I am._  
_So many stories of where I've been and how I got to where I am._  
_Oh, but these stories don't mean anything. When you've got no one to tell them to._  
_It's true, I was made for you."_

Lucas smiles and looks down towards the keyboard, as if to calm his hands.

_"Well it's true, that I was made for you."_

He stops, almost out of breath, and looks up to look at the jury. He doesn't know what they think yet, but he's proud of what he's just done. And that's where he spots him. At the top of the music room, Eliott is standing against one of the doors, probably ready to leave if someone tells him he's not allowed to be there. But no one seems to notice his presence and one of the jurors stands up smiling almost as much as Eliott.

"Congratulations Lucas. It was amazing. Daring and difficult choice, but you executed it perfectly. Well done!" 

Lucas walks away with a huge smile. He won't have his marks for a couple of days, but he's passed all his exams and he's pretty sure he passed everything.

He thanks his teacher who's waiting for him at the door of the room to congratulate him and joins Eliott who's waiting for him in front of the building.

''You were great! It's magical. Totally unbelievable. I fall in love, again once."

Lucas smiles as he embraces him.

"Thanks, but the acoustics in the room gives helped me."

Eliott rolls his eyes as he shakes his head.

''Nonsense. You were amazing! You're so amazing. I'm so proud of you."

Eliott kisses him, discreetly placing his hand on his belly and smiling in the kiss.

''You're just perfect. Come on, I want to show you something. I have a surprise for you. Well, not really a surprise, but you'll be happy."

They walk for five minutes hand in hand until Eliott stops at the top of a street.

''There you go!''

Lucas looks down the street, looks for what he's supposed to understand and turns to Eliott.

"What am I supposed to see?"

Eliott smiles so much that he has stars in his eyes.

''The location of my first shoot as a junior director. I got the job!"

Lucas starts screaming and jumps into Eliott's arms. Eliott seems to be struggling under his weight but carries him tightly against him.

"I'm so proud of you! I knew you would do it! Way to go!"

Eliott laughs and puts him down again by kissing him.

"I have to graduate, of course, but if it's okay, I start work on July 10th. Shooting takes place in July and August. After that there will be all the editing and assembling, but I said I was getting married and one baby who comes in September, and the director told me I could take three days for the wedding and my leave from the birth. It's only 11 days, but at least I'll be with you at the hospital, and''

Lucas kisses him to shut him up and help him calm his thoughts.

''Everything will be all right, my love. I'm really proud of you. It's going to be a great project and I can't wait to see the result. We'll adjust as we go along, okay?"

Eliott nods with a smile and hugs him.

"You want to go celebrate?"

Lucas nods and slides his hand into his own.

''Yeah, but at our house. I'm too hot. I just want to go home and get comfortable."

Eliott smiles and kisses him on the neck before he starts walking.

"Okay. Let's go.''

They go home hand in hand and Lucas rolls his eyes when he sees Eliott stop and enter the bakery.

''I want a cake to celebrate.''

Lucas smiles but tries to hold Eliott back.

''I don't need a cake. Come on, I just want to go home."

Eliott kisses him but goes into the bakery. Lucas sighs and joins him, but Eliott has already asked for two caramel-peanut tarts because he knows that's what Lucas likes best.

Lucas doesn't dare to say anything in front of the baker who smiles at them, and he tells himself that he will only eat a small piece. To try to compensate, Lucas prepares a pan of vegetables but Eliott comes to add cream and bacon while he was in the bathroom and Lucas looks at the pan while sighing.

"What? I just wanted to help you. I didn't put anything weird on, I promise. Just a surprise ingredient. But you're gonna like it."

Lucas sighs and touches his belly.

''You're gonna make me huge. I have to be careful."

Eliott immediately frowns and turns him over so he can look him in the eye.

''What the fuck is this bullshit?''

Lucas sighs again and looks down at him.

''I'm getting huge. I have to be careful if I don't want to get fat."

Eliott puts out the fire under the stove and pulls him out of the kitchen. He takes off Lucas shirt and makes him turn around. Before Lucas asks him what he's doing, Eliott shows him his phone. He has just taken a picture of him from the back, and it's true that he can't say he's put on weight.

''It's just your belly. And maybe a little bit your butt, but you're definitely not fat. You're just beautiful. A few weeks ago you were crying because your belly was too small, and now that it's getting bigger, you think it's already too big. And yet I am sure that in a month's time you will think that it was still small at this stage.''

Lucas steps back to find himself in the arms of Eliott who immediately crosses his arms on his chest.

"Already, I wasn't crying. And then I didn't say he was fat. I like that. I like how round he is. But I don't want to become huge. I've gained 6kg in a month!"

Eliott gently caresses his belly while kissing him on the neck.

''You're carrying our son. I've never thought you were more beautiful than now."

Lucas laughs in spite of himself while shaking his head.

''Of course. And that's why you haven't touched me since your episode. Please don't lie to me, okay? Not even to please me. I understand that you don't want me, and I swear I'm trying to be careful, so I need you to help me."

Eliott gently squeezes him, kissing him several times on the neck and then on the cheek.

''I'm sorry. I swear I think you're beautiful. I swear it has nothing to do with you. I think you're beautiful, but every time I touch you, our son moves, and it's too weird for me. I have the impression that he's between us."

Lucas takes Eliott's hands and takes them from his belly to his sex.

''So don't touch my belly, you idiot. Just think about me. I need you."

Eliott slips his hand into his jeans, then his boxer shorts and kisses him tenderly on the neck.

''I love you. I think you're really beautiful. Don't ever doubt it, okay?"

Lucas nods and moans, tasting the pleasure of being touched after so many weeks. Eliott turns him over and pushes him slightly so that Lucas is against the table before kneeling down in front of him. He gently pulls down his pants and boxer shorts before taking his cock in his mouth and Lucas throws his head backwards so much it's good. 

It's only when he looks at Eliott that he realizes he has his eyes closed, something he never did before.

''Look at me."

Eliott immediately opens his eyes and looks at him with a smile on his face. Lucas smiles back at him, moaning as Eliott twists his tongue around his dick and pulls his hair back from his face, squeezing it slightly.

''It's just you and me. And it's fucking good."

Eliott licks him and then comes over to kiss him before he turns around.

''Just the two of us?"

Lucas nods and closes his eyes, praying that Eliott doesn't feel the baby move while he makes love to him on their kitchen table, because if he does, it's clearly the last time it's going to happen before the birth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is "The Story" by Brandi Carlile, but personally I prefer the version by Sara Ramirez (the actress who plays Callie Torez in Grey's Anatomy).
> 
> I love this song...
> 
> if you've never listened to the piano version, frankly do. I learned to play it on the piano during the first lockdown and now as soon as I'm sad I sit behind the keyboard and play it, and it's like the good mood returns immediately. until my neighbors come and say i make too much noise because i have a grand piano and it really has a big sound. 😇😇😈😈


	12. Something protective.

  
But fortunately, their son already seems to understand when they need a moment just for the two of them. Or, as Lucas read in a book, it's just the rocking that rocks and calm him. Anyway, it doesn't matter why he doesn't move during those moments, all that matters is that now Eliott seems comfortable with him again and Lucas feels like he's insatiable. Anyway, now that they're on vacation, there's nothing better to do than to wake up and make love to his fiancé. Or to go to bed and make love before going to sleep. Or, as they just did, to make love in the middle of the afternoon, not caring what time it is.

''Holy shit, that was so good! Are you sure you're okay? It wasn't too much?"

Lucas nods, kissing Eliott's back before slapping his butt, just because he likes his ass bounced perfectly.

''Totally. I don't think I'll be able to do that to you any more soon, but we'll find another position. That was so good."

Lucas lies down next to Eliott and hugs him because he looks weird.

''Are you okay?"

Eliott nods and then starts laughing.

"I think he kicked my back but I'm going to pretend I didn't feel anything. It's okay, I try not to think about it."

Lucas bursts out laughing and Eliott looks at him and sighs.

''Do you realize that he hears everything? Isn't that weird?"

Lucas sighs in turn before kissing him.

''He feels all the happiness hormones that it releases in me. You don't remember your parents fucking when your mom was waiting for you? But I'm sure that"

Eliott hits him with a cushion to shut him up and then kisses him while laughing.

"You're horrible."

Lucas laughs while kissing him.

''And you're dirty and sweaty. Okay, shall we take a shower and hurry up so we're not late? If we're late, I'll tell Daphne it's your fault."

Lucas giggles because Eliott tickles him when he kisses him on the neck.

''Okay. I don't want to piss Daphne off. Come on, let's take a shower. I love showering with you."

In theory, Lucas loves it too, except now they both can't get in the shower. Well, they can, but they can't close the door. Eliott laughs and says they don't need to close the door. He says that in a few months they will be able to shower with the baby and there's a debate about showering with the baby. Eliott thinks it's soft, natural and completely normal, while Lucas thinks it's weird. Just being naked with a baby in your arms seems weird. Eliott tells him that he thinks too much and that he is much too rigid and western, which makes Lucas laugh.

And it's the same argument that he brings out, during the first class that Agnes gives with Basile and Daphne, when she asks them if they've thought about the diapers they want to use for their baby. Eliott would like to use cloth diapers while Lucas doesn't see why they would bother with the extra laundry. 

''I'm not western and rigid. I'm practical."

Eliott smiles at him but makes a kind of pout that shows he doesn't quite agree.

''It's full of chemicals. I just don't want his skin to be damaged by chemicals. And washables diapers are cheaper. And it's definitely greener."

Lucas starts laughing as he strokes his belly.

''Green? And your spray paint cans, are they green? I'm sure you had disposable diapers and your ass didn't suffer because of it."

Agnes looks at them and starts laughing.

''Every point of view is defended. You have time to make up your mind. You can always buy just a few washables to try. The important thing is to talk about it. Wait, I'll get you some literature I received."

Eliott hugs Lucas and kisses him on the neck.

''I love talking about my ass with you. I'll talk all night if I have to."

''Hey, we're still here,'' says Basile, laughing, ''Fuck, we'll say you're gonna get laid here. Calm down, hormones!"

Eliott laughs and kisses him again before straightening up.

"Sorry. He's just too handsome when he's sulking."

''Here, there's all kinds of information in here, you can read it quietly at home. And what about baby feeding, what have you been thinking about?" asks Agnes with a big smile.

Lucas turns slightly to look at Eliott with the most inexpressive look possible and Eliott smiles while kissing him.

"Baby bottle for us."

"I think I'll try to breastfeed." Said Daphne, stroking her belly, "But we'll see if it works."

They start talking about breastfeeding and Lucas doesn't really listen. He's sitting between Eliott's legs on a foam mat so he lets himself rest against him and plays with his fingers. Finally, for a first class, it was pretty cool. Especially when the baby had the hiccups and Agnes explained how to spot their baby's position. It's kind of funny to know that he's now completely across, while Daphne baby's head is up.

''It's time for the end of the class, so I'll see you Tuesday. If you have any questions, please feel free to write them down so you can remember them."

The four of them go out, and surprisingly, Lucas comes out with a smile on his face, really happy. It wasn't weird or awkward, it was pretty cool in the end. Eliott looks at the time then kisses Lucas on the temple.

''I get off work at 10:15 pm. Will you be okay?"

Lucas rolls his eyes and kisses him before pushing him to leave.

''Of course it's gonna be okay. I'll see you later."

Eliott almost runs away to join the video store. He stops his work at the end of the week, and although he's happy to start his first shoot in a little less than two weeks, Lucas knows he's sad to quit the job he loves and has been doing for the past two years.

"You're coming at our home?" asks Daphne.

"Yeah!" Basile says "Come over and play some video games."

Lucas shakes his head and smiles.

"No, tomorrow we'll get our exam results and I want to surprise Eliott, so I'll go home and prepare this. But thanks for the class, it was cool after all."

Daphne kisses him, smacking their bellies together before laughing.

"Do you need some help?" Basile asks "I could come with you, and"

''No, it's okay.'' Lucas cuts him off. "Don't worry, it's okay. I'll just buy him some flowers, go home and tidy up the apartment. Have a good night."

Lucas leaves for the quays of the Seine and enters the small agency where he has an appointment. He explains what he wants and takes a huge smile when the woman confirms that it's quite possible and shows him something even better than he had hoped for. He comes out of there almost an hour later but with a huge smile. It's almost 8pm, so he quickly goes to the florist before taking the bus home.

But as the bus has just passed and it is still warm tonight, he decides to walk. So he puts on his headphones and takes the quickest way home. The night is just beginning to fall and Lucas cannot really say that he's afraid. He has never been afraid to walk alone in the streets of Paris, especially since he's not really alone, there are other people who, like him, go home. 

Yet Lucas stops slightly every time he crosses a small alley to have time to look if there is no one waiting in the shadows, ready to endanger the life of their baby. He speeds up the pace and when a hand lands on his shoulder and pulls him back, he turns around and knocks without thinking.

Yann barely avoids him and takes off his headphones.

"I've been calling you for at least five minutes. Fuck, relax, Lulu, you almost hit me."

Lucas laughs and pounds his fist against his own.

''Sorry, I'm a little on edge. Sorry. What are you doing here?"

Yann puts an arm around his shoulders and they both start walking.

''I'm going to my best friend's house for a surprise video game night while his boyfriend's at work.''

They spend two hours playing video games while eating a leftover lasagna and Yann decides to leave just before Eliott comes back so Lucas walks him back to the bottom of the building.

Lucas is about to close the door when he hears shouting. He lets the door slam behind him and walks up the street to the place where the screams resound.

''Lucas, what the hell are you doing? Don't concern yourself with this." Yells Yann in the distance

''Dirty faggot shit. Do you think you can kiss in public and not be embarrassed? You're so disgusting!"

Lucas freezes immediately. He doesn't need to see him to know that whoever is talking is the one who hit him a few weeks ago. 

''Call the police, Yann, now!" 

Yann, across the street, yells at him not to move, but Lucas throws himself at the guy who hits a 15-year-old boy. He falls to the ground while the three other guys who were busy kicking the brown young guy who is lying on the ground leave him behind to get closer to Lucas.

''Damn, that's the guy we thought was a chick.''

''You're even fatter than last time. Haven't you had enough?"

One of the guys shows the knife in his hand and Lucas immediately freezes, wondering why he took part in this, and then he looks at the poor guy on the floor crying and he can't even regret coming to help him. So he hits the guy who comes close to him, sending him up against the wall, his nose immediately starts to bleed. Yann hits the guy with a knife, and Lucas throws his fist in the last guy's face, avoiding all the blows he tries to throw at him. The advantage of not having been taken by surprise like the other time is that there he can defend himself, and defend the poor guy who is crying on the ground.

The guy with the bleeding nose gets up and grabs Lucas' arm. He's immediately freed by a punch in the face. Eliott pulverizes him against the wall before hitting the guy in front of Lucas so Lucas rushes to the ground to help the teenager get up.

The four guys are on the ground and a few seconds later, Lucas shoots Eliott's arm.

"Stop! Stop, he's had enough."

Eliott sighs and looks at Lucas without stopping to watch that the guys stay on the ground.

''It was them, wasn't it?''

Lucas nods and Eliott smiles.

''Okay. Good. I feel like I want to kill you and kiss you at the same time. What the hell are you doing here?"

Yann kicks one of the guys trying to get up and Lucas looks at Eliott again.

''I heard him shouting when I said goodbye to Yann.''

Eliott only seems to notice now the presence of the completely frightened kid who doesn't dare to move, sit on the floor.

''Are you all right?''

He looks at Eliott, seeming to be even more afraid and Lucas gently caresses his arm.

''It's over, you're safe now. Don't worry."

The siren of a police car sounds and the guy starts to cry.

''Is there anyone you want to call?''

The guy nods and shakes out his phone.

''My boyfriend lives nearby. Dimitri. But I don't"

The guy starts crying again and Eliott picks up his phone. A blond guy no older than him comes running up to him as the cops slam the door of their car after putting the four guys in it.

''Valentin! What the fuck happened?''

The guy starts crying again as he hugs him.

"I don't know."

Eliott puts his arm around Lucas' shoulders and gently pulls him up to hug him while watching the blond guy trying to comfort his boyfriend.

''Are you guys gonna be okay?''

The blond nods and smiles at them.

''Yeah. Thank you, guys. Thank you so much. Shh, stop crying, baby, it's gonna be okay. Come on, let's go home."

Lucas smiles at them and puts his hand on the brunette's shoulder.

''At 52 street, there is a doorbell marked Lallemant-Demaury. If one day you want to talk, press it. Don't let them make you feel ashamed of who you are. I've already filed a complaint against those four assholes, please go do it tomorrow. They can't get away with this. Please, do it."

The guy nods before he goes off to stick it to his boyfriend. Eliott thanks Yann then puts his arm around Lucas' shoulders and they go home, Yann preferring to go straight home. 

With the light of their apartment, the dried blood on Eliott's hands looks even redder. Lucas pulls him gently into the bathroom to treat him and Eliott sits on a chair that is normally used to put their clothes on. 

Eliott lets himself be done without looking at Lucas, just putting his head on his belly. Lucas can feel that their son is kicking Eliott's cheek, but it doesn't seem to bother him.

"My love, please say something."

Eliott puts his hands around him and sighs.

''I was so scared. Let me just calm myself down inside. I don't want to fight with you."

Lucas strokes his hair and squats down so he can look at him.

''We're fine. I couldn't let that boy get beaten up and not move."

Eliott nods but sighs.

''It was dangerous. You could've.''

Eliott hugs him and Lucas gets down on his knees because he definitely can't stay crouched because his belly makes him lean forward.

"I'm sorry I put us in danger, I wasn't thinking. I won't do it again, I promise. I'm sorry."

Eliott kisses him before putting his forehead against his own.

''I'm so proud of you, too. God knows what they would have done to that poor guy if you hadn't reacted. And I'm so glad they finally got what they deserve. Don't put yourself in danger again, but I'm so proud of you."

Eliott kisses him before getting up and Lucas starts laughing.

''Would you still be proud of me if I told you I'm stuck? Can you help me up?"

Eliott starts laughing and pulls him towards himself before hugging him, giving the impression that he's trying to merge their bodies. And it's just wonderful to see that despite the changes, their bodies still feel like two pieces of a puzzle.

''When we're like this and the baby moves, I feel like it's moving in my belly. It gives me the impression that he's totally protected, between us.''

Lucas squeezes himself a little closer to Eliott and puts his head on his shoulder. 

And they stay at least ten minutes like that, just concentrating on the baby's kicks.


	13. Something horrible.

''Lucas, hurry up, it's time.''

Lucas arrives just dressed in shorts, having too hot to dress otherwise. 

''So?''

Eliott rolls his eyes and taps the couch next to him.

''I didn't look. Okay, here we go."

Eliott sighs and opens the page of Lucas' school.

''Hey, why am I the first?''

Eliott doesn't answer and logs on to Lucas' account. The page appears immediately and Eliott gives a triumphant shout.

''Yeah! Fuck, I knew you'd validate everything without a hitch. You're so perfect."

Lucas quickly looks at his notes, can't believe how well he's done and kisses Eliott before looking at the computer.

"Your turn!"

Eliott takes an inspiration and opens the website of his film school. He logs into his account and closes the computer.

"I can't do it. I'm sure I failed, I wasn't focused enough on the exams. What are we going to do if I failed?"

Lucas takes the computer by shaking his head.

"Stop being such a baby! You're... fuck, Eliott. Oh, shit. No."

Eliott sighs, seemingly on the verge of tears.

"Really? I missed it by a lot?"

Lucas takes a huge smile and shakes his head.

''Just kidding. You got it! You graduated, my love."

Eliott rips the computer out of his hand and starts screaming for joy before looking at Lucas.

''You are the most horrible person I've ever met!''

Lucas bursts out laughing, pushing the computer so he can sit on his thighs and kiss him.

''Next time you'll look by yourself. You have to trust yourself, my love, you are capable of so many things. I never doubted you for a second."

Lucas caresses his belly and smiles.

''We are both really proud of you.''

Eliott puts his hand on his belly before kissing him.

''And we're really proud of you too.''

They remain kissing on the couch, in their bubble of happiness, until Eliott's phone gives out a notification.

''Oh, look, it's the crib we want. Fifty euros and in our neighborhood. You want it?"

Lucas looks at the ad and nods.

"Yeah, definitely."

Eliott offers to pick it up in an hour, and that just gives Lucas time to give him his present. He goes to the room and comes back with the bouquet of flowers and envelope that the agency gave him yesterday.

''What? No. We said no gifts."

Lucas smiles as he puts the flowers in his hands.

''I wanted to mark the occasion, but it's also a gift for me anyway.''

Eliott smells the flowers with a smile, kiss him and opens the envelope. It seemed like a good idea, but now that Eliott looks at him without saying anything, stunned, Lucas wonders if he did something stupid by reminding Eliott of one of the worst nights of his life.

''I thought you'd like it. I'm sorry, we don't have to if you don't want to."

Eliott looks at the paper again, and then he looks at Lucas.

''Did you rent a houseboat so we could spend our wedding night?'

Lucas nods and smiles shyly.

''The bedroom has a glass ceiling. I thought it'd be perfect for stargazing, right?"

Eliott hugs him and kisses him all over his face and neck.

''How did I get such a perfect man? Thank you. t's just perfect. I can't wait. Thanks.''

Lucas relaxes and already imagines himself inside the houseboat, in the arms of the man who will then be his husband. It sounds like heaven.

Eliott fetches the crib and they spend the rest of the afternoon talking about the baby, making a list of things they're missing and sorting through the clothes they bought along with the foldable changing table and baby wrap to see if they have everything they need.

''Do you think he's going to wear birth? If it's a big baby, maybe he'll go straight in 1 month clothes, right?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders as he looks at the piles of clothes.

''He'll be a month early so I don't think he'll be that big. Don't you think we should ask the doctor to give him more time? Like, reduce it to three weeks?"

Eliott immediately comes and sits down next to Lucas and takes him in his arms.

''We'll let the doctors do what's best for both of you, okay? If they say it's too risky for you to wait any longer, we don't take that risk. It's amazing enough that everything is going so well. We're already very lucky."

Lucas nods and settles down between his legs while finishing to sort out the clothes which look really tiny.

''You're right. And now we have 12 days before you start your job, so what do you want to do?"

Eliott kisses his neck, his ear and his shoulders while letting his hands caress his arms, then caresses his chest and plays with his nipples while biting his neck.

''Oh."

Eliott takes off his hands and bends over to watch Lucas who just jumped.

''Too sensitive? Sorry.''

Lucas puts down the clothes and turns around to face Eliott.

''No, it's okay, it's just weird. Do you think it's normal for them to be this... big?"

Eliott smiles and comes over and kisses him right on top of his nipples.

''You look like you're muscular. You're beautiful."

Lucas looks at him, unconvinced and it makes Eliott laugh.

''I swear. A guy with pecs is so hot."

Lucas looks at him raising an eyebrow.

''So I wasn't hot before? And I won't be hot after?"

Eliott grunts and puts his hand on the back of Lucas' neck to stroke his neck with his thumb.

''I didn't say that. I'm just telling you that you used to be really handsome, you're really handsome now, and you'll be really handsome in a few months. In few years. I love you just the way you are. And even if your body changes, I love you. I've changed too and you still love me, don't you?"

Lucas bursts out laughing as he gets closer to try to pinch Eliott's waist.

''You've gained 500g, Eliott, you haven't changed at all. You're a fucking idiot." Lucas is huddling up to him. ''But I love you. Thanks''

He kisses him, crawling on his knees, but when Eliott tries to slip his hand into his shorts, Lucas feels his hand really squeezed between the fabric and his belly.

''Come on, let's go to the bedroom.''

Eliott nods and helps him get up.

''I'm going to love this vacation with you!''

And for the first few days, it's just wonderful to be able to be together, without having to think about classes, without having to study and knowing that everything is okay. They start setting up the baby's things, continue prenatal classes with Agnes, Daphne and Basile, and always try to find the perfect name, to no avail.

And even if this story of a first name is starting to worry Lucas, everything is just perfect. Until the dream turns into a nightmare five days later.

''Lucas, you're overreacting, it's not so bad.''

Lucas sit on the bed, crosses his arms over his chest and turns around, cheeks red with shame.

''Please, leave me alone.''

Eliott kisses him on the neck, but Lucas pushes him away with a shoulder.

''Please, Eliott, just give me two seconds.''

Lucas tries to get up, but Eliott puts his arms around him.

''Hey, don't give me a _Eliott_ say like that. Stop pushing me away every time something goes wrong. I swear it's okay."

Lucas looks at him and sighs.

''No! It's horrible. Can we please just not talk about it anymore?"

Eliott shakes his head and Lucas pouting.

''It's not horrible, babe, it's normal.''

''If it's not horrible, then why did you spit up?''

Eliott kisses him on the neck while holding him gently in his arms.

''I'm sorry, I was just surprised. I'm really sorry. I promise I won't do it again."

Lucas gives him a black look, and Eliott kisses him again.

''Okay, I won't touch you again if it bothers you. I'm sorry. Tell me how can I make it up to you?"

Lucas sighs and shrugs his shoulders.

''I don't know. I feel like this isn't me anymore. I don't even recognize my body anymore."

Eliott gently pulls him back to lie down against him and gently caresses his arm before going down to the side of his belly.

"How did you get that scar?"

Lucas rolls his eyes as he turns towards Eliott.

''A bike accident, but you know that.''

Eliott nods and then gently moves his finger, gently touching his skin and stops on his belly button.

"And there?"

Lucas smiles, understanding what Eliott is getting at.

''I know it's my body, I just wanted to say''

"Shh... just answer."

Lucas rolls his eyes but lies down a little better.

''Appendicitis scar. And that's when I fell off the skateboard ramp. This is when I fell on a knife when I was 5 years old. That's it, we went around.’’

Eliott nods and stands up. He comes back with a felt pen and draws a big line on his belly.

''What the hell are you doing?''

Eliott laughs and draws the line with his hand.

"Soon you'll have this new scar and every time you look at it, you'll remember what it was like to have our son inside you. And I swear to you, you will think that your body was beautiful and wonderful because that's what it is."

Lucas rolls his eyes and Eliott gets out of bed and comes back with all the painting supplies. Lucas spreads his eyes as he watches him set everything up on the bed and shakes his head.

''It's okay, I got it. You love me. I'm sorry I got carried away. It surprised me too, I wasn't prepared for it. What are you doing?"

Lucas tries to get up but Eliott pushes him back to lie down.

''Don't move, you'll ruin my work.''

Lucas lies down and sighs.

''It's not a really work, you just drew a line. I can do that too."

Eliott comes up to him and kisses him before returning towards his belly.

"Stop moving and you'll get a surprise."

When Lucas is allowed to get up a half hour later, Eliott takes him directly to the bathroom and closes the door so he can look at himself in the mirror behind.

The big line at the bottom of his belly has become a tree branch, and next to the beautiful tree that takes half of Lucas' belly, Eliott has drawn the raccoon holding the hedgehog in his arms, holding what they have decided to call a hedgecoon: this little hedgehog with a mask and pointed ears. 

''I know it's hard for you, but every little transformation in your body is made so that we can experience that kind of moment in real life. So, yeah, I think it's beautiful, because it's just incredible. You're incredible. I'm sorry I was surprised and reacted badly, but I swear I love all the changes in your body, even this one. It was actually pretty good actually."

Lucas is not ready to talk about this, let alone know that Eliott liked it, so he touches the painting, wanting to make sure he doesn't ruin this beautiful drawing, then turns around to kiss Eliott.

''I want us to take a picture of this. It's just beautiful."

Eliott nods and they take several pictures before concluding that if they want to have beautiful pictures, they need someone who knows about photography. 

Lucas spends the rest of the afternoon taking pictures with Eliott, under Lola's guidance, while Maya is looking for cute poses ideas on her phone.

Will he remember that this improvised photo session took place to make him forget that milk poured out of his breasts when Eliott was playing with them? Maybe not....

Will it make them a great souvenir and nice pictures to put in their son's album? That's for sure!


	14. Something to do as a family.

Lucas comes out of the residence where his mother lives, drenched in sweat. Luckily, her apartment is air-conditioned, but even so, it's really complicated to have to keep a jacket so she doesn't suspect anything. 

And it's really hard to see her worried face when she looks at him and to have to tell her several times that everything is fine and that no, he doesn't comfort himself with food. Unfortunately, he's pretty sure he won't be able to go see her in August because he can't hide it anymore, but for now, he can't bring himself not to go see her and tries to go at least two or three times a month now that Eliott is working.

It's 26° today, and if Lucas has always loved summer, he finds it's downright stifling. So as soon as he gets home, he takes a cold shower and puts on his boxers and shorts before settling down at his piano to play a bit.

As usual when he plays, he can't see the time and is interrupted by the doorbell of the apartment. He looks at the time and smiles because it must be Eliott. Maybe he just forgot his keys.

And it's because he thinks it's Eliott who happens to be that he doesn't get dressed before opening the door. H'is startled when he comes face to face with a man he doesn't know and is about to slam the door but sees the shy young guy behind him.

''Valentin?"

The guy nods with a smile and Lucas smiles, half hidden behind his door.

''I'm getting out of the shower, I'm going to get dressed, but come in.''

Lucas jumps into his room and grabs a T-shirt before joining them in the living room. The older one presents him with his hand and Lucas squeezes it.

''I've come to thank you. I'm Régis, his dad. Valentin told us what happened and I really wanted to thank you in person. A lot of people would have left without having the courage to intervene. Thank you very much."

Valentin's father hugs him and Lucas lets him do so before offering them something to drink. And finally, it's rather naturally that the three of them settle down around the living room table.

"We talked a lot with Dimitri.'' says Valentin softly, ''And we decided to tell our parents. Thank you for what you told me. I needed some time to dare to tell my parents, but it feels good to hide anymore. I want to be proud of my love for Dim.''

Lucas smiles and gently taps his arm.

''I'm glad I could help you, but you helped me too. I know they got a sentence because you filed a complaint against them too. So thank you. These guys don't deserve to get away with anything."

Valentin's father takes out an envelope and hands it to Lucas, but Lucas stands there looking at it without moving.

"It's to thank you."

Lucas shakes his head, pushing the envelope away with a smile.

"Thanks, but I didn't do it for that. You don't have to thank me."

Régis points to the crib in the corner of the room and smiles.

''Do you have a child?"

Lucas looks at the crib and smiles in turn.

''We're adopting a baby, he's coming in September.''  
  
He nods and looks around a little more before looking at Lucas, and his face lights up when he looks at Lucas' hands.

''And are you married?''

Lucas looks at his ring with a smile on his face and nods gently.

''Almost. We're getting married in August."

Valentin smiles as he finishes his coke.

''It's good to see that we can have a family life like other couples. You know, dad, we can tell mom, maybe that will help her accept."

Valentin's father gently taps his shoulder with a sorry smile and nods before putting the envelope on the table.

"Take it as a wedding and birth gift. I really want to thank you."

Lucas smiles at him but pushes the envelope away.

''I don't want any money. Knowing that you support your son is more than enough for me. I haven't been that lucky, so it's nice to see you're there for him."

The door opens and Eliott jumps in with a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

''I had a wonderful day, this job is so amazing. The producer is just so great, and''

Eliott stops talking as he enters the living room and Valentin's father gets up with a smile on his face.

''Am I great? Thank you Eliott. I was just telling your husband-to-be how great it was to save my son from those assholes, but I guess I have you to thank you too."

Eliott looks at Valentin and then at his father and then looks at Valentineagain.

''He's your son?''

The guy nods and Valentin frowns.

''Do you know each other?''

His father nods then looks at Eliott.

''Eliott is the junior director of my new project. We're just getting to know each other, but I think we're gonna work really well together."

Valentin nods with a smile.

''Are you a director? Seeing as you beat the shit out of them, I imagined you as a bouncer in a club, or a barman, or a boxer. You should have seen the way he butchered them, Dad. I thought he was gonna kill them."

Eliott turns pale, almost translucent, but Régis comes to take him in his arms.

''Personally, if a guy had hit my wife or my son, I would have killed him. So thank you. Of course, I don't expect to see that kind of behavior at work, but thank you. I was just saying to your fiancé, I want to thank you."

Régis hands him the envelope but Eliott puts it back in his jacket pocket.

''We didn't do this to be thanked. Take good care of him, that's the most important thing."

Régis nods then puts his arm on Eliott's shoulder.

''You're right. I'll give you an extra week's paid leave after the adoption of your little one. It's non-negotiable, Eliott. If you don't want money, at least accept this little gift. You're right, our children are the most important. I'm making arrangements with Amanda for that."

Régis signals his son to follow him and they leave the apartment thanking the guys once again.

''See you Monday, Eliott. Have a good weekend. Lucas, we'll probably see you for the preview."

Eliott greets him and closes the door. 

''What happened here? Did you really help the son of one of my bosses?"

Lucas nods, not totally sure either, and smiles as he takes the flowers.

''They're beautiful, my love, thanks. I'm happy you've a good day.''

Eliott kisses him and hugs him gently, putting one hand on his belly.

''How are you? Have a nice day?''

Lucas nods then smiles.

"I'm so happy. You're going to stay with us for almost three weeks after the birth. It's so great! So much better than money."

They kiss but are interrupted by the intercom bell.

''They must have forgotten something.''

Eliott picks up the intercom and unlocks the door but frowns.

''They are my parents.''

Lucas smiles as he caresses his arm.

''Maybe they're just here to congratulate you in person on your graduation and your work. We haven't seen them in a while. Don't worry, it's gonna be okay."

Yet, as soon as he opens the door, Lucas know they're not here to congratulate him on his graduation. Eliott's father looks at him, frowns and then looks at Eliott, pointing at him, visibly angry.

"Eliott, we'd like to talk to you. In private."

Eliott shakes his head and shows them the living room.

''I have nothing to hide from Lucas. If you wanna talk to me, this is the place."

Only now does Lucas realize they can't go in the living room because there's the baby's crib, and Eliott's parents would wonder why they have it here.

"We want to talk about the baby. Lucas, you don't have to put up with this situation."

Lucas frowns, waves them into the living room and Eliott immediately comes over, next to him.

''How did you know?''

His mother takes a sad look on her face, as if she is waiting for them to say it's not true and his father sighs.

''You bought a crib from one of your mother's colleagues. She recognized you from the pictures on her desk so she came over to congratulate her. What the hell were you thinking?"

Eliott smiles and Lucas relaxes by sliding his hand into his.

''Yes, we are having a baby. We" Eliott hesitates, looks at Lucas and nods ''We're going to adopt a baby. He's coming in September so we're getting ready. I wanted to wait for him to arrive to tell you."

Eliott's parents seem even more upset than before, and his father stands up.

''Stop with the bullshit! It's bad enough that you're cheating on Lucas, but you can't force him to raise the baby you had with a woman."

''I never cheated on Lucas!'' Eliott yells "If you're here to imply something like that, get out of my house!"

Eliott's mother gets up visibly angry and stands up to her son.

''He doesn't deserve this. After all he's done for you. How could you do this? You have to be at least 28 years old to adopt, or be married two years. Don't take us for idiots."

Eliott looks him in the eye and sighs.

''I swear I didn't cheat on Lucas. I never cheated on Lucas. Mom, you know I'm not lying. I didn't get a girl pregnant. Yes, we're gonna have a baby, but it's just gonna be the two of us."

His mother sighs, obviously not believing him, and looks at Lucas.

''Lucas, I'm really sorry about what my son did. Look at you, you're in pain, I can tell just by looking at you. You look like you've doubled in size. You can't stand it even for love. Taking refuge in food is not''

"I'm having our baby," Lucas yells before lifting his shirt, "I'm just pregnant. I'm not hiding in the food, I'm having a baby."

Eliott's parents are speechless and his mother comes to stand in front of Lucas, hesitating to touch his belly. Lucas takes her hand and puts it on his belly.

"He doesn't like the screams, just give him two seconds. Come on little boy, it's your grandmother."

''Is it a boy?''

Lucas nods and starts smiling because the baby is moving again. Eliott's mother opens her eyes widens before looking at her husband.

''Oh...Armand, he moved! He moved!''

She bursts into tears and Eliott comes to take her in his arms.

''It's okay, Mom, it's okay. We're just having a baby."

His mother nods without leaving her arms and Lucas smiles as he looks at them.

''I'm sorry. We should have believed you. But I love Lucas so much, we didn't want you to hurt him."

Eliott sighs as he holds his mother against him.

''I would never hurt him. I've changed. I'm not allowed to screw around anymore now that I have Lucas."

Eliott's father puts his hand on his shoulder, offering him a sorry smile.

''Sorry. We hadn't imagined this possibility...But...I don't want to sound rude and that you think I looked at you the time I walked in on you, but how did you do it? Because even without looking, I saw things and now I don't understand how you did it. Because even without looking, I saw Lucas has a penis...so I...I don't understand.''

Lucas feels his cheeks turn red immediately, thinking back to that embarrassing moment when Eliott's father caught them while Eliott was giving him fellatio. Lucas couldn't look him in the eye for months after that.

''Dad! We said we weren't going to talk about that anymore! Do you want something to drink? The story is pretty long since I guess you'll want to hear it in detail. ''

The four of them settle down around the living room table and finally Lucas feels really relieved that Eliott's parents know the truth.

"So your mom doesn't know?"

Lucas shakes his head and Eliott's mom puts her hand on his knee.

''I think you should tell her. You didn't do anything wrong, you just took advantage of the gift that nature gave you. As a mother, I think she'd be happy to know the truth. Do you want me to come with you to tell her?"

Lucas nods before hugging her.

''Are you available on August 12?'' asks Eliott ''We're getting married. And I'd be happy if you both came."

His mother opens her eyes widens while his father sighs.

"And you were going to do it without telling us? We talk of the next month here?"

Eliott just shrugs his shoulders.

''We are of legal age. We don't wanna have a big party, we just wanna be officially part of the same family."

Eliott's mom looks up and caresses Lucas' belly.

''You will understand if he ever gets married. It doesn't matter if you're an adult or not, you'll always be the baby that moved in my belly. I can't believe you're getting married without telling us."

Eliott sighs and comes to take his mother in his arms.

''I'm sorry. You know I'm not comfortable with ceremonies and family celebrations. But I'd be happy that you come and be at my side. Really.''

His mother kisses him on the cheek.

''Of course we'll be there. My baby's getting married. My baby's gonna be a daddy."

Eliott sighs and walks away.

''I haven't been your baby anymore, for a long time.''

Lucas laughs and Eliott's mom gives him a hug.

''You are the best thing that could have happened to Eliott. Thanks, Lucas. Do you want to go see your mom tomorrow? I'm sure she wouldn't want to miss your wedding either. I'm really happy to be a part of your family, Lucas."


	15. Something wonderful.

Lucas looks at his mother crying and sighs softly, not really knowing what to do.

''Mom...''

Lucas's torn between the desire to go towards her, and the desire to keep Eliott's hand in his. Fortunately, his mother wipes his eyes and Eliott's mother holds out a handkerchief to him.

''I'm sorry. It's just... it's just so much emotion at once."

Lucas looks at the two women who are just talking to each other with their eyes and then nods as if they understand each other perfectly. Eliott shakes his hand a little harder and Lucas smiles at him. Anyway, today, nothing can stop him from smiling.

''Can we continue?"

They both nod with a smile, shaking each other's hand a little harder.

''And you, Eliott Demaury, do you take Lucas, here present, as your husband?"

''Yes, I do. Oh yes. In all your universes, babe."

Lucas smiles as another sob is heard.

"I'm sorry." Says Eliott's mom, trying to stop crying, "I can't believe this is really happening. It's so wonderful. It's better than anything I could have ever dreamed for my son."

Lucas looks at his mother as she puts her arm around Eliott's mother's shoulders while Armand smiles at them and then he looks at their friends. Imane hands a handkerchief to Daphne who is crying almost as much as their mothers. Emma smiles, while Alexia taps Mika's back as he lays his head against Camille. Yann with his arm around Basile's shoulders who dries his tears. Lucas looks at Lola just as she takes a picture, and he knows she will be beautiful because Eliott is looking at him. 

They exchange their alliances but Lucas has only one desire, it is to kiss Eliott. And he feels like the mayor will never say the magic words.

''I declare you husband and husband. You''.

Lucas throws himself on Eliott's lips, a tear running down the corner of his eye, amidst applause and whistling. Kissing Eliott has always been Lucas' favorite. Already because all his senses seem to explode at the same time : first, the sight, when he looks at Eliott's eyes, then quickly looks at his lips before coming back to his eyes; then, the touch, when their lips touch; but also when their hands touch the skin of their cheeks, their necks, or any part of the other's body ; then comes the taste when their tongues mix; the sense of smell when he feels his breath, but also because he's close enough to feel his reassuring smell; and even the hearing wakes up when Eliott whispers words of love between kisses.

But that's not even his favorite part of kissing. What Lucas likes is that there are thousands of different kinds of kisses. There's the quick kiss to say _hello_ or _goodbye,_ the harder kiss saying _I'm going to miss you,_ the hot, passionate, dirty, excited, drooling, too dry, the missed kiss that is given on the cheek or nose, the one where the teeth touch, the one where the noses clash, the one where they smile, the one where they laugh, the one exchanged between tears, the one stolen between tickles...and then there's today's kiss: sweet but exhilarating at the same time: a kiss that means _"it's you I'll kiss for the rest of my life.'’_

''Looks like they've returned to high school, unable to stop.'' declares Yann.

Lucas hugs Eliott in his arms, putting his head against his, their baby moving in the middle of them.

''I love you, Lucas Demaury.''

Lucas smiles a little more. He never thought he'd feel so good about taking Eliott's name, but just hearing him call him that is just unbelievable.

''I love you too, my husband.''

They kiss again before they have to stop for sign the register. They get their family record book, and when the mayor leaves the wedding room, leaving them with their family, Lucas strokes his belly, happy to think that in less than a month their son will be inscribed on it. 

''We'll already have to find a first name for him''. Laughs Eliott while putting his hand on his own ''By dint of saying that we have time, we will arrive in September and he will be _Baby Demaury_ ''.

Lucas kisses him again and they leave the wedding hall. Maya signals them to wait two seconds before telling them to move forward and they come out under a bright sun, under a rain of soap bubbles. They kiss again before going to the restaurant they have privatized for the party. And for the rest of the day, he feels like they are in a wonderful dream. Until he wonders if all this would have happened without the baby. Would Eliott have asked him to marry him? Certainly not now. Did Eliott finally marry him just because of the baby?

Lucas feels his breathing accelerating when this thought enters his head and he can't believe he didn't think about it before. He looks at Eliott sitting next to him, chatting with Camille. One of Eliott's hands is resting on his thigh, as if he needs to touch him while they are sitting next to each other. Eliott quickly turns his head to look at him, as if he feels Lucas' gaze on him and then looks at him again, smiling, pressing his thigh.

''Are you okay? Are you tired?"

Lucas shakes his head while putting his hand on Eliott's hand.

''No, I'm fine.''

Eliott smiles and bends over to kiss him on the neck.

''Good. I hope you're not too tired today. Maybe we should have waited until after the birth to be reasonable, but the truth is that I already feel like an idiot for having waited so long. It's been a while since I realized that you're the one I want to be with for the rest of my life."

Lucas smiles and bends over to kiss him. Eliott puts one arm around his shoulders and kisses him on the temple before resuming his discussion with Camille. Lucas watches his mother and Eliott's mother talking to each other, and he's really happy that his mother is here today. In the end, she reacted much better to the news of the pregnancy than Lucas would have thought, saying that he was a godsend and that nothing happened by chance, so that she was really happy that he was able to start a family with the man he loves. She spent the rest of the afternoon feeling the baby move in his belly while she talked about how wonderful he would be a wonderful father and how lucky this baby was already. She cried when Lucas told her he was getting married and hugged him and called him "my baby" while Eliott's mother smiled. After that, they spent the rest of the afternoon talking about preparations and outfits. And she look so beautiful in her dress today.

''Babe, are you there?''

Lucas's startled and looks at Eliott, standing up, smiling at him and visibly waiting for him.

''Shit, sorry. Were you talking to me?"

Eliott laughs and kisses him.

''I was asking you if you wanted to come cut the cake with me.''

Lucas nods with a smile, slipping his hand into Eliott's before following him to the table where the three-story cake awaits him, with spots of paint on it and two little animals they know well. They were commissioned by Eliott, and they look really like Eliott's drawings of their spirit animals.

The rest of the day passes at a crazy speed and Lucas can clearly say that it's one of the most beautiful days of his life. And it's even more true when he finds himself lying on the bed, naked, exhausted but happy, in the barge, watching the meteor shower.

''We should name him after a star.''

Eliott kisses him on the temple, gently caressing his belly.

''Yeah. Polaris Demaury sounds good, doesn't it?"

Lucas laughs and Eliott starts laughing with him before pointing his finger in the air.

''Look. It's so beautiful."

Lucas watches the stars cross the sky while playing with Eliott's hand.

''Not Polaris. But yeah, I like a starry name."

Eliott gently squeezes it against him, letting his fingers run along his body.

''Me too.''

Lucas smiles and they stay just a moment longer just watching the stars cross the sky. Until Eliott moves around and kisses him everywhere, carefully avoiding his belly and Lucas feels just like the luckiest man in the universes. Eliott kisses him gently on the jaw, in the neck, towards the ear and then on the shoulder while telling him that he loves him and that he's the luckiest man in the universe.

His mouth goes down as usual, playing with his nipples and it is only when Lucas's slightly startled because it's really sensitive that Eliott seems to realize that he shouldn't play with it anymore for the moment.

"Sorry. I forgot. Sorry."

Eliott kisses him around while continuing to caress him, and goes down slightly but Lucas holds him, one hand in his hair. Eliott looks at him and Lucas smiles.

''You can if you want.''

Eliott's smile gets even bigger and he comes to kiss him, whispering to him to stop him as soon as he doesn't like it anymore, before coming to lick his nipples and suck them. Eliott straddles him without stopping sucking his breasts, and when Lucas comes, he's almost ashamed of the intensity of the orgasm he gets because of it, but Eliott seems really satisfied with it. 

"It's the most exciting thing I've ever done."

Lucas kisses him while caressing his cheek, wiping his belly that Eliott has repainted in white.

''It's weird, isn't it?''

Eliott shrugs his shoulders and lies down beside him before kissing him again.

"No, it tastes sweet, it tastes pretty good. Like a slightly sweet juice."

Lucas hits him with the cushion, laughing.

''I was talking about the situation. Oh, my God, Eliott! That's disgusting."

Eliott rolls his eyes before he kisses him.

''You weren't just saying that a few minutes ago. And no, it's not weird. I'm sure every couple does that when they're having a baby. You know what they say, right?"

Lucas discreetly slides his hand under the pillow next to his head, ready to punch Eliott, who's about to say something disgusting.

"No?"

Eliott takes such a smile that Lucas might throw the cushion in his face now because he's sure it's going to be gross.

''One breast for the baby, one for the daddy.''

Lucas bursts out laughing while hitting Eliott with the cushion and Eliott starts tickling him to let him drop his grip. As soon as he lets go of the cushion, Eliott's lips find his and they kiss for what looks like hours, making love in every possible position.

And frankly, even though they've barely slept all night, Lucas's a little sad to have to give back the keys to the barge the next day. He almost regrets not having rented it any longer, but he's happy to return home where everything is ready for the arrival of their son. The C-section is scheduled for September 3rd, and the advantage of having it scheduled is that he's sure that Eliott will be able to be there. 

They finished prenatal classes with Agnés, they did a workshop to learn how to carry the baby in a sling, they watched a million videos to learn how to take care of the baby and attended the last ultrasound a few days before the wedding, which confirmed that it would be a big baby. They chose the organic diapers and they had already bought, as well as the toiletries, put the clothes in the closet, ready to serve and prepared the bags for the hospitalization. 

Everything is ready. 

Except one thing.

So the first thing they do when they get home is searching the perfect name for their son.

"Look!" starts screaming Lucas, waving the book in front of Eliott's nose, "It means ''universe'" and this name's feast is 9 months after the insemination, which is the date he should have been born if he hadn't been forced to leave my belly before then. Do you think it's a sign? I love it! What do you think?"

Eliott smiles and kisses him before putting his forehead against his own, gently caressing his belly.

''I think it's perfect. Fuck yeah, it's perfect."

Lucas smiles as he claps his hands.

That's it, they found the perfect name.

Now all that's missing is their little boy. 


	16. Something that makes you panic.

''Lucas! What the hell are you doing?"

Lucas stops, caught in the act and sighs while Eliott runs through the apartment and comes to take the synth from his arms.

''What are you already doing here?''

Eliott looks at him as if he can't believe he's the one being yelled at.

''What? We finished early. Excuse me for finishing early on a Friday for once. What the hell is going on, babe? Are you okay?"

Lucas looks around and takes a big smile. It's true it's an unbelievable mess but he thought he was finished before Eliott came home.

''Yeah, great. I just wanted to change the living room a little bit. I wanted to put the couch over there, and the piano over there, so we can put the crib over here and have it closer to us. I just thought I'd be done by the time you got home, that's all."

Eliott puts the synthesizer where Lucas has already put his foot and turns around to kiss him, putting one hand on his huge belly as he does all the time now. The birth is due in four days and Lucas wonders if Eliott will still do it afterwards, so much it has become a reflex for him.

''And you couldn't wait for me? Or ask the guys for help? We could have done this tomorrow, quietly. That's what weekends are for. Don't get tired for nothing, babe, you're gonna have surgery in a few days. You need to keep your strength up."

Lucas sighs with a shrug.

''I just moved two pieces of furniture, it's okay, I can do it. Come on, let's move the couch."

Eliott shakes his head and gently pushes him back.

''I'm moving the couch. Where do you wanna put it?"

Once the living room is rearranged the way he wanted it, Lucas is really happy. He picks up two books that were left on the floor when he moved the library and that's when he feels it for the first time. A big backache that stops him breathing as if someone had just hit him.

''Babe? Are you okay?"

Lucas massages his back and comes to lie down on the couch, resting his head on Eliott's thighs.

''Yeah. That's perfect."

Eliott looks at the living room and then looks at Lucas, frowning.

"Did you remove the dust from the furniture?"

Lucas looks at the cleaning cloths he forgot to put away and nods with a smile.

''Yeah. I cleaned the windows, too. And the kitchen. The range hood was really gross."

Eliott touches his forehead as if to see if he's sick and frowns a little bit more.

''Are you sure you're okay? Why did you do all this?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

''Just to keep it clean. And to make you happy. And then''

The pain comes back and in this position it is even worse. Lucas puts his hand on his belly, almost as a reflex, and that's when he realizes that he is hard as stone.

"Babe? Are you sure you're okay?"

Lucas gently caresses his belly, frowning and nods.

''Yes. You're right, I must have overdone it in one day. I'm fine."

Eliott kisses him on the forehead, gently strokes his belly and sighs.

''Okay, you're not doing anything else tonight. What do you want to eat?"

Lucas closes his eyes, the pain slowly coming back, like a wave, and he puts his hands on his belly, feeling it hardening under his fingers.

''Babe? Okay, tell me what's wrong. I can see your're not fine. Just talk to me. Are you scared? I know the date's coming up, but it's gonna be okay."

Lucas smiles and strokes Eliott's cheek.

''Remember what Agnes said about the maternal instinct that makes mothers prepare the house for the arrival of the baby. Nidation, right?"

Eliott nods his head and smiles.

''Yeah, but you didn't have to force yourself, and then you''

The pain comes back, even stronger and Lucas takes Eliott's hand and puts it on his belly.

"I think I'm having contractions. Maternal instinct, my ass yes, paternal instinct works too."

Eliott gets up so fast that he almost drops Lucas on the floor and spends the next two minutes apologizing.

''You're not allowed to have one. You can't have a baby, Lucas. We have to go to the hospital."

Lucas smiles and goes to the bedroom to get the two bags that have been ready for a long time.

''I'm ready.''

Eliott nods and shakes his head.

''Not me. It's too soon. Why aren't you panicking?"

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and smiles before kissing him.

''It's only four days ahead of schedule. I guess he didn't want to be born in September. August 31st, it's cool, isn't it? so we'll celebrate our birthdays in a row, June, July and August.''

The pain takes him back and Lucas huddles up against Eliott trying to breathe so as not to think about the pain.

"Ready or not, let's go. I swear he wants to get out. If you don't want to see the remake of Alien, we're going now."

Eliott grabs the bags and closes the apartment door before putting his hand in his own. They call their doctor on the way and Lucas is really relieved to see him appear as soon as he arrives in the exam room.

"I didn't think I was going to do this now, but the contractions are really strong and I'm afraid the uterus will rupture if we try to stop them. Your son wants to meet you. Okay, Lucas, you're going down to the O.R. . Eliott, the nurse is going to help you get ready."

Eliott walks next to the gurney to the entrance of the OR and it is with great sorrow that Lucas lets go of his hand. Eliott kisses him and then puts a light kiss on his forehead.

''I'll be right there. I disguise myself as a cosmonaut and I'm coming."

Lucas nods, but the moment he arrives in the O.R., he gets scared. Really scared. Everybody around him is getting agitated while the lights half blind him and it's super cold. The anesthesiologist injects him with the product and very quickly he doesn't feel half of his body, and it's even more frightening. The nurses turn around him, a green sheet is placed on his chest and he can look at the door, but Eliott never seems to come. 

It's when a nurse ties his arms that he really panics. The image of the crucified Christ gets stuck in his mind and he can no longer think straight, so he starts screaming.

"I don't want to do it anymore. Let me go. I don't want to do it anymore. Untie me."

The nurse talks to him but he can't even hear what she's saying because he's screaming so much.

''Stop! I don't want to anymore! Untie me now! I can't do it!''

''Lucas! Stop!"

Lucas bursts into tears and Eliott hugs his head, kissing him gently on the cheeks.

''Sorry, you weren't listening. It's okay, babe, I'm here. You can do this. It's gonna be okay, babe. I'm right here with you."

Eliott grabs his hand from the end of the table and squeezes it,using his other hand to dry his tears.

''I'm sorry I can't do it for you, but I'm here. Our son is coming. You're wonderful, babe. You're all right. Just breathe with me."

Lucas nods and breathes more calmly without ever taking his eyes off Eliott. He squeezes his hand harder when he hears the doctor say "let's start" and Eliott gives him a tender kiss on the cheek.

"I love you. You know what I thought the first time I saw you? I thought, "This guy, he looks incredible." I was so far from the truth. Not only are you incredible, bute

A scream rings out and they look at each other, gawking, not coming back from hearing their baby cry.

''It's a boy, no doubt.''

Eliott smiles, kisses him and strokes his hair without ever letting go of his hand.

''You did it. You did it!"

A nurse approaches them, a small bundle screaming all wrapped up against her and pushes his blanket over Lucas before placing the little boy against him.

His right hand is untied without him really knowing by whom and Lucas puts it directly next to Eliott's hand on their son. And the first thing that shocks him is his hair. He has a tuft of small blond hair standing on his head. The baby moves his face against him with his eyes closed and suddenly stops crying.

''What's wrong with him? Why isn't he crying anymore?"

The nurse smiles and pulls up the blanket to cover their son.

''He's calmed down. They don't ask him to scream for hours. Look how he's breathing. He's doing fine. Congratulations, dads. We're just giving him a few minutes because it's cold for him here."

Eliott starts crying, kisses him and then kisses their son's hairy head, not seeming to care about all the disgusting things Lucas sees inside. But it's true that if he could, Lucas would kiss him too. But since he can't move, he just gently caresses his skin covered with a whitish paste.

''He's got your hair, babe. Look how big he is. Fuck, he's perfect. Hello, Côme, we're really glad to meet you."

Eliott's kissing him again.

''I love you so much already.''

Lucas looks at the baby on his chest, can't believe he's the one kicking him again this morning. Eliott looks at him, visibly worried, and only then notices he hasn't spoken. He opens his mouth, but sobbing with joy comes out first.

"He's so beautiful. So perfect."

Eliott wipes away his tears before kissing him with a smile.

''You're perfect, Lucas, look what you've done.''

Lucas shakes his head, shaking Eliott's hand a little harder in his own, and caressing their son's cheek with his other hand.

''What we did. He's so big. Look at his fingers. Do you know that you are perfect, my little Côme? I'm so

"Shit!''

The doctor's voice startled Eliott and terrorized Lucas because it's clear that, given the tone of voice used, something is not going as planned.

''He broke it off. Okay, General, right away. Get the dad out."

His baby is ripped out of his chest at the same time Eliott's hand leaves his, but Lucas has no time to react that the anesthesiologist puts a mask over his face and everything goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first name Côme comes from the cosmos and means Universe. I liked this idea, I hope you like it too.
> 
> And now here's our Lulu scaring us...the question is: in what state will we find him in the next chapter?


	17. Someone waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about you, but I've always had very bad awakenings following an operation, and like my husband, my sister and my daughter too, I've had no good experience to tell about...
> 
> so that's why...

Lucas opens his eyes and the light blinds him. It's so fucking dark under this fucking bridge. But why did he come under that bridge? He doesn't really remember. He just knows that he's there, in the dark, waiting for Eliott.

''Lucas? Lucas?"

Lucas closes his eyes and pushes away the hand that tries to touch him.

''You are not Eliott.''

He tries to open his eyes again but he can't see anything because there is so much light.

''Lucas, it's okay. Welcome back with us.''

Lucas tries to think but it's like he's fogged in. He just remembers running like crazy to the Eliott Bridge, but he doesn't even know why he was running like that.

''My name is Chloe, I'm''

Lucas smiles without opening his eyes.

''I kissed a Chloe once. It's sad because I knew I was gay but I really wanted to be with her because she really wanted to be with me. But that's not what love is. That's not wanting to be with someone. When I'm with Eliott, I'm so... Eliott? Where is Eliott? I want Ellott."

The woman he doesn't know rests her hand on his and he violently pushes her away by opening his eyes. He jumps because he's not under the bridge and gives a cry of pain because this simple movement has just made his belly really hurt.

''It's all right, the operation is over. Your son is fine and you too. You're at the Hospital, do you remember?"

Lucas shakes his head, tears coming up in his eyes. He doesn't understand what she's talking about or why he's here when he was under the bridge waiting for Eliott just a few seconds ago.

"Eliott. Where is Eliott?"

The nurse talks with another woman and Lucas closes his eyes, too tired to keep them open.

''Eliott. I want him to find me. I found him. Now it's his turn."

The nurse puts her hand on his arm and gently caresses him.

''Your husband... Eliott, he's in the hospital chapel, an orderly is going to get him.''

Lucas starts laughing. It pierces his belly, it crushes his ribs but he can't stop.

''Eliott can't be''...

He laughs again, eyes closed, unable to stop, in spite of the pain, until someone takes his hand. Even totally foggy, even if he's half lost, he knows it's Eliott's hand as it slips into his.

''I'm here, babe I'm right here. Thank God. I love you so much."

Lucas opens his eyes, and Eliott smiles at him. It's clear he's been crying. Probably a lot. But now he smiles and Lucas smiles at him while squeezing his hand into his.

''You found me. I was waiting for you. You should have known I was under our bridge." 

Eliott kisses him gently on the cheek.

''I'm here, babe. I'm right here."

Eliott starts crying, putting his head on Lucas' shoulder.

''You scared me so much. I really thought you were gonna leave me alone."

Lucas closes his eyes, stroking his hair and smiles as he goes back to sleep.

''You're not alone anymore.''

When he wakes up the next time, everything is much less bright than the first time, but he feels like he's in a cloud because he feels so light. It's like he's floating.

Lucas looks at the guy next to him and smiles at him because he's really handsome. Hot. Sexy. He looks like a fucking Greek god and even though he has no idea what he's doing in his room, he's really glad he's here.

''Hi.''

The guy walks up to the bed and smiles at him, and that makes him even more handsome.

''Hi. How are you doing?"

Lucas looks at his blue eyes. They're much darker than his, but they're really intriguing and he could be lost in them for hours. Days. Years.

''I think I'll be okay as long as I look into your eyes. What's your name?"

The guy smiled at him, pushing the hair back from his forehead.

''You know my name. Morphine's got a weird effect on you, babe.''

Lucas widens his eyes as he looks at him and then frowns.

''Babe? I look like a baby? Nobody calls me that. Call me master. Or God. Yeah, God's fine.''

The guy laughs and Lucas closes his eyes smiling, happy to hear his laugh.

''I prefer to call you my husband, the love of my life or the man of my dreams. See you later, babe.''

Lucas really wants to open his eyes to see him again, but the sleep is too much.

When he wakes up, two nurses are around and smile at him.

''Ah, finally. We lowered the morphine dose. How's it going?"

Lucas has a headache, backache, legache. Everywhere in fact. He doesn't really know what happened or why he is in a hospital bed, but he is really cold.

''I'm cold."

The nurse brings him a blanket and tucks him in.

''It's normal, but it's okay, don't worry. With this extra, you should get warmer soon."

Lucas smiles as he closes his eyes.

''Call my boyfriend, he always has such a warm body. He looks like a mobile radiator."

He smiles as he thinks of how many times he has put his cold feet on Eliott.

"He says he doesn't like me putting my cold feet on him but I'm sure that's not true. He would miss it if I didn't."

Someone is laughing next to him but Lucas doesn't have the strength to open his eyes again.

''It's true. He moans, but he likes to be my personal heater. If you only knew how much I love him. You know, every time I see him, I tell myself I must be in a dream. And then when he gets naked, I tell myself that it's a fucking erotic dream and''

A sound of a chair being moved resounds and a hand slips into his.

''Lucas, I'm here, babe. I love you too."

The women laugh softly, but Lucas smiles and goes back to sleep, Eliott's hand clutching his.

Lucas wakes up with a start, and touches his belly, but his belly is ridiculously small, and even though he's wearing a hospital shirt, he feels the huge bandage covering his belly. He would be really worried if he didn't hear their son crying right next to him. He try to sit down, moaning and looks at Eliott trying to rock him while talking to him softly.

''It's all right, Côme, the nurse will be here soon.''

''Eliott? Is he all right? Why is he crying?"

Eliott turns around, surprised and looks at him, smiling.

"Are you really here this time?"

Lucas runs a hand through his hair, sits down a little more with a grin on his face, pulls up the back of his bed and nods, even though he doesn't really understand what Eliott means. Eliott comes over to kiss him and Lucas strokes the baby's cheek.

''Is he okay? Why is he crying?"

Eliott nods and Lucas strokes his little hair softly.

''He just woke up, he's been sleeping since he was born. Kind of like you, actually. It's been almost 5 hours. You are both real marmots. Do you want to take him against you?"

Lucas nods and Eliott opens the blanket in which their son is wrapped then lifts the blanket placed on Lucas and makes him take off one side of his blouse before putting the little boy, still screaming, against him.

''Hey little boy. Why are you crying like that? Here we are, the three of us."

Eliott puts his head against Lucas' and smiles.

''And this time, daddy isn't talking nonsense. Morphine's not for you, babe. With all the weed you've been smoking, I'm surprised you're having such an effect, but frankly I wish I'd filmed you. We'll have things to tell Côme about his birth, that's for sure. Every August 31, we'll tell him how his father made the nurses laugh."

Lucas looks up to the sky, vaguely remembering a few things, but anyway he knows that Eliott will tell him soon. The baby's crying becomes a little moaning and Lucas watches their son move without daring to touch him.

"I'm dreaming or is he crawling?"

Eliott nods and Côme rests his head against his chest and starts crying again.

"I'm going to see if I can find the nurse. He must be super hungry. He has done nothing but sleep since he was born. The nurses said it was normal because he was so tired from the birth, but I think he's been waiting for his daddy to wake up properly. Normally a nurse would bring me a box of bottles. Can I leave him like that for two seconds or should I put him back in the crib?''

Lucas puts both hands on their son, a little embarrassed by the catheter but shakes his head.

"No, go ahead."

Eliott kisses him and leaves the room. The sound of the door makes the baby start to cry again.

''No, don't cry. Daddy didn't mean it. Don't be afraid, Côme, it's all right now."

Lucas had been calling him by his first name ever since they found him, but now it's different. He can look at his blond hair standing up on his head, his little nose turned up and his thin lips.

''Côme...do you know that now you're going to be our universe?''

The little boy starts moving again, rubbing his nose against Lucas' chest and Lucas looks at him, completely amazed to see him move like that. And it's only when he grabs his nipple that Lucas remembers that Agnes had said it was part of the innate reflexes of babies. It hurts like hell because he's pulling at it like crazy and Lucas is gently trying to remove it, but he looks like a leech that refuses to let go of his prey.

Lucas feels like he's going to die of shame when the room door opens and it's not Eliott, but a nurse with a box.

''Oh. I must have the wrong room, I was bringing bottles for baby Demaury."

Lucas's cheeks are totally scarlet when he nods.

''That's him. I don't know how to get it off. Poor baby, he's probably starving to death."

The nurse puts down her cardboard box, disinfects her hands and has just stood next to them.

''Do you hear that noise? He's swallowing, so he's drinking. That's good, the colostrum is full of immune defenses."

She looks at Lucas and must see that he's definitely not comfortable because she's kind of making a sorry smile.

''Do you want me to take it off? You have to put your little finger in his mouth to get him to let go."

Lucas looks at his son, ready to say yes, but he opens his eyes at the same time so Lucas shakes his head.

''No, leave it. Just this once."

Eliott arrives just at that moment and stops, eyes wide open, while the nurse tells them to call if they need help.

''Come quickly, he opened his eyes."

Eliott joins them and strokes their son's cheek.

''Hey there. You really wanted to wait for Daddy, didn't you? You have pretty gray eyes, I'm sure they'll turn blue soon."

Eliott kisses his little hair and then comes over to kiss Lucas.

''Oh God, you guys are so beautiful. Why does that make me feel so good? I thought I could never love you more, and now you're making me realize I was wrong."

Lucas sighs and looks at him rolling his eyes.

''That's the only time. He grabbed my breast, he was hungry."

Eliott puts his head on Lucas' shoulder, gently caressing Côme's cheek.

"He was waiting for you."

Lucas sighs.

''It's weird. This is fucking weird."

Eliott shrugs his shoulders and rubs his nose in his neck.

''We like weird, don't we?''

Lucas laughs, not coming back that Eliott gives him that old line but stops because it makes his belly hurt.

''Yeah, we like weird, but don't dream, okay? It's a unique moment. Just for the immune system."

Eliott kisses him on the forehead and Lucas turns his head so he can kiss him properly.

"I really said a lot of nonsense?" Lucas ends up asking while caressing Côme's cheek. "Did everyone hear me saying nonsense? The nurses really laughed, didn't they?"

Eliott raises his eyebrows, smiling, wanting to be mysterious and then starts laughing.

''It could have been worse. So you were under our bridge, huh?"

Lucas thinks and then nods. Everything is vague in his memories, but yes, it seems to him that he was there.

''Yeah. I must have dreamt that. I don't know, it all happened so fast. What happened?"

Eliott sits on the bed next to him and gently wraps his arm around his shoulders so that Lucas can sit against him.

''The uterus ruptured and you hemorrhaged. The blood was running all over the floor in the O.R., it was worse than Alien. I think the surgeon's shoes are ruined. It was horrible. It took a long time but the doctor says everything is fine now."

Lucas puts his head against Eliott's chest and then moves slightly to look at him.

"Did you go to church?"

Eliott sighs but nods.

''It's a chapel. I didn't know what to do. The surgery seemed to take forever, and I really thought you were going to die."

Côme lets go of his breast and starts crying again. Lucas looks at the bottle box but he doesn't want to move or tell Eliott to move, and then he wants to give him the famous immune defenses that the nurse was talking about, so he just helps him switch sides, under Eliott's loving gaze.

''So you made a pact with God? What did you promise him if he let me live? Are we gonna have to go to church every Sunday?"

Eliott starts laughing, lining up his arm against Lucas' arm to help him support their son, before entangling their fingers.

''I insulted him and threatened him. I still don't know if he exists, but I think he's afraid of my anger."

Lucas laughs before resting his head against Eliott, who holds him a little tighter.

''We're all three of us now, we're going to be okay. Look how beautiful he is."

Eliott gently caresses the cheek of their son who has fallen asleep with his mouth open and Lucas lets his whole body relax, resting a little more against his husband.

''He's perfect. He's really tall, isn't he?''

Eliott nods and kisses him in the hair.

"55cm and 3kg560. The doctor says it's huge because he's a month ahead of schedule. He just needs to stay warm because his temperature is dropping fast, but otherwise he's fine.''

Lucas bends down to kiss his forehead before huddling again against Eliott.

''We did it. And he's perfect. Thank you for believing in me. I knew we would get there. I love you."

Eliott kiss him in his hair.

"I'm so proud of you. I love you too."

Côme let out a little moan and they look at him at the same time.

"We love you too."


	18. Someone who decides.

''So, how are my favorite dads?''

Lucas smiles as he looks at the doctor entering his room. Côme's asleep on his chest, held by his right arm and Eliott is still sleeping, coiled up against him, on his left.

''Didn't you ask the nurses for an extra bed?''

Eliott yawns and opens his eyes, then sits in the bed waving to the doctor.

"We don't have to, he wouldn't sleep in it. But we slept really well."

The doctor smiles and gently closes the bedroom door.

''Can I look at your bandages, Lucas? The nurse will change your catheters this morning".

Eliott gently takes Côme in his arms and kisses him before holding him.

''He hasn't eaten since last night? Do you think it's normal that he doesn't wake up more often? Shouldn't we have woken him up?"

Lucas giggles and then stops because the doctor presses on his stomach and it hurts like hell.

"He woke up at least three times to eat, but you were sleeping. I fed him, but I didn't change his diaper. Can you please do it?"

Eliott nods then frowns.

''Did you get up? How did you get the bottles?''

He turns to look at the bottle box, still on the small table, intact, and then smiles.

"Lucas, you didn't get up, I hope. You know you're not allowed to get up."

Lucas shakes his head while looking at the doctor.

''No. I have a quick question. If I finally want to continue breastfeeding him, will the fact that you've removed my female organs and I'm taking off the hormones stop it all, or do you think it might work?"

The doctor looks at him, visibly astonished, and Lucas has to make a superhuman effort to control the color of his cheeks and not feel like he's going to die of shame. But when he thinks back on what happened that night, he really wants to know if he can do it.  
When Côme first woke up, Eliott was really sound asleep, and since the evening and early night was really hard on him, Lucas really wanted to let him sleep, so he put Côme to the breast, and spent his time listening to make sure that he wasn't suckling for nothing, but he was forced to realize that he wasn't. So every time he woke up, he fed him and they went back to sleep. And in the end, the more he did it, the less weird it seemed, and the prouder it made him feel to see Côme, full to the brim.

"May I?"

Lucas nods and the doctor gently squeezes his breast, making cream-colored drops bead, and then nods.

''I would have seen everything with you. Honestly, if it works, why not. Women who had their uterus removed during a C-section can breastfeed, so I guess you can too. Try it, you'll see. If he grows well, then you can."

Lucas smiles and then crosses Eliott's gaze as he looks at him and says _"I knew you would change your mind, and I like to know you so well"._

The nurse who accompanied the doctor approaches Eliott and smiles.

''I think you have everything you need. Come on, I'll show you to the central nursery. Then you can go to the small nursery in front of the room to change him. ’’

''Could I get up soon?'' Lucas asks.

The doctor shakes his head and puts his hand on his forearm.

''Not until tomorrow, and that's not certain. You've lost a lot of blood, you need to rest. Don't try to get up by yourself."

Lucas sighs but nods, waving to Eliott who can leave him and watches him follow the nurse, Côme in his arms, before looking at the doctor again.

''And how many days before I can go out and back to home?''

The doctor smiles and taps his arm.

''You want to leave already? I told you five days, I think that's the minimum. We'll see how you are in five days, okay? Now I'd like to talk to you about the operation."

Lucas nods, touching his belly as a reflex.

"Eliott told me that it was complicated, but that now it was going to be okay."

The doctor nods, but looks at the door.

"I'm going to wait for him to come back. I didn't want to overload him too much yesterday, I preferred to wait until you are awake."

Lucas swallows while shaking his head.

''No. Tell me. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor puts his hand on his forearm and Lucas wants to yell at him to talk now instead of trying to wrap this announcement.

"Tell me."

''There was a tumor under the placenta. It's gone for analysis, we should have the results in 10 days."

Lucas nods gently, looking at the door, hoping Eliott doesn't come back now.

''How much chance do I have of it being cancerous?''

The doctor shrugs his shoulders.

''Frankly, I don't know. Since we didn't see it on the ultrasound, we don't know how long it's been there, or how it's evolved.''

Lucas nods and looks the doctor in the eye, wanting him to understand that he is serious.

''Not a word to Eliott, okay?''

The doctor frowns, but Lucas shakes his head to show he's really serious.

''I don't want him to know until we get the results back.''

''Lucas, you''

"I don't want him to worry and miss his son's first few days because he's worried or sad, or worse, because he regrets. I don't want him to look at his son and think that he's the reason I might die. I don't want him to think that this is God's way of punishing him for challenging him to a duel. Let's not tell him, okay? Not until we know how bad it's."

The doctor sighs and taps Lucas' arm.

''And how are you going to tell him in 10 days? He's gonna be angry at you for not telling him, right?"

Lucas shakes his head. 

''If I get cancer, he'll be too sad to be angry. And if I don't have anything, it wasn't worth wasting our first few days with Côme. I don't want to talk about it anymore until you get the results, okay?"

The bedroom door opens and the doctor gets up to watch Eliott come in, half laughing.

"He peed on me!"

The doctor smiles as he looks in the direction of Eliott.

''The joy of having a boy. My wife and I had four, and yet even the fourth one managed to surprise us with that"

He taps him gently on the back and then looks at Lucas and smiles at him.

''I'll come back to see you tomorrow morning, Lucas. Above all, rest. Are we agreed?''

Lucas nods and smiles.

''We agree.''

Eliott greets the doctor who leaves before putting Côme on the end of the bed to take off his shirt.

''If he does that every time, we're going to have laundry problems. You would see the package he has. He's got a huge one!"

Lucas looks at Eliott who laughs and then at their son and comes back to Eliott.

''Don't tell me you compared him to the other babies.''

Eliott rolls his eyes and then stops, laughing.

''It's not my fault, I was watching how did the mother next to me. I swear, her baby had a little one compared to Côme. I think the mother noticed it too."

Lucas laughs as he stretches out his arms for Eliott to give Côme to him. And it's when he sees the Eliott's smile, his laughing eyes and the way he looks at their son that he's sure he made the right choice. There's no need to worry for nothing. In 10 days the doctor will say it's benign and Eliott will never know.

''She must have thought he took after his father.''

Lucas hits Eliott's arm and he starts laughing before kissing him.

''Maybe I was talking about you.''

Lucas sighs and Eliott kisses him and then caresses their son's cheek, who turns his head to try to suck his finger.

''Can I give you time to take a shower? Do you need anything?"

Lucas shakes his head and smiles.

''No, I'm fine. Go ahead. I'm not getting out of this bed until tomorrow, apparently."

Eliott kisses him, puts a little kiss on their son's cheek. He opens his eyes, turns his head around and disappears into the bathroom.

Lucas sits down a little better, puts a cushion under his arm and puts their son against him. And when he sees him suckling, and he hears him swallowing, it's just incredible to see that his whole body had prepared for it. So okay, it's still a little weird, and he just can't imagine doing it in front of their friends or even their parents, but right now, as long as it's just the two of three of them, Lucas doesn't even think about how weird it is anymore, he's just proud of himself.

And he totally loses all sense of time when he look at their son. His golden hair standing on top of his head like the little spikes of a hedgehog, his little snub nose and the weird color of his eyes.

''You are so beautiful."

Lucas raises his head and smiles at Eliott.

''Are you talking to me or are you talking to our son?''

Eliott laughs and joins them, coming to sit at the edge of the bed, facing Lucas.

''To you. But you too are beautiful, my little boy. I love you so much. Give me five."

Eliott hits his fist against Côme's clenched fist before looking at Lucas and smiling.

''So? Do you want to breastfeed him?"

Lucas looks at their son and pouting and nods.

''He's the one who wants me to do it. Besides, it's economical. And natural. Don't tell me you don't want to do it anymore."

Eliott starts laughing before he kisses him and then bends over to kiss their son's cheek.

''It's not up to me. But apparently, it's not you either. Côme, You're going to lead your daddy by the nose."

Lucas rolls his eyes as he pushes him away.

''You won't get any better!''

Eliott shakes his head and smiles.

"I didn't say I was better. I'm totally in love and he doesn't have one day. But look how cute he's. If he's got your eyes, I'm screwed."

Lucas smiles as he switches Côme sides, because he just let go of his breast while crying. A knock on the door makes him startle and he almost wants to say, "No, don't come in," but the door is already opening. Eliott raises the sheet slightly on him, and Lucas smiles at him, thanking him for knowing him so well.

''Breakfast. What do you want to drink? Coffee, tea, chocolate?"

Eliott gets up and comes to take the trays with two coffees that he puts on the small table.

''A nurse will come around 10 am to pick you up to weigh him and make the first bath."

Lucas nods, looking at Côme who falls asleep while suckling and smiles.

''Maybe I can ask them to wait for the bath tomorrow. You could come, and''

Lucas shakes his head and smiles.

''No, I don't care. I feed him, you bathe him. But stop comparing the size of his package to other boys. As long as he's with one of his dads, I'm fine with it."

And frankly, when Eliott leaves pushing Côme's little crib, following the nurse who takes him to the nursing room, Lucas really means it.

But after ten minutes, he gets bored. And above all he wants to see his baby. He touches his belly, caresses a little round, as if by reflex, and feels empty. So he takes his phone and looks at the pictures he took of Côme that night. It's just totally crazy that he already misses him when yesterday at this time he didn't even know what he looked like.

His phone starts vibrating, making him jump and Lucas picks it up.

''Lulu? Where are you? We wanted to surprise you two and make one last Saturday video game marathon before the birth. We have croissants. Why don't you guys open up?"

Lucas smiles as he imagines their friends at the door of their apartment.

''We had a slight setback last night.''

''Okay... is everything okay?''

''Great. We were just about to call you."

The bedroom door opens, letting Eliott come back in with their crying little boy. And Lucas immediately forgets that he was on the phone with his friends, wedging the phone with his shoulder so he can take Côme that Eliott hands him.

''Oh my baby. Didn't you enjoy your bath?"

''A baby? Is it born? Is that who I hear?''

The cries of joy resound in the telephone that Lucas gives to Eliott, setting up Côme to feed him, or at least help him to calm down.

''He didn't like it at all. But look at his hair, it's too soft now."

''He has hair? What's his name? Is he okay? And Lucas? How is he?"

''They are both fine. Visitors are allowed at 2:00. Room 21.''

Lucas shakes his head, which makes Eliott's eyebrows frown.

''Yes, of course. Thanks, Baz! See you later!"

Lucas sighs as he watches Côme calm down, sobbing a little and Eliott puts his phone on the bedside table.

"What did I say wrong?"

Lucas sighs and looks at him.

''I don't think I would feel comfortable doing it in front of them. And if he's hungry when they're here, how do we do it?"

Eliott smiles and bends over to kiss him.

''I'll get them out for as long as it takes, they'll understand. Do you want me to tell them to come tomorrow, or wait till we get home? We do whatever you want, babe, you're the most important. I want you to be comfortable but you have nothing to be ashamed of, you know? Should I call them back?

Lucas shakes his head and smiles.

''No, I can't wait to introduce him to the gang. Should we call our parents?"

Of course, their moms start crying and screaming for joy when they call them. Everybody knew he was supposed to be born on September 3, so it's really a surprise. Eliott's father laughs, saying that he already has his father's spirit of contradiction.

Lucas looks at their son, falls asleep against his breast and nods. He already has his father's determination, that's for sure.

''And the same passion for your breasts and your milk.'' Adds Eliott once he hangs up.

Lucas grabs his pillow and hits him with it, calling him a jealous-coarse and laughing. They are so busy laughing that they don't even notice the nurse coming in the room to do Lucas' treatments and who smiles as she looks at them.

"I really like the atmosphere in this room."

Lucas smiles as he puts the pillow down. He totally agrees. And it's clear that the mood in the room wouldn't be the same if Eliott knew they were waiting for the results of a biopsy. So he puts this information in the corner of his head and decides not to think about it anymore until he gets the results.


	19. Someone to introduce

''Knock knock knock...is my little buddy''

Basile stops talking, widening his eyes as if he had just seen an alien and Lucas starts laughing because Yann and Arthur make exactly the same face.

Eliott is sitting in the armchair, Côme asleep in his arms and he smiles at them.

''Côme, I think your uncles are happy to see you."

The three boys slowly approach, pulling behind them candies floating in the air, including one in the shape of a dinosaur that reminds them all too well of the one they had bought when they came to see Arthur in the hospital after his accident. Basile puts five cups of coffee on the small table, and seeing where they come from, Lucas is sure that there is his favorite Ethiopian coffee and that it was Eliott who asked him to bring it back.

"Côme?'' asks Basile, ''Yeah, that's cool. I like it."

''It's crazy how much hair he has!'' said Arthur, caressing him gently, ''Oh they are too soft!''

"He's so small." Said Yann before turning to Lucas, "And you, how are you? Why was it brought forward? The girls almost cancelled their girls' day before Daphne's baby birth, but Imane said that there would be too many of us if we all came at the same time, so they'll come tomorrow.'' 

Lucas smiles at his best friend.

''That's nice. He was in a hurry to come and meet us. Some complications, but I'm okay. They're giving me a lot of painkillers so right now I'm not even really in pain.''

Côme passes from arm to arm, not seeming to care who carries him as long as he's rocked, until he starts screaming in Basile's arms.

''Oh, boy. Eliott, take him back!"

Eliott looks at him smiling but takes a sip of coffee with a smile on his face.

''Soon it'll be your turn, Baz. It's giving you a workout."

Basile looks at Côme who cries and shakes his head.

''I don't think I'm ready. Guys, help me. What do I do?"

Lucas reaches out for Basile to give him and puts him to his breast without even thinking. It's only when he sees his friends' faces and the silence in the room that he realizes what he's just done.

"Do you want we go out, babe?" Eliott asks softly and smiles.

Lucas shrugs his shoulders then shakes his head.

''No, it's okay. Unless you want go out, guys.''

Lucas looks at their friends who are no longer giving signs of life and snaps his fingers.

''Oh, I'm just feeding him. Don't look me like that."

Basile sits in the chair and sighs.

''That, I couldn't do it. Honestly, I thought I was ready, but when I see how small he is, I'm terrified."

Eliott brings him his cup of coffee and gently rubs his shoulder.

''But no, Baz, don't worry about it. It'll be easier because he'll be yours. What do you think? Of course we're scared, but as long as we're together, we'll be fine. Daphne will be with you. Don't worry, it'll be fine."

Basile smiles at him, seeming reassured, then looks at Lucas.

"Can I ask a question about breastfeeding?"

Lucas sighs as he looks at him.

''No. Baz please, no.''

Basile lowers his head, biting his lower lip and Lucas crosses Yann and Arthur's gaze and look up to the sky.

''Okay. Sorry. Go ahead Baz, ask your question."

Basile smiles and takes a sip of his coffee.

''Did you have to shave your hair or do you think he could have sucked even if you hadn't?''

Lucas bursts out laughing. He was expecting ''but why did you change your mind? Does it hurt? Are you sure you have milk? Are you sure that's enough for him?"...but no, Baz just wants to talk about his hair.

''I don't have hair in my torso, Baz. We're not all monkeys like you."

''Hey!'' Baz moans, ''Not even a bit? Look at Arthur, he's got a few hairs duelling auround his nipples.''

"Are we really talking about our hair?" Arthur asks "Are we back in high school?"

Yann starts to laugh while shaking his head.

''We didn't talk about our hair in high school!''

The guys look at him and then look at Lucas who blushes, remembering their fucking discussion about having to shave his pubic hair before having sex for the first time. Eliott bursts out laughing and comes over to kiss him before kissing their son's hair.

''And it doesn't hurt you?'' asks Yann.

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

''No, it's okay. It's just weird, but pleasantly weird."

Yann nods with a smile.

''Okay. Cool."

Lucas looks at his friends and then smiles. They are invasive and wild, but they are really open and always present.

"Isn't caffeine a bad idea if you're breast-feeding?"

Lucas frowns in the direction of Basile who smiles at him like an idiot and then looks at Eliott. It's true that he didn't really listen to that part of the classes with Agnes.

''Who cares, baby, a cup of coffee won't make a difference. It's all right. It's okay. Enjoy your coffee, you've earned it."

Lucas sticks his tongue out at Basile in response, and Basile does the same to him before the five of them burst out laughing. And finally they spend the afternoon talking and laughing in a really relaxed atmosphere. They are still laughing when two hours later, Eliott's parents arrive with Lucas' mom. It had been agreed that Eliott's parents would pick up his mother to take her to discover the baby and Lucas is really happy to see them discover their grandson together.

''Okay, we'll leave you.'' Yann says, gently tapping Lucas' shoulder ''We'll be back tomorrow after the girls. Quickly."

Lucas smiles and nods as he watches his mother holding back her tears as Eliott drops Côme in his arms.

''I present you Côme. Look, sweetheart, your grandmas and grandpa came to see you."

Eliott lets Lucas' mom take the baby and looks at his dad smiling.

"Grandpa."

He starts laughing and his father laughs as he approaches Lucas' bed.

''He looks so big. Are you sure he was born early?" asks Eliott's mom.

Eliott and Lucas smile and nod.

''How are you doing, son?'' asks his dad.

Lucas smiles when he notices that the question is addressed to him, and smiles a little more when he sees Eliott's happy face when he realizes that the question is for him.

''That's okay. I feel a little trapped in this bed, but I'm fine. The doctor says I could get up tomorrow.''

''He said maybe.'' Reminds Eliott with a smile.

Eliott's father sits on the edge of the bed and smiles at him.

''Did the surgery go well?''

Lucas hesitates but finally shakes his head.

''No, not really. But it's okay now. It's going to be all right."

Eliott's hand slips into his and Lucas squeezes it a little tighter so he can look at him.

''It's okay, my love. It's far away."

Eliott sighs as he looks at him.

''That was yesterday, babe. And it was awful."

Eliott hugs him as if all the pain he felt during Lucas' surgery is coming back to him.

''Hey, I didn't want to make you sad, Eliott. I'm fine now."

Lucas almost blames himself for not telling Eliott the truth, but seeing how exhausted and saddened he's by everything he went through yesterday, he knows he's doing the right thing. Eliott's mother tries to put Côme in her husband's arms but he raises his arms in surprise.

''Oh no. I'm going to break him. It's too small. He's very handsome, but I'll hug him when he can walk."

Eliott's mom looks up to the sky and returns to Lucas'mom with Côme in her arms.

''Eliott, are you okay?'' asks his father, ''Are you taking your medication properly?''

Eliott nods and sighs in Lucas' neck.

''I'm just tired. It's been really hard. Lucas almost died, and"

Eliott starts to cry and Lucas holds him tight.

''I'm here. It's over. We're all three here, now.''

Eliott's father slowly moves closer and puts his hand on his son's shoulder.

''You know, when you were born, your mother hemorrhaged. Even now it's still the most traumatic day of my life. That's why you're an only child. I love you very much, but your birth will always be the day I almost lost my wife, and even now it's hard sometimes when I think about it."

Eliott breaks away from Lucas to go into his father's arms and gives him a hug before sighing.

"Thanks dad."

His father smiles and then looks at his wife rocking the baby while Lucas' mom sings him something.

''The only funny thing is that they gave her laughing gas to relax her, and all she did was talk bullshits for two hours.''

Eliott starts laughing and he comes back to snuggle up with Lucas.

"Lucas asked me to call him Master when he woke up. He flirted with me and he made an incredible number of declarations of love to me before saying things that are forbidden to chaste ears.''

His father starts laughing and Eliott smiles before resting his head on Luca's shoulder. Lucas looks at their moms laughing around the baby, not even seeming to have heard the whole conversation.

"You're lucky. Your mom said me, I'm the devil and she's never going to let me near her again."

Côme starts crying and Lucas immediately turns his head to look at him. His mother sits in the armchair, gently rocking him before looking at him.

"It's time for his bottle? Can I give it to him?"

Eliott stands up to look at him and Lucas puts his hand on his forearm.

''It's okay, they can stay.'' He takes a slight breath and looks at his mother. ''He doesn't take a bottle, I'm breastfeeding him. Can you give him to me, please?"

All three parents are frozen for a few seconds before smiling. His mother brings Côme to him and looks at him, as if she was expecting him to play a joke on her, so she opens her eyes a little wider when Lucas puts his son to the breast.

''But does it work?" she ends up asking.

''He's only lost 30g since yesterday.'' Eliott says ''So apparently it's working very well. You've made a really incredible son.''

Eliott's mom moves closer to the bed to look at them, and frankly at that moment, Lucas feel really uncomfortable and almost regrets telling them to stay.

"It's so beautiful. It reminds me of when it was you, Eliott. It seems so long ago but it was only a few years ago."

Eliott chokes on his own saliva, making everyone laugh before he sighs.

''Okay, thanks mom. We agree it was a long time ago."

Eliott's mother smiles as she looks at Lucas, totally ignoring her son.

''It lasted almost three years, though. He was never ready to stop. Good luck if he's same his father."

Lucas bursts out laughing and Eliott gives him a elbow so Lucas pinches his lips to say nothing, but his cheeks which take a pretty red color betray his thoughts. Yet the sentence ''Eliott is still obsessed by breastfeeding'' turns in his head.

"Okay, now that your mom has embarrassed you, you must be in a hurry that we leave. Well done, honey. Leave him alone."

Lucas strokes Eliott's cheek and Eliott hugs him so he can look at their son.

''No, it's okay. I'm just tired. Last night was a really rough night."

His father nods and smiles at him.

''Do you want us to give you a ride home when you leave?''

Eliott smiles and shakes his head, intertwining his fingers with those of Lucas.

''I'll stay with Lucas and Côme until they are allowed out. We'll go home together."


	20. Someone angry.

''I assure you I can stand up. I want to get out of this fucking bed."

Lucas looks at his son, just asleep in the little crib next to his bed and sighs.

''Sorry, baby."

He looks at the two nurses again and pouting.

''Please, it's been two days, I can't take this anymore. I want to be able to go to the bathroom and wash up. Please. The doctor said I could do it yesterday."

''And finally he said it was better to wait because your blood pressure was too low. You have to do it gradually, Lucas."

Lucas sighs and sits down, putting his feet on the edge of the bed.

''Look, I can sit down. Come on, I just want to get up and take a shower. Otherwise my husband will help me."

Eliott looks at him and immediately shakes his head.

''What? No! I want the nurses to say it's okay, and then I'll help you."

Lucas gives him a blank look, but Eliott still smiles tenderly at him.

''Come on!'' moans Lucas ''Look, I'm ready!''

He stands up and the two nurses sigh as they approach him.

"You see! Everything is going"

Lucas closes his eyes for just two seconds because his head starts to turn and he immediately feels Eliott grabbing him.

''Breathe, Lucas.'' said one nurse, ''Do you want to lie down?''

Lucas tries to shake his head but it's as if his body doesn't want to answer him anymore, and then there's a whistling in his ears that gets really annoying.

''Okay, let's stretch him out.''

Lucas takes a step backwards to get to the bed, but his leg in front of him is very soft and he loses his balance. He feels like he's lifted off the ground, but all he can see is black and can't hear anything but the shrill ringing in his ears.

When Lucas regains consciousness, he's lying in bed and Eliott gently strokes his forehead.

"Stop playing hard to get. Let me pamper you, babe."

Lucas sighs as he looks at the bathroom door.

''I just wanted to take a shower. Damn it. Can we try this again later?"

The nurse gently taps him on the ankle so Lucas looks at her and she shakes her head.

''We'll try again tomorrow, Lucas. Really get some rest in the meantime. We'll test your iron levels to see if you need a transfusion."

Lucas sighs and Eliott nods.

''He's going to rest.''

Since it's back-to-school Monday, their friends hadn't planned to come today. And although Lucas was really happy to see them, it's easier to get some rest when it's just the three of them. Eliott closes the shutters of the room, plunging it into darkness and decrees that as long as Côme sleeps, they must sleep too. 

Lucas sulks against his chest, then sighs and finally closes his eyes while Eliott gently caresses his neck.

''Sleep and let me take care of you. I'm here, babe, I'm taking care of you two."

Lucas sighs again and takes Eliott's hand in his own, so he's sure to be awake if Eliott moves.

When he wakes up because Côme's crying, Eliott is still asleep and that makes Lucas smile. He stands up and pulls his arm to grab the cradle but it has been placed too far away from him. He sits on the edge of the bed and sighs. He would only have to take two steps to take it without waking up Eliott. He puts his foot on the floor but sighs, already imagining himself falling on the cradle or worse, taking Côme in his arms and making him fall on the floor. So, he turns slightly to look at Eliott and caresses his cheek.

''My love, I need some help."

Eliott yawns and then opens his eyes, grimacing before looking around him as if he has forgotten where they are. He smiles at him then gets up and goes to get their son.

"He's soaked. Wait, I'll change him. Thanks for waking me up."

Lucas sighs and sits back in his bed, already eager to hold their baby again. But that was without counting on the nurse coming into their room.

''Ah! He's awake. The pediatrician is waiting for him for his visit on the third day and the weigh-in."

''Now? He's hungry." Says Eliott as he finishes preparing clean clothes.

''It won't take long.'' Promises the nurse. ''I've been here twice already but I wanted to let you sleep. You are the last ones."

Lucas watches them leave, trying to smile at Eliott, and he spends the next ten minutes looking at the door, hoping it will open again. Which was totally idiotic because Lucas hears them coming long before the door opens. Côme's an angry red ball of anger, only half dressed and he's screaming so loud it almost hurts his ears.

Eliott puts him in his arms before closing the door and Lucas immediately feels wet. Two halos form on his shirt and he sighs before taking it off. Côme moves his head in all directions, super pissed off and doesn't even seem to see that Lucas is offering him to suckle.

''Hey, it's over, baby. It's all over. You can eat now."

Lucas wonders how he can even breathe so angrily, and as Eliott joins them, he feels so useless, stuck in that bed for three days, not even able to calm their son, that he starts crying.

''Hey, babe, it's okay, he's just angry.''

Lucas rocks Côme, trying to put him to the breast but he keeps screaming as if nothing can ever comfort him. Eliott dries Lucas' tears, repeating to him that all is well and gently caresses Côme's head which seems inconsolable. Lucas blows a blow then grabs his phone. As soon as the music starts, Côme's startled and stops shouting instantly, so Lucas starts crying again, but this time with happiness. Eliott puts his forehead against his own and smiles, drying his tears with his thumb before looking at their son. 

''Do you recognize your dads' song? It's beautiful, isn't it? It was to this music that I realized how surprising your father was. It's a beautiful love song.''

Eliott moves him slightly, and Lucas grinds as Côme begins to suckle. It becomes painful but it doesn't last long, afterwards it even becomes almost pleasant. Lucas closes his eyes, letting the music invade him and then sighs as he looks at Eliott.

''I can't wait to get home and let him listen to it for real. I want to play.''

Eliott kisses him and strokes his cheek.

''I know, and you will soon. You just need to rest until then, okay?"

Lucas nods and opens his arm for Eliott to come and snuggle with him.

''You got a leak, babe.''

Lucas wipes the tear from the edge of his eye with a smile.

''Sorry, it's because''

Before he even fully understands it in his head, Eliott leans forward and licks his chest, right down to his nipple.

''That's what I was talking about. Fuck, it's got a different taste."

Lucas blinks twice as he looks at him licking his lips and Eliott starts laughing.

''What? What did I do?"

Lucas looks up to the sky, trying to repress the little smile that wants to get on his lips.

''You're smiling! Stop pretending you're embarrassed. You're not embarrassed with me. You have no right to be uncomfortable with me."

Lucas raises a laughing eyebrow.

''Oh, no?''

Eliott shakes his head and locks himself against him.

''No, it's my marital privilege. You know I would never judge you. And you never judge me. But if you don't want me to, that's different, so if you don't want me to"

''That's good.'' Lucas cuts him off. "Don't lecture me about consent again. It's okay, I don't mind. But I like it better when it's just the two of us."

Eliott caresses Côme's head with his eyes closed.

''He didn't see anything. And then when he grows up I'll steal a piece of his snack, and then it's the same thing. Do you share my son?"

Their son emits a kind of grunt and they look at each other then burst out laughing.

''I'm not sure that was a yes. So what did the doctor say?"

Eliott settles down a little better and puts his head against Lucas' shoulder.

"She said he's in great shape, he's only lost 40 grams, so she thinks he'll start gaining weight again tomorrow. She said he's cute."

Lucas smiles as he looks at him.

''That's clear. And she said when can he come out?"

Eliott smiles and kisses him.

''When you're ready.''

Lucas sighs as he looks at Côme, asleep against him, probably exhausted from his anger.

''So I'm the reason we're going to be here for a long time, then? I want to go home, I don't like hospitals."

Eliott smiles and kisses him before getting up, closing the shutters and taking off his shirt. He forces Lucas to push himself, takes Côme delicately which he puts on his chest then pulls Lucas so that he comes to land on him too.

"If you want to go home, you have to rest. Go to sleep."

Lucas sighs but puts his head on Eliott's chest, right next to their son who is sleeping soundly. He delicately places his hand on the one Eliott has placed on Côme back before putting the blanket on the three of them, then closes his eyes.

When he wakes up, he immediately sees the two meal trays placed on the small table but Eliott and Côme are still sleeping. He really needs to pee so he grabs the drip hanging on his bed and gets up without making any noise.

It's only when he hears the sound of his pee in the toilet that he realizes that he hasn't heard that for a while and that he remembers that he wasn't allowed to get up. The bathroom door opens almost at the same time and Eliott gives him a gentle hug.

''Wait, I'm not finished.''

Eliott doesn't let go of him but Lucas doesn't care, it's not the first time he has peed in front of him. Eliott sighs as he lines up his back against his chest.

''What are you doing standing up?''

Lucas gets dressed and flushes the toilet before turning around and smiling.

"I forgot that I wasn't allowed to get up. Let me go back to bed and the nurses won't find out."

Lucas's almost in bed when the nurses enter the room.

''Okay, we were just coming to try again, but I see it's okay. Oh God, I hate this king of patient.''

Lucas sits on the bed smiling, caressing Côme's belly which is still sleeping in his crib.

''I'm okay. Do you think I can take a shower? If my husband stays with me just in case?"

Eliott smiles and Lucas rolls his eyes because he knows what he's thinking, but no, it's not just an excuse to shower with him. He need a hot shower. He need a shampoo.

''Wait a minute. Let's start by eating, already. There's a microwave in the hallway."

Lucas nods as he sits on his bed and Eliott grabs the dishes to go warm them up. Lucas eats to please and because he really wants to get home as soon as possible, but it's really not very good. 

''Even your weird kitchen miss me.'' Declares Lucas before laughing, making Eliott laugh at the same time.

Côme wakes up and Lucas asks Eliott to help him, but for the first time he's the one who changes his diaper. Soon they will surely fight over who will take care of it, but he's happy to do it. Côme sucks his fists, pees on them and then resumes sucking with his fists while Lucas laughs.

''It's true that he has a big one. Do you think that's normal?"

Eliott laughs as he kisses him on the neck, not caring at all about the other couples watching them.

''Yeah, the doctor said everything was working perfectly. He'll have to have an ultrasound at a month to find out if he's like you or not, inside."

Lucas nods, trying to close the pajamas the right way. He hadn't actually thought about that. What should they do if Côme has the same deformity? Should they operate to prevent cancer? Or should they leave him alone so that he can do what his fathers did?

''And if he's, what do we do?'' Lucas whispers'' Can you imagine, if my parents had had me operated on as a kid, Côme wouldn't be here"

Eliott helps him into his pajamas without moving from behind Lucas, and it makes him feel like he has four hands. Lucas takes Côme against him, avoiding the place where his shirt is full of pee and Eliott kisses him in the neck.

''We'll see, okay? There's no point in worrying as long as we don't know, okay? For now, let's just enjoy the three of us."

Lucas nods and kisses him before going back to their room. And for the next five days, that's all they do: take care of the baby, feed him, change him, and rest when he sleeps.

And frankly, Lucas already feels like he's going to freak out. So when the doctor comes to see his scar, he gets half angry.

''Tell me you're letting me out. I can't take it anymore. I want to go home and be able to sleep without being woken up by the nurses or the meal times. I want to be able to eat at a table. I want to play the piano. I want to watch TV without being afraid to wake my baby. I want to take a real shower with my husband without fear of being surprised. I want to sleep without being afraid that someone will come and kidnap my baby. I want to go home. You said 5 day, that's actually 8!''

The doctor smiles and nods.

''It's okay, I'll let you out. But about this shared shower, I hear it's a shower, okay? You need to take it easy, Lucas. Just stay calm about the sexual activities. Your body needs to get over it anyway. Go home but take things slowly. Don't try to do too much, Lucas."

Lucas nods but hasn't really listened since the doctor said he could go out. At last! The doctor turns to Eliott and taps him gently on the shoulder with a smile.

''Courage. He looks like a lion in a cage. He needs to rest, okay?"

Eliott nods and sighs when he sees that Lucas is already packing his things in his suitcase.

''We're going home, Côme, we're going home! At last!"


	21. Someone in a hurry.

Lucas takes the key out of his pocket, almost shaking with excitement. He's so excited that he can't even get the key into the lock.

''Babe, calm down. Wait a minute."

Eliott puts the bags on the floor before putting his hands on Lucas' shoulders.

''Look at him and breathe softly. It's all good."

Lucas pushes a piece of the scarf to watch Côme sleeping against Eliott and he immediately feels calmer.

"Sorry. I'm so happy. The real family start now. I'm so excited."

Eliott kiss him.

''Just calm down and it's going to be okay, baby. We're okay, we're going home."

Lucas hates himself when he looks into Eliott's eyes and nods. There's a little voice inside him that thinks he should stop lying to his husband and tell him that maybe in a couple of days they're going to know he's not okay, but he can't bring himself to do it.

''Babe? Are you okay?"

Lucas hugs Eliott, hugging himself next to Côme and sighs as Eliott hugs him. They stay a few seconds like that, and then Lucas unties himself to go open their door. He grabs the bags and smiles as he watches Eliott bring their baby home. Eliott closes the door and takes Côme out of the wrap, a huge smile on his face.

''Look, Côme, this is our house.''

He puts the little one in one of his arms and puts his other arm around Lucas' shoulders to gently push him into the living room. He pulls him to the couch but Lucas tries to free himself from his hold.

''Wait, I have to put the stuff away. We have to set up everything we'll need for take care of him."

''Shtt, come here. We just need to enjoy a little time together. We'll have time to tidy everything up. Come give us a hug."

Lucas looks at Eliott, now sitting on the couch, and smiles as he snuggles up against him. Côme looks at them and Lucas gently caresses his hand while Eliott kisses him in the hair. Lucas lays his head against Eliott's chest, continuing to caress their son's hand and it just seems incredible to him to be able to experience this.

And all of a sudden, he feels awful that he didn't tell Eliott. If the results are bad, it's going to be a real blow to him. Lucas looks at Côme and then at Eliott and straightens up slightly.

"My love, I wanted to tell you''

The apartment doorbell rings, followed by a muffled scream behind the door and insults. Lucas stands up with a sigh and opens the door, revealing their friends arguing.

''What if the baby's asleep? Are you stupid or what?"

''It's okay, I only rang the bell once, I didn't let my finger hit the doorbell, either.''

''Even then, you could have knocked. You could"

Lucas clears his throat and their friends jump up and down before they start laughing.

''It was Arthur who rang!''

Lucas smiles and lets them in. The guys have pizza, beer, sodas and cakes, while the girls are carrying presents, each one looking bigger than the next, and even though he doesn't know what they are, Lucas's already wondering where they're going to put it all.

"My kitten! How are you? Where's my favorite baby?"

"Don't look any further, I'm here!'' answers Camille, making everyone laugh.

Lucas laughs, happy to see that he can do it without a stomach ache now.

''Oh, he's changed so much! Hi sweetie."

Lucas rolls his eyes as he looks at Mika.

''You saw him three days ago.''

Mika sits next to Eliott who puts Côme in his arms.

''Yes, but now his eyes are open. Oh little prince, you happy to be home?"

"Lucas, Eliott, come open the presents," says Daphne waving to them.

They tell them again that they didn't need presents, but all their friends roll their eyes and they spend the next twenty minutes discovering clothes, stuffed animals, including a teddy bear with a nice t-shirt ''Only my best friend can nibble my ear'', dozens of clothes ''I love my dads, I'm a pride or love is love", as well as a book on sign language taught to babies, a deckchair that turns into a cradle and then a high chair, which is great because it doesn't take up too much space, toys and a birth book to fill in, which has as cover one of the photos of Lucas' belly the day Eliott drew on it.

"We did it ourselves." Emma says, smiling, "There was nothing in the store for two dads."

Lucas opens it and looks at the pages, smiling. He couldn't have dreamed of something more personalized.

"Thanks, it's perfect. Thank you so much."

They settle in as best they can with the number they are, but Lucas's happy. He grabs a slice of pizza while watching Maya gently rocking Côme while Lola talks with Eliott and he smiles. 

"To Côme!" declares Yann while raising his beer "To the small miracle. He's the proof that nothing is impossible!''

"And to Lucas who has worked really well!'' says Arthur, smiling.

Lucas winks at Eliott and smiles when he raises his coke.

''It was a team effort.''

Basile sighs and caresses Daphne's belly.

''All that's missing is you in the band, Jules. We waiting for you."

Daphne strokes her belly and puts her head on Basile's shoulder.

''Only two and a half weeks left. I'm sure he's looking forward to it as much as we are."

Lucas has just enough time to finish his slice of pizza that Côme starts crying so he takes him and sits on the couch to feed him. Daphne smiles and comes and sits down next to him.

"It looks so easy when I watch you do it. I'd really like to breastfeed him, but everyone says it's hard and I'm afraid I won't be able to do it."

Lucas strokes Côme's head and smiles.

"He's the one who did it all, I don't deserve any credit. He was determined. But I'm sure it's going to be okay."

Lucas strokes her shoulder, smiling at her, wanting to reassure her, then he frowns, feeling the humidity reaching his thigh.

"Shit, he's got a leak again. I don't know how he does it but his pee overflows all the time.''

Lucas touches Côme's pyjamas which are totally dry and then sees Daphne's panicked face.

"Did just break your waters on my couch?"

Daphne nods, outright scared to death and Lucas smiles at her before looking at their friends eating and laughing around the kitchen table.

"Baz! Your call has been heard! Your baby is coming!"

The whole table turns to them and Daphne stands up, trying to squeeze her legs together, but still flooding the floor.

''I'm sorry. Shit, it's everywhere and"

Daphne folds in half while standing on the sofa and Basile immediately comes to caress her back.

''Breathe, honey. Just breathe. So what do we do now? What do we do?"

Arthur puts his hands on Basile's shoulders while Lola comes to hugging her sister.

"You're gonna go to the hospital and have your baby. And it's gonna be okay, Baz," says Arthur softly. "You're going to become a dad."

Basile looks at him and starts to jump at the same time as Arthur, shouting with joy.

''We're having our baby. We're having our baby!"

''We came by car!'' says Mika ''Come on, we'll ride you to the hospital.''

Daphne starts moaning and trying to breathe and nods.

''Yeah. We have to go right now. We're gonna"

Daphne starts screaming and Lucas frowns. Of course, their bodies are different, but he wasn't in that much pain while he was in labor. It didn't last long, but he had time to feel several, and frankly he wasn't in as much pain as Daphne makes him feel, and he knows that Daphne isn't the kind of person who hurts for nothing.

''I...''

Daphne takes a step and then shakes her head.

"He's there. He's coming down." She crosses her legs and starts crying, ''He's coming. He's fucking here."

Daphne lies down on the floor and Eliott immediately comes and puts a folded blanket under her back and puts her head on his thighs as they learned in class.

"I call the firemen!" Emma shouts.

"Imane, look!" shouts Alexia, "You saw that in med school, right?"

Imane shakes her head, totally freaked out. Lucas had never seen her like that, so insecure. It doesn't look so much like her that it's afraid to see.

''Just in theory. I can't deliver her."

Daphne starts screaming and Lucas takes Côme from his breast to give him to Camille because he's the closest to him. Everybody is talking too loud and running around, but he only sees Daphne who's totally panicking.

"Stop!"

Everyone stops except Daphne who continues to scream.

''I can feel him, Lucas, he's here.''

Lucas takes a breath and nods and crouches down beside her.

''Imane, come here. Look, help her. Do something about it. You can do it! Someone go outside and signal to the fire department we're here. Lola, grab some towels from the bathroom. Baz, you told us you've already help a cow to give birth, right?"

Daphne hits him on the arm and Lucas smiles.

''Yeah, sorry about the comparison.''

Lola brings them a large towel while Imane looks under Daphne's dress.

''Damn, the head is there! Where are the firemen? We can't wait! Ok, Baz help me."

Lucas grabs Daphne's hand and Daphne folds back on herself, moaning.

"Don't hold him back. It's no use, he's got to get out. Now. We're here with you."

Basile starts to cry, almost shaking.

''He has my hair. He's got my hair, honey!"

''Oh my God, poor guy.'' Laughs Arthur.

''Baz, grab him, do something.'' Eliott says, who's always supporting Daphne's head, ''You have to guide him, shoulder after shoulder. Remember the lessons."

Basile and Imane nods, and frankly Lucas doesn't want to know what they're doing or what they're seeing, but the next minute a little scream is echoing through their apartment. A little scream that quickly becomes louder and louder. Basile pulls it towards him, his eyes completely wide open before putting him against Daphne. Côme starts to cry, as if he was answering him, and they all start to smile, frankly relieved. Lola puts another towel on the newborn and hugs her sister.

''Fuck, you're incredible.''

Lucas steps back and pulls Basile's shoulder out to he take his place.

''Hi Jules. Oh, my God, you look so handsome."

He looks at Daphne and kisses her gently.

"I'm so proud of you."

Daphne sighs and rests her head on Eliott's thighs.

''I hate you so much. You'll never touch me again. It hurts all over."

Basile kisses her gently and Lucas gets up to pick up Côme who is still crying in Camille's arms.

''You were great, honey. I love you so much. Look at him."

Daphne looks at him smiling and then caresses Basile's cheek.

''He's perfect. I love you too. Look, he's so beautiful."

Lucas looks at the soaking wet couch, thinking he's going to sit somewhere else, when the firemen come running in with Maya.

''Barely too late.'' Mika says, sitting in a chair, ''Damn, that was so intense.''

Lucas nods as he looks at the mess in their apartment and suddenly he feels like he's leaving. He quickly puts Côme back in Camille's arms, almost feeling like he's throwing him, so much he does it quickly, and then faints.


	22. Someone to hold

''What do we do? Do you want us to take him to the hospital, too?"

Lucas opens his eyes and smiles at his husband's worried face.

''I don't know. How are you doing, babe? Do you want to go to the hospital for a check-up?"

Lucas smiles and breathes softly.

''No. I'm okay. It was just a lot of emotion, I think. It's okay. Where's Côme?"

Eliott smiles and kisses him on the forehead.

''He fell asleep. He must have realized that you were out of order for the moment. He's fine."

The firefighter removes an armband from his arm and Lucas smiles, not even noticing that his blood pressure was being taken.

''His blood pressure's coming back up. Should we take you to the hospital?"

Lucas shakes his head as he sits down.

''No, it's okay. I just got out of hospital, I had surgery last week. I just need to rest. I'm sorry. I didn't expect to help a friend's for birth at home today. It was intense. Are they okay?"

''They're doing great." Eliott says, ''Thank you very much, but I don't think he needs to go back to the hospital, he's just going to rest.''

The fireman nods and leaves the apartment. Eliott helps him to stand up and guides him to the bedroom. Lucas looks at Côme who's sleeping in Alexia's arms and stops.

"Wait, he was hungry, he''

Eliott shakes his head and opens the bedroom door.

''I'll bring him to you if he wants to eat. You need to rest. We'll clean up and I'll come with you, okay?"

Alexia enters the room just as Lucas slips into bed and puts Côme in the crib before putting her hand on Eliott's shoulder.

''Stay with him, we'll clean up the mess. He won't sleep if he's alone. Rest the three of you."

Eliott thanks her and comes to slip next to Lucas, hugging him gently.

''It's okay, babe. Just rest, everybody's fine."

Lucas nods against his chest and then steps back slightly to look at him. He needs to tell him about the tumor before they get the results.

''Eliott, I''...

Eliott puts a finger on his mouth and smiles.

''Shhh, you just need to rest. No excuses. We'll talk later."

Lucas nods and closes his eyes, safe in Eliott's arms. When he wakes up the first time, Côme cries softly and Eliott helps him to put him to the breast while lying down. He's not even sure if he stayed awake until Côme's done sucking, but it doesn't matter because he knows that Eliott is watching over both of them.

When he wakes up the second time, Eliott sleeps peacefully next to him while Côme's in the crib, but he's wearing different pajamas so Lucas assumes that Eliott must have gotten up at some point.

When he finally wakes up, well rested and ready to get up, hs alone in the bedroom. He stretches out, looks for his phone on the bedside table and frowns when he realizes that it's not there. He comes out of the room and starts to worry. 

The apartment is clean and perfectly tidy, but apparently he's the only one here. He still looks in the bathroom even though he doesn't hear any noise and then goes back to the living room and the kitchen to see if he finds a word but he doesn't see anything.

He tries to reason with himself and then looks in the hall and realizes that Eliott's shoes and coat are missing. And that's when he notices his phone on the small table next to the couch. He picks it up and the phone opens to his call log.

Lucas spreads his eyes when he sees that the penultimate call came from the hospital and lasted almost four minutes, followed by a ten minute call with their doctor so he calls the number back immediately. He already knows what happened, but he needs to hear it.

"Hello?"

''Hi, it's Lucas. Did you get the results? Did you talk to Eliott?"

''He's the one who called me. He talk with the Anamopathology Department on the phone. They must have thought it was you. I didn't have time to call, but I wanted you to know that everything's okay, there's no cancer. You're definitely gonna be done with this whole thing."

Lucas sighs with relief but becomes worried again almost immediately because Eliott and Côme are not there.

''Did Eliott seem angry?''

''He was angry with me. He wasn't happy that he didn't know, and even less happy that I didn't see him during the ultrasounds. I tried to explain to him that I couldn't see him because of the placenta, and then why you didn't want to tell him but we were cut off''.

''Did he hang up?''

''I think so. But why don't you talk about it directly?"

Lucas sighs, feeling really lonely.

''He's in the shower. I saw that you called. Thanks."

''Okay, I have to go. I'll see you in three weeks for the kid's ultrasound."

Lucas nods as he hangs up and rubs his hands, really worried. He tries to call Eliott, but he doesn't answer and Lucas' anxiety only increases. Why would Eliott have left with Côme? Was he angry? Did he want to punish him? Will he come back?

Lucas feels totally foolish to think the worst, but he can't help himself. He feels his breathing accelerating and sits on the hallway floor with his head in his hands, feeling like he's going to die.

The front door opens, making him jump. Lucas looks at Eliott who enters a bouquet of flowers in his hands, a shopping bag in the other, Côme curled up against him in the carry sling and starts to cry.

''Babe? What's up? Are you all right?"

Eliott squats down to take him in his arms, putting his things on the floor, kicking the door shut.

''I thought you were gone.''

Lucas hates himself for sobbing so much but he doesn't know how to stop it.

''Hey, I never would have left like that. Didn't you see my note?"

Lucas shakes his head sniffing and Eliott smiles softly at him.

''On my pillow. Sorry, I thought you'd see it. Côme was awake but he didn't ask for eating so we went to the pharmacy to get what he needed to clean his cord. And this."

Eliott picks up the bouquet of lilies and hands it to him with a smile.

''I have good news for you, the hospital to call and your biopsy results are normal. You're doing well."

Lucas looks at him, looking for a trace of anger but seeing only worry mixed with love.

''I know. I just got off the phone with the doctor. Why aren't you angry?"

Eliott sighs and sits down, pulling Côme out of the sling.

''I was. When I saw that the hospital was calling, I panicked. And then they told me the results of your tumor test were negative and since I didn't understand, I called the doctor. Of course I was angry. I couldn't believe that you could have kept something so important from me.''

Eliott drops Côme in his arms because he opens his eyes and looks for eating. Lucas puts his back against the hallway wall and wipes his tears before lifting up his shirt. There is nothing more beautiful than to see him looking for the breast, wiggling his nose, sucking in the emptiness. It's just magical to see how it's all done in a totally innate way.

''And then Côme woke up. He wasn't really crying, it was more like _''Hey, I'm awake, take care of me"_. He stopped as soon as I took him in my arms and he smiled. I don't care if Agnes says babies don't really smile until they're two months old, I swear he smiled. And I understood why you did it. It's clear that we wouldn't have enjoyed those first few days so much if I had known. I'm ashamed to say it, but I think I would have blamed him for making you sick. You were sleeping peacefully and I understood that you knew me better than I do and that you only wanted to protect our family.''

Eliott sighs as he puts his head against Lucas'.

''You swear this has nothing to do with my bipolarity?''

Lucas looks at him, almost astonished and shakes his head.

''I swear it has nothing to do with your illness. I didn't want to taint your relationship with Côme. I didn't want you to be angry with him.''

Eliott nods and bends over to kiss Côme's forehead before looking at Lucas.

''I just have one last question and then we won't talk about it anymore, but I want you to be really honest.''

Lucas nods while changing Côme's side.

''I promise. What do you want to know? I swear I would have told you if the results were bad. I wanted to tell you anyway. We should have had the results in two days. I tried to tell you before our friends showed up, and then before I went to sleep, too. I swear I was going to tell you.''

Eliott shakes his head and takes a light breath, then Lucas shakes his hand gently.

''Who knew about this?''

Lucas looks at him, astonished by the question and smiles at him.

''Nobody. The doctor and me, that's all.''

Eliott looks him in the eyes as if to make sure he isn't lying.

"Not even Yann?''

Lucas shakes his head before huddling up against him.

''No. Nobody. I didn't want to think about it. I stuck my head in the sand and I know that it's not really mature, but I thought it was the best way to enjoy our first moments as a family. And then until I said it, it wasn't really real.''

Eliott nods and Lucas feels tears coming down but he can't stop them.

"Oh babe, why are you crying?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and sniffs.

''I don't know. I just don't know. Sorry.''

Eliott kisses him on the forehead.

''You have the right to cry if you need, it doesn't matter. It's probably due to the drop in hormones. We'll take it minute by minute and everything will be fine, okay? If you're too tired, you can stop breastfeeding, you know. I don't want you to force yourself to please me.''

Lucas sniffs, trying to stop but not really being able to. He puts his head down to look at Côme who continues to suckle but closes his eyes, ready to fall asleep and shakes his head.

''No, I really like that. I'm happy to do it, but thanks.''

Côme lets go of his breast, letting his head go slightly backwards and smiles.

''You see! He smiles!"

Lucas puts his head against Eliott's head. He will not tell him that it is a reflex smile,.

''Are we going to stay here, sitting in the corridor or are we going to prepare dinner?''

Lucas nods with a smile and lets Eliott get up to give him Côme in his arms and take the bouquet of flowers.

''Thanks, my love, they are very beautiful.''

Eliott pulls him towards him to kiss him and takes Côme into the bedroom. Lucas fetches a vase in the kitchen and places the flowers in it before smelling them again. He loves the smell of lilies and Eliott knows it. Eliott joins him, kisses him in the neck and hands him a paper folded in two.

''It was under the blanket. You must have moved it in your sleep. I'm sorry I worried you. I would never leave like that, you know that, right?''

Lucas nods, feeling like a complete idiot for imagining it. Inside the paper, Eliott has drawn a little hedgehog sleeping and the raccoon carrying their baby in his arms and a bunch of flowers in his other hand, with the message _''We'll be right back, don't worry. PS: You're always so beautiful when you're asleep.''_

Lucas has to refrain from crying and turns around to snuggle up with her husband.

''Thank you. I'm sorry. I panicked, it made me stupid. How was the first walk with you two? Was he wise, by the way?

Eliott nods and strokes his back.

''Very wise. I love having him like that against me. oh babe, look, our moms have filled the fridge and freezer with small dishes. We're going to enjoy ourselves."

They eat stuffed tomatoes prepared by Eliott's mom while calling Basile who gives them news about Jules and Daphne, then they settle down in the couch to watch a movie but instead of turning on the TV, Lucas turns around in Eliott's arms and kisses him.

''Thank you for today. You are so...I don't even know how to say it. You're perfect. You're so sweet and understanding and caring."

Eliott smiles and kisses him and pulls him up against it.

''I'm just in love."

They kiss for a few minutes until Côme's cry separates them. Lucas goes looking for him and gently rocks him while searching through their DVDs. He takes Eliott's favorite and then sits back between his legs, resting his back against Eliott's chest.

And they spend the evening like this: Eliott holding Lucas in his arms while he holds Côme. They may not be under a tree, but it's perfect.

As long as all three of them are together, everything will be perfect.


	23. Someone who leaves, and someone who reappears

''Okay, I'll keep my phone with me all day. If you've a problems, you''

''There won't be any problem.'' Lucas says softly as he puts his index finger to his lips, ''Concentrate on your work. We will be fine. You're going to have a good day, we're going to have a good day, and tonight we'll have a lot to talk about. Don't worry, everything is going to be fine."

Eliott hugs him while kissing him on the temple.

''It feels weird to leave you. This weeks in family were so good together."

Lucas strokes his cheek and smiles softly.

''It will always be a wonderful family, my love. We just need to set a new rhythm, but we'll be okay. And then if you're not happy like this, we'll change our plans, okay?"

Eliott nods and squeezes him a little tighter.

''No, you're right. I really like this job, and I've been really lucky. I just feel weird leaving you alone."

Lucas kisses him, grabs his jacket, which he gives him, and kisses him again.

''I won't be alone, and you'll be back in a couple of hours. I know you love this job, so I want you to enjoy it to the fullest, without worrying about us. I promise we'll be okay. I'm going to watch the contents of my training between feedings and disgusting diapers, I'm going to play a little bit to stretch my fingers, maybe go for a walk and tonight I'll say that I didn't have time to do the dishes but the truth is that I didn't feel like doing it.''

Eliott bursts out laughing and kisses him several times.

''Thanks babe. I love you. I love you. I love you."

Lucas hugs him real tight before releasing him.

''I love you too, but you've got to go or you'll be late.''

Eliott nods and retrieves his keys from the cabinet.

''Okay. I'll bring back dinner. By the way, you don't have to do the chores because you're staying home and taking care of our son. I'll do the dishes tonight, don't worry."

Lucas kisses him one last time and Eliott returns to the living room to give Côme a gentle kiss as he sleeps before tiptoeing off.

''I love you! See you tonight."

Lucas watches the door close and suddenly it becomes too quiet. He watches Côme sleeping in his crib and puts on music before doing the dishes, smiling. He cleans the table and settles in with the folder he received last week. Since he's doing the distance learning, every two months he receives a folder containing the courses, videos and exercises he has to hand in. 

He carefully reads the entire folder with a smile until Côme calls him. For the past few days, instead of crying directly, when he wakes up he makes a little sound, as if he were singing. If no one comes to take care of him, the singing turns into crying, but this almost never happens because they are always on the lookout and ready to take him in their arms. 

Lucas takes him in his arms, kissing him on the forehead and thinks about his mother whom he went to see two days ago and who said that they should let him play a little bit by himself and let him cry so that he doesn't become capricious. Lucas looks at his baby who is not even a month old and smiles at him. Luckily, Eliott agrees with him that they don't want to let him cry.

''You know your dads are there for you, right? Grandma's talking nonsense, you're not going to be temperamental, are you? You'll be reassured."

Côme's fidgeting while sucking his fingers and Lucas kisses him.

''You remember that it's just the two of us today, right? Dad went back to work, so what do you want to do?"

Côme looks at him motionless and Lucas laughs.

''Yeah, let's play it cool. Sounds good to me. Want me to play you a song?"

Lucas puts Côme down on the floor, on a blanket, and then he sits behind the keyboard and plays for a little while. Côme doesn't fall asleep, but looks at his hands and kicks, so Lucas assumes he likes it. Anyway, he's used to hearing him play. And finally, even though he feels like he's not doing much, the morning goes by really fast.

Lucas eats by answering Eliott's texts to tell him that everything is fine, sending him a picture he took this morning, before feeding Côme and take a nap with him. At first he had trouble allowing himself to take a nap at the same time as Côme, but the fatigue of the nights chopped up got the better of him and he ended up taking a nap every day in Eliott's arms. 

Today Eliott isn't here, but Lucas has no qualms about sleeping because he knows he needs it if he wants to be able to spend time with Eliott tonight and not collapse from fatigue at 7pm. And because tomorrow he won't be able to do it because Côme is having his ultrasound at 2pm, and frankly Lucas still doesn't know what to think about that.

Eliott doesn't really want to talk about it, he says it's useless to talk about it until they know if Côme has the same deformity as he does, and since that's exactly what Lucas has decided to do for his tumor, he can't say he doesn't agree. But the more he thinks about it, the less he knows what they will do if he does. Selfishly, he would like to have him operated on right away to make sure he doesn't develop cancer, but when he looks at him, he says he can't do that because if his parents had done it, he wouldn't be here. And it becomes a vicious circle in his head. The hardest part is that he can't find any figures to show what the percentage risk would be for Côme to have both reproductive systems, like him. No one can tell him if it's something that could be hereditary or not, and Lucas almost blames himself for not thinking about it.

And then he looks at Côme : his hair is becoming more and more blond, like small spikes on his head, his eyes slowly changing from gray to blue, without yet giving them the idea of their final color, his thin pink lips and his little nose turned up, and he feels almost immediately soothed. No matter what happens, he can never regret having had this perfect little being.

Sometimes before he falls asleep, he tells himself that it's rather a good thing that his uterus has ruptured and the doctor has removed it entirely, because otherwise he would certainly have wanted to use it again without worrying about the danger. 

Sometimes, when he looks at Côme, he feels sad to have to condemn him to be an only child. He's only three weeks old, yet Lucas finds it sad enough to know that he will never be an older brother. Of course, he wouldn't want an other baby now, but knowing that it's never going to happen makes him a little melancholy. 

He puts his hand on Côme's hand, lies in his crib and closes his eyes with a smile. They've managed to have a baby, it's already amazing and he needs to focus on that.

When he wakes up around 3:30 pm, Côme's awake and seems to be playing with his hands so they spend a few more minutes in the quiet of the room before getting up.

''What do you want to do now, baby? Let's go for a walk together?"

Côme blinks and Lucas smiles at him before kissing him.

''You think it'd be good for us to go out, too, don't you? I couldn't agree more. You eat and let's go, okay?''

Lucas feeds him to make sure he doesn't ask when they're out and then puts him in the sling before going out. The weather is great today and it would be a shame not to take advantage of it. He walks around without really knowing where he is going until he stops in front of the front of the store for babies, in a neighborhood he doesn't really know. There's an awakening carpet with a pretty hedgehog drawn in the middle of few leaves and it's so pretty that Lucas wants it. He still has the envelope that Eliott's parents gave him for the birth and even if he would have to wait for Eliott to decide how to spend the money, when he looks at this babies mat, he knows Eliott will like it.

He enters the store, greets the saleswoman and walks around, feeling as if he has found Ali Baba's cave. Everything looks sweet and cute, and frankly he wants to buy everything. He finds a gray blanket with little stars embroidered on it, a set of bibs with guitars drawn on them, slippers with bells on the end and he stops when he sees raccoon cuddly toys vibrating when the tail is pulled.

"Can I help you?"

Lucas turns around and drops everything he's picked on the floor. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who surprised our Lulu? 🤔🤔 Tell me your ideas...😘💗 Have a good day


	24. Someone who speaks.

''Shit. Scuse me. Sorry.''

He's crouching down to pick it all up, and she's helping him out nicely. Côme makes a little whimper, probably because he doesn't like the position Lucas is taking, so Lucas stands up and spreads a piece of the scarf while rocking him.

''Sorry, Daddy's clumsy.''

She smiles at him with a smile that is more sorry than happy and takes his items from his hands.

''I'm going to put this on the checkout. It's good to see you again. Are you all right?"

Lucas nods, gently rubbing Côme's back.

''Yes, very well. And you,? Do you work here?"

She nods, then looks around.

''I'm the manager. This was my mother's store, I took it over two years ago. I never thought I'd see you here. So you've a baby?"

Lucas nods with a smile, showing to Côme a little more.

"He just turned three weeks old."

She smiles at him and looks at the other people in the store before leaning over to talk to him more softly.

"I don't know if you want to talk about it, but I often wonder how he's doing. Do you still hear from him? Do you know if he's all right? You've been separated for a long time."

Lucas opens his eyes.

''What? No."

She looks at him with a sorry smile and looks at the two women in the store.

''I understand if you don't want to talk about it, but I've sent him messages several times to see how he's and if we could get together, as friends you know, for a drink, but he never wrote me back. I'm just wondering how he's doing. It's silly, but it reassured me to imagine that you were still together and that he hadn't left me for nothing.''

Lucas smiles in spite of himself and gently rocks Côme to sleep.

''He's doing very well, Lucile, don't worry. He has finished his studies and now he's a director."

Lucile nods with a smile and puts her hair back behind her ears with an almost nervous gesture.

''It's good that you guys are still friends. It must be weird for your wives, but it's good."

Lucas clucks as he shakes his head and puts his hand on Lucile's forearm.

''Then it's a good thing we don't have a wife. That's my husband, Lucile. We got married, and he's our baby, at Eliott and me."

Lucas smiles as he says it. Even though Lucile can't know how true this sentence is, it feels good to say it out loud. Lucile opens her eyes as she looks at him, then looks at Côme who's asleep and looks at Lucas again.

"You're married and he's our baby?"

Lucas nods with a smile.

''Yes. Don't worry about Eliott, he's really fine. And I hope you are too."

Lucile smiles and nods, looking around her.

''Yes, I'm fine. I've taken over this store and it's doing really well. I'm single, but I'm happy to be single. I'm happy for you two. It's great. Can I help you? Do you want something else?"

Lucas shows him the mat he wants. Lucile seems to lose her smile when she sees the hedgehog, and Lucas's forced to remember that what was a wonderful moment in his life was a really painful moment in hers, so he understands that she must have a hatred for hedgehogs.

''Is he still drawing?"

Lucas takes out his wallet to pay and nods.

''Yes, of course.''

Lucile arranges the items in two bags, smiles and then points to the little bump that Côme forms in the finger sling.

''What's his name?''

Lucas smiles, lowering his head to look at their son.

"Côme.''

Lucile nods, searches behind the counter and takes out four small letters in rough wood.

''I think Eliott will figure out how to paint them. You don't have to tell him it's from me, but it's my pleasure."

She puts them in the bag then looks at Lucas and smiles.

''It really makes me happy, Lucas. I guess it can't be easy every day, but it's good that you're there for him when it's hard. I'm happy to see you two are fine."

Lucas smiles and picks up the two bags containing his purchases.

"Thank you so much. It's great to know you're fine too."

He comes out of the store with a big smile on his lips and looks at Côme, who's sleeping peacefully and then walking home. He arrives in front of the building at the same time as Eliott who seems to be running.

''Hey, don't rush like that. Look, we weren't even home yet.''

Eliott smiles and comes to kiss him, putting one hand on Côme's back and it immediately reminds him of how he used to put his hand on his belly when Côme was inside.

''I missed you two so much. I couldn't wait to see you again. How are you doing?"

Lucas lifts the two bags he's holding in his hands and smiles.

''It's going well. I found a great baby store."

Eliott laughs and pushes the door of the building. 

''You're gonna show me all this.''

Lucas puts the bags down when he gets to the lobby, then slowly pulls Côme out and hands him to his husband. Eliott gently hugs him, and Lucas's almost certain he smell his hair. Lucas collects his bags that he takes in the living room and unfolds the awakening mat before taking out the plush, the slippers, the bibs and the blanket.

"Do you like it? Would you like me to wait for you?"

Eliott shakes his head and smiles.

''No. I love it. Anyway, we needed a mat to lay him on. It's better than blankets anyway."

He slides off the couch and puts Côme in the middle of the mat, just on the hedgehog, without wake up him.

''I love it. It's so pretty. What else do you have? I see there's something left in the bag."

Lucas takes out the wooden letters and Eliott immediately smiles.

''That's a great idea. We'll pollock them?"

Lucas nods and smiles.

''Yeah, but it's not my idea. It's a gift. From Lucile."

Eliott stops moving, puzzled and frowns.

"Lucile, like, Lucile?"

Lucas nods and smiles.

''Yeah, like your old girlfriend. She's''

"She took over her mother's store?" Eliott asks, surprised, "Shit, I didn't know that. I should have told you that his mother ran that store. It wasn't too difficult?"

Lucas comes and sits down next to him and wraps his arms around him, smiling.

''No, not at all. We are adults, my love. She said she was happy for us. She was nice. The proof, she even gave this to our baby.''

Eliott looks at the wooden letters and kisses Lucas on the temple.

''You're right, she's nice. Sorry, I was an idiot. I didn't expect that."

Lucas smiles and kisses him before he looks at him.

''I also didn't expect to learn that she had sent you messages that you hadn't responded to. You have the right to write back and tell her you're okay, you know?"

Eliott shakes his head while rolling his eyes.

''That was two years ago. I don't think you would have said that back then, and I didn't want to. She's in the past. I think she needed to move on too. Is she okay?"

Lucas nods, caressing Côme's moaning belly.

''She said she's. She seemed fine. Just tell me if you go to see her, okay?"

Eliott smiles and kiss him.

"I don't want to see her. She's nice and I'm glad she's fine, but I don't need to see her."

Eliott takes Côme who starts to cry against him and kiss his hair.

''Hello sweetheart, how are you? Daddy's came home. I missed you today."

Côme turns his head and tries to suck him through his shirt so Eliott starts laughing and kisses him on the head before giving it to Lucas.

"Error on the daddy."

Lucas looks closely at Eliott, trying to see an ounce of jealousy or disappointment but Eliott smiles at him.

''I'm fine. He's hungry, I'll hug him after. In the meantime I'll do the dishes."

Eliott looks in the kitchen and then looks at Lucas.

''Did you do it because I told you not to?''

Lucas nods with a smile and Eliott leans in to kiss him.

''Okay. The Japanese restaurant delivers at 8:00, so we have nothing to do tonight."

Lucas puts his back against the edge of the couch, setting up Côme a little better and opens his arm so that Eliott comes to join them.

''Perfect. So tell me about your day. What was it like to go back to work?"

In the end, no matter if they have to prepare dinner, wash the dishes, vacuum, hang out a machine or tidy up the apartment, every night after Eliott comes home from work, when Côme asks to suckle, the three of them sit down and talk about their day. It has become their new routine and Lucas loves this special time that the three of them share.

Eliott tells him about the progress of the assembly, talks to him about the problems they encounter, but most of all about the good atmosphere in the team. He's so passionate when he talks about his work that Lucas could listen to him for hours.Lucas tells him that he cried when the doctor told him that Côme was fine and that he didn't have any weird malformations, because he was so relieved that he didn't have to choose. He tells him about the mornings he spends with Daphne at a drop-in centre for young parents where babies can play together and parents can talk. He tells him about his distance learning and the congratulations he receives for the work he's doing. And sometimes Côme stops suckling to utter a little cry, as if he was commenting on their discussion, before eating again.

The days pass quietly, becoming weeks, and every night the three of them settle down and talk.

Then one morning Eliott leaves for work and Lucas sits down around the kitchen table to work. He hesitates about today's date and takes his phone to be sure. He looks at Côme who looks at his hands, lying down on his mat and smiles.

''You are two months old today, my baby.''

Lucas drops his phone almost immediately with his eyes wide open.

Two months.

He looks at the date again as if he might have made a mistake, but he knows he didn't. And now he want to cry.

Two months.

It has been two months since they have had any sexual intercourse. No sexual act, not even a simple handjob or fellatio. It's been two months since they haven't touched each other at all, and the worst part is that Lucas hadn't even noticed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2months seems a long time, I know ... but I wanted to imagine them so close to their son that they forgot their relationship. And as they are always very cuddly and full of tenderness, they haven't missed sex ... at least not to Lucas who hadn't even thought about it ... but what about Eliott?


	25. Someone close.

''Lucas, are you okay? You look weird this morning.''

Lucas looks at Daphne and tries to smile but he knows she sees that it's a forced smile.

''Are you okay, Lucas? You look like shit.''

Lucas sighs as he looks at Simon, the only other dad who comes to the young parent matinees with his 9 month old daughter Amelie.

''Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just a little preoccupied'

Floriane, one of the animators sits on the carpet next to them and says hello to the babies. It always feels a little weird to see someone using sign language with a hearing baby, but apparently it makes it easier for babies to express themselves, so Lucas and Eliott try to do it. Lucas wasn't super motivated until he saw Amelie ask for a cake when she wasn't speaking yet. Camille has been here three times already to teach the other parents the basic gestures and it was a really nice time. But this morning, there is no Camille to make them laugh, only him and his head full of questions and concerns.

''Do you want to talk about it, Lucas? You know, if you're having problems with Côme, you should know that most other parents are having probably same problems, once''

Lucas looks at Floriane and sighs.

''Everything's fine with Côme. It's with my husband. I think we're becoming distant from each other.''

Daphne frowns and puts her hand on his knee.

''What? You're always in each other's arms. Even when you...when one of you feeds Côme, the three of you are huddled together.''

Lucas frowns and Daphne gives him a sorry smile. Everyone here thinks he adopted Côme, so no one knows he's breastfeeding him. The few times Côme asks for eating while they are here, Lucas breastfeeds him in the bathroom, pretending he's changing his diaper. Floriane gets up to greet the parents who are arriving.

''Were you talking about sex?'' asks Simon.

Lucas nods softly and Simon takes a big smile.

''Good. It's nice to see that it's not just for couples who have a baby naturally. No, wait, I didn't mean that, but.''

Lucas smiles while waving at him.

''It's okay, don't worry, I know what you meant.''

Simon runs a hand through his hair.

''Sorry, that was awkward. But it's good to know that it's happening to you, too. I blamed a lot for the fact that my wife had to rest and wait for her body to recover from the birth, but the truth is that we had developed another form of closeness where we didn't necessarily need sex. It's not that I didn't want her, it's more like I was so focused on my baby that I didn't even think about it. She'd come to think that I couldn't stand her body because of the pregnancy, and maybe I was even going to go somewhere else, but I was just too focused on our family of three to think about the two of us.''

Lucas smiles and looks at Daphne smiling back at him.

''I said it on the day of the birth, Basile will never touch me again. No, I'm kidding, it must be three weeks since we having sex again. But everyone has their own rhythm, Lulu. That's not why Eliott doesn't love you anymore. He's probably waiting for you to give him the green light because of your surgery.'' Daphne coughs then smiles ''Lucas had surgery just before Côme was born, that's why. It did a lot for them in a short period of time.''

Lucas sighs and looks at Côme grabbing Jules' hand. He pulls it towards him to put it in his mouth and Jules lets himself do it, just turning his head to look at him.

"Don't worry Lucas, talk to your husband and it will get better already. Simon says "I think it lasted four months, but that didn't stop me from being happy, even though now I'm thinking : _Four months! How could you have lasted that long?''_

They start laughing and Côme starts crying because Jules's pulling his hair. Daphne makes him let go but Jules catches them almost immediately so Lucas moves Côme a little and the two little ones start to cry.

''These two are already linked, it's so cute.''

Lucas smiles as he brings Côme a little closer to Jules.

''Côme attended Jules's birth, it's clear that they are already connected.''

The other parents arrive and Lucas watches the older children, wondering what it will be like when Côme walks or sits up. They spend the rest of the morning talking about babies or sing with the babies and it's already time to separate. Lucas stops at the florist's and then at the chocolate maker's before returning home and he spends the afternoon preparing a surprise for Eliott's return.

Almost every day Côme sleeps when Eliott comes home from work, but of course today he doesn't look like he wants to sleep at all.

Lucas had it all planned: Côme would sleep when Eliott comes home from work so he will guide him to the room where he put flower petals on the bed and lit some candles. They will slowly undress and make love while saying words of love to each other.

But when Eliott comes home, Côme's really wide awake. He doesn't ask for food, nor for anyone to take care of him, he plays quietly with a grip ball and squints as he looks at it.

''Hi, my babies. I'm just going to change, it's raining outside, I'm soaking wet.''

Lucas doesn't have time to talk as their bedroom door opens and closes almost as fast. Eliott arrives in the living room, visibly soaked and looking really worried.

''Did I forget something? I'm sorry. It's just a lot of pressure at work, but I''

Eliott stops, pretending to look for what he has forgotten and Lucas sighs as he gets up to come to him.

''You haven't forgotten anything. I just wanted to surprise you.'

Eliott nods gently.

''Okay. Thank you so much. Are you sure there's no particular reason? It's beautiful.''

Lucas shrugs.

''Côme got two months today.''

Eliott looks at their son and take a sorry smile.

''I haven't thought about it. I'm sorry. But what''

''It's been two months, Eliott.'' Pursues Lucas by supporting his look ''Two months!''

Eliott opens his eyes widens and looks at Lucas before hugging him. Lucas finds himself soaked but he does not care, he would never refuse a hug from Eliott.

''I'm sorry. How could I have forgotten you for so long? I'm sorry, babe. I swear I love you and it's got nothing to do with you. Why didn't you tell me about this before? I'm sorry, baby. I feel awful, it's like, I feel like I've got...

Eliott bites his lips as if not to say what he feels and Lucas smiles at him while caressing his cheek.

''Forget? I know, me too. I realized that this morning. I think we thought too much about the three of us and forgot to think about the two of us. But I love you, my love, I'm sorry.''

Eliott kisses him tenderly, sliding his hands into the hollow of his back.

''Do you want to take a shower with me?''

Lucas turns to look at Côme but he's asleep so he nods.

''Yes, with pleasure.''

Eliott kisses him and carries him in his arms. Lucas wraps his legs around his waist and they both look at each other, realizing that they haven't done this for a really long time. Eliott holds him firmly and takes him into the bedroom.

''I thought we were going to take a shower?''

"After.''

Eliott's deep, smooth voice sends an electric current through his entire body and Lucas moans, squeezing himself a little closer to him. Contrary to what Lucas had thought, they undress before they even get on the bed, sending their clothes anywhere in the bedroom without stopping kissing. And it feels so good to be naked together, to be able to touch, kiss and bite each other, that Lucas feels like he could come just like that. 

Finally, Eliott comes first, before Lucas even has time to make love to him. Everything is messy, they act too much in a hurry, as if they want to make up for lost time, and Lucas has to force himself to calm down so as not to hurt him, but finally he makes love to Eliott tenderly, kissing him gently, and it's just wonderful. 

He's really proud of himself that Eliott comes again at the same time as him, and after that, they lie across the bed, their legs in the void, totally out of breath and panting.

''I love you so much.''

Lucas rolls over to the side and comes over to kiss him.

''I love you too. I miss sex with you so much.''

Eliott smiles and kiss him.

"Me too. You're so good. I'm died."

A small cry resounds in the living room and Lucas stands up almost by reflex but Eliott holds him gently in his arms and kisses him tenderly.

''Okay. Now let's go. Let's never forget each other again, okay?"

Lucas smiles, nods and kisses him again before quickly getting dressed.

''Go take your shower, I'll take mine after.''

Eliott nods and kisses him again before going to the bathroom. When he comes out, he joins them immediately in the living room and Lucas hands him Côme.

''I'm going to take my shower before he asks for eating.''

Eliott nods and Lucas crosses the living room but he turns around to look at Eliott who sits down while talking to their son. He looks at Eliott sitting on the couch, holding their son as if he were the most precious thing he has ever held in his hands, while smiling at him, and at that very moment, Lucas sees him sitting on his couch again the first time he went to his appart. 

Had he been asked at the time, he would have described Eliott as mysterious and dark. There were so many things he didn't understand about him that he would have wanted to know. Lucas smiles as he looks at Eliott, who's ecstatic, probably in front of a smile. If we asked him now, he would say that Eliott is sensitive, attentive and radiant. His presence is enough to light up a room, especially when he smiles like he does now.

''I don't think your daddy wants to shower alone. Are you okay, babe?''

Lucas's startled, biting his lips at being noticed and nods with a smile.

''Perfect. That's perfect.''

Eliott smiles at him and Lucas comes to kiss him before going to take his shower. When he comes out, Côme whines in the arms of Eliott who holds him away from his chest.

''He has a force in his mouth, look, he gave me a hickey through my T-shirt!''

Lucas laughs, readjusts the towel around his waist and settles down on the couch, setting Côme against him while Eliott shows him the red mark on his chest.

''How do you keep from it's hurt you?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and opens his arm so that Eliott comes against him.

''I don't know. It's just at the beginning, and then he sucks more gently. He's a little nervous, he gets that from you.''

Eliott raises an eyebrow and Lucas bursts out laughing.

''Okay, maybe from me.''

Lucas strokes Côme's hair and sighs.

''It scares me a little, you know. My dad said it wasn't normal to get mad like that so fast. I hope he's not gonna be like me.''

Eliott strokes his cheek and gently pulls my chin down so he can look at him.

''Your dad's a jerk. You're perfect, even when you get mad. And then look at you now, you're screaming but you've put your fists away. Don't worry, if Côms having trouble dealing with his anger, we'll be there to help him. You wouldn't have been so angry if your father had been there for you, right?''

Lucas nods and holds Côme closer to him.

"I love you.''

Eliott gives him a gentle nudge as he laughs.

"Who are you talking?''

Lucas looks at Côme and smiles.

''To our wonderful baby. But I love you too, my love. Thanks.''

Eliott slides his hand under his towel, just on his thigh and Lucas wiggles.

''No, not now.''

Eliott raises an eyebrow and smiles.

''I do not see what you're talking about, I'm just touching your thigh, babe.''

Lucas laughs, shaking his head and gives him a look of blackness, but can't stop smiling.

''You know what you're doing.''

Eliott raises his eyebrows twice and gently squeezes his thigh.

''Yeah, maybe. Tonight I'll show you what's on my mind.''

Lucas nods with a smile and Eliott huddles up so he can kiss him. Lucas regrets a little that they only have one bedroom, but finally as soon as Côme goes to bed, Eliott makes love to him tenderly on the couch and Lucas concludes that it doesn't matter where, all that matters is that they are together.

So of course, sometimes they are interrupted in the middle of their lovemaking by a little boy wondering where his dads are, but they manage to find time for the two of them without feeling like they have to hurry or have to do it at a fixed hour, and that's enough to make them happy.

...Until Eliott offers to take the next step and Lucas refuses...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all those who ask the question: no I can not imagine the end of this fic ... when I would, I would not start to define the number of chapters, like a kind of countdown.
> 
> in the meantime, if you want to see special moments, don't hesitate to tell me.
> 
> Have a good day 😘


	26. Someone not ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think it was such a long chapter until I translated it...but I didn't feel like cutting it...so here it is, it's a long chapter full of various emotions...

  
''I think it would be good for us, babe. Especially you, actually. You've never left him since he was born. It's been three months, babe.''

Lucas looks at Côme and sighs.

''I know it's been three months. But it's too soon. Can we get a delivery and eat here? What's the difference? Don't feel like I'm ready to leave him.''

Eliott sighs and strokes his cheek.

''The difference is that I want to go out with you. We could put on some nice clothes, and''

''Do you says I dress badly?" Lucas gets angry as he steps back.

He looks at his outfit, and indeed today he's wearing jogging pants and his romance sweatshirt, but that's just because Côme regurgitated on his jeans at lunch.

''I didn't say that," sighs Eliott, "but we could go to a movie and then to a restaurant. Like a date. I miss it.''

Lucas shakes his head, almost panicked.

''I can't. What if he needs me? I'm not like you, I can't leave him.''

Eliott's face shows that he's totally hurt and Lucas immediately regrets his words.

''That's not what I meant. But you're his father. Like all dads, you didn't carry him and you had to go back to work when he was only a few weeks old. He was inside me, Eliott! I felt him inside me and as long as he was inside me, I could protect him. Now that he's out there, I have to be there for him. I want to be there for him. He's too small, I can't separate from him for the moment.''

Eliott frowns.

''You mean you wouldn't leave him with me to go spend an evening with your friends?''

Lucas sighs, looking at the bedroom door, trying to listen if their lively conversation doesn't wake Côme.

''That wasn't the question. You want us to go out together. I'm not supposed to leave him with you.''

Eliott shakes his head and moves closer to Lucas to look him in the eye.

''I know. But imagine, the guys want to play paintball, and I'm offering to stay with Côme. Would you let me have him?''

Lucas shakes his head without even taking the time to think about it.

"No.''

Eliott's face decomposes and Lucas gently grabs his hand.

''It has nothing to do with you. But he's a part of me, I can't leave him.''

Eliott frowns and shakes his head.

''He's not a part of you anymore, babe. You got to learn to let go of him a little bit. I can take care of him, too. I thought we were equals, but that's bullshit, right?''

Lucas step back, almost wanting to cry and Eliott has to see him because he's coming to hug him.

''I need you to trust me, babe.''

This time Lucas can't hold his sob anymore and starts crying at Eliott.

''I swear I trust you. I know I could leave him with you and he'd be good, but I don't want to. He's too small. He's totally dependent on me for everything, and I like that. I like taking care of him and I don't understand why you want to leave him alone." 

Eliott wipes his tears and puts his forehead against his own.

''I just wish we could spend an evening together. I think it would be good for us. He can spend a few hours without you, babe. He wouldn't be alone, but with someone we trusts to take good care of him. I'm sure he'll be asleep and he won't even know we're gone.''

Lucas looks at him and looks at the door of their bedroom because Côme's calling them, then lets go of Eliott's hand.

''I'm sorry, I can't.''

Lucas puts his head down, sad to have to choose between his son and his husband, and enters the room feeling horrible for having chosen his son.

Côme smiles when he sees him and Lucas sniffs as he wipes his eyes.

''Hi sweetheart. Did you sleep well? Daddy's came home.''

Lucas takes Côme against him and goes back into the living room. Eliott's in the kitchen and he doesn't even turn to see Côme. He keeps looking for something in the fridge, probably not knowing what he's looking for himself.

Lucas sighs and looks at Côme. He turns his head slightly to look at Eliott who closes the fridge without having taken anything from inside and smiles with a flapping of his arms and feet. Probably Eliott just didn't hear them come back, and he doesn't purposely ignore them, but Lucas feels horrible for having created this situation. And unfortunately it's a situation he knows well, because he grew up in the middle of this kind of triangle. How many times his father got angry and told his mother that she didn't leave him any room anyway and that she was too suprotective. How many times he heard him say, _"Of course you know him better, he's YOUR son, I'm only the progenitor.''_

Lucas shakes his head, not wanting to act that way. Eliott turns around and looks at them smiling, trying not to show that he's disappointed but Lucas knows him well enough to know that he's. He takes Côme from Lucas' arms, hugging and kissing him and Lucas puts his hand on his forearm.

''I'm really sorry. You're right, we should date together. Who's gonna watch him?''

Eliott looks at him, a big smile on his lips and shrugs his shoulders.

''Whoever you want. I can ask my parents, or we can''

Lucas shakes his head.

''No. Daphne knows him better. And if he's with Jules I would be reassured. I'll ask her tomorrow, but I'm sure she'll say yes.''

Eliott comes back to him and takes him in his arms.

''Are you sure? Do you really want to?''

Lucas looks at Côme and pouting but nods.

''Yeah. It's just hard because I've never left him, but I want to go out with you. You're right, we need a moment for just the two of us. Just promise me we can go look for him if things don't go well for him.''

Eliott strokes his cheek with his thumb and kisses him.

''Sure, babe. We'll keep our phones on us at all times, okay? We could hit a movie and then go to a restaurant and pick him up for his 11:30 pm wake-up call.''

Lucas nods and hugs and sighs. 

''Okay. But he's never taken a bottle. He would have to get used to it already, wouldn't he? Do you want to try to give him one tonight?''

Eliott nods and Lucas tries to smiles, but it's really hard. He really wants a date with Eliott and please him, but he doesn't want to leave his baby. 

They had bought baby milk and a bottle in case they needed it so Eliott prepares the bottle with a smile and then settles down to give it to their son who takes it without hesitantly. Lucas takes a picture of them because he knows it's an important moment for Eliott but he leaves the room right afterwards, feeling too bad to stay. He lies on their bed crying, feeling horrible and completely stupid. He didn't even want to breastfeed Côme and now he feels betrayed. He tries to think of all the times that Eliott had Côme in his arms and had to give him to him because he wanted to eat. Eliott never seemed to show that he felt useless or resentful because Lucas clearly spends more time with their son than he does. And Lucas feels even more awful for not being able to rejoice for Eliott who must be happy to feed their son for the first time.

The bedroom door opens and Lucas puts the cushion on his head, not wanting Eliott to see him cry.

''Babe? Please talk to me. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you. I'm really sorry.''

Eliott takes the pillow off and dries his tears before he pulls him into his arms.

''I'm really sorry, babe, talk to me.''

Lucas bursts into tears and huddles up next to him.

''I wasn't ready for this. I'm so sorry.''

Eliott kisses him on the forehead and hugs him.

''I'm sorry, I didn't think it would hurt you like this. Anyway, he didn't even swallow it, he spit it out. I don't think he's ready either. Come on, he must be hungry. I'm surprised he's not crying. Please come. I'm sorry.''

Eliott helps him out of bed and dries his cheeks again before kissing him, then he takes his hand and leads him into the living room. There is a huge puddle of milk on the floor and Côme's waiting quietly in his deckchair. Lucas sniffs and turns around to snuggle with Eliott.

''I'm sorry. I never thought I'd be like this.''

''Shhh!'' Eliott stops him. ''Don't worry, it's okay. Don't worry. Sometimes I forget that we have a different relationship with him, and that's normal, but I need you to let me take my place, I'm his dad too.''

''But I'm not!'' Lucas cut him off, before crying "I'm sorry. I'm not really his father, but I'm not his mother either. And now I'm a shitty husband, and I hate all this situation between us.''

Eliott strokes his cheek and kisses him.

''I know how hard this is for you, babe but you're still my amazing husband and I love you. And Côme love you too, because you're his daddy even if you carried him and you breast-feed him, you're his dad. His wonderful dad who play music every day for him, talk to him all his day and make laugh him with grins. And he loves me because I'm his dad too, I make him fly every time I take him in my arms and he love playing with me beard, I make the best baths with a lot of mousse and I sing for him when you're asleep but that it's our little secret."

Lucas smiles and Eliott kiss him.

''Sorry babe, I didn't think it was going to be that hard to find your place.''

Lucas sighs and hugs Eliott.

''Neither did I. I pictured myself as a cool dad. I really thought you'd be the most superprotector of us. When you talked about sleeping with him, or showering with him, I was like, ''Oh, but he's delirious, isn't he? We can't do that.'' And I think about it every time I lie down next to him because even if we had another bedroom, I couldn't let him sleep there. I need him.''

Eliott kisses him again and hugs him.

''I know. I knew you'd be like that. You've got a huge heart, and I knew you'd let go of all your archaic principles as soon as you had him in your arms. I know you've suffered in your relationship with your dad and you really want to make things right with our son, but you're not like your dad. Everything's fine. And Côme always love you, even if you let go him few hours or a night.''

Côme starts crying softly, so Eliott pulls him out of the deckchair and hands him to Lucas, but Lucas doesn't take him.

''Do you want to try the bottle again? I'm sorry I reacted that way.''

Eliott shakes his head and smiles.

''No. I don't care about that. It's not a question of who's feeding him. I shouldn't have pushed you. You weren't ready for that. We're going to take it slow, okay?''

Lucas nods and sits on the couch before Eliott gives him Côme, who looks at Lucas with a kind of suspicion. He suck a first time and then moves back as if he hesitated before going back and suckling normally, with the difference that he doesn't close his eyes as he usually does, giving the impression that he's mefiant.

''Okay, this was a bad idea. Sorry, Côme. Well, I'm gonna clean it up before the milk gets a stain.''

Eliott picks up the bottle and pours it on his hand before he licks it off.

''Okay, yours is better. At least he's got a sense of taste.''

Lucas smiles and winks at him.

''He didn't get that from you.''

Eliott pretends to be shocked and throws a rag in his face. Lucas looks at Eliott who doesn't even seem angry with them and wants to cry again because he really does have the best husband in the world. Eliott cleans the milk stain and then huddles up with them.

And it is to thank him for being so great that Lucas prepares a surprise for him for the following Friday night. 

When Eliott comes home at 6pm, Lucas's waiting for him with a bouquet of flowers in hand, dressed in the blue shirt that Eliott loves and he even has his hair done.

Eliott looks at him, pretending to look for what he has forgotten and Lucas laughs.

''No special occasion. Just because you're awesome and I love you. Do you want to a date with me tonight? Just you and me.''

Eliott blinks twice and looks at him before looking at Côme.

"What about Côme?''

Lucas looks at him and smiles.

''We'll drop him off at Daphne and Basile's. I'll make him eat before I leave him and we'll have dinner together and take some time for ourselves. I think I'll swallow my archaic principles and try expressing my milk next week to get him used to the bottles. Like that in a while, we can leave him for a night. But for today, we can start with a restaurant for the first time, right?''

Eliott nods and hugs him.

''Definitely. Yeah, I'd love to. Thank you, babe. Are you sure you're ready for this?''

Lucas sighs and shakes his head.

''No, I'm not. But I don't think I ever will be. We're going to have to cut the cord a second time and we need you to help us with that. I need you to help me with that. I really want to go out with you tonight.''

Eliott kisses him again before hugging him and then taking the flowers and smelling them.

''Thanks. You're awesome. What time should we leave?''

Lucas looks at the time and smiles.

''You have 45 minutes.''

Eliott nods and goes to give Côme a hug.

''Daddy has to get ready. Will you help me pick out my outfit? Did you have a good day? I had a great day, the season is almost over and your daddy had a great surprise for me. You're going to go to Uncle Basile's but we'll pick you up, okay? Are you going to sing with Jules and break uncle Baz's ears?''

Lucas watches them both disappear into the bedroom and smiles. He's still nervous about leaving Côme, but he's really impatient to go out with Eliott.

Eliott comes out of the room dressed in black jeans and a white shirt that really suits him. He takes Côme with him to the bathroom, while continuing to talk to him, and comes out ten minutes later with his hair done and smelling really good.

''I love when you wear perfume.''

Eliott smiles as he kisses him, tilting his head to the side just to expose his neck that Lucas is kissing.

"I know.''

They arrive at Daphne and Basile's at 7:00.pm. Lucas feeds Côme while discussing the party they are organizing next Saturday for the birth of the babies. A kind of non-religious baptism for the two new members of the band. When Côme falls asleep, Lucas kisses him and puts him in the crib next to Jules who's already sleeping.

''We'll come back for you later, baby. Be nice.''

Lucas kisses him again and smiles as he turns to Eliott.

''I'm ready.''

Daphne taps him on the back and then take him aside for a second.

''Are we doing the opposite tomorrow? I would like to surprise Basile. I didn't really feel ready, but when I see how happy you look to go out, I tell myself that it will be good for us too.''

Lucas nods with a smile and thanks her, reminding her that she can call him at any time. Eliott is bent over the crib, seemingly hesitating and Lucas reaches out his hand for him to grab his.

''Are you coming, my love?''

Eliott looks at him then smiles at him and kisses Côme one last time.

''We'll be back later. I love you very much.''

He takes Lucas' hand in his own and greets their friends, reminding them that they can call if they have any problems.

''I didn't think I'd feel so weird leaving him.''

Lucas strokes his cheek and kisses him before walking to the restaurant where he made his reservation.

''I know. But I'm glad to dating with you tonight.''

Eliott stops and cuts his face so he can kiss him.

''I'm glad too. Thank you for arranging this.''

Lucas laughs as he locks himself up against him.

''You don't even know where we're going, so don't thank me yet.''

Eliott shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

''It doesn't matter where we're going, all that matters is that I'm with you.''

Lucas kisses him before guiding him to the restaurant. At the beginning of the meal, they almost only talk about Côme, and Lucas checks several times to make sure his phone is getting good reception, but finally they start talking about Eliott's work, Lucas' training, and then the Christmas vacations coming up.

''Did you like the dinner?''

Lucas lets the waiter take his plate and nods.

''It was really delicious. Thanks.''

The waiter smiles at them and puts a key on the table.

"As you requested, your dessert is served in your room.''

Eliott looks up and Lucas smiles as he bends down to speak further down.

''There are rooms that can be rented by the hour on the first floor. I guess that's for couples who cheat on their partners, but I thought we could take advantage of having a room just for us before we have to go looking for Côme.''

Eliott gets up so fast that he almost knocks the table down and Lucas follows him laughing. They kiss on the stairs going up to the rooms, then Eliott lifts him up in his arms and leads him to room 15. 

There is a cart with two small plates filled with dessert and a bottle of non-alcoholic sparkling wine that Lucas has ordered.

Eliott uncorks the bottle and grabs the two glasses.

''Champagne?''

Lucas nods with a smile and they toast before putting the glasses down and pushing each other on the giant bed. Lucas finds himself lying on the bed, Eliott straddling him who bends over to kiss him.

''Lucas Demaury, you are so surprising. You're the best husband in the universe. I'm so in love with you.''

Lucas laughs while unbuttoning his shirt.

''You won't say that tomorrow when we have two babies instead of one.''


	27. Someone changed.

''Jules! Stop it! Please let go of it!"

Jules looks at Eliott and runs away on all fours, taking with him the Eliott's pen.

''It was easier to care of them when they were younger and weren't moving around. How can you work with both of them?''

Lucas watches Côme chasing after Jules, laughing, and he shrugs his shoulders. He has been babysitting Jules three days a week since he was three months old because the nanny who was supposed to take care of him said he was too difficult to keep. Which Lucas didn't understand at all because frankly Jules's such an easy baby. The more they grow and the more their characters assert themselves, and it's clear that if Jules is always smiling and cheerful, Côme's sulky and impatient.

Basile and Daphne found themselves without childcare when Daphne had gone back to university in January and it was only natural that Lucas offered to look after Jules at the same time as Côme. What was supposed to be temporary was set in time and since four months, Jules has been coming to spend his days with them. And frankly since they've both been moving around, it's just great to see them interacting like that. And then on Mondays and Fridays, it's Basile or Daphne who looks after the two little monsters, so Lucas can really work quietly on his training. But today as he has an appointment, so Eliott took his day off to take care of the little boys.

"I love seeing them like that. Look how cute they are! And when they play together, they're calmer than when Côme's alone.''

The two boys stopped, sat down opposite each other and laughed their heads off for no apparent reason.

''They're so cute.''

Lucas sits down next to Eliott and gives him back his pen.

''Just don't leave anything lying around. Are you sure you're gonna be okay?''

Eliott nods and smiles.

''Of course! Don't worry about us, just go to your appointment. We'll play, I'll make them eat and when you get home they'll sleep like two little angels. It's not like it's the first time.''

Lucas kisses him and grabs his jacket and his bag. Today he has an appointment with the director of the musicology section of the university to see if he can take the second and third year courses simultaneously next year. That would be a really intense schedule, but it would allow him to graduate next year and start working right after.

''Okay, I'm going. You have my milk in the fridge if he doesn't want yogurt. But maybe he'll eat it with you. Daphne prepared mashed butternut for them. Please don't put anything weird in their food.''

Eliott sends him a jaded look.

''I've only done this once!''

Lucas smiles at him and comes back to kiss him.

''I know, I'm teasing you. Okay, I'm going to be late. Love you guys.''

Lucas stops to kiss Jules and then Côme before almost running away because now he's totally late. But he leaves completely calm and just for that he's happy. It was really hard to learn how to let go and how to detach from Côme but now they have found a good balance. 

When Lucas comes back two hours later from his appointment, Eliott's asleep on the couch and there is no trace of the babies. Lucas gently opens the bedroom door, almost by reflex, and smiles as he watches them sleep. Now that Côme has a small bed, when Jules' folding bed is there, like today, the bedroom seems really too small, and that alone still makes Lucas want to moves.

He sighs as he looks at the dirty bottle in the sink. They've been trying for three weeks to introduce yogurt but Côme never seems ready to accept it and always prefers to suckle or take a bottle. Eliott's mom keeps saying that he is like his father, but Lucas already knows that they will soon stop breastfeeding. Lucas's ready to stop it, and would have already done so if Côme was ready too. 

''How did it go?''

Lucas turns around and smiles at Eliott who yawns and stretches.

''Really good, and you?''

Eliott yawns again and nods.

''They wore me out, but they ate good. So, what did he say?''

Lucas comes and sits next to him and plays distractedly with his hand.

''He thinks it's going to be really hard to keep up with the two years and have a one-year-old baby at home. It would be a really big range of classes and a lot of work at home'

Eliott nods, taking his hands.

''It's okay, we knew you'd have another two years of school. I know you're looking forward to working so you can find another apartment and Côme can have his bedroom, but we can hold out for two years. We could let him have the bedroom and sleep in the living room with a sofa bed.''

Lucas shakes his head and smiles.

''No. I convinced him to give me a chance. I'm going to do it. I'm can do it and I'm going to do it. I won't have a vacation because I'll have to take some classes with the remedial students, but we're going to make it. It's going to be a tough year, but it's going to get done. I can do it. We can do it.''

Eliott pulls him into his arms and kisses him.

''Of course you can do it. I'm really proud of you. Are you sure it's not gonna be too much?''

Lucas shakes his head and smiles.

''No. I really want to do it. We need to find a bigger place. I never thought I'd say this, but I can't wait for Côme to get his room. Now we have to figure out who's going to take care Côme and Jules. They can't be separated, it would be too many changes for them at once.''

Eliott nods and gently pulls him towards him to kiss him.

''Don't worry, we'll found the good person. And then the three of us are going to organize ourselves so that our schedules reduce the number of on-call hours. We've totally relied on you this year, now it's up to you to let us do it.''

Eliott puts his head in the hollow of the neck of Lucas and rubs himself there gently.

''Just promise me you'll say it if it's too hard. We don't cares if we wait another year, all right?''

Lucas nods and turns to kiss him.

''Okay. In the meantime, do you want to eat, or...''

Eliott raises an eyebrow with a smile.

''Yeah. ''Or" that's sound great.''

He kisses him tenderly, slipping his hands under his shirt, caressing his lower back and already moving his hips.

"Dadddyy!''

Lucas's startled and falls off the couch. Eliott pulls on his arm and they run to the bedroom. Côme's sit in his slatted bed, smiling, while Jules is still asleep.

"Did you do the talking, Côme? What did you say?''  
  
Côme looks at Lucas and then points to Eliott while a big smile.

''Daddddyyyyy! Daddy! Daddy!''

Lucas takes him in his arms, a huge smile on his lips and shows him Eliott who has an even bigger smile than Lucas.

''Yeah, that's your daddy. Oh that's your first word. I'm so proud of you, big boy.''

Côme pushes Lucas for jump into the arms of Eliott who grabs him and they come out of the bedroom, leaving Jules asleep.

''And there, who's that?'' asks Eliott, showing him Lucas.

Côme pinches his fingers to his mouth twice, making the sign for ''daddy'' in sign language.

Eliott nods and smiles.

"Yes, that's your daddy too.''

Côme frowns and pushes Lucas away, then puts both hands on Eliott's face, playing with his beard.

''No. Daddyyy.''

Eliott shakes his head but Lucas caresses his cheek and smiles.

''Don't worry, my love, it makes me really happy. It's not easy for him to have two daddies.''

Eliott bends over to kiss him and Côme puts his hand over Eliott's mouth and pulls him towards him.

''No. Daddy!''

Eliott laughs and takes Côme's little hand out of his mouth.

''Nobody's gonna stop me from kissing the love of my life, not even you, baby.''

Eliott gently kisses Lucas and Côme pushes himself down from his arms so he puts him down on the floor before sighing.

''He's so much like you!''

Lucas looks at him, half amused, half annoyed.

''Why does it sound like you're saying this as an insult?''

Eliott laughs as he holds him tight.

''What? Nonsense. I love everything about you, even your temper.''

"Daddy daddy daddy daddy.''

Eliott and Lucas watch Côme playing with his vibrant raccoon.

"He's going to repeat that over and over again, isn't he?''

Lucas goes into the kitchen and turns on the oven laughing while Côme looks like a broken record repeating the same thing over and over again.

''Yeah, I think so. He's managed to turn it from "too cute" to "annoying" in just a few minutes.''

Eliott laughs and grabs his vibrating cell phone.

''Baz finished classes early, so he's on his way over. That's cool, I'll tell him he'll eat with us.''

Côme grabs a book and comes and sits on Eliott's lap and he starts reading to him. The doorbell rings and Jules immediately starts crying so Lucas goes to get it before going to open the door. Jules immediately huddles up against him and Lucas pushes his curly hair back from his forehead while drying his tears. It's just crazy how much he looks like Basile, he really looks like a miniature copy. He sucks his rabbit's ear before yawning and Lucas wedges him on his hip before opening.

''Baz, you woke him up, you should have just knocked, and''

His heart stops as soon as he realizes that it's not Basile and he's frozen two seconds, then holds Jules a little closer to him.

''Eliott!''

He doesn't even know why he's calling him, but it's his first reflex. And fortunately Eliott joins him immediately, Côme in his arms and stands in front of him frowning.

Lucas will never thank Eliott enough for being there today.


	28. Someone sad.

This has happened at least three times, but never since the birth of Côme. So today, Lucas's really happy not to be alone with the two babies. 

The last time it happened, Lucas had to call for help because the situation had gotten out of hand and that's why he's so happy that Eliott's here to help him today. And that's why Eliott stands in front of him with a slight frown. 

She looks at Côme and then at Lucas, then bursts into tears again. She looks completely lost and can't speak clearly and Lucas is just awful that he can't hold her. If she hadn't tried to stab him the last time she showed up crying like that, in the middle of the night, he would have taken her in his arms without hesitation, but he can't risk it's happening again.

''Mom?''

She looks at him, starts crying even harder and huddles gently against him. Eliott takes Jules in his arms, looking even more worried and Lucas gently wraps his hand around her, not wanting to scare her, never knowing how she might react.

''I'm not...Lucas...he is...''.

Lucas doesn't understand anything but his mother seems completely unable to console himself and only then does he wonder if she really isn't well because of his illness or if something has happened.

''Did something happen, Mom?''

She nods her head without stopping crying and Lucas pulls her gently into the apartment, feeling horrible for having thought about her illness first. 

''Why didn't you call me?''

Since his mother tried to stab him, she always called him before she came, even though sometimes she was right down the block, just so he could hear that she was okay. It wasn't even Lucas who asked her, it was her decision.

''I didn't...He's dead...''.

She starts crying again and Lucas sits with her on the couch, tears filling his eyes. He doesn't need her to say it for Lucas to understand who it's. But even if he does, it hurts even more when she says it.

''Your dad...he was in a car accident yesterday. It's over.''

Lucas hears the knock on the door but he can't move. He hears Basile talking to Eliott and offering to take Côme for the rest of the day and he wants to shout to Eliott that he needs their son to stay with them, but no sound comes out of his mouth. All that comes out is a sob that makes him want to vomit.

Eliott comes back, their little treasure still in his arms and sits down next to him so that he can surround him with his arms, but Lucas has only one desire, and that is to vomit.

Everything he feels inside him makes him want to vomit.

He hasn't spoken to his father since he was 18, he hasn't even invited him to his wedding. His father didn't even know he had a grandson and now he finds himself crying like he lost someone he loved.

And this feeling inside him makes him feel like a fucking hypocrite.

''It's gonna be okay, babe, you have a right to be sad. I know you thought that one day things would get better between you.''

Lucas starts crying twice as hard, and now his mom is stroking his back to comfort him. Côme starts crying and Lucas immediately stands up to dry his tears.

''I'm sorry, baby, I'm scaring you.''

Côme makes the sign ''Daddy'' then ''Eat'' and Lucas sniffs as he hugs him.

''Daddy's going to give you a bottle. You can do it, my love?''

Eliott gets up and goes to get a bottle but Côme pushes him away and clings to Lucas.

''Daddy. Daddy.''

He tries to tear off his shirt with his little fists so Lucas takes a deep breath and settles down a little better to make him suckle. 

He looks at his son so he won't look away because he won't be able to lift his head without crying. And during those few minutes, he feels like he's in a bubble where nothing happened. Or everything is still possible. Or he can still be reconciled with his father. Or he does not regret not trying to get back in touch with him.

Eliott's thumb wipes a tear from his cheek and he gently kisses his temple while hugging him.

Lucas blows gently so he doesn't crack and watches his mother blow her nose.

''Please take care of my mom.''

Eliott kisses him again before he goes to hug Lucas' mom. Lucas sees them talking for a while over a cup of tea, but he doesn't listen. He stays away from it all, sitting on the couch, in his bubble, with his baby.

''Babe, he's sleeping.''

Lucas sighs as he looks at Côme, asleep against him.

''I know.''

Eliott caresses his back and kisses him on the temple.

''Let me put him to bed. I'll take your mom to her home and I'll talk to the nurses for they're going to watch her.''

Lucas nods and then gets up Eliott takes Côme from his arms and takes him to the room, while Lucas goes to his mother.

''I have to meet a funeral agent tomorrow. You could come with me, please?''

Lucas nods and takes her in his arms.

''Of course, Mom. I'm sorry. I'm just... I just need a little bit of time. But I'll be there tomorrow. Just tell me what time and''

His mom strokes his cheek before kissing him.

''I've already told Eliott everything. It's a good thing I have you two. I know you were angry with your father, but he will always be my first love and my husband. It's okay for you to be sad, he was your father.''

Lucas hugs her again and kisses her before she puts her coat back on to leave with Eliott. Lucas watches him put his coat and shoes on, when a little knock comes at the door. Eliott opens the door and Yann crosses the entrance to come and take him in his arms, then Lucas starts crying again.

Eliott comes to kiss him again before telling him that he will be back soon and to leave with his mom. Lucas looks at Yann and try to dries his tears.

''Who warned you?''

Yann looks at him almost astonished and drags him to go and sit on the couch.

''Eliott. He asked me to come along while he takes your mother home. How are you?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and sighs.

''I feel awful. I couldn't bear to see him when I was alive and now I feel like an orphan. I feel like a total fraud.''

Yann just shrugs his shoulders and smiles at him.

''It was your father. Okay, the last few years have been shitty, but I know you thought it would get better one day. I know you would have given him a second chance if he wanted to reconcile with you and now you're just angry that it could never happen. But it's okay, lulu, you have a right to be sad, angry or disappointed.''

Lucas nods his head, happy to see that his best friend still knows him so well. 

In the days that follow, it all happens very quickly. His parents are still legally married, so it's up to his mother to organize everything. Lucas and Eliott help him with all the steps. Eliott's parents keep Côme on the day of the funeral and Lucas finds himself surrounded by all his friends, his husband, and that damn feeling of guilt. 

And he feels even worse when he has to empty his father's apartment and finds pictures of him as a little boy in every room. In every picture he's with his father and he smiles, looking happy. In his office there are dozens of letters addressed to him. The first one is from 2019, when he lived with Mika. There is one written after his coming-out. Lucas read the start then throws the letters across the room before putting all the stuff in boxes.

Lucas had imagined that he was in a couple, maybe even living with his new family, and in the end it hurts to know that he was alone with his regrets, and living in the past. Maybe if he had just sent him a message, they could have talked to each other again and worked things out. And why didn't his father just come to him and have an adult conversation? Would Lucas have listened to him? He's not even sure.

Lucas receives money as an inheritance, even though he tells his mother he doesn't want it. He doesn't want to use his father's money. So he doesn't touch it and Eliott doesn't say anything. They could move in a another appartement with the money, Lucas could study more quietly, in two years, but he can't stand the idea of being dependent on him, even after his death. 

Until the first episode that Eliott undergoes since they have Côme.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We often talk about the death of a loved one, but rarely about the ones we loved and with whom we were at odds, and yet it is sometimes even more difficult to make this kind of mourning full of regrets.


	29. Someone not well.

It starts subtly, and Lucas doesn't realize it right away, but one morning Eliott's too agitated, he talks about too many things at the same time, from his birthday to the end of the month, to the new project he's being offered, to what he wants to eat, and then he gets angry because he can't find his favorite pen. Lucas tries to make him stay home, but Eliott leaves saying he's fine.

Eliott's co-workers call Lucas a few hours later to pick him up because he's drunk, and when Lucas arrives he has to realize that he's not drunk, he's manic. He talk and moves too fast so Lucas takes care of him, happy that Côme is guarded by Daphne that day...then Eliott sinks into depression.

This is the first time Eliott has had an episode since Côme was born, but frankly Lucas didn't think it would be so difficult for their son. He hadn't really thought about it, thinking that he would understand that his dad is not available for him and that he would wait patiently for Eliott to be able to take care of him again. Except that Côme's not patient at all, and he doesn't understand why Eliott's not taking care of him. He spent the first two nights waking up almost every hour crying, pushing Lucas who was trying to take care of him away from him to go to Eliott. Except that Eliott was really bad and ended up getting angry at Côme because he couldn't stand his crying.

For the next two nights, Lucas made Côme sleep in the living room, sleeping half with Eliott, half on the couch to reassure their son. And that's when he decided to use the money his father left him to find a bigger apartment. Côme really needs his bedroom, and Eliott deserves to be able to rest properly when he's not well. Lucas just hopes that he won't remember getting angry at Côme because it's clear that he's going to be very upset about himself for it.

Except that the more he thinks about using that money, the more guilt increases. It's obvious that they need a bigger apartment, but if his father hadn't had that accident, he wouldn't have had the money so they couldn't imagine changing apartments, and it makes Lucas feel like he's taking advantage of the situation. And it makes him feel even worse. 

He therefore calls for help from the only person who will give him a point of view in all honesty.

"Do you really want to know what I think?"

Lucas looks at Imane, almost afraid of what she might say and nods. 

"Yes. I need to know what you think. I know you won't tell me what I want to hear, but what you really think."

Imane smiles and takes a sip of tea.

"Okay. So I think it's really hard for you to grieve because your relationship was full of unspoken things and you're consumed with guilt that you didn't go back to him, and anger that he didn't come to you. I think you don't want to use this money because it makes you feel like you're taking advantage of the situation, but you're not, Lucas. You're not the one who hit him. You didn't wish him dead."

"I did." Whisper Lucas.

Imane rolls her eyes and sighs

"Of course you did. What 15- or 16-year-old hasn't wished for his father's death at least once? Everybody does."

Lucas smiles and then looks at Côme playing quietly on his alarm clock.

"You. And him, I hope."

Imane starts to laugh.

"Don't put me on an equal footing, Lucas, I did it too. But I didn't mean it, and I'm sure you didn't either. In medicine, we call that anger, and you know what, it's perfectly normal."

Lucas sighs and pouting.

"So what do I do?"

Imane puts her hand on his knee and smiles softly at him.

"You thank your father for this last gift he left you. Maybe you could put a candle in the church. Isn't that what you Catholics do? And above all you never forget and you use it to make sure you never taint your relationship with your son. Never let him get away from you. If that ever happens, swallow your pride and take a step towards him. In fact, it works with everyone you love. If he hadn't wanted you to have that money, he would have disinherited you, Lucas. Think of it as his last gift. No one will judge you if you decide to use the money, so stop doing it. Don't be so hard on yourself."

For a couple of days, Lucas thinks about this and starts looking at apartments available in their neighborhood and finally it's while talking to his next-door neighbor that he learns that the apartment just above het is for sale. She gives him a tour of hers, which is a copy of the one above, and Lucas starts calculating whether they can afford it. His father's money won't be enough, but if they get credit and the amount of the payments is about the same as the rent they are currently paying, they might be able to make it.

Lucas's still thinking about it, in the shower, when Eliott comes in and huddles up to him without even taking the time to undress.

''I can't do it, Lucas.''

Eliott's huddled next to him with his head in the crook of his neck, but even though they are physically close, Lucas knows that his husband is far away from him. And the fact that he calls him _Lucas_ only reinforces that feeling.

''You're doing great, my love. Minute by minute, okay?''

Eliott steps back and shakes his head.

''No, not okay. I can't do it. I feel too bad.''

Lucas takes him back into his arms and gently strokes his back.

''I know, but it's going to be okay. I'm gonna help you get out of your clothes and get in the shower first, okay?''

Eliott stands up and looks him in the eyes.

"I killed our baby.''

Lucas feels his heart almost stop right there and then. He pushes Eliott to get out of the shower and runs through the apartment. Côme's in his bed, he sleeps with his buttocks in the air and his back lifts up with each breath he takes. Lucas puts his hand in front of his eyes to hold back his tears, goes anyway to see if he's well and as it's the case, he goes back to Eliott. 

He grabs a towel that he ties around his waist and stops the water before crouching down because Eliott's sitting in the bottom of the shower.

''He's fine. He's fine, my love, it was a nightmare, or''

''Not him. The other one.''

Eliott starts to cry and Lucas pulls him towards him, not understanding who the other one is. He takes off his clothes and wraps him in a towel, but Eliott seems inconsolable.

"Come lie down, my love.''

Eliott gets up to take him back to the bedroom and then he starts crying again, hugging Lucas.

''I'm so sorry I lied to you. I was so afraid for you. I thought I wouldn't care, but I feel so bad about leaving our baby.''

Lucas gently strokes his cheek, telling him that everything is fine but tears are starting to come up in his eyes because he's afraid to understand too well what Eliott has done. Given Eliott's condition, this is clearly not the time to talk about it, so Lucas holds him gently in his arms and tells him that everything will be fine until he falls asleep.

Côme doesn't wake up and Lucas's almost disappointed because it would have allowed him not to be the only one to be woken up. Around 4am, he gets up slowly and looks in the office for the papers of the hospital that inseminated him, but he finds nothing. It's Eliott who took care of all the administration and Lucas tries to find it, but he can't see where he could have put it.

And then in the last drawer, he finds the red file in the name of Lucie Lallemant. He had already understood, but that doesn't stop him from feeling betrayed when he reads his file.

_IVF performed successfully, 2 embryos obtained._   
_Implantation of ~~2~~ 1 embryo on 26/12._   
_Remaining embryo sent for destruction._

They had obtained two embryos that the doctor was supposed to implant in him to optimize the chances of success, and he really thought that this is what had happened, but apparently they decided otherwise at the last moment and nobody saw fit to warn him.

Lucas looks at Eliott, really angry that he was betrayed like that then look at the file, again He knows very well what Eliott's going to tell him: that he was afraid that the two embryos would hold and that his body would not support a twin pregnancy. And yes, surely he was right, but he should have told him and talked to him, not decided this alone with the doctor. 

''Baby I know you hate me, I'm so sorry I did this.''

Lucas turns around, his eyes still full of tears, and looks at Eliott who's sitting in the middle of their bed with his head down.

''I was afraid that it would work too well and that you wouldn't be able to handle the pregnancy. I'm so sorry.''

Lucas stands up and comes and sits down in front of him.

''I can't believe you lied to me. I know you were afraid for me, and you were probably right. My uterus probably would have ruptured sooner if I had two babies. And there's no telling that the second one would have lasted too, but that's not the point, you shouldn't have done this without telling me.''

Eliott nods and start crying.

''I'm sorry. I feel so bad about doing this. I didn't think I'd care because it wasn't really a baby, but I keep thinking it could've been a baby. I killed our baby, they destroyed it because of me.''

Lucas hugs him gently. 

''He probably wouldn't have made it. And maybe if he had, we would've lost both our babies, or maybe I would've died, too. We're so lucky we had Côme already.''

Eliott shakes his head and sighs.

''But it's not enough for me, Lucas. I don't want him to be a only child, and you'll never want a child that isn't ours. I should have told them to freeze it. I feel so bad.''

Lucas gently strokes his cheek to wipe his tears.

''We couldn't have gone looking for it. And of course I could love a child who's not biologically ours. Is that the impression I'm giving you?''

Eliott shrugs his shoulders and lies back. Lucas hesitates then joins him and lies down in his back, making him his little spoon. And now he has the impression of being a horrible person.

''Do you really think I wouldn't love a child we could adopt?''

Eliott shrugs his shoulders and retreats to Lucas' hollow.

''I don't know. You keep saying how happy you are that he looks like us physically and that he's really ours. I know how much you liked to feel him inside you and how much you love to breastfeed him.''

Lucas forces him to turn around and smiles at him.

''If you don't know, then don't decide on your own, okay? I'd love to adopt a baby with you. I don't want Côme to be an only child either. And of course I'd love that baby as much as Côme would. Yes, I liked to carry him and I like to breastfeed him, but you don't do it, and yet you love Côme as much as I do. I should just learn to be a slightly different father to this baby but I would like that too, I swear.''

Eliott smiles at him and Lucas kisses him before holding him.

''Get some rest, we'll talk about it tomorrow.''

Eliott goes back to sleep almost immediately, but Lucas can't sleep. He quickly looks at his phone and sighs. They'll have to wait until they're two years married to apply for adoption, and then they'll probably have to wait several years before they get a baby or take him from another country. Côme will probably already be 6 or 7 years old if they ever manage to do it. Lucas sighs as he puts his phone down, having a hard time imagining waiting so long to have a second baby, but it's not like they have a choice. It's not like he wants one now because Côme's only nine months old, but in two or three years, it would have been nice. 

Lucas looks at Eliott sleeping against him and gently strokes his hair, wondering how long he's been feeling guilty, and how long he's been thinking about this second child story while thinking that Lucas wouldn't want it.  
  
Côme starts crying and Lucas kisses Eliott before getting up to go get him. He doesn't even have time to hug him when Côme gives him the "eat" sign and Lucas laughs as he takes him. 

''I'm just your walking fridge, right?''

Côme gives him a big smile as he licks his cheek before trying to lift his shirt.

"Daddy.''

Lucas sits comfortably on the couch and gently caresses Côme's head.

''You know you're getting big for this, baby? We should stop soon.''

Côme stops and gives him a black look, which makes Lucas laugh before he starts again.

''He's never gonna stop until you give him the choice.''

Côme immediately steps back and sits down, opening his arms.

''Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!''

Lucas smiles as he watches Eliott come and sit next to him and Côme huddles up to him.

''Daddy. Daddy.''

Côme gives the impression that he's trying to climb him and Lucas makes him sit down.

"Easy on your daddy, Côme, he's tired.''

Côme gently caresses Eliott's beard as he curls up in his arms.

"Daddy.''

He gently raises his hand from his chest, making the sign "I love you" and Eliott starts crying as he hugs him.

''I love you too. Daddy's gonna get better, baby. I'm so sorry.''

Côme stays about ten minutes against Eliott before coming back to finish feeding, but he doesn't let go of Eliott's hand and Lucas smiles when he notices him. So yes, sometimes it's difficult, but as long as they're all three, everything will be fine.


	30. Someone in a lie.

''Babe, I swear he's going to like it. And then he'll be with Jules. Everything's gonna be okay for them.''

Lucas looks at the daycare in front of them and sighs. He knows they need to find a childcare arrangement for next year, but he didn't think he'd have a place at the neighborhood daycare center. Of course, he should be happy, but he's scared to death. Daphne and Eliott filled out the applications, and frankly Lucas was sure they would be turned down. All four of them decided to refuse the place if the other one didn't have it so that Jules and Côme would be kept together, but in the end they each got a place.

So today, the four of them are in front of the daycare and in a few minutes they are going to visit it and meet the team that will take care of their babies in two months while Lucas goes back to school.

July 3 - September 3...there are only two months left and Lucas doesn't know if he's ready for that.

''Hi, I'm Annabelle, the principal educator. Come in.''

Basile elbows Lucas and shows him a hedgehog hanging in the lobby, smiling. Lucas knows he's doing this to help him relax because he's the most stressed out of the four, so he gives him a tiny smile in return. They enter a room with orange walls, filled with toys, and Jules pushes Basile down from his arms.

''He can go and play, don't worry. That's why we organize the meetings on Saturdays. It's the only time the children have the whole daycare for themselves. Finally there for both of them.''

Annabelle sits on a mat and they all settle down on the floor, which reminds a little bit of the childbirth preparation classes. Lucas was expecting to be received in an office, so he's pretty happy.

''So, are you co-parents?''

The four of them look at each other and start laughing and shaking their heads.

''No, we're just friends from high school who had a baby at the same time.'' Explains Eliott, ''The boys are a week apart, so we help each other out a lot.''

Lucas tries to put Côme down and show him the games Jules is playing, but Côme shakes his head and stays in his arms.

''Our nanny let us down, so Lucas kept Jules at the same time as Côme since January, but in September he goes back to school.''

Lucas signs to Côme that he can go play and Côme signs him "hug'' ''daddy" before huddling up against him again.

''We also use the sign with babies. It's great that they already know it.''

Lucas smiles as he looks at her.

''They've been used to it since they were little because we have deaf friends. Jules and Côme grew up together, so it's very important to us that they stay together.''

Annabelle nods with a smile.

''Yes, it was noted in your files. It will probably help them get used to it here. So this is the first time they've been kept outside of your private circle?''

Lucas nods with a smile because Jules calls Côme while taking the games out of the boxes, giving the impression that he wants to touch all the toys at the same time.

"Yes.''

Annabelle nods and looks at him.

''We'll do an adjustment period in August so they can slowly get used to it. It can be difficult for Côme. Sometimes the community brings up abandonment anxieties, especially for adopted babies. He seems really attached to you and it's really important to him that it's done gently so that he's not reminded of his adoption, and''

''It was not adopted.''

Eliott, Daphne and Basile turn at the same time to Lucas while Annabelle looks at him in amazement and then reopens the file in front of her.

''Sorry. I just thought, ''

Lucas shakes his head and puts Côme back on his lap a little better.

''I'm sorry, but I can't let him have the adopted baby label because he's not adopted. I'm tired of pretending. No, he's not adopted, I'm the one who carried him because I was born with a genetic disease that makes me a man with a uterus and I used it to give birth to him. He will not have any anxiety related to his adoption because he was not adopted.''

Lucas smiles, relieved. Relieved is the word. For nine months he has been pretending to have adopted Côme and he can't stand it. He can't stand lying. It makes him feel like he's done something wrong when it's not. 

Since they talked about adopting a baby in a few years, Lucas has been reading all over the place about people hiding their baby's adoption, and Lucas feels like he's doing the same thing. He hides the birth of Côme, as if he should be ashamed of it when it's the most beautiful thing he's ever done.

''Okay. Good. All right.''

Eliott slips his hand into Lucas' hand and Lucas almost hesitates to look at him, but when he does, Eliott smiles tenderly at him.

''Okay. That's good. Thank you for your honesty. It's pretty amazing, but the human body is so incredible.''

Lucas nods and Côme gets down from his knees to join Jules as he climbs up a small slide.

''Do you want to visit?''

The more they visit the daycare, the better Lucas feels. Annabelle explains to them how a day goes here, and how they work, and frankly now Lucas's downright happy to know that the boys are coming here. 

Until Côme falls off the slide and starts crying. Of course, he's already hurt himself, and he's already fallen off the couch or the coffee table, but now he looks inconsolable as Eliott tries to calm him down. 

Côme jumps into Lucas' arms and lifts up his shirt to suckle, not even giving him the opportunity to say no to him. It had never happened before that he would do it outdoors. He has done it when they are at their friends' or parents' homes, but never at the parent-child mornings that Lucas always goes to two mornings a week, nor when they go out to restaurants or any outdoor venues. Lucas thought Côme understood that the feedings were reserved in their private circle, but apparently it was just a coincidence.

He must really be making a superhuman effort to keep his cheeks from turning red when the director looks at him, visibly astonished.

''Uh...yeah, I'm still breastfeeding him.''

She smiles and shows him a huge chair that looks more like a throne than a chair.

''You can sit in it to be more comfortable. He would have to get used to the bottles before September to make it easier for him.''

''He's already used to it.'' Says Eliott with a smile, ''But he refuses them when he sees Lucas. As long as his father's breasts are away from him, he'll be fine.''

Lucas blushes a little more but the director starts to laugh.

''My children were like that too. I felt like their refrigerator on the road.''

She tells them how the adjustment week's going to go, so the boys get used to the places and people before they have to stay for days on end, and when they come out, Lucas's really, really relieved.

''It's perfect! Tell me you're okay too.''

Basile pretends to hesitate and then bursts out laughing.

''Are you laughing? It's perfect! You were the only one who had doubts. They're going to be too good. Did you see the ball pool? I would have gone to lie in it!''

"It's just perfect," said Daphne as she tried to give Jules his hat. "Come on, let's celebrate.''

''Arthur asked me if it was okay, so I told him to come home with Alex. Lulu, send a message to Yann and Emma.''

Lucas nods with a smile.

''Ok. Here, Imane asks if we liked it. I tell him to enjoy Morocco and take care of her holidays.''

Eliott, Basile and Daphne open their eyes and Lucas starts to laugh.

''What? She knows I'm laughing.''

Lucas rolls his eyes as he sends a second message to Imane to tell her that he's laughing and that yes, they are super happy and that the boys should be really good at the daycare.

The following days go by really peacefully. They decided to get the necessary loan to buy the upstairs apartment which has two bedrooms and a bigger living room and they will officially be the owners in September. And in spite of that, they managed to organize a week of vacations at the seaside all three of them on the _Ile de ré_ , thanks to the work of Eliott's father, and Lucas in a real hurry. Frankly, there's no shadow in the picture, until Lucas receives his schedule for the return to school, and he panics a little, because indeed, he will have really big time amplitudes.

''You could take the time and do it in two years, babe.''

Lucas sighs as he looks at Eliott and shrugs his shoulders.

''I don't know. I can't wait to work anyway. I'm afraid I don't have time for Côme anymore. But hey, it's only a year. I have to think about it.''

Eliott nods and smiles fondly at him, and Lucas knows he won't tell him what to do. He doesn't want to decide too quickly, so he decides to give himself a few days and decide before his birthday. He doesn't really know why, but it reassures him to have a deadline. And it works, because the day before, he made his decision: he's going to follow the training in one year. It will be difficult, but he can do it.

And then the phone rings and his whole world collapses. The words spoken by the secretary or the nurse who calls him will stay in his head forever.

''Eliott Demaury? I'm calling on behalf of Marie, she's in labor, your baby's coming.''

Lucas realizes that he has sat down without even thinking about it and looks at the phone in their house, almost hoping he has dreamt that call.

''Eliott, are you there?''

Lucas takes a breath and take the phone again.

''Excuse me? What did you say?''

''Marie has just been admitted, her baby's coming this night. She didn't know she was pregnant, but she's adamant that you're the father of the baby. Can you come?''

Lucas tries to think as fast as he can, but he doesn't even remember meeting a Marie in Eliott's co-workers, and maybe that's even worse. And that's when he realizes: one of the actresses in his first project was called Marie. That was when he was waiting for Côme. And then he realizes that the dates don't add up. Côme's 10 months old, so it had to be after he was born.

After his birth...

This period when they had not had sex for two months. 

Lucas almost starts shaking when all the dots line up in his head. Eliott hadn't "forgotten" about the sex, he just left him alone, probably to give him time to recover from the trying birth. And then it was too hard to hold and he having sex with her.

All the questions start to go round and round in his head and he can't even hear what the nurse is saying on the phone. Was it only once? Did they have an affair? Are they still together? Whenever Eliott comes home late and says he wants to finish something for work, is he with her? Is he in love with her? 

Lucas doesn't have any answers to his questions but he's sure of one thing: Eliott cheated on him because Lucas didn't give him what he wanted, and now she can give him what Lucas can't.

The door opens and Eliott enters with a smile on his face and a fucking bouquet of flowers in his arms.

''Côme was still asleep, I told Basile I'd be back in an hour, and...babe, are you okay?''

Lucas gets up shaking his head, really happy that Côme is still at Basile's because he takes the flowers and hits him Eliott with them.

''I hate you. I hate you. I hate you!''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you want says to me "I hate you!" ? 
> 
> I understand 😁 but if you know me, you know I don't like when the truth is too obvious😉🤔🧐🤐🤐
> 
> Call me evil-herilaveur 😈😈


	31. Someone unexpected.

''Stop it!''

Eliott grabs his wrists, pushes him against the wall and Lucas bursts into tears.

"How could you do this to us?''

''But what did I do?"

Eliott seems completely lost and Lucas frees himself from his grip before going to get the phone he throws at him.

''The maternity to call, Marie's in labor, your baby's coming. You're having a baby with her, Eliott!''

Eliott picks up the phone, completely confused but of course there is no one at the other end.

''Calm down, I don't know any Marie. It's a mistake.''

Lucas tugs on his hair, feeling like he's going to explode.

''Do you know another Eliott Demaury who lives here? I know after Côme was born, I left you out, but how the fuck did you''

Eliott grabs him by the chin, almost hurting him and forces him to look at him.

''I didn't cheat on you, Lucas! Never! Please believe me. I need you to believe in me because I have never cheated on you! Now I need you to calm down because I don't understand what's going on here!''

Eliott's hand relaxes and Lucas nods before crying into his arms.

"This is a nightmare. She says you're the father.''

Eliott calls back to the hospital while caressing Lucas' cheek.

''There's been a mistake, babe. I didn't get any woman pregnant.''

Eliott stays on the phone for a few minutes but seems to get more and more lost.

''She says I have to come because I'm the father. I don't understand, babe I swear it's not true. I just don't get it."

Lucas sighs and pulls out his phone.

''Okay, let's go, we'll both see about it. I'm asking Baz to keep Côme longer."

Basile tells him there's no problem, then sends him a wink, a flame and two eggplants and Lucas sighs as he puts on his coat.

When they arrive at the maternity ward, a woman guides them into a room and frankly, Lucas wasn't ready for that at all. 

It's not a woman who's standing there, standing against the bed crying in pain, it's a teenager. She must be 16, maybe 17 years old.

Eliott raises his hands in front of him, almost backing away.

''I've never seen this girl before. I haven't done anything. I swear there is a misunderstanding.''

The girl looks at him and smiles.

''I'm glad you're both here. I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do. I'm so sorry.''

She starts crying and Lucas looks at Eliott, doesn't know what to do. But as Eliott doesn't move, Lucas walks towards her.

''Breathe, you have to breathe when the contraction goes down, it will help you with the pain. Go with me.''

The girl copies the breathing of Lucas, seeming to relax and then hugs him, taking him by surprise.

''I knew you would come. Valentin and Dimitri said so many good things about you.''

Eliott finally approaches and looks at her frowning.

''Do you know them?''

The girl nods and sniffs.

''Yes, they're in my class. Valentin told us how you helped him, and then that you were married and had a son. He showed us a picture of the three of you taken during the preview of the last film. I saw you one day in the street when I was going to Dimitri's house, the three of you looked so cute with your son.''

She starts screaming and Lucas tries to guide her to breathe, but he still doesn't understand what they're doing there, and he can see that Eliott doesn't understand it either.

"Eliott's not the father of your baby.''

She shakes her head and looks at him.

''Not yet, but I want him to be. I want you both to be. I told the nurse it was Eliott because that was the first name that came to me, but I could have said Lucas. I want you two to adopt this baby.''

Lucas just stares blankly for a few seconds. Maybe a few minutes because he can't move until the girl twists in pain again. He looks at Eliott who looks as shocked as himself and looks at the girl again.

''Marie, is that it?''

She nods as she dries her tears and Lucas gently lays his hand on hers.

''We can't do that. That's not the way it works.''

Marie frowns and shows her belly. Which is far too flat to look like the belly of a woman nine months pregnant. For several months Lucas was sad that his belly wasn't growing and wondered if this was normal, but when he looks at the girl in front of him, he thinks that even at six months of pregnancy, his belly was bigger than that.

''It's not supposed to be like that, either. Last month I was in high school and I was taking my last baccalaureate exam, and today I felt bad and they told me I was going to have a baby. It's not supposed to happen like that, but it's there and I don't want it. Valentin said you wanted to adopt another baby, so here he's.''

Lucas looks at Eliott who seems totally freaked out and shakes his head.

''What? We were talking among colleagues and they asked me if we wanted other kids, I just said we were considering adopting but the delays were long and it made me sad because Côme and the baby would be so different. I didn't even think that Regis would talk about it with his son, let alone that we would get here.''

Lucas looks at the girl totally frightened and smiles gently because she shaking his hand while gently blowing the time for the next contraction.

''We can't just adopt your baby like that. Now you're in shock, but when the baby comes, you'll take it against you and you'll feel better. I'm sure your family will help you and in a few years you'll be glad you kept him.''

Marie shakes her head and cries before drying her tears.

''My mother died when I was 12 years old and I grew up in foster care. I don't want this baby, but I don't want him to go to a foster care. Please take him. If I say one of you is the father, no one will know it's not true and it will be yours. I give birth under X, but one of you may recognize him. I looked it up on the internet, we can do that. I just have to say that I give up my rights, and I do. I don't want this baby, but I'd like to make sure he grows up in a family that loves him.''

''What about the real father?'' asks Eliott.

Lucas looks at him, totally shocked, because he realizes that Eliott's considering it, which is totally crazy because they can't consider that!

''He's an asshole who forced himself on me while I was at the foster care. I had to wait until I turned 18, but for the last three weeks I've been living with friends. I'm going to go with my best friend to study in Bordeaux and without this baby. I swear you are the closest thing to a family for this baby. Please, I need you to take care of him.''

A midwife comes in to examine him, so Eliott and Lucas go out, promising to come back and Eliott pulls Lucas into the toilet at the end of the corridor. Just by looking at him, he knows that Eliott is already imagining doing it, which is just impossible.

''We can't, Eliott! It's forbidden! It's totally illegal!''

Eliott simply shrugs his shoulders.

''Having Côme was forbidden, too and it didn't stop us, Lucie.''

Lucas sighs, trying to stay as calm and reasonable as possible because his whole body's screaming at him to take this baby home and take care of him, but his head knows it's not possible.

''What if she changes her mind? What if she comes back in 6 months? 1 year? 10 years? What if she wants him back?''

Eliott simply shrugs his shoulders and Lucas sighs.

''Don't shrug, you're not helping!''

Eliott takes him in his arms and hugs him gently.

''If she gives birth under X, she won't be able to come back. We wanted another child and this girl wants to give us hers. Maybe it's just a gift from God.''

Lucas sighs and shakes his head.

''You're not even religious ! She's just a lost girl who just found out she's having a baby because some asshole molested her. We can't take advantage of this situation! And you thought about Côme? It's still a baby. He's not even a year old. We can't take this baby, Eliott. We can't.''

Eliott sighs as he hugs himself.

''You're right, I'm sorry. You're right. What do we do then?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and sighs.

''We stay with her. She shouldn't have to deliver alone. She must be terrified. I'm sure when she sees her baby, she'll change her mind anyway.''

As they come out of the toilets, they bump into the nurse who apparently was looking for them.

''Sorry, we needed to talk in private.'' Says Lucas, ''How is she?''

''It's about time. Hurry up.''

She takes them to the delivery room and then looks at them frowning.

''Only one person, just the father.''

She opens the door and Lucas's heart tightens as he sees this frightened, lonely teenager, with no one to hold her hand.

''They're both fathers.'' Says Marie, smiling, ''One is the father, and the other is his husband. It's a little complicated, but I'd like them both to be here, please. Come on guys, it's time.''

The look on the nurse's face makes Lucas want to run away, but Eliott smiles back at her and Marie starts screaming that the baby's coming, so they almost run into the room.

''Okay, the baby's coming. So it's an birth under X or not?''

Marie shrugs her shoulders and looks at the guys.

''For me, yes. I don't want this baby, but I'm giving them the choice.''

Lucas looks at Eliott looking at him, and frankly, he has no idea how they managed to put themselves in the middle of this completely impossible situation.

''Okay. Just think about it. You'll have two months to reverse your decision.''

Marie nods her head and grabs Lucas' hand and squeezes him tight and start screaming.

''It's thoughtful. It's not my baby. I don't want this baby.''

And that's when the baby makes its first cry and Lucas starts crying, in spite of himself. Côme was born during a declaration of love, Jules was born in the middle of their friends, and this poor baby was just born hearing that nobody wants him, and that's just too hard to hear.

''I knew it was yours. Stop thinking and take this baby, it's yours.''

Lucas lets go of Marie's hand and watches this tiny totally bald baby cry and get wrapped in a cloth by the midwife who seems hesitant to know who to give it to. And it's without thinking that Lucas reaches out his hands and takes the baby against him.

''Lucas, what are you doing?''

Lucas shakes his head but does not raise it. He can't look at Eliott. He looks at that crying baby and knows he'll never be able to let go.

''I'm sorry. I can't abandonned this baby.''

Marie lies back in bed and lets out a big sigh of relief while Eliott joins Lucas and takes him in his arms.

''I thought we couldn't? What about everything you said earlier?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and moves just a little bit the blanket over the baby's face as he stops crying.

''Look at him.''

Eliott kisses him on the neck and the midwife looks at them hard.

''You're lucky to have a husband who supports you like this and is ready to raise your baby.''

Lucas gives her a dark look and takes Eliott's hand in his.

''It was a threesome, so maybe it's actually mine. So stop judging what you don't know.''

The midwife stands there for two seconds with her mouth open while Marie starts laughing.

''You are so the best parents in the world. I'm sure your son will love his...is he a little sister or brother?"

Lucas looks at Eliott and they smile like idiots because they didn't even pay attention to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I could never write a story where Eliott cheats on Lucas (or vice versa for that matter) ...
> 
> some may find Lucas too naive to believe Eliott so easily, but that is confidence. I thought back to that scene where Eliott's mother wouldn't believe it, a few chapters earlier, and Lucas couldn't do that to her too.
> 
> But will they really illegally recognize this baby ... won't the mother reconsider her decision ... is it a girl or a boy ... ??? case to be continued ...


	32. A place at home.

  
Lucas waits, completely stressed, the baby sleeping in his arms. 

''What have we done? Damn it, Eliott, what did I do? What if it was a mistake?''

Eliott shrugs his shoulders and gently squeezes him.

''Do you regret it?''

Lucas looks at the sleeping baby and shakes his head.

"No. I'm scared.''

Eliott strokes his cheek and cuddles up a little more. It's as if his whole body wants to match Lucas' body to reassure him. He puts a gentle kiss in his neck before putting his head on his shoulder to support the baby by aligning his arm with that of Lucas. 

''Me too. I can't wait for us to get out of here.''

Lucas sighs and nods.

''Me too. I miss Côme.''

Yesterday, after the birth, the nurses suggested that one of them stay to look after the baby until the pediatrician says if he can go out today, with a follow-up at home. Lucas said he wasn't able to leave him, and Eliott simply smiled, saying, "I know you can't''. He offered to stay with them, but in the end they decided that the easiest thing to do was for him to go home and take care of Côme and prepare for the baby's arrival home.

So it was Lucas who spent the night here, keeping the little one skin to skin, giving him his bottles and talking to him. 

And since yesterday, every time the door to the hospital room opens, Lucas feels like someone is going to come and rip the baby out of his hands. There's this voice in his head telling him they should never have done this, but as soon as he looks at that little face, he knows it's his baby. It's almost visceral and he doesn't understand how he can feel that, but he does.

And it's clear that Eliott didn't sleep any more than Lucas did, because this morning when he arrived, he had written a whole list of possible first names. Lucas took the list and smiled as he read the first name.

''It means "God gave"? I really think you're getting religious.''

Eliott laughed and kissed him before he looked at the baby.

''Do you like it?''

Lucas just nodded and smiled.

"That's perfect.''

That was two hours ago. Since then, Eliott has gone to the registry office to declare his son, and now they are waiting. The door to the room opens and they both startle, but the nurse looks at them and smiles.

''The pediatrician is waiting for you.''

As soon as they get to the pediatrician's office, Eliott gets really tense. The woman looks at him, frowns and then waves them in and closes the door. The nurse enters at the same time as them, but the pediatrician shakes his head.

''No, that's okay, I'll receive them alone. Thank you.''

The nurse comes out looking up, not even trying to understand, and the pediatrician waves them to sit down.

''You're the man who had the baby last year. ''

It's not a question, it's a statement, so Lucas just nods.

''Richard is a long-time friend, and he asked me to take care of your case personally by explaining how you had the baby. How is your son doing?''

Eliott pulls out his phone and approaches the doctor with the proud smile he always takes when he talks about Côme.

''He just turned 10 months old. He's doing very well. Much better than when you saw him, he was so angry that day.''

She looks at the pictures smiling and then points at the baby Lucas is holding against him with a frown.

''I read that it was a baby that his mother didn't recognize. I'm just wondering how it's possible that you had a baby so soon after yours.''

Eliott takes Lucas' hand in his and holds it tight. Almost too strong.

''I had an affair after Côme was born. It was just one night, and here we are... the mother doesn't want him but we decided to keep him.''

Eliott squeezes his hand even harder and Lucas nods. He knows that he has no right to tell the truth and that Eliott asks him to lie with him.

''Oh. Excuse me. Oh. I hadn't thought of that. It's... Wow. Have you thought this through, Lucas? This is not an easy situation.''

Lucas nods, but he feels like he can't look her in the eye without cracking up and admitting that Eliott is not an asshole and that he didn't cheat on him, so he looks at the baby who wakes up gently in his arms.

''I think that in every bad situation you have to try to find something good. Maybe it's just a gift from God.''

The pediatrician smiles and stands up, beckoning him to come and take the baby to the examination table. It's rather impressive to see the different reflexes already present, especially the automatic walk. Eliott had told him how it went for Côme, but Lucas was still bedridden, so this time he's happy to see him.

''3kg050 and 49 cm. He's doing very well. You can take him home. We'll arrange a follow-up with the home hospitalization team. '' 

Lucas nods and takes Eliott's hand in his to come out of the office. They come out of there with their baby, the authorization to take him home, his health record, and especially the birth certificate.

Eliott holds it up as soon as they are back in the maternity room and takes a big smile.

''I'm officially a shitty husband. Sorry but happy birthday, babe!''

Lucas puts his hand over his mouth and laughs.

''Don't say words like that in front of our baby. Especially when it's not true. And thanks, I'm sure I'll never forget this birthday.''

He looks at the paper and can't believe it. It's official. Eliott Demaury is the father of the baby he's holding in his arms.

''I'm sorry you're not written on it, babe, but as soon as the two-month retraction period is over, he'll officially become our son. Soon you'll officially be his father too.''

Lucas kisses him and hugs him again.

''I know. This is going to be the scariest two months of my life. I hope we didn't do something stupid.''

Eliott strokes his cheek and sighs.

''I hope so, too. Minute by minute, okay? Right now, let's just go home. I'll take you back and I'll get Côme. The three of us are going to have a little time together and then we're going to have to tell our friends. We can't hide it from them for two months, and since everyone's coming to celebrate your birthday tonight, we don't really have a choice.''

Lucas nods and puts on the baby sling before putting their baby in it. He always feels like someone is going to come and stop them as they go through the hospital, but eventually they go home. Eliott kisses him and then goes back to pick up Côme.

Lucas looks at the boxes of clothes that Eliott has taken out from the back of their closet, and the crib already pulled up next to their bed and smiles. Ok, they're going to be a little tight, but it's only temporary.

Ten minutes later, the doorbell rings and Lucas freezes immediately. He puts the sleeping baby in the crib and opens the door very gently before sighing and then smiling at Eliott who is kneeling behind the door with a bouquet of lilies in his hands.

''Happy Birthday babe. I took one other, yesterday's one was a little damaged.''

"Daddy!''

Côme pushes Eliott to be able to join Lucas who is holding him tight.

"I missed you too, Côme.''

He pulls Eliott's arm to help him to stand up and then feels the flowers before kissing him.

''Thanks, my love, and sorry about yesterday. I should never have hit you with it. I'm really sorry.''

Eliott shrugs his shoulders and kisses him again.

''I'd rather do that than you punch me in the face. Don't worry, it's already forgotten.''

Lucas closes the door and hugs him again.

''I'm sorry anyway.''

Eliott hugs him gently and Côme huddles between the two of them, well accustomed to this kind of threesome hug.

''It's true that even murderers have the right to a trial and the presumption of innocence.'' Eliott laughs ''But don't worry, it's forgotten. Now I think it's time for Côme to meet the new member of our family.''

Côme pushes himself to get out of Lucas' arms and crawls into the living room so Lucas goes into the bedroom and comes back into the living room with the baby in his arms.

''Côme, come look.''

Côme raises his head and frowns before coming to join them while Eliott and Lucas settle on the sofa. Eliott hoists him on his knees and Côme looks at the baby and then gently tapping his belly laughing.

''It's your little brother, Côme.'' Eliott says softly. "Remember I told you about him yesterday? He's going to stay with us now. Look, he's opening his eyes to look at you.''

Lucas smiles as he looks at that first moment when their two sons look at each other.

"Look, Nathan, he's your big brother.''

Côme smiles and kisses him on the belly as Lucas looks up to see Eliott smiling at him, huddled up against him.

"We did it!''

Eliott hugs Lucas, and Côme hugs between them, resting his head on his little brother's belly.

''We did it! Our family is complete.''

Nathan starts crying and Côme looks at him, surprised, almost scared. He gives the impression that he is going to start crying too, so Lucas gently strokes his cheek.

''It's nothing, sweetheart. Your little brother's hungry. Daddy's going to prepare his bottle.''

Eliott gets up and walks to the bag where the hospital bottles are, but Côme smiles and lifts up Lucas' shirt, pushing the baby's head towards him. Lucas looks at Eliott, almost as if he is asking him for permission and Eliott simply smiles.

''You do it your way, baby. You don't have to.''

''Daddy milk.'' Says Côme, smiling.

Lucas smile and nods as he strokes Côme's cheek. He can't say he didn't think of it that night while he was giving Nathan his bottles, but that would have been too complicated to explain to the nurses. And then it would have made him feel like he was betraying Côme because that was their thing, but now Côme looks at him as if he doesn't understand that his little brother doesn't suckle his father's breast and finally Lucas starts to laugh. Côme has always seen him as a walking fridge, and that only reinforces this image, but in the end Lucas loves this role.

''Yeah, you're right, big boy.''

Eliott comes back to sit next to them and puts his arm around his shoulders while Nathan suckles for the first time. It's a bit chaotic at first, but eventually he gets there. Côme squints, because he looks at him so closely, then applauds and sits down in Eliott's arms to stroke his beard.

''Daddy.''

Eliott puts his head against Lucas' and Lucas smiles. He's scared to death that Marie will recant and come to claim her baby, but he can't help smiling when he looks at what their family is like now. 

It's clear that this baby is turning everything upside down, and they're going to have to rethink their entire organization for the next year. They hadn't planned to have two babies so close together, but deep down Lucas is certain of one thing: as long as the four of them are together, everything will be fine.

After five minutes, Côme pushes his little brother by shouting "Finish" and then starts suckling in his place, so Lucas looks at Eliott, a little lost. Eliott takes Nathan, who was beginning to fall asleep, and Lucas puts Côme in a better position to give him a comforting hug.

''You have every right to be jealous, but you'll always be our baby, you know. We still love you so much. We're gonna try to do the best for both of you, but we didn't have a brother, so we're gonna learn together, okay, Côme?

Côme grumbles without stopping suckling, hugging him hard and Lucas look at Nathan, asleep against Eliott who gently caresses his back.

"We have two babies.''

Eliott looks at him and smiles and nods.

''Yeah. We have two babies. It's gonna be a hell of a mess, but we're gonna get through it.''

Lucas bends over to kiss him lightly before he smiles.

''I'm scared, but I can't wait tonight. It's going to be crazy.''

Eliott looks at their baby and smiles.

''All that's totally crazy, but I love sharing all this craziness with you. I love you, babe.''

Lucas kisses him, hoping that this craziness isn't the biggest bullshit of their lives, and that the four of them are really gonna stay because if they don't, they're gonna be really heartbroken.


	33. A place to be.

''Wait, I think the connection is bad. I misunderstood, didn't I?''

Lucas shakes his head and smiles at Imane through the screen on Daphne's phone.

''We adopted a baby.''

They all look at Eliott, gawking and seem even more shocked when Eliott nods.

''Aren't you supposed to do a super long procedure and wait for years for that?" Arthur asks, rubbing his head.

"Okay, you're kidding us, right?" Basile laughs. ''I was thinking ''They can't have a second baby now, it's too soon. Côme's to younger for being a big brother.''

Lucas shakes his head and a little moan rises from their bedroom.

''I think he wants to meet you.''

Eliott gets up and comes back a few seconds later with Nathan in his arms and frankly, Lucas wouldn't be surprised if one of they friends fainted now because they all look even more shocked than when they found out Lucas was pregnant.

''No kidding! Where did he come from?" asks Emma.

''Tell us it's not something illegal.'' Yann asks Yann, visibly worried.

His face goes from worried to panicked when Lucas and Eliott don't answer.

''Fuck!'' spells Basile ''Did you steal a baby?''

"No!" Eliott answers, giving their son to Lucas "Of course not. A girl gave him to us. She didn't want him and wanted to give birth under X but she proposed that I legally recognize him as my son. So he's our son.''

Lucas strokes Nathan's cheek to wipe away the tears and looks at they friends.

''For now he's Eliott's son and officially he's the result of a night of cheating but we wanted you to know the truth. In two months time we will both be recognized as his parents.''

Everybody open their eyes a little wider before looking at the baby and then look at them, and it becomes a concert of questions.

''Are you crazy?'' ''Who is this girl?'' ''Why would you agree to something like that?'' ''What if she backs out and asks you for child support?'' ''Why Eliott or not Lucas?'' ''Are you sure it wasn't really yours?'' "You guys are out of your minds!''

Lucas sighs and hugs his baby and screams.

''Stop it! We couldn't just leave him. The first words he heard when he came into the world were, "I don't want this baby.'', so stop telling us it was a bad thing. We wanted to introduce you to Nathan, but if you don't agree with our choices, you can leave.''

Lucas settles down a little bit better before having Nathan suckle and Côme comes up to him and gently taps his knee. Eliott carries him to put him on the couch and Côme looks at Lucas before signing "Daddy Angry" and then puts his head on his thighs to give him a hug. Lucas caresses his cheek and smiles at him.

''No, I'm not angry. I'm afraid your oncles and aunts are right. I just want us to forget about what could go wrong and for everyone to be happy with us for Nathan's arrival.''

Eliott immediately comes over, wraps his arms around him and kisses him on the cheek while caressing the naked head of their little boy.

''We just have to wait two months and we'll be sure that no one will be able to separate us. We know it's illegal, but we did it.''

Lucas nods and looks up at their friends.

''I didn't even want to do it. When she offered us this, I didn't want to because I thought exactly the same thing, but when I saw him, I knew right away. He's our son. So yes, that's not how it's supposed to happen, but from the beginning we haven't really been following the known paths. You're the only ones who will know, please, just support us.''

Daphne smiles at him, comes and sits down towards them.

''Welcome to the group, Nathan. We were just surprised, but we're all happy to meet you.''

Jules tries to climb up Daphne's knee, so she lifts him up, and he's gently tapping the baby's head.

''Slowly, Jules, let him eat.''

Côme pushes Jules by giving him a black look and starts again as soon as Jules tries to touch his little brother.

''Côme, he has the right to touch him.''

Côme shakes his head and half lies down on his little brother before Eliott takes him for a hug.

''Sorry, guys. So... Nathan?'' Imane asks, ''It's really beautiful. Why Nathan?"

Lucas smiles at her, in the phone then smiles at his husband.

''It means God gave. It was Eliott who had the idea. I think God has been talking to him since he set foot in a chapel.''

Eliott starts laughing and kisses him.

''You're an idiot. But yes, that's our gift, literally. I don't know if God sent it to us, but I know we're really glad he's here.''

''It's gonna be three inseparable boys.'' Basile says, smiling ''We absolutely must call the nursery tomorrow to negotiate a place for him.''

Lucas shakes his head and smiles.

''No. I'm postponing my studies for a year. I can't leave him. Look how small he's. He needs me.''

Eliott frowns and shakes his head.

''You're not backing down, babe. No way. You can't sacrifice your dreams for our family.''

Lucas sighs as he looks at their son.

''I'm not sacrificing, I'm just backing off. Look how small he is. He's going to be drowned around the other kids. He needs me, my love, let me stay with him. At least for the first few months.''

Eliott kisses him on the forehead, whispering a "we'll talk about it together" and Lucas smiles and nods.

''Well, let's celebrate that?'' Yann asks, smiling, ''A birthday and a birth, we have things to celebrate this evening!''

And finally, the evening takes the turn that Lucas was hoping for: their friends raising their glasses to celebrate Nathan's birth and telling them how much trouble they'll have taking care of their two babies and laughs, telling them how much they'll have difficult to had two teenagers in same time.

''Luckily, Eliott's vacation starting Monday for one month. It's gonna be a lot easier for starting with our babies.''

Emma nods and smiles at him.

''I'm sure you'll handle it very well. Are you going in your beach house on L'île de Ré?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and looks at Eliott doing the same thing.

''Why not? Nathan will only have two weeks but it's just a beach house. The climate is mild, and it will be less polluted than here. We'll ask the nurse who has to come in to check that he's growing and growing well, but I think we can still go, right?''

Lucas nods with a smile. They've been talking about this vacation for several weeks, having planned to do nothing but go for walks, spend evenings on the beach and take time to enjoy Côme without having to think about everyday life, so they can actually do that with Nathan too. Just take some time to be in family.

''We rented a family car, so we should be able to take all their stuff with us. It'll be good for the four of us to get away and just do nothing.''

''So, cheer's for the vacations,'' said Basile, raising a glass.

They talk for a moment about their different vacation destinations. Nathan passes from arm to arm, pretending not to even notice it, while Côme and Jules are both playing.

"How did your parents react?"

Lucas sighs, looking at Yann.

"We didn't tell them. We are going to eat with them tomorrow noon for my birthday. The problem is, we can't tell the truth."

"Aren't you going to tell them that Eliott cheated on you anyway?"

Lucas shrugs with a sigh and Eliott immediately puts his arms around his waist to hug him.

"It's okay, it doesn't matter."

Lucas sighs again, hugging himself.

"Your mom is going to hate you for that. What if she hates Nathan too?"

Lucas looks at Eliott, not knowing what to do, feeling like there is no good solution.

"Why don't you say you used a surrogate? '' asks Emma," You say you had an embryo left that was created at the same time as Côme and you called a surrogate. "

Eliott lets go of Lucas to take Emma in his arms.

"Emma, you're fucking genius! I definitely prefer your version! Ok, this is our new version. We will say that we didn't say anything so as not to worry them and to surprise them. Babe, what do you think?"

Lucas nods, pulling him towards him to kiss him.

"Much better.''

They kiss tenderly, almost forgetting that they are among their friends.

"It's cake time!" announces Daphne.

Lucas blows out his candles without hesitating for a single second on his wish. He just has time to taste a bit of it that Côme comes towards him crying, rubbing his eyes.

"Daddy milk."

Lucas settles on the couch with his tired big baby while his friends declare that it is a nickname that suits him well and Côme ends up curling up against Lucas and then falls asleep while suckling.

''Do you think you'll have enough milk for both of them?''

Lucas looks at Basile, now sitting next to him and shrugs his shoulders.

''I don't know. It's working for now. I'm back on supplements to boost lactation. Côme will tell me if it wasn't working anyway. He hates to suckle in a vacuum.''

Basile looks at him then runs a hand through his hair.

''Okay. And you think you could give to both at the same time? Like women who have twins?''

''Or just babies that are close together.'' Arthur continues ''My cousin had two babies in a year and a half, and she was nursing both at the same time.''

Basile smiles while biting again in his piece of cake.

''You see! It's possible.''

Lucas looks at Côme who is falling asleep, then Nathan who is in Alexia's arms and shrugs his shoulders.

''I don't know. That's new, guys, I didn't think about all that. I just don't know. We'll see. Do think we really have to talk about my breasts at every born?''

''Every born?'' Yann asks, ''Do you mean you want more afterwards?''

Lucas shakes his head and smiles, looking at Eliott laughing with Emma.

''No, I don't think so. Guys, Nathan's one day old, let us already get used to him.''

Yann shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

''I'm sure you'll want a little girl soon.''

Lucas pouting and shrugging his shoulders.

''I don't know. Does it suck if I say I'm scared of girls?''

His friends start laughing, laughing out loud at him.

''We already know that, Lulu.''

Lucas rolls his eyes and sighs.

''I don't talk women! And I'm not afraid of women, idiots. But can you imagine having to deal with menstruation and growing breasts and all that? No, I'm really happy to have my two boys.''

''And we're happy for both of you.'' Yann says, tapping his shoulder, ''But don't forget about you, okay? You don't have to put your life on hold for them.''

Lucas sighs as he pulls down his T-shirt, carrying Côme who sleeps in his arms to go and put him in bed. He just has no idea what he's going to do next year, but he sure can't do both years in one.

So, finally, Lucas goes back to see the director of the musicology section with his unexpected baby. Unexpected is really the word. The director suggests that he only take the second year courses, that he only start classes after the All Saints' Day vacations, and that he participate in remedial classes during the Easter vacations.

Lucas accepts, because even though he would have preferred to stay with Nathan longer, he knows that he won't be able to follow the 2nd and 3rd year at the same time next year, while having two childrens at home, and he doesn't want to have to wait another three years before he can work.

So with this option, he will be able to stay with Nathan until he's almost 4 months old, and after school he will still have plenty of time to take care of him. It's not what Lucas would have dreamed of, but it's not bad. 

As expected, at noon they all eat together with Lucas's mother and Eliott's parents. They start screaming when they see Nathan and the whole restaurant turns to them, but when Eliott explains to them that they have called in a surrogate, they don't even look surprised. Lucas listens to his mother say how much Nathan looks like him when he was little, while Eliott's says the exact same thing and he smiles as he takes Eliott's hand. Côme spends the meal on his grandfather's lap, and Nathan in his grandmothers' arms, so it's definitely one of his best birthdays. He still doesn't like lying, and they're sure to tell Nathan he's been adopted, but so far that seems like the best thing to say.

On leaving the restaurant, he goes to accompany his mother to church and places a candle for his father. If he puts down a second asking God to leave Nathan to them, his mother doesn't need to know.

"Your father would be proud of you."

Lucas shrugs, not sure if it's true, but he smiles.

"I'm so proud of you and your family.''

Lucas hug her and kiss her cheek.

"Thanks mom."

That same afternoon, they go back to the daycare and have a long talk with Annabelle. She announces that she might have a place for him, except on Friday afternoons. Eliott says they'll work it out and Lucas sighs as he looks at his baby, who looks tiny compared to the others here.

When the four of them come out, Eliott's totally happy but Lucas looks at the daycare sulking.

''I don't think I could do it. It's going to be too hard to leave him here so small while I have been at home for almost a year with Côme, it seems unfair to Nathan.''

Eliott kisses him on the forehead while laying his hand on Nathan who is in the carrying sling.

''The hardest part will be the first time. I swear it will be okay. And if you don't make it, you postponing for a year, okay? In the meantime, let's focus on our vacation. Our first vacation with our babies. I can't wait.''

Lucas nods, hugging each other as best he can, since Eliott is carrying Côme in the baby carrier _Manduca_ , he bought this morning.

''I can't wait too.''

Eliott smiles then slides his hand into his own.

'' I'm sure that this will be our best vacation of our life. ''


	34. A place to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miss vacations so much ... I'm talking about vacations without masks, tests and distances ... a real carefree vacation, where we have nothing to do except enjoy being with family. so it's gone, let's travel the time of a few chapters.

''Damn, that's horrible. I thought this was supposed to be the best vacation of our life.''

Eliott looks at him, totally ready to say the same thing and Lucas sighs as he shows him a rest stop.

''Come on, stop, we can't do it like this.''

Eliott looks at the exit, slows down but seems hesitant.

''Again? We just did 30 miles, babe! If we stop every ten minutes, we're never gonna make it. You want to turn back? Cancel it and go home?"

Lucas shakes his head but pulls the wheel to take the off-ramp.

''No, but we can't make the trip like this.''

Their two boys have been crying since they left, and it's just unbearable. Honestly, Lucas doesn't even know which one is crying and making the other one cry, but all he knows is that the GPS says it's almost 5 hours away and they'll never make it that far like that.

''I think we should turn back, babe. That doesn't sound good, does it? Maybe this was a bad idea, 'cause they're too young.''

Lucas unhooks his belt, gets out and opens the back door to give Nathan a hug, but contrary to what he thought, it's Côme who looks like he's the one making his brother cry. So he goes around the car, gives Nathan to Eliott and unhooks Côme to get him out.

''It's just the first time they've ever been in a car. We just have to find a way to calm them down. It's all right, Côme.''

Côme stops crying and gives him a hug.

''Daddy's going to get in next to you, okay? That way you can see him. We'll put Nathan in the front."

Lucas puts Côme on Eliott's lap for move the car seat in the front, but he regrets it as soon as Côme presses down on the steering wheel and their two boys start crying again, scared by the horn. Lucas catches Eliott's defeated gaze and take Côme in his arms.

''Come on, let's go for a coffee! It's time for a break.''

Eliott sighs while taking his telephone but Lucas takes it in his hands.

''I know we just left and we still have a long way to go, but do you see what's going on in there? This car is a broth of bad mood, so we're going to drink a coffee, these two little monsters are going to become again our two adorable boys and we're going to go on vacation peacefully.''

Eliott gets out of the car, grabbing the baby sling to protect Nathan from the cool morning wind.

''Okay. You're right. Sorry, I wasn't expecting this at all.''

Lucas sighs as he locks the car.

''Neither did I, so tell you they didn't either. We're all gonna calm down and go away quietly.''

In the little cafe at the gas station, there's a baby area with a little shack and a dinette where Côme's happy to go and play, looking like he's back in a good mood. Eliott gives Nathan to Lucas who puts him in the sling so that he can breastfeed him discreetly. It's not as if anyone can imagine what he's doing anyway.

''Two coffees for two lost dads.'' Said Eliott, smiling, as he put the tray down in front of them, ''You're right, we needed a break, but I have a feeling we're never get there.''

Lucas puts his hand on his, smiling and gently caressing it.

''We got off on the wrong foot, we just need to get off on a better foot. I think one of us has to get in the back with Côme. He won't feel like he's alone, and neither will Nathan. I'm sure it will go better.''

Eliott nods as he drinks his coffee and frowns as he looks at the scarf.

"Is he still eating?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders as he takes a sip of coffee.

''Not really. I think he's reassuring himself. Ok, we're going to make it, my love, I'm sure we'll have a wonderful vacation when we get there. ''

Eliott nods and they stay about ten minutes discussing the vacations before Eliott puts his cup back on the tray and goes to get Côme.

''Ready for a new start?''

Lucas finishes his coffee and gets up smiling, taking Eliott's hand in his own.

''Ready.''

Lucas installs Nathan in his baby seat, in the front seat while Eliott hangs Côme, looking for his vibrating raccoon in his bag, as well as his cuddly bear.

"Get in with him, I'll drive.''

Lucas gets behind the wheel, while Eliott is already starting to play with Côme. He starts the car and leaves the parking space, almost holding his breath, almost waiting for the moment when one of their sons is going to cry, but finally he gets out of the rest area and joins the highway without it happening, so he winks at Eliott who gently caresses his shoulder.

''Okay, you were right. Thanks, babe, that's why I married you.''

Lucas laughs and shakes his head.

''Bullshit, you married me because I was pregnant.''

"Daddy!''

Eliott picks up Côme's toy before giving him back his book.

"I don't have''

Nathan starts to cry and Lucas sighs as he puts his hand on his belly.

''Nathan, we have to move on. You're okay, baby. We're here.''

''Lucas, put both hands on the wheel!''

''Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!''

Lucas sighs as he pushes away Eliott as he tries to take care of Nathan.

"Take care of Côme, I'll take care of Nathan. Don't worry, I got the cruise control on.''

Eliott sighs but steps back into the seat and reads his book to Côme, and for a few minutes it's quiet inside that car again, until Eliott closes the book with a moan.

"Fuck, I'm going to be sick.''

Lucas looks at him in the rear-view mirror and sighs.

''You're kidding, right?''

Eliott shakes his head and sighs, holding his stomach.

''No, I can't stand reading in the car. Fuck, I'm going to throw up.''

''Fuck!''

Lucas widens his eyes, looking in the rearview mirror again.

''Watch your road!''

Lucas looks at the road again but shakes his head.

''Did you hear what he said?''

''Daddy. Fuck.''

Lucas look at the sky then looks at Eliott leaning over Côme's seat.

''That's it, Daddy said he was going to throw up. Yuck. Can you say "Yuck"? You know, like you sing _The fly that won't wash up_. Yuck.''

Côme claps his hands.

"Yuck.Yuck.''

Eliott starts singing and Lucas laughs before singing with him. He gently removes his hand from Nathan's belly that has fallen asleep and raises his thumb, victorious. They sing for five, maybe ten minutes before Eliott gently strokes his shoulder.

''He's sleeping! Our two boys are asleep.''

Lucas smiles and puts his hand on his.

''I think we will often remember this vacation. But it's normal, it's the first one. Are you okay?''

Eliott moves forward to kiss his hand then goes back to the back of his seat.

''I'm okay. But I feel like I'm being punished. I haven't traveled in the back of the car for a very long time.''

Lucas smiles while looking at him.

''Tell yourself you're in a cab. You can sleep if you want.''

Eliott shakes his head and frowns.

''No, I think we need to talk. Do you really think I married you because you was pregnant?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and looks at GPS to make sure he's on the right track in front of the incoming interchange.

''No, of course not, but it's speeded things up, hasn't it?''

Eliott strokes his shoulder.

''Do you really think so?''

Lucas turns to look at him and Eliott immediately reminds him to watch the road.

''What? It's true, isn't it? We probably would have waited longer, otherwise. But it's not a bad thing. I spoke too quickly, I wasn't saying that you married me because I was pregnant, but rather that it was because I was pregnant that you married me last year. Can you imagine if I hadn't had Côme? I would be in my last year, and I'm sure that even though we would have been very much in love, we probably would have waited until I graduated before we got married. No ? Eliott? You sulk?''

Lucas quickly turns around and smiles. His adorable husband is asleep with his head against the glass. Eliott had a hard time sleeping that night, as well as the previous two nights, because he was too excited about this first vacation. Every time Nathan woke up, Eliott was already awake, and Lucas knew him well enough to know that it wasn't the baby that had just woken him up but hadn't managed to sleep yet. Lucas hesitates but turns on the radio, hoping it won't wake anyone up. 

Nathan's the first to wake up, three and a half hours later. He pouts and then starts to cry and Lucas smiles when he see a sign announcing a rest area with a cafeteria.

''Perfect, just in time to stop for a bite to eat''.

Eliott rubs his eyes while yawning and it makes Lucas yawn.

''It's 11:30 already? Why haven't you stopped? Where are we?''

Lucas stops in the parking lot and smiles as he turns off the engine.

''There you go, I've stopped. I want to pee since at least an hour, but I was afraid that taking a break would wake up my three sleeping beauty. Okay, I'm come back.''

Lucas gets out of the car, pees against a tree with a sigh of relief before returning to the car and smiling at Côme who looks perfectly awake.

''Come on big boy, let's go eat. It's a little early but your brother's hungry.''

Côme signs ''eat'' then ''diaper'' and Lucas smiles.

''Yes, we'll change you too.''

He looks at Eliott who has taken Nathan in his arms and tries to turn the GPS back on.

''We are almost in Niort. I think it's another hour and 22 minutes or so.''

Eliott sighs as he looks at him.

''You shouldn't have driven all the way here like this, you should have woken me up.''

Lucas shakes his head and smiles at him.

''Don't worry, I'm going to enjoy the cab after lunch. Come on, let's go before Nathan gets your shirt wet.''

Eliott looks down, not even seeming to notice that Nathan's trying to suck on your shirt.

''Dad mistake, big boy. Come on, you're about to eat.''

They switch boys and Lucas puts Nathan in the baby sling, happy to be able to breastfeed discreetly. Finally, with the baby sling, it's pretty easy because it keeps Nathan in the right position. Eliott goes to change Côme's diaper and then they order their lunch and settle down at a table, putting Côme in a wooden high chair.

Lucas watches Eliott give Côme his mashed potatoes while he eats his fries, and he steals one that he eats while watching Nathan. He can't help but smile when he sees what has become of them. A family. A real family... A real family with a very suspicious smell...

Lucas takes Nathan out of the baby sling and grimaces before taking the changing bag and taking him to the nursery area. He smiles as he thinks how happy he was to change Côme for the first time, while now, there he would let someone else do it for him.

''Oh, he's so cute! How old is he?''

Lucas was almost startled, not noticing that the woman who came to the changing room next to him with a little girl.

''He's two weeks old.''

The woman looks at Nathan again and then smiles.

''You forget how small it's at first. Have you come a long way?''

Lucas closes the bodysuit and answers without even looking at her.

"Paris, we're going to the Ile de Ré.''

"Oh, me too, I'm going to my parents.'' exclaims the young woman '' Do you want to have a coffee before leaving? Maybe we can meet there, no? It's always nice to be single parents''

Lucas finishes putting on Nathan's pajamas and then shows the ring finger of his right hand.

''I'm sorry, I'm not single. My husband's waiting for me with our oldest son.''

The woman begins to blush and turns slightly to look at her daughter.

''Ah okay. Sorry. Have a good vacation then.''

Lucas puts all his things away and washes his hands before taking his little man back.

''Thanks, you too.''

Lucas comes out of the nursery area with a big smile on his face. A smile that he loses as soon as he sees the woman leaning over their table talking to Eliott, smiling like a fourteen year old girl. She leaves the table as soon as he arrives and turns around just to smile at Eliott so Lucas shoots her with his eyes.

"It's crazy how easy it's to get hit on when you're taking care of a baby. Why do all women think I'm a single dad just 'cause I'm taking care of Côme?''

Lucas looks at the woman who looks at them, actually no, who looks at his husband and looks at her with a black look again.

''They are so busy looking at your smile that they don't see that you have a nice ring on your finger.''

Eliott laughs and cuts pieces of banana that he gives to Côme, before caressing Lucas' cheek.

"Don't tell me you're jealous.''

Lucas grumbles something, not really knowing what he means and Eliott kisses him laughing.

''You're my husband, the father of my childrens and you're jealous of a woman who's hitting on me? She doesn't stand a chance, babe, I'm yours.''

Lucas sighs then smiles.

''I don't care, I've been hit on too. Our babies are girl magnets.''

Eliott bursts out laughing and bends over to kiss him.

"They got it from you.''

Lucas rolls his eyes and grabs his tiramisu and laughs.

''Oh god, you're such a good talker!''

Eliott laughs and winks at him.

"You like that.''

Lucas looks up to the sky and then looks at him and smiles.

''Yeah, is true.''

Eliot laughs and gets up to take Nathan from Lucas' arms and sits down to rock him.

''Your daddy is so handsome that the first time I saw him, I fell in love. Just by seeing him, I knew he was my half. And you see, that's exactly how Daddy felt about you. He saw you and he knew you were our son.''

Lucas smiles as he watches their two boys listening to Eliott. That's more than enough to make them forget all the hassles of this morning's departure. 

''And now, when daddy finishes eating, we're going to go back to the car, without crying and we're going to see the sea.''


	35. A place to be in family

''Look, look!''

"I see, baby, I got eyes.''

Lucas smiles and takes a picture of the blue expanse that spreads out on either side of the bridge they are driving on.

''I love it! I've always loved the sea. It's so soothing.''

Lucas leans over Côme's car seat, smiling at his son, playing with a sound book.

''That's it, we're coming, and we're not even late. You'll soon be able to stretch your legs. There's a small garden where you can play. It's going to be great.''

Ten minutes later, Eliott parks the car in front of a small white house with blue shutters and Lucas gets out of the car, smiling. The air smells of iodine, the seagulls are screaming in the distance and that's enough to let him know that the four of them are going to have a great time here.

''Are you the Demaury family? Welcome.''

Lucas takes Côme out of the car and gives him to Eliott who talk with the woman, before hugging Nathan.

''Oh, he's so small! How old is he?''

Lucas readjusts Nathan's position a little, who grunts at being disturbed in his sleep.

"He's two weeks old.''

The lady smiles and strokes Côme's cheek.

''You look cute too. How was the road? Leaving with two children so young, you are brave.''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and smiles as he follows the woman inside the house.

''It was a little rough at the start, but otherwise it went well.''

It's even better than on the photos: there is a large room with a living and dinner area, as well as an open kitchen, all bathed in light thanks to the large bay window that opens onto the terrace and the small garden.

''The garden's completely closed and secured. He walk?''

Eliott shakes his head while putting Côme on the ground.

''Not yet, he's tall, but he'll only be one year old at the end of next month. But he loves to explore on all fours.''

She smiles and pushes a door leading to a hallway that leads to two bedrooms. One is normal size, while the other is twice the size of their bedroom and also has a bay window overlooking the garden.

''It's perfect.''

It's more than perfect. Logic would dictate that there should be a parent's room and a room for the children, but since Côme never slept without them, apart from the Eliott episode, they decided not to attempt this new learning during the vacations and to wait until they had moved out to make him sleep in his own room. So, there will be the large family room where they will sleep with their children, and the fun-love-sex room where they will go to when their childrens are asleep, where they can make love quietly, and in a bed.   
Eliott take him out of his thoughts by kissing him on the forehead before going to sign the papers, so Lucas watch over Côme who has already left for a walk around the garden.

''We're going to be too good here!'' exclaims Eliott as he comes back to them ''Ok, I'm going to take the stuff out of the car. Everything's all right for you?''

Lucas shakes his head and pulls him towards him so that he comes to settle down on the grass next to him.

''We got time to get the stuff out. Just stay with us for a while. Cool, okay?''

Eliott lies down in the grass, arms folded under his head and smiles.

''Okay, cool, you're right.''

Lucas puts Nathan on Eliott's belly and lies down on his belly for watch Côme who laughs, probably because the grass tickles his legs.

''Would you like to live in the provinces? Do you think we'd be better off there?''

Eliott turns his head towards him, slightly frowning.

''Uh...no?''

Lucas smiles and kisses him.

''Okay. I don't think so either. Now that's cool, but I like our life in Paris.''

Eliott smiles then caresses his cheek.

''You scared me. It's true that a house with a garden would have been cool, but I like our life too.''

Côme joins them and climbs on his back so Lucas grabs him and turns around to tickle him and cover him with kisses, making him scream with laughter.

''I love you so much, Lucas.''

Lucas stops and looks at Eliott before caressing his cheek.

''Are you okay?''

Eliott looks up to the sky and smiles.

''I have the right to call you Lucas. I'm fine. I'm falling in love with you. Over and over again. When I see you like that, with our kids, I just falling in love again.''

Lucas smiles and bends over to kiss him gently.

''I love you too. But I think you need something, you're too serious right now.''

Eliott frowns and Lucas looks around but finally takes off his shirt, lays it flat in the grass before putting Nathan on it, then he can tickle Eliott.

''Go on, Côme, help me! Daddy needs tickles.''

Côme jumps on Eliott more than he tickles him and Eliott laughs his head off under Lucas' fingers.

''Stop it. Stop it.''

Lucas smiles and bends over to kiss him but Côme comes between them.

''Daddy milk.''

Lucas looks at his son who looks at his breasts and smiles.

''If you want to suckle every time I go shirtless, it's going to be a long vacation, baby. Don't you want to wait for snack time?''

Côme gives him a black look and comes down from Eliott before going back to explore the garden.

"I think he's sulking.''

Lucas looks at Côme who's sitting with his back to them and smiles.

''Yeah, I think so too. Do you think I did wrong?''

Eliott sits down, putting himself next to Lucas, but facing him.

''No. Look, he's trying to catch a butterfly. He wasn't hungry. I think it'll do him good to get a real rhythm before he goes to daycare. But your body doesn't think so.''

Lucas looks at the milk pearl that escapes from his right breast and sighs.

''Shit. I hadn't thought of that. It's going to be boring at the beach.''

Eliott starts laughing with a shrug.

"Don't worry, I'll be there.''

He licks the milk that was flowing, all the way up to his nipple.

"Daddy! No!"

Eliott's startled, then laughs, looking at Côme who comes back towards them, giving him his blackest look. He climbs Lucas' knees just to push Eliott when he's not even glued to Lucas anymore.

''Ok, ok, you share with your brother but not with me, I understand.''

Côme frowns and then huddles up a little more against Lucas to suckle without stopping his frowning.

''So there, bravo, my love. I had almost managed to keep him waiting.''

Eliott laughs and shrugs his shoulders.

''Sorry. It was too tempting.''

Nathan starts fidgeting and Eliott gently takes him up against him.

''I think we're going to have to change his diaper, but the stuff is in the car. I'll go get it.''

Eliott tries to put it down, but Nathan starts crying harder.

''Give it to me. Wait, I'm going to go inside, on the couch, it'll be better. Côme, can you stop for a second?''

Côme shakes his head and Lucas sighs.

''Okay. Well, Côme, we're go in the house. Just stop for a couple of minutes and we're go in the couch.''

Côme stops but huddles up to Lucas, who carries him to the couch. Côme starts suckling again as soon as he sits down and Lucas shoots Eliott with his eyes.

''Ok, I won't do that in his presence anymore. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise. Okay, I'll get the stuff from the car. Are you gonna be okay?''

Lucas nods as he take Nathan, but of course Nathan immediately starts crying for eat and Lucas sighs because Côme tries to push him, which makes Nathan cry even harder.

''Okay, let's just relax. Côme, no one's trying to steal your milk, there's enough for both of you. I think. I hope so. So you either share it or go get some applesauce. Nathan's too little to eat anything else. I'm sorry if you think it sucks, but that's the way it is.''

Côme takes his hand away from Nathan's head and Lucas tries to put him in as best he can, but nothing seems to fit and Côme have his brother's feet in his head. Côme stops, puts Nathan's legs under him before suckling again and Lucas strokes his cheek with a smile.

''Thanks. Aren't you crushed, Nathan?''

Nathan suckles and swallows as if everything was normal, so Lucas smiles.

''Okay, so it's just me he doesn't want to share with. It's not nice not to share with his dad.''

Lucas smiles.

"Maybe he knows you're to old for that.''

Eliott laughs and comes to wedge the nursing pillow under his arm.

''Thanks.''

Eliott steps back, looks at him and stays like this, just looking at him.

''What? Why are you looking at me like that?''

Eliott smiles a little bit more.

"You're beautiful.''

Lucas rolls his eyes and sighs as he looks at their sons.

''I kind of feel like a cash cow.''

Eliott caresses the cheek and kisses him.

''You are really beautiful. Really.''

Lucas could almost blush the way Eliott looks at him. So in love. So happy. And he's smiling back because there's a voice in his head saying, _You did this, you're the one who made him happy like this_.

Eliott frowns and wipes a tear from the corner of his eye.

"Why are you crying? Does it hurt?''

Lucas shakes his head and smiles.

''No, not at all. I'm happy, that's all.''

Eliott sits on the armrest and bends over to rest his head against his own.

''Me, too.''

After the snack break, they finally empty the car, set up their stuff and then go shopping for some food. They buy salmon paella for tonight, so at the end of the afternoon, they have nothing better to do than to enjoy the beach which is gradually emptying of people who came early in the afternoon. Lucas takes Côme out of the baby carrier and tries to put him down on the sand but as soon as Côme's feet start to sink into the sand, he starts screaming.

''Daddy! Daddy! No! No! Carry! Carry!''

Lucas takes Côme in his arms and looks at Eliott, not really knowing what to do.

''It's sand, Côme. You can walk on it.''

He tries to put it down again, but Côme starts screaming again, bending his legs to make sure he doesn't touch the sand.

''What if we just walk? We walk around a little while listening to the waves and later we'll try to sit down. We'll do it gradually.''

Lucas reinstalls Côme in the baby carrier then takes Eliott's hand in his to walk, barefoot in the sand.

They pass in front of a jet ski rental stand where teenagers are laughing. A few years ago, Lucas would have wondered if they were laughing at them, calling them fags or other horrible names, or wondering who's doing the woman and who's doing the man, but now he doesn't care. All that matters is that all four of them are fine. And maybe the Lucas before would have been paranoid and his teenagers are laughing for a completely different reason, by the way.

After a short walk along the water, Eliott pulls on his hand and they settle down on a rather quiet corner of the beach where he unfolds the special baby pop up tent before taking Nathan out of the baby sling and putting him in, while Lucas takes Côme, sits him on his lap. He plays distractedly with the sand and Côme tries to catch the grains in his hands while laughing.

''You see, he just needed time. I'm sure in a few days we'll have to chase after him.''

Côme finally sits on the end of the towel, puts his feet in the sand and plays with the shovel and bucket they bought him at the races.

"It's perfect. I'm so happy we're here."

Côme starts coughing and crying with his tongue out, so Lucas takes him to him and smiles.

''No, you can't eat that, sweetheart. Wait, Daddy will give you some water.''

''Yuck!''

Eliott hands him water, laughing, and Côme drinks before sticking out his tongue again, trying to wipe it against Lucas' shirt.

''Nice. Thanks. Come on, look, you can't eat it, but you can make beautiful constructions out of it.''

Lucas goes to fetch water and starts to make a castle, but each tower is only half formed and threatens to tumble at the slightest gust of wind. Eliott doesn't say anything but he patiently redoes each tower. He draws alleys with the rake then collects shells to decorate it and finally Lucas watches him do it, Côme sitting on his knees.

''Are you having fun?''

Eliott smiles and bends down to catch another shells.

''Yeah, great. Côme, you want to come with Daddy to get some seaweed? Want to touch the sea?''

Côme reaches out his arms to him and Eliott takes him to the water's edge. Lucas takes pictures of them while Côme puts his feet in the water for the first time. 

''Come with Nathan! Just so they can do their baptism together.''

Lucas delicately takes Nathan and joins them. Nathan doesn't even wake up when Lucas puts his feet in the water while Eliott takes his picture.

''Do you want me to take a picture?''

Eliott nods and hands his phone to the woman who has proposed to them.

"Smile!''

She takes several pictures before giving her phone back and they thank her as they watch her walk away.

''You see, baby, everyone is not bad.''

Lucas smiles as he hugs him and then they go back to their towels. Lucas rolls his eyes, pointing to a woman looking at them funny.

''Some people don't say it, but they look at us weird. I hate that. Why can't they just mind their own business?''

Eliott take his hand and kiss the top.

"We don't care of other people."

Lucas sighs.

''I know, sorry, I'm just scared of what they might hear. I just don't want them to suffer from having a different family. It's our choice, not theirs.''

Eliott puts his arm around his shoulders and kisses him gently.

''I know. But they have two dads who love each other, and who love them. It's always better than having parents that don't want you.''

Lucas nods and smiles.

''I know.''

Lucas looks at the castle in front of them and smiles.

''Why does your castle look like a work of art while mine looked like a castle after a bombing?''

Eliott laughs, shrugging his shoulders.

''That's the artistic fibre, babe. I'm sure you could play music with seashells.''

Lucas looks at him and starts laughing.

''What do you think I'm, a mermaid?''

Eliott starts laughing and kisses him gently, carrying Nathan aside so he doesn't crush him between them.

''Yeah, you charmed me with your music.''

Lucas looks at the sky, laughing and they stay on the beach for another half hour before they decide to go home. The house is only a ten-minute walk from the beach, so they don't have to take the car, and it's really nice. If Eliott's father's job didn't offer them great rates, they would never have been able to rent a house like this.

''We should bring a gift for your parents. To thank your dad for giving us this.''

Eliott nods and opens the door of the house.

''Yeah, you're right. We'll get it within the week. Send him a postcard and he'll be thrilled. He's always complaining that nobody sends cards anymore.''

Lucas pulls Côme out of the baby carrier, making it look like he's pulling out a pound of sand at the same time, and he looks at Eliott looking down at the ground beneath his feet.

''Okay, let's go shower them and clean that up after. That's the only problem with sandy beaches.''

Lucas shakes his head as he follows him into the bathroom.

''A pebble beach is not a real beach.''

He undresses with one hand, up to his boxer shorts before undressing Côme and turning on the shower water. It's a huge Italian shower, and Lucas slips into it with Côme in his arms. Eliott joins them, Nathan in his arms and smiles at Lucas.

''So, is it still weird to take a shower with your baby?''

Lucas looks at him with a jaded smile and sighs.

"We're not really naked, and there's no bathtub here, and it's not with my baby, it's with our babies and my husband. And that was a long time ago. You're annoying me'

Eliott kisses him on the cheek, protecting Nathan's head from the water.

''I know. I just love you, that's all.''


	36. A place for two.

  
Lucas smiles as he looks at the time. It's 10 o'clock and they are ready to go to the beach. Without really wanting to, for four days they have adopted a rhythm that repeats itself almost every day and if Lucas would have thought that it would be boring, in fact it is downright restful. 

Nathan wakes them up at 6:30 am sharp and the day always starts with a shared breastfeed on the couch with his two boys while Eliott prepares breakfast. After eating, the four of them get dressed and then Nathan eats again around 8 o'clock and sleeps until 9:30 or 9:45, then they take advantage of this moment to play with Côme. After Nathan has eaten, around 10:00 am, they go to the beach where Eliott builds bigger and bigger castles for the great pleasure of Côme who has fun destroying everything, like a miniature Godzilla. They take turns bathing with Côme and then return for lunch. Côme and Nathan sleep all the early afternoon so Eliott and Lucas take advantage of this moment to test the bed in the room opposite. 

And frankly, as the afternoons go by, Lucas wonders how he managed to "forget" this aspect of their relationship for two months. Obviously it wasn't the same because he doesn't physically need to recover from the birth of their son, but he can't believe he went two months without having sex with Eliott. It's not just the physical act that he enjoys, every early afternoon, it's also just being able to be with his husband, talking, laughing, kissing and just being with each other.

In the afternoon, after a nap, they go for a long walk in the woods, enjoying the coolness, then they come back to this nice house with blue shutters and enjoy the garden. Sometimes Eliott draws, sometimes they just listen to music, and sometimes they do nothing. They stay there, lying in the grass, talking and watching their children. 

But today there's something different. Lucas can tell it in Eliott's attitude. He's not really anxious, but he's not totally relaxed either.

''We can stay here this morning, if you want.''

Eliott shakes his head so fast that Lucas can't help but worry a little more. Eliott looks at him, smiles and gently caresses his cheek.

''I'm fine, babe,I promise. I wouldn't ruin our vacation with a episode.''

Lucas frowns as he bends over a little more in his hand, placing his hand on Eliott's hand.

''You wouldn't ruin it even if you had an episode.''

Eliott sighs and Lucas pulls him gently into his arms.

''I was so scared that this would happen. You know I had a hard time sleeping before we came here. In fact, I kept wondering if we should leave, because if I screwed up, you'd be alone with the two boys with no one to help you and that terrified me. But now we're leaving in three days, so I guess you could say that's not going to happen.''

Lucas gently caresses his cheek before kissing him on the top of the cheek.

'' Eh, all is well, right?''

Eliott sighs against his shoulder.

''How would you have handled it if I screwed up? You would have hated me for it.''

Lucas holds him a little tighter, rubbing his back.

''Of course not, I wouldn't have hated you. I love you. I would have managed differently that's all. And then everything's fine, right? Minute by minute, my love. Stop with your ifs and tell me what you're hiding from me.''

Eliott immediately stands up and looks him in the eyes.

''How do you know I'm hiding something from you.''

Lucas smiles, caressing his cheek, up to his chin.

''I know you by heart. What's it?''

Eliott shakes his head and smiles.

''It's a surprise. Patience, babe. Come on, boys, let's go to the beach.''

Côme gives a shout of joy and walks to the front door dragging his bucket. 

''You see, I knew he'd love it in the end. He's just like you: super suspicious at first but then he gets hooked.''

Lucas laughed as he put the baby sling on him.

''I'm not like that at all.''

They go to the beach and settle down in a rather quiet corner, but Eliott doesn't stop looking around them.

''Eliott, please, what''

''Lucas! Eliott!"

Lucas's startled and turns around before taking a big smile. Alexia and Arthur walk, hand in hand to them, two big smiles on their faces.

"Hi guys!''

Lucas gets up to salute, quickly joined by Eliott who smiles.

''But what are you doing here?''

Arthur smiles as he looks around them.

"The beach belongs to everyone, right?"

Côme raises his head from his bucket and looks at them smiling before coming down on all fours and reaching out his arms for Alexia to take him.

''Carry! Carry!''

"Oh, did you learn any new words? I missed you too, buddy, how's the vacations?''

Côme huddles up against her and Lucas looks at Arthur.

"No kidding, what are you doing here?"

Arthur laughs and sits down, gently caressing Nathan's belly as he sleeps in his tent.

''You know we were on vacation at Alexia's grandmother's house in Libourne, we just took a slight detour to come spend a day with you.''

Lucas sits next to him shaking his head.

''All this driving just for one day? No, stay overnight, we have an extra room.''

Arthur laughs as he puts his arm around his shoulders.

''Yeah, I meant a full day, we're leaving tomorrow at noon. Your husband invited us. But I'm glad to see you're not gonna kick us out for keep your sex-room.''

Lucas laughs and shakes Eliott's hand in his.

''Was that my surprise? That's so great.''

Eliott shakes his head and Lucas frowns.

''No, not really. If it's okay for you, I'd like us to have a moment just the two of us this afternoon. I know Nathan's small, but I'd really like to rent a jetski and go out to sea with you. Just the two of us, and''

Lucas jumps on his neck by nodding several times.

''Oh yes! Too good! It's too good an idea. I've never done it before. We're going to have fun.''

Eliott looks at him, almost shocked before releasing a sigh of relief.

''I had planned a big spitch, I thought you'd say no. But this is great. I'll book one for us then?''

Lucas nods with a smile.

''Yeah. Get ready to fall in the sea, Demaury."

Eliott laughs as he gets up.

"You too, Demaury!"

Lucas laughs as he rolls his eyes and then watches him leave for the rental booth in his pretty blue swimsuit.

''Am I dreaming or are you staring at his ass?''

Lucas turns towards Arthur while smiling.

''He's my husband, I have the right, right?''

Arthur laughs and elbows him before showing him a group of girls who turn their heads to follow Eliott who passes in front of them.

''You're not the only one, apparently.''

Lucas loses his smile and quickly looks at his two boys. Nathan is still asleep and Côme plays with Alexia covering Arthur's feet with sand.

''Can you save them for me for a couple of minutes? Côme, are you staying with Arthur and Alex? Daddy's coming back."

Lucas runs away and jumps on Eliott's back, who grabs him without even thinking about what's happening to him. Lucas pecks his neck while squeezing his legs around him.

''I love you."

Eliott laughs and readjusts him on his back.

''You're just jealous because two girls looked at my ass, you idiot.''

Lucas hits him on the shoulder laughing.

''Did you see them? I should mark _This is Lucas' property_ on your ass.''

''Mmmhh...'' Eliott moans ''What if a Lucas comes up to me?''

Lucas hits him on the shoulder again.

''Okay, I'm going to mark _I'm married and my husband's snarling, so look elsewhere._ '

Eliott starts laughing as he keeps walking, as if Lucas' weight didn't even encumber him.

''My ass isn't big enough for this.''

Lucas comes down and slaps him on the ass laughing as they arrive at the rental counter. They decide to take an hour and a half jet ski ride during the boys' nap and Lucas quickly looks at the surfboards.

''Can we rent two of them now?''

Eliott steps back, widening his eyes and shaking his head.

''I don't surf! No way!''

Lucas bursts out laughing as he puts his hand on his forearm to prevent him from backing up again.

''Oh, I know. I've already missed killing you trying to skateboard, I don't want to see you drown. But Arthur's surfing. May I?''

Eliott raises his eyebrows, amazed and kisses him.

''Of course you can. I'm glad you're taking some time for yourself. And I can't wait to see you surf.''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders as he picks up the two boards and the wetsuits.

''I haven't done this in a long time, but it's gonna be cool.''

Arthur's more than ready to go, so the six of them move to the spot that the guy showed them, where other people are already surfing. Since they arrived here, Lucas has been watching the people surfing with envy, but he didn't want to force Eliott to stay alone on the beach. Lucas watches Alexia playing with Côme, while Eliott rocks Nathan against him and smiles at them.

"Go ahead, have fun.''

Arthur takes off his hearing aids and frowns before following him. He signs, telling him that it just feels weird not hearing the sound of waves or seagulls anymore, and Lucas's really happy that he has expanded his sign language vocabulary from talking to the childrens.

For the first ten minutes, he had a hard time, but finally the automatisms come back and he's standing on the board with a big smile on his face. He often came to the seaside with his mother and since she spent his time lying on the beach reading a book, he took several lessons to learn how to surf.

And if surfing with Arthur was really great, jet skiing with Eliott is just heavenly. Eliott wanted to be the first one to drive so Lucas sat behind him, thinking they were going to take a quiet ride, following the group more or less closely, but he should have understood that it wouldn't be the case when Eliott started so fast, once they left the beach and were allowed to really leave, that Lucas fell in the water.

Eliott fished him out, laughing, before starting again, taking the waves as fast as he could, jumping them so high that Lucas almost felt like he was flying away. Until they fell back to the side and both of them ended up in the water.

And that's why he's now in the water, laughing, trying to get back on the jet while Eliott touches his ass.

''I asked for help. You're not helping me now.''

Eliott starts laughing and finally pushes him.

''I was enjoying myself a little bit. You helping me?''

Lucas pretends to hesitate then stretches out his hand to catch Eliott's and pulls him up behind him. He puts back the sensors that allow the jetski to shut down if the driver falls into the water and then starts and goes much faster than he would like.

''It's super fucking sensitive.''

Eliott laughs, squeezing his hands around his waist a little more and resting his head against his shoulder. Lucas turns slightly to join the instructors who wave to them and accelerates, feeling more and more confident. Eliott's huddled up against him and gives him the feeling of total confidence and Lucas smiles as he jumps on the waves. It's one of the most beautiful things in their relationship: mutual confidence.

They reach a little beach and even though they arrive slowly, when the jetski hits the sand, they both tip forward and Lucas loses his balance, causing them both to fall to the side. They laugh so much that they even have trouble getting back on their feet properly. It's the guy from the next jet who comes up to theirs and helps them push him.

''Sorry. Thanks.''

''You're welcome. Hey, you all right, man? Your friend was going super fast! I was surprised you didn't fall down more often.''

Lucas watches Eliott take off the top of his wetsuit, like most people do, before the instructor hands him a beer.

''He's my husband, he just wanted to scare me.''

A woman walks up to them and hands them a beer. Lucas hesitates, then smilingly refuses.

"I don't drink alcohol.''

Eliott puts his arm around his shoulders and offers him a coke with a smile and then puts his beer in his hands.

''You can have some if you want. It won't make much difference.''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders but takes his coke. 

''I'd rather save my joker for cocktails with Arthur and Alex tonight.''

They chat quietly, mainly about the island and all the walks and bike rides they can do, until the instructor asks them to get back on the jets.

''Okay, now we drive slowly. If you're lucky, you'll be able to see dolphins. Here we go.''

Lucas shakes his head and smiles, nodding to Eliott to let him drive, but Eliott shakes his head back.

''Come on, I'll take it easy, I promise.''

They both settle down but with Lucas' weight, the jet hits the sand again and they can't get off the ground.

''If it's a sign from the universe to tell me I'm fat, it's done.''

Eliott turns towards him and catches him by the arm before Lucas has time to go down to push the jet out of the sand.

''You weigh less than I do. You're not fat at all. I don't like it when you say that.''

Lucas rolls his eyes but smiles as he comes up behind him for kiss him.

''I know. That was a joke. Come on, drive.''

They're going a lot slower than they were on the way up, and all of a sudden, Eliott stops, pointing at something in the distance.

''Look, babe, this, it's a sign from the universe.''

A school of dolphins jump out of the water at 100, maybe 150 meters from them, and it's just beautiful to see. Lucas gently squeezes Eliott's waist and puts his head on his shoulder, watching this incredible sight before pulling him towards him so he can kiss him.

''I love you. Thanks for this, it was a great idea.''

Eliott turns around a little more so he can put one arm around him and kiss him tenderly.

''Thank you for saying yes.''

Lucas smiles, putting his head against his own and they watch the dolphins move away from them.

''It's time to go home!''

Lucas settles back behind Eliott and they return to the beach laughing, jumping on the waves. Eliott stops almost suddenly but this time Lucas holds him strong enough not to fall down.

''To you. Come to the front, you're going to drive.''

They contort themselves and miss falling several times, but finally Lucas manages to pass in front of Eliott and he brings them back to the beach.

''It was just great! Can you imagine when our kids grow up, we'll be able to do it with them. I know it's a long time away, but I can't wait.''

Lucas slides his hand into his and they're on their way home. He can't help but think that maybe Marie will change her mind and contact them again. There is still 42 days left. He looks at Eliott, wondering if he thinks about it as much as he does since they never talk about it. Eliott squeezes his hand a little harder before putting his arm around his shoulders and kissing him on the forehead.

''No bad thoughts during the vacations, babe. I swear we'll go jetskiing with our two boys someday, no matter what.''

Lucas smiles and huddles up a little bit more. As soon as he sees the white house with the blue shutters, he tries to listen if he hears crying, but even though the street is quiet, he doesn't hear anything. And indeed, even after opening the door, he doesn't hear any crying and immediately feels reassured.

In the garden, Côme's playing with Arthur while Alexia's chatting with them, Nathan's sleeping against her.

''Hi everybody.''

''Daddy! Daddy! Miss!''

Lucas smiles and grabs his little man who holds out his arms.

''Did you learn a new word? I miss you too.''

"Miss.'' Repeats Côme while blocking himself against him, caressing Eliott's beard with his hand. "Miss, daddy.''

"It's crazy how he talks!" says Alexia. "He hasn't stopped. We don't understand everything, but it really looks like he wants to talk. Fortunately, we can understand with sign language for understand what he want.''

Arthur starts laughing as he gets up.

''We understood the most important thing. Côme, what did you say earlier? Daddy?

Côme takes a big smile and points at Eliott.

"Daddy Fuck.''

Eliott and Lucas both sigh at the same time while Arthur starts laughing again.

''I promise you, that idiot didn't teach him. It's my fault, I bumped into a piece of furniture and swore. And he repeated that.''

Arthur sits next to Alexia and laughs.

''The truth comes out of the mouths of children. I didn't dare ask him which daddy he was talking about. Both, I guess.''

Côme shakes his head and points at Lucas.

''Daddy milk.''

He takes a big smile and points at Eliott.

''Daddy fuck.''

Eliott moans while Arthur bursts out laughing.

"No, Côme, no. Yuck if you want, but not that. You can't call me like that.''

Lucas laughs as Côme tries to jump into his arms.

''The truth comes out of the mouths of children.''

Eliott gives him a blank look before frowning.

''Can you imagine if he says that at the daycare?''

Lucas immediately loses his smile and looks at Côme.

"Daddy's right, you can't call him like that.''

Côme laughs and goes down to play.

''Ok...so...how did it go?''

They both smiles and Lucas immediately feels relieved. 

''Nathan woke up twenty minutes ago, but he went back to sleep almost as soon as I took him in my arms. Frankly, it's actually pretty easy.''

Lucas laughs and huddles up with Eliott.

''You should have seen the beginning of the car ride. But other than that, it's okay, they're cool.''

Nathan wakes up gently, rubbing his nose against Alexia who holds it out to Lucas with a smile.

''Did you get the picture of Jules standing up by himself? Basile says he'll probably walk on his birthday.''

Lucas knows he shouldn't compare, but since they are almost the same age, it's pretty hard not to. So he looks at Côme who's sitting in the grass and then crawls on all fours after his balloon.

''Yes, we saw that. Do you think Côme should be stimulated to stand up? He doesn't even stand up and hold on to the furniture.''

Eliott sighs in his neck before kissing him.

''Leave him alone. He doesn't feel like walking right now, he still has time. Right now he's learning a lot of new words, he can't do everything at the same time.''

Lucas turns his head to smile at him.

''It's true. You're right. Sorry.''

Arthur picks up the ball and throws it to him gently and they spend the rest of the afternoon in the garden talking quietly before going for a walk in the forest. Lucas feels like he has spent the afternoon talking, and that's why he is really surprised when he brings back the aperitif and Arthur raises his glass and smiles.

''We have something to tell you.''

Lucas looks at him and then looks at Alexia and smiles.

''No, not that, Lulu. We love your boys and Jules, but it's not for us yet. On the contrary, we've decided to go on a year-long trip around the world before we start working. We want to enjoy ourselves before we work and start our family.''

Alexia nods with a smile.

''We will start by going to see Manon and Charles in Ethiopia and then we will see. We're leaving on September 1st.''

Lucas remains a few seconds mouth astonished because he would never have imagined Arthur to leave to make the turn of the world but he raises his glass with them while smiling.

''A your turn of the world then.''

They spend the rest of the evening talking about the countries they want to visit, while Côme and Nathan fall asleep quietly. It is only when Nathan wakes up at 11:45 p.m. to suckle that they decide to go to bed.

Côme has already been sleeping for a long time, so Lucas slips gently into the bedroom and take Nathan before lying down with him in bed to feed him while Eliott lies down in front of him, right behind Nathan.

''Are you regrets you can't do that?" Lucas whispers.

Eliott hesitates then nods gently.

''Yeah, a little bit. But that's okay, you know.''

Lucas pouting as he strokes his cheek.

''It's all my fault. I shouldn't have''

Eliott puts his index finger on his mouth while shaking his head.

''No, it's not your fault. All I want is for you to be happy.''

Lucas frowns as he looks at him, placing one hand on Nathan, who moves a little.

''What? You did this just for me? That's why we did it so fast, right? You never would have wanted it this sooner if we hadn't.''

Eliott frowns and straightens his eyebrows a little bit.

''Wait. What are you talking about now?''

Lucas looks at him and frowns back.

"What are you talking about?''

Eliott points to Nathan and smiles.

''I was talking about breastfeeding. I'm a little sorry I can't do it, but I'd rather you do it than bottle-feed him because I know you're happy to do it. But what were you talking about?''

Lucas smiles and puts his hand on Eliott's neck to pull him towards him so he can kiss him.

''Babe, what were you talking about?''

Lucas loses his smile and sighs.

''Of our children. Do you regret having to have Côme so soon? I can imagine you didn't picture yourself as a 23-year-old dad. I know you wanted us to do it right away because of me, but do you regret not being able to do certain things?’’

Eliott looks at him, visibly worried.

''Like going around the world? Would you have wanted to do that?''

Lucas shakes his head and smiles.

''Around the world with a bag on his back and no idea where to go? Oh no, absolutely not.''

Eliott smiles and strokes his cheek.

''Me neither. I'm happy for them, but that's all I can think about. I'd rather wait until I'm 50 and take you to Kathmandu. ''

Eliott bends over gently to kiss him.

''And to answer your question, no, I never imagined having two children at 24, but I'm really happy about it. I don't think you ever imagined carrying a baby, let alone breastfeeding two babies, but it makes you happy. Well, it's the same thing. Before I met you, I didn't want kids. Never. I thought I was too screwed up to take care of a baby. I couldn't even take care of myself. But you know what, I'd like to tell Eliott that I was 16 not to worry and everything's going to be okay. He's going to have an amazing life with an incredible husband and great kids.''

Eliott looks down and laughs.

''He fell asleep. Now it's my turn.''

He delicately picks Nathan up and puts him in his crib before huddling up with Lucas, matching their bodies to perfection.

''I could never have imagined what we've been through together since February 15th. Having plans is good, but having a surprising life by your side is definitely better.''


	37. A place to hide his fear.

  
''Look at this dress! I love it!''

Lucas looks at it and nods with a smile, so Alexia sighs.

''You react the same way, no matter what I show you.''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and continues looking for a postcard to send to Eliott's parents and one for his mother.

''You look great in any dress, that's why.''

Alexia smiles, even though she knows perfectly well that Lucas is just saying that to be left alone. Côme wiggles in the baby carrier and grabs a plush donkey.

''You already have a lot of cuddly toys, sweetheart. Look, I bought you some macaras to make music with me.''

Lucas gives him the red macaras, marked ''Ile de Ré'' with a lighthouse drawn on it. It's clearly commercial, but he is happy to bring back a souvenir of their first vacation. He tries to take back the orange and grey donkey but Côme frowns and holds it harder.

''No! Nathan.''

Lucas stops and looks at Alexia, wondering if he heard right, but from the smile on her face he knows he did.

''Who do you want to buy this for?''

Côme smiles as he waves the donkey in his hand.

''Nathan. Nathan.''

Lucas smiles and nods as he kisses him.

''You're right, he needs a little friends too, like your teddy bear. You're so sweet, baby.''

Côme shakes his head.

''No. Nathan. Baby.''

Alexia laughs and comes over and strokes his head, pushing all that brown hair on the back of his head.

''You're right, you're a big boy. Come on, give me the cuddly toy, I'll pay for it and you can give it to your little brother.''

Alexia takes the little donkey but Lucas stops her.

''You're not going to pay for it, I'm going to pay for it. It's not up to you to buy this.''

Alexia shakes her head and smiles.

''Nonsense, let me spoil these little angels, it makes me happy. Look, I found a sailor sweater for Jules. And this one for Côme, it brings out his blue eyes, it's so beautiful.''

Lucas smiles at her and is about to tell her that she doesn't have to give them presents, but Alexia is already at the checkout, adding this to her dresses.

''I prefer the yellow dress by the way.''

She turns around and smiles.

''Me too. Thanks, Lulu.''

They leave the store and join Eliott and Arthur sitting on a restaurant terrace.

''Have you found your happiness? We ordered the aperitif.''

Arthur looks at Alexia's bags and smiles.

''Yeah, you've definitely found your happiness. That's cool.''

She shows the different patterns of the dresses she just bought herself, then the clothes for the little ones and hands the little donkey to Côme who's now sitting in his high chair.

''That's what Côme wanted to buy. And it is for whom?''

"Nathan!''

Lucas looks at Eliott's face, which immediately changes, oscillating between surprise and pride, while Côme holds out the teddy to his little brother.

''Did you hear that, babe? Did you hear that?''

Lucas smiles as he puts his hand on his.

''I have ears. He's already said it twice in the store. I think you're right, he decided to use the vacations to talk.''

Eliott strokes his hand and caresses Côme's cheek with his other hand.

''I'm super proud of you, big boy.''

Côme applauds, visibly happy and Lucas smiles as he looks at him. 

From then on, he starts saying at least two new words every day. It's as if he has recorded all the words that exist and now he's taking them out as he goes along. And the more he talks, the faster he feels like he's growing up and look no longer a baby.

And it's even more noticeable when they go to Daphne and Basile's house when they come back from their vacation. They left the day before they came back so they haven't seen each other since two weeks, which isn't long in itself, but the boys seem to have changed so much. Côme is still tanned, but more importantly he has more than one head more than Jules, while Jules has nice round cheeks now.

''But what did Côme eat during the vacations! He has grown too much!''

It's true that they had to buy new shirts because the others were revealing his little belly, and his shorts are now reaching him halfway up his thighs, but since they don't fit him, since he doesn't have a waist, they hope that he will be able to finish the summer in clothes in size 18 months.

''We will have to buy 2 years old when he's not a year old. The sizes are really null and void.''

Daphne smiles while pointing at Jules.

''He still takes 9 months. I think he's going to wear a year clothes, at one year. It works for us. That's what it's like to have a husband that big. No problem, he gets it from Eliott.''

Lucas throws him a jaded look, meaning _I'm not small_ which makes Daphne laugh.

''He's got your hair color and your eyes, he had to get the size of Eliott.''

Jules looks at Côme and stands up, stands at the coffee table to move around.

''Ules! Ules! No. Wait, Wait!"

Basile and Daphne widen their eyes as they look at them.

''But is he talking? Like really."

Eliott laughs and nods.

''Yeah, he's definitely expanded his vocabulary, it's crazy.''

Lucas smiles but looks at Jules who lets go of the table to test his balance.

''Jules's doing great, he looks like he's almost ready to walk. Côme doesn't seem at all interested in walking.''

''No.'' Confirms Côme, "Daddy. Carry.''

Lucas smiles then sighs as he looks at Eliott.

''Do you think we carry him too much? Is it our fault?''

Eliott shakes his head and kisses him on the neck.

''Leave him alone, it will come when he feels like it. And then he moves around, that's enough for him. He wants to talk, not walk, let him do it.''

Lucas nods, trying not to worry, but happy to know that Côme will soon have his mandatory medical appointment at one year, at the same time as Nathan will have his two-month appointment with his first vaccinations. 

''So, you're back on Monday, Eliott? This is going to be weird for you, isn't it?''

Eliott shakes his head and smiles at Basil.

''Actually, no, I'm on paternity leave. It's only 11 days, but thanks to it, I'm back on August 20.''

Daphne nods in agreement, serving them blueberry muffins again.

''Oh good. Jules begins his adaptation to the daycare on the 20th.''

Lucas takes a muffin and looks at her smiling.

''I could have kept it until Côme and Nathan go there in October. I'm still willing to do that.''

Daphne shakes her head as she rocks Nathan in her arms.

''You have to enjoy your boys. It's nice enough to have kept Jules with us for so long. And then you've got your move coming up. Are you sure you don't want to put Côme in day care for a few hours a week?''

Lucas looks at Côme and shakes his head.

''No, I want to enjoy it before I go back to school. We'll be quiet in September, just enough time to get settled in our new apartment and then in October they'll both start daycare. Pfff I have the impression that it will pass quickly.''

Daphne strokes Nathan's cheek and he starts to wake up and then looks at them.

''And... for Nathan, it will be the day of his two months, or it's 60 days, or...''.

Eliott gently shakes Lucas' hand in his.

''There are 32 days left.'' 

Lucas turns around, almost surprised to know that Eliott is counting down every morning, just like him. Does he jump every time the house phone rings, just like him? Does he dream of someone knocking on the door and ripping their son out of his arms and saying he's not theirs? Has he checked the forums to see how long it usually takes for moms to change their minds and come back for their baby? Does he sometimes panic when he thinks he might lose him? Eliott never talks about it, and always tells Lucas that he shouldn't think about it, but isn't that just a way to protect himself? 

''Lucas, stop it, you're hurting yourself.''

Lucas blinks to come back to reality. Daphne and Basile look at him with a sorry look while Eliott gently strokes his arm up and down.

''That's why we don't talk about it.''

Eliott wipes his cheek and only then does Lucas realize that his eyes are filled with tears. He stretches out his arms and Daphne gives Nathan back to him, so he hugs him gently. Côme joins him and comes to put his head on her thighs.

''Love daddy.''

Lucas smiles as he hugs him. He's been saying it for a week, but Lucas will never get tired of hearing it.

''I love you too. I love you both very much.''

Eliott gently strokes his back and Lucas steps back to hug him.

''32 days and we'll never have to worry about that again.''

32 days becomes 30, then 28...

When the number of days remaining reaches 27, they celebrate their wedding anniversary, and spend the evening thinking that they had no idea what they were going to experience during that first year.

26 days becomes 24 then 22, then when he becomes 20 days, Eliott has to go back to work.

Eliott kisses each of them at least three times before he manages to get through the door of the apartment but finally he sends a message at noon saying that he's fine and that even if it is difficult, he is happy because he has just been offered a new project. Lucas replies that they are doing well too, not to please him, but because they are. The morning was really quiet and he was even able to play the piano while Côme was playing with a puzzle and Nathan was playing with his hands. Nathan seems to want to take the same rhythm as his brother and only eat four times during the day, which doesn't seem like much, even with the two awakenings at night, but his adorable kissing's cheeks give the impression that he is getting fatter every day so Lucas lets him do it. 

After the afternoon suckle, Nathan falls asleep, seeming exhausted from having been awake for more than an hour, so Lucas puts him back in his crib, in the bedroom, so that he can sleep without being disturbed by the noise of his brother talking and singing without stopping. Sometimes it's understandable words, and sometimes not at all, but it makes Lucas smile. 

And it's because Lucas is practicing again on his keyboard that he doesn't see that Côme has taken tubes of paint from Eliott before it's drama. When he turns around, Côme has become a multicolorful little boy and Lucas can't help but laugh and take a picture of him, which he sends to Eliott with the caption "No doubt, he has Pollock in his genes".

He arranges the tubes, not even knowing where Côme could find them, then quickly cleans the floor before taking Côme to the bathroom. He has barely plunged him into the bath when Nathan starts crying and Lucas sighs. This is exactly the kind of moment he was dreading. He can't leave Côme in the bath, and he doesn't want to leave Nathan crying, so he feels torn between his two children.

He quickly cleans Côme, chasing away the pretty paint stains and is about to take him out of the bath when Nathan stops crying. That's not really like him, he usually yells even louder when no one comes to take care of him, but maybe he has realized that he has to wait. 

Lucas takes Côme out and wraps him in his towel before leaving the bathroom. The front door is wide open and Lucas' heart misses a beat because it's really looks like his nightmares. He rushes into the room and starts crying when he sees the empty crib.

''Eh, Babe, what's happens?''

Lucas turns around and almost lets Côme fall to the floor when he sees Eliott holding Nathan against him.

''Why did you do this to me? Why did you do this to me?''

Lucas bursts into tears and Eliott grabs Côme with his arms and puts him on the bed before pulling Lucas against him.

''He was crying, so I grabbed him. I brought back the dinner, I just put it in the kitchen. I didn't do anything. It's okay, babe.''

Lucas strokes Nathan's still bald head and sniffs.

''The door's open. I thought somebody came and got him. I thought she came to get him.''

Eliott makes him sit on the bed next to Côme, who tries to remove his towel and then leaves the room. Lucas hears the front door close and then Eliott reappears with a tender smile on his face.

''I had slammed it wrong, a draught must have opened the door. It's all right, babe. That went badly?''

Lucas shakes his head while drying his tears.

''No. It was good. Really good. I'm sorry, I was really scared. Just let me know when you're there and when you pick him up, please.''

Eliott nods as he hugs him.

''I'm sorry. I promise I'll scream as I walk out the door every night. Everything's fine, babe.''

Eliott kiss him then laugh, looking at Côme.

''Can you take Nathan while I put a diaper on the little butt walking around on our bed because I'd like to avoid having to change the sheets.''

Lucas takes Nathan against him and smiles as he watches Eliott trying to catch Côme who's crawling around the bed.

"Come put a diaper on, you little rascal.''

The phone rings and Lucas gets up.

''I'll answer it.''

Eliott stops him just to kiss him and smiles.

''My mother called me earlier, I told her to call back tonight, it must be her. I'll dress this naturist and I come.''

It's almost only their parents calling their landline, and all the phone hawkers, so Lucas picks up, really thinking it's Eliott's mother.

"Hi?''

Only silence resounds at the end of the phone, and Lucas sighs, hating the phone canvassing. It's always the same, it's always silence, then a click and finally someone asking if they have a health insurance, if they have done any work in their house or praising some product.

But this time there is no click. There is a silence, followed by a simple "Hi, Eliott Demaury?" and Lucas' world collapses, because he knows it's her.


	38. A place to cry.

  
''Marie?''

Someone coughs into the phone so Lucas feels his heart tighten a little more and he starts crying as Eliott enters the living room, Côme crawling behind him.

''No, sorry, I'm Olivia from the health institute...''

Lucas doesn't listen to the rest and hangs up while Nathan wiggles in his arms. He wipes his eyes with a sigh, feeling totally stupid and Eliott gently takes Nathan in his arms and puts him on his mat before hugging Lucas against him.

"What's wrong with you today, babe?''

Lucas is sobbing against his shirt again and Eliott holds him a little tighter.

''I thought it was her. I was sure it was her voice. I just...''

The phone rings again and Eliott takes the phone in his hands.

''Hello? Hi mom, I'm sorry, this isn't a good time. Can I call you back later? Okay, great. Thanks.''

Eliott hangs up and puts the phone on the coffee table before he hugs Lucas.

''20 days, babe, 20 days left, but you can't spend 20 days like this. I know it's hard and I'm scared too, but we have to stay confident, okay? She wanted the best for her baby and even if she decided to come back now, I'm sure she'd understand that we want to take care of him and we'll figure it out.''

Lucas shakes his head as he looks at their son.

''I don't want joint custody.''

Eliott sighs as he strokes his cheek.

''Neither do I, but I'd rather do that than not see him anymore. And anyway, right now he's our son. Just minute by minute, okay? No one will come here and take him while you take care of Côme, and for the moment she doesn't seem to be going back on her decision. You just need to relax.''

Lucas stands up, pushing him back slightly, while frowning.

''How can I relax when my son can be picked up at any time?''

Eliott sighs, frowning in turn.

''He's my son too! And I'm scared, too, but that doesn't help. Damn it, Lucas, do you''

Côme starts crying while lying down on Nathan. Eliott grabs him before he crushes him and Lucas takes Nathan and brings him closer to Côme so he can give him a hug. Côme puts his head on his belly and sighs. Lucas looks at Eliott and they both sigh at the same time, before sitting on the couch together.

''I'm sorry.''

They look at each other and sigh at the same time before smiling at their synchronized apology. Lucas takes Eliott's hand in his and gently squeezes it.

''I'm scared to death.''

Eliott puts his arm around his shoulders and gently squeezes it against him.

''I'm scared to death too, but our boys need us to hold on. We can't both fall apart every time the phone rings.''

Lucas sighs as he hugs his boys and nods gently.

''Can we talk about this tonight, please? When they're in bed.''

Eliott nods before kissing him on the temple.

''You're right. Sorry boys, we shouldn't have shouted. So, Côme, you wanted to do some painting without me?''

Côme sit down, smiling and claps his hands.

"I don't even know where he got the tubes. I was playing and when I turned around, he was full of paint.''

''Daddy piano!''

Eliott nods and gently takes Nathan from Lucas' arms.

''He's right, you should play. Play for us, it'll do us all some good.''

Lucas hesitates but Côme applauds with a smile.

''Daddy piano.''

Lucas kisses him and then slips behind his keyboard. He starts by playing _I love you_ by Rioppy, as he does every time he plays for Eliott. He turns around at the end of the piece and Eliott's sitting in the back of the couch, gently rocking Nathan against him. Côme sits on his mat and applauds before signing "Again".

''A-ain. A-ain.''

Lucas plays _The story_ , because it's Côme's favorite song, and then stops because Côme taps his calf and reaches out for Lucas to pick him up. Lucas lifts him up and sits him on his lap while Eliott comes and sits next to him, and puts Nathan's hands on the keyboard.

''Look babe, this is our first eight-hands concert.''

Côme presses the keys and starts singing in his incomprehensible language, but gives the impression that he's really focused on his song, which makes Eliott laugh. Lucas's forced to laugh because Côme is just too cute.

Normally, they should bathe Nathan, hang out the laundry that just finished turning, and put away the laundry Lucas folded up during the nap, but the four of them stay there behind the piano keyboard. Eliott recounts his day while Côme punctuates his story with musical notes.

''Who wants to eat? I brought Chinese food. Want to try some, Côme? I got some rice for you.''

Côme nods and reaches out his arms and smiles. Eliott kisses Lucas before giving him Nathan and taking Côme into the kitchen.

''That's the weird soup I love, and these are skewers for daddy because he loves it. You know what, let's just heat it up and put it on the table and you can say what you want to eat.''

Côme try to eat almost everything, but that doesn't stop him from claiming to suckle at the same time as Nathan before going to bed.

Lucas smiles as he lays Nathan down in his crib, completely asleep, then kisses Côme again in Eliott's arms before he puts him down in bed.

''Good night, big boy.''

"We love you so much.

Côme smiles as he takes his teddy bear's ear between his fingers. 

''Night. Love.''

Lucas smiles as he leaves the bedroom.

''We should record him saying this, he's so cute.''

Eliott wraps his arms around him, gently pushing him against the hallway wall, placing his forehead against his own.

''Talk to me, babe, tell me what's going on. I can see you're not doing well. You're there but you're distant. If you need me to stay home, let me know. Talk to me, please.''

Lucas sighs as he locks himself up against it.

''No, the day went well. I'm just scared. I'm scared to death.''

Eliott takes him by the hand and sits on the couch and pulls him onto his lap.

''I'm scared too. Just tell me how to help you. I can't watch you go wrong without doing anything, tell me how to help you.''

Lucas huddles up a little bit more with him.

''I don't know. The more time goes by, the more scared I get. When I look at them like that, I can't even imagine how Côme would feel if Nathan left. What if she decides that his name isn't Nathan? What if she's telling the truth and we can never see him again? What if the law comes down on us and they take Côme away, too. I spend all my nights having nightmares about someone taking Nathan or even our two kids and I'm completely terrified that this will happen.''

Eliott pushes him gently, giving the impression that he wants to drop him on the floor and Lucas doesn't understand until Eliott gets up and picks him up properly to carry him in his arms.

''What are you doing?''

Eliott smiles and kisses him on the neck.

''We're going to take a shower. It's gonna make us feel better. You always say a good hot shower helps to get better.''

He lets go of his feet so he can get through the bathroom door but Lucas looks behind them.

''Is the door locked securely?''

Eliott nods but leaves the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later.

''The door is locked and the two boys are asleep. Now come with me.''

He undresses him slowly and Lucas lets do it. Eliott kisses him tenderly in the neck before kissing his chest, gently caressing his back.

"Come on.''

The water almost hurts because it is so hot, but Lucas just smiles. Eliott always takes hot showers, and Lucas wonders how he doesn't burn the boys when he baths them. 

Eliott wraps his arms around him, matching their bodies perfectly, making them feel like two pieces of a puzzle.

''We're going to be okay, babe, I promise we're going to be okay. Our family will be okay. With If, anything can happen. My wonderful husband says that we should never speak with If. So, focus on the facts. Just the facts. Tell me a fact about us.''

Lucas kisses him, water running down their faces, reminding their first kiss.

''I love you.''

Eliott nods with a smile.

''That's a fact. Tell me another.''

Lucas smiles and kisses him again.

''Our kids are doing fine.''

Eliott nods and takes a big smile.

''Our family is fine.''

Lucas nods and huddles up to him.

''I have an incredible husband.''

Eliott hugs him and kisses him on the neck, reaching back to his ear.

''Oh, you're lucky, me too.''

Lucas laughs and Eliott kisses him, slipping his hands through his hair. 

''We can consider this day over, so only 19 days left and you can officially be his daddy. Right now that's a fact and we're going to focus on that.''

Lucas nods and kisses him.

_19 days and they will officially be a family._


	39. A place to celebrate.

''Do I break the champagne or do I open it normally?''

Lucas looks at Arthur who pulls out a kitchen knife and shakes his head.

''Open it normally, you're gonna get it everywhere!''

Arthur puts the knife down and smiles as he tries to pop the cork. Yann takes the bottle from him and opens it, filling two glasses before giving it back to him.

''Yeah, I was in labor, that's why it's so easy. Champagne for everyone?''

Lucas hesitates as he glances at Nathan, who is wriggling in Camille's arms, but Eliott wraps his arms around her waist.

''Our son is one year old today, you can drink a cup if you feel like it.''

Lucas turns to kiss him as the lights go out suddenly.

''It's time for cake!''

Everybody starts singing and Eliott films while Lola takes several pictures of Côme in front of his pretty cake made by Imane. On top of the cake, the decoration represents a beach where there is a nice sand castle, as well as a parasol, a bucket and a tiny shovel.

''Oh! Daddy castle!'' exclaims Côme while showing Lucas. He frowns, shakes his hand and his head saying ''No'' then look for Eliott and points at him ''Daddy castle!''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

"Hey, I made sandcastles too.''

Côme looks at him and laughs.

''Castle. Fell.''

Everyone starts laughing, even Lucas laughs before he comes to kiss him.

''Look, you can blow out your candle, big boy. Ready?''

Côme puffs out his cheeks and squints at the candle but he doesn't seem to know how to blow out.

''Daddy. Help.''

Lucas waves to Eliott to join him and they gently blow out the candle at the same time before kissing over Côme's head as their friends clap and the lights come back on.  
  
''It's crazy how he talks," says Emma, "but why doesn't Jules say anything?''

Lucas gives her big eyes and Daphne shrugs her shoulders.

''He doesn't even say neither mom nor dad. But the doctor says it's not worrisome yet and that he's still little enough to talk. It's Côme who's actually really early.''

Eliott caresses his shoulder and smiles.

''Of course it's not worrying. And then look, Côme isn't trying to stand up at all. When you try to stand him up, he bends his legs underneath him.''

''They're complementary.'' Says Basile "One who walks, one who talks.''

''And one who wants to eat.'' Declares Camille while giving Nathan to Lucas ''I believe that my shirt is not to his taste.''

Lucas sits on the couch with Nathan and watches their friends cut the cake, toast the birthday party and then help Côme open his presents. It's a good thing they're moving out in two weeks because they're really starting to run out of room here. Lucas smiles as he watches his mother help Côme unwrap his present. 

''Look, it's a rocking horse. I thought you should like it, your dad loved it when he was little. I think we'll ask your grandpa to ride it before we leave.''

Lucas smiles while looking at Eliott who nods at his father. It's true that they both suck at DIY.

''Okay, I'm going to show you this, sweetheart. You want to help Grandpa do it?''

Eliott's father settles in a corner of the living room, Côme and Jules around him. He rides the horse in less than ten minutes and spends the next ten minutes helping Côme and then Jules on it. Finally, Jules manages to get on and off alone, and Côme leaves him for playing with the stroller and the baby offered by Mika.

''Baby.''

Mika caresses his cheek and smiles.

''You'll be able to do like your dads and take care of your baby. Look, I bought a lot of nice outfits for him.''

Côme lifts up his shirt and puts the baby's head underneath.

"Milk Daddy.''

Everyone starts laughing except Lucas who smiles tenderly as he looks at him. He can't believe a year has already passed. It's weird how fast it seems to have gone by, but at the same time they've been through so much that he feels like more than a year has passed between his birth and now. 

''I feel like he's so like a big boy.''

Eliott sits down next to him and puts his head against his own.

''It's because he's tall. I feel like he's getting bigger every day. Can you imagine when he's going to walk? He would look even taller.''

Lucas smiles as he puts his hand on Eliott's thigh.

''Are you okay?''

Eliott hesitates then nods gently.

''It's okay. I'm just a little tired. But it's okay, don't worry.''

Lucas turns his head to look at him, rubbing their noses together.

''You know that's exactly what you have to say to make me worry.''

Eliott smiles as he embraces him.

''I know.''

The three little ones are finally in bed for a nap and they spend the afternoon talking, mainly about Alexia and Arthur's departure tomorrow. Eliott's parents talk to them about all the trips they took when they were young, while Lucas watches his mother talking with Imane and Daphne. And even though he's talking and mingling in the conversations, Lucas feels like he is a spectator on stage and he smiles. All their friends and family are there, gathered for their son's first birthday, just because they love him. And at that very moment, he feels really lucky.

And he finds himself just as lucky the following Saturday when Yann, Basile, Mika and Camille come to help them paint their new apartment, while Emma and Daphne take care of Jules, Côme and Nathan in the apartment below. 

They picked up the keys on Wednesday, so on Wednesday evening they went upstairs with their sons and Eliott showed them how he wanted to repaint everything. Which he's doing again now that their friends are ready to paint. Basile spins a roller in his hands and starts laughing.

''It strangely reminds me of a certain mural where I had been asked to help but I was finally released.''

Lucas raises his eyes to the sky and gives him a pot of white paint, tugging at the gray.

''This time, we'd like your help. Come on, take care of the boys' room.''

''Are you really doing the white wall?'' asks Yann ''I thought you would have used color.''

Eliott smiles and nods.

''Did you see the actual color of the walls? Lucas and I repainted the ceilings on Thursday, but before that they were all yellowed. In the children's room, go and repaint everything with this white that is almost very light gray, and then I'll put the color on within a week. Thank you for coming to help us, we only have one week to do everything because we can't afford to pay for both apartments at the same time, so it really helps us that you are here today. I'm not working on Monday so I can put the colors and it will be ready in time for the move next Saturday.''

The guys look at Lucas then look away and Lucas sighs.

''Yes, it's also because Monday's deadline will be over, so we can file the application so Nathan can be recognized as my son too. It's okay, we can talk about it, I'm better.''

Eliott puts one arm around his shoulders and kisses him on the temple before giving him a brush.

''Okay, you're doing the living room with Mika? Camille, shall we take care of the second bedroom? I found the perfect midnight blue for the back wall.''

And that's how Lucas finds himself in his new apartment painting their future living room. Fortunately, the kitchen and bathroom were redone 4 or 5 years ago so they don't need to touch it up. 

''So tomorrow it will be finished? She won't be able to come back?''

Lucas looks at Mika and smiles. Everyone knows that this is a very sensitive subject and that the more the date comes up, the harder it is for Lucas to talk about it, but Mika smiles softly at him and waits, obviously giving him time to be ready to talk.

''Yeah. On Monday he'll be two months old, so it'll be over. At last. I didn't think it would be this hard to wait. I thought I would be scared at first, but the closer the date got, the more I thought it would be okay, that she wouldn't change her mind, but in fact, it's just the opposite. The closer the date gets, the more I tell myself that if she changes her mind at the last minute, our family will never get over it. I could never get over it.''

Mika smiles at him and taps him gently on the shoulder before resuming painting in the corner.

''It's normal, the more time goes by, the more you care about him. The more you bond and it's not just any baby anymore, it becomes your baby.''

Lucas pouting as he thinks. Nathan was never just any baby. It's always been his baby. 

''I don't know. I know it's weird, but he's never just been a baby. It's like I recognized him. The first time I hugged him, I felt it. He was the one our family missed. I know it sounds silly and some people would say I could have felt that way with any baby, but I don't know, when I saw him I knew he was mine.''

Mika grabs the scroll and paints the wall with a smile on his face.

''Camille's parents say that's exactly how they felt when they adopted him.His mom says she saw him and knew he was her son. And when I see how close they are, I tell myself that's absolutely true. So we decided to do that too.''

Lucas stops and turns to Mika, drawing a big line on the wall in the process.

''Shit. Oh, shit.''

''Do you do art, babe?''

Lucas looks at Eliott as he walks across the room and smiles.

''Wrong move. Don't worry, you won't see it again.''

He looks at Mika who laughs before he paints the line Lucas made.

"Neither seen nor known.''

"So you want to adopt?''

Mika shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

''We thought about it, but we don't have the required age, but in fact, a social worker contacted the association because they were looking for a foster family for a little girl who was born deaf and lives in an orphanage in the 15th. She's not adoptable because her mother checks in with them every year, but a judge has declared her unfit to care for her. She has already been in three hearing foster homes where it went wrong. So we decided to become foster families. Our application has been accepted and Camille is in the process of completing the mandatory training. We didn't want to say anything until it was sure, but I can't keep it to myself anymore. If all goes well, she will have to come and live at our home in three weeks. We're going to meet her on Monday, and I can't wait.''

Lucas blinks his eyes and looks at Camille who nods and smiles before disappearing into the room with Eliott and the big paint can.

''She's 4 years old and I hear she's got quite a temperament but I think once we get used to her it will be fine. I like challenges, you know. She just needs to be understood. She wasn't going to school yet because there was no room in special schools, but Noée found a place for her in a school that was set up by a friend of hers for deaf children and hearing children.''

Lucas smiles and takes Mika in his arms.

''I'm so happy for you. She's going to be the most spoiled princess. What's her name? Do you have any pictures?''

Mika nods and takes out his phone to show her a picture. The little brown girl has two braids on each side of her face and even though she smiles, she looks suspicious, almost sad.

''Her name is Sara. She's definitely already a princess.''

Lucas grabs the roller to finish painting his part of the wall before it dries and smiles.

''Finally you're going to have a daughter who is taller than my children. I won't even be able to help you.''

Mika laughs and shows him a place he hasn't been.

''Once a guru, always a guru. And frankly, I'm not into diapers, slings, baby bottles. Sequined dresses, hairstyles, and nail polish sessions, I'll like them a lot more. We're not really going to become dads, but we're going to have a family. It's weird, but it's a good weird thing.''

The wall of the living room's just finished when Eliott and Camille join them, so they join Basile and Yann in the boys' room.

''Their room is bigger than yours, isn't it?" Camille asks with a smile.

Eliott nods as he looks at the now light grey walls.

''Yeah. We just sleep in ours, they have all their toys to put away, so it seemed logical that they should have the biggest one.''

Mika gives Lucas an elbow, already half laughing.

''Just sleep? I remember that you didn't just sleep when you lived at home. Either your husband's lying or you've got a lot of age and you're going to have to dust that off. ''

Lucas rolls his eyes as he takes out his ringing phone.

''I don't have anything to dust, don't worry. It's Daph, can I leave you two alone? Nathan must want to eat.''

Eliott nods while his friends call him a quitter.

''Hey, I'm done with my work, the living room's spotless. You guys come down to eat when the room is done? We'll take the scotch tape off after we eat.''

Lucas comes down the stairs almost whistling, happy, even if a tiny voice in his head tells him that everything can still go wrong. Fortunately they have a very busy weekend, with the paintings today, and Jules' birthday tomorrow. But even so, Lucas can't help thinking about it: Marie might call tonight, or tomorrow. She could come directly and ask to see him. What if she was already there? What if that's why Daphne was trying to call him? Lucas frowns as he goes down a little faster. It's only 11:20. Nathan doesn't normally eat before noon. He should have answered instead of concluding that Daphne was just calling him to come and feed Nathan.

The apartment door opens and Emma comes out, visibly panicked.

"Lucas, hurry up! We need you! ''

Lucas jumps into the apartment, almost ready to see the teenager, already holding Nathan in her arms but he blinks when he looks at Daphne who's rocking him. Nathan is awake, but he looks totally absent. His eyes are bright and his cheeks are all red.

''He has just woken up, he's 40°.''

Lucas takes him and Nathan moans as if it hurts. 

''Okay, we've got some paracetamol in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. It's a pink box.''

Daphne nods and returns a few seconds later with the medicine.

''How much does he weigh?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders.

''I don't know. 6kg something, and''

Nathan's eyes do something weird. It's like they're going backwards. Côme has had a fever a few times before but he has never done this.

''Call Eliott. Something's not right.''

''Lucas? Are you okay?''

Lucas turns around and sighs with relief when he sees Imane. She said she was going to take a break from her homework to come eat with them, but Lucas wasn't sure she would, and now he's really happy to see her.

''Nathan has a fever, come see, he did something weird with his eyes.''

Nathan moans painfully, but follows them with his eyes, even though his eyes are still glowing.

''They're shiny because he has a fever, and''

Nathan's eyes look back as his body relaxes completely.

''Damn, Nathan! Nathan!''

Imane almost snatches him from his arms and lays him down on the floor, holding him on his side as his body begins to shake in all directions.

"Put your hands under his head, he's convulsing.''

Lucas crouches down, slides his hands under this trembling little head, holding back his tears.

_''Help is coming.'' ''Take Côme and Jules to the bedroom.'' ''Look at the precise time'' ''Go wait for the firemen downstairs''_

All the words jostle around him but Lucas can't hear. 

He hears only the cry that Eliott utters when he joins them.

And as if Nathan had heard it too, the convulsions stop, leaving him completely inert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My little brother had convulsions when he was little ... a lot ... I was 7 years old, my sister 8 years old and we had learned to take care of him during the fits. My brother is now 25 (and he's doing great), but I can still see the baby he was shaking all over the place and me yelling at my mom to come over trying not to let him hurt himself. ..  
> so here i'm a horrible person and i do this to my favorite couple ... (but i'm nice i brought back a medical student to help them) ...
> 
> don't hate me ... you were waiting for the drama Marie ... I decided to do worse ...


	40. A scary place.

''Baby, two months old who had febrile convulsions at home for less than 4 minutes. Temperature 40.1. Regained consciousness in the truck.''

Lucas jumps out of the truck and grabs Eliott's hand before running to follow the stretcher on which their son's lying. A doctor stops them at the entrance to the ward and takes them to an office.

''Do you have a history of seizures in the family?''

Lucas freezes and shakes Eliott's hand in his. They don't know. They have no idea, and they can't know.

''We don't know.'' just says Eliott.

The doctor simply nods, as if the answer suits him, and notes it in the chart.

''Has he been traveling recently?''

"We went on vacation to the Ile de Ré.''

The doctor shakes his head, looking at them as if they were idiots and then looks at his file.

''No, I was talking about traveling abroad. Wait, he was born here?''

Lucas nods, wanting to let go of Eliott's hand so he can go back to the ward, but Eliott holds him firmly, almost too tightly, and that's when Lucas understands. He hesitates. He hesitates to tell the truth. Do they have to tell how they got him, to make sure he's well taken care of by the doctors or do they have to lie at the risk of him dying? Eliott shakes his hand even harder as he looks at him and Lucas nods.

''He was born here.'' Lucas confirm ''His mother gave birth to him under X, and we're not sure where he came from because we know she had multiple partners at the same time, so we're not sure if we're biologically related to him, but he's our son, doctor, and we really love him. You have to save him.''

The doctor frowns slightly as he puts the file down.

''Didn't you ask for a paternity test?''

Lucas shakes his head and smiles.

''The other partners didn't want him, and there's a good chance he's my husband's, so we recognized him as our son. He's our son, please help him.''

The doctor smiles and puts his hand on Lucas' shoulder.

''The pediatrician's already taking care of him. Do you know that it's forbidden to recognize a child that isn't his?''

Lucas nods and shakes hands with Eliott.

''Yes, we know, and it's probably ours, but I'd rather tell you that so you can do as many tests as possible. I think his mother would have told us that she was prone to seizures but I'd rather tell you that we don't know. She has moved and we haven't heard from her so we can't ask her.''

The doctor runs a hand through his hair and nods.

''We're going to give him a full blood test. I'm going to see if the pediatrician has finished his evaluation. I'll show you where to wait. Were you painting?''

Lucas looks at his arms full of paint stains and nods.

''Yeah, but he wasn't in the apartment we were painting, he didn't inhale the smells or anything like that. He was fine this morning. It's a healthy baby.''

The doctor nods and leads them into a waiting room where another couple is talking quietly. Lucas greets them without looking at them and leads Eliott into the bathroom where they clean themselves as best they can, before going to sit as far away from the other couple as possible. Eliott sits down next to him and Lucas immediately puts his arms around him. Eliott puts his head on his shoulder and they stand there, each with his head on the other's shoulder, without saying a word, just hugging each other to reassure each other. They can't say anything anyway. They both know they can't promise each other that everything will be okay because they have no idea. All they can do is be there for each other.

"Nathan Demaury's parents?''

They both jumps at the same time, get up and walk across the waiting room. The first couple has disappeared, but a woman's waiting on their right, and Lucas wonders how long she's been there.

''How is he? What's wrong with him?''

The nurse smiles at them and signals them to follow her.

''The pediatrician is with him, he'll explain it to you.''

Lucas wipes his eyes, expecting the worst, but as they walk across the ward, he hears him. The nurse pushes open the door to a room where Nathan's crying in a bed so high that even lying at the bottom of the bed, he's at their level. Lucas immediately puts his hand between the bars to hold his while Eliott puts his hand on his belly. Nathan has an catheter on his head that hurts to see, something connected to his foot that makes red light and electrodes on his torso.

''We're here, sweetheart.''

''Baby, your daddies are here.''

''Wait, let's get his bed open for you.''

They move backwards while the nurse brings one side of the bars down and comes back to him right afterwards. Nathan calms down as soon as Eliott strokes his cheek and falls asleep almost immediately.

''So...he has nothing visible, no strep throat or ear infection. His urine test is not good, so we think he has an infection that must have caused the fever. Seizures often occur when the fever rises or falls too high or too low. This is impressive but usually it's not serious. We scheduled an EEG on Monday to make sure we didn't miss a neurological cause, but since his seizure episode lasted less than 15 minutes and he only had one, it's pretty typical of febrile seizures. We put him on antibiotics while we waited for blood and urine test results, and he is on antipyretics for the fever. Of course we keep him under observation, at least 48 hours, then we'll see from the tests.''

Lucas looks at Nathan as he sleeps, completely exhausted, and gently caresses his hand.

''Will he be able to eat when he wakes up or do we have to wait?''

The pediatrician shakes his head and smiles.

''No, he can eat. We're going to keep him under surveillance, but if one of you can stay with him, it would be''

''We're both going to stay.'' Eliott cut him off, "We just need to make a few phone calls for our eldest childcare.''

The pediatrician nods with a smile.

''Good, very good. How much does he normally drink? The nurse will give you a sheet to fill out with the amounts so you know if he's eating like he used to.''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders, holding his little boy's hand in one hand, Eliott's in the other.

''Actually, I'm breastfeeding him. I had our first son naturally a year ago and was still breastfeeding him when Nathan joined our family. So I have no idea how much he's taking, but he's eating well.''

The pediatrician looks at him weird, and Lucas has this horrible feeling of being laid bare because he knows that right now he's wondering what he looked like when he was a woman. He nods, seems to have found what he was looking for on his face and then smiles.

''Almost 7 kg at two months, that's a nice weight. We'll control his weight anyway.''

He leaves the room and Lucas puts his head next to Nathan's hand and he starts crying. Eliott puts his head on his back and cries softly with him.

"I was so scared.''

Lucas stands up and turns around to take him in his arms.

''Me too. It went so fast. It was so''

A small moan cuts him off in his sentence and Lucas looks at Nathan, who moves his head and moans.

"You scared us so much, Nathan.''

Nathan's suckles in the air and Lucas tries to grab him but the cables stop him.

''Wait, I'll help you. We gotta get this one over here, and''

The tracking device starts ringing, making Nathan cry and the nurse arrives immediately.

''I'm sorry, I just wanted to take him to get him to eat.''

The nurse untie two intertwined wires, pulled them out of the bed and put them back in.

''That's it's to check his oxygen level and heart rate. The catheter is impressive, but it hurts them the least on the head. I'll let you feed him. Call us if you need help.''

Lucas sighs, not being able to find a good position because of all the wires, and being afraid of hurting him by pulling the tube out of the top of his head, but finally Eliott folds a sheet that he wedges under his arm and they find the right position.

''I'm going to call home and let them know how he are doing.'' Eliott says as he squats down, resting his head on Lucas' lap. ''Do we have to count the number of lies we've told since we got here? I don't feel good. I feel like we're going to have to lie our whole lives.''

Lucas strokes his cheek and gently tugs on his chin to make him look at it.

''I know, I think it sucks, too, but we don't have a choice. I think it was the best compromise we could have made. I'm sorry I made you out to be the fickle husband.''

Eliott smiles and gets up to kiss him.

''We're both pretending to be something we're not.''

Lucas frowns and Eliott smiles.

''Naturally? Do you really think that's a good word to describe how we got Côme?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and smiles.

''Lovingly. That's a good word for how we had our two boys.''

Lucas looks at Nathan, who has already fallen asleep, and gently squeezes him.

''I thought we were going to lose him. I was so scared.''

Eliott hugs him and then kisses him on the cheek.

''Me too. It was so horrible, I thought he was dead.''

Nathan wakes up moaning and Lucas helps him eat again.

"He's so tired, his suckles really softly. Oh, my baby.''

Eliott kisses his naked head, right next to the catheter and kisses Lucas.

''I'm gonna go outside and make a phone call so I don't make any noise, okay?''

Lucas shakes his head and grabs his hand.

''No, stay there. Phone from here. I don't want to be alone with him. I'm so scared.''

Eliott nods and sits down next to him. The first thing Lucas hears when Basile picks up the phone is Côme crying.

''Listen, Côme, it's your Daddy. Eliott, are you there? Speak to him.''

Eliott's eyes fill with tears as he chokes out a sob.

"Côme, it's Daddy, big boy.''

"Daddy. Come on. Come on. Carry. Love. Hug. Miss. Daddy.'' 

Côme starts crying again and it's just totally heartbreaking. Lucas cries when he picks up the phone because Eliott can't talk anymore.

''We have to stay with Nathan, Côme, I'm sorry.''

''Daddy! No! Come on! Daddy milk. Daddy milk.''

Lucas sniffs and Eliott puts his head on his shoulder to cry, stroking Nathan's back, who has already fallen asleep.

''You're going to take a nap with Jules, and then uncle will bring you here to see us, okay? Don't cry Côme, we're trying to do the best we can. I know you're sad and scared. We were scared too. Take a little nap and then come and see us, okay?''

Lucas's waiting but there is no more noise in the receiver.

''He took his teddy bear and he calmed down in Mika's arms. Daphne's warming up his plate, we're going to try to make him eat again, he refused earlier. How are you guys doing? How's Nathan doing?''

Lucas dries his tears with one hand before talking.

''He had convulsions due to fever, he probably has an infection but we have to wait for the blood results. He's going to be here for at least two days. We'll make arrangements for Côme, we'll call Eliott's parents.''

''Don't worry, we'll take care of Côme. So you want us to bring him in after his nap? Are you sure?''

Lucas nods, trying to readjust Nathan's position as he wakes up again while Eliott tries to dry his tears while picking up the phone.

''Yes, I don't think he'll be able to go here, and I don't think he should see his brother with a catheter, I don't want to scare him off. But we'll take turns going out to be with him. Just let us know when you're coming and we'll manage.''

''Okay. Now he's eating with Mika and Imane. I think it was good for him to talk to you. Everything happened so fast, it was hard for us to realize it, so it must be worse for him.''

Lucas sniffs, trying not to cry again when he imagines how Côme felt. He turns his head to look at Eliott, who seems as devastated as he's.

''Yann needs to my help with Jules, but we'll take care of everything, don't worry. We'll bring him to you later.''

Eliott hangs up while Lucas readjusts Nathan's position.

"We didn't even kiss him goodbye, he must hate us.''

Eliott starts crying again and Lucas puts his arm around him so he can snuggle.

''But no, on the contrary, he misses us. We did the best we could, and we'll explain to him that we would have acted the same way if he had been the one who had to go to the hospital. We're doing the best we can, my love, but he knows we love him and he loves us too. He was just scared, that's normal. We're going to talk about it again with him and explain it calmly. We'll be fine, my love.''

Eliott buried his head in his neck and hug him, slipping a hand on Nathan's back at the same time.

''I'm really sorry. Shit, I thought I was stronger than that. I'm so sorry.''

Eliott dries his tears as he straightens up but Lucas holds him tight to keep him in his arms.

''Crying just means you've been strong too long.''

Eliott smiles as he kisses him on the neck.

''Is that a quote from Mika?''

Lucas nods, drying his own tears.

''Yeah. My dad said, "Cry, you'll pee less." It's not as cute.''

Eliott starts laughing as he puts his head on her shoulder.

''My grandma used to say that, too. What do we do about Côme?''

Lucas sighs, stroking Nathan's face to try to stay awake a little longer and shrugs his shoulders.

''It would be sad for Jules if he wasn't here for his birthday tomorrow. We can ask Basile and Daphne to keep him until tomorrow, and tomorrow we'll ask your parents to pick him up. Your mom doesn't work on Mondays so she could keep him, I guess.''

Eliott nods and picks up his phone.

''I'll call her right now and ask her.''

The nurses come in to take Nathan's temperature, which slowly goes down and finally he falls asleep in Eliott's arms. He's always sleeps when Basile calls to say that he is at the entrance of the service with Côme. Lucas hugs Nathan and then Eliott and crosses the service almost running to join Côme who starts crying as soon as he sees him.

They spend a long time in a small room reserved for families where fortunately they are alone and Côme doesn't seem to want to let him go. Lucas talks to him softly, tells him what happened, that the doctors are taking care of Nathan, and that that's why they have to stay there with him for the time being. Côme huddled a little closer to him when Lucas received a message from Eliott telling him that Nathan was awake and that he asked for eating. 

''Daddy's going to come see you, okay? I'm going to Nathan's room and Daddy's coming to give you a hug, okay, big boy?''

Lucas leaves Côme with Basile, reluctantly, but goes to Nathan's room. He sees a nurse running to go into the room, almost immediately by a second one so Lucas runs, expecting the worst.

Eliott's panicked voice goes straight to his heart and sounds like an electroshock but the nurses are already around him, reassuring him that it's okay, so Lucas stops to try to figure out what's going on.


	41. A another place.

''I'm sorry, I don't know how he did it. I just wanted to change his diaper and suddenly he pulled out his catheter. Look at the blood he''

Eliott gives Nathan to a nurse and collapses on the floor. Lucas has just enough time to catch him before his head hits the ground.

''Lay him down, get his legs up.''

Lucas smiles in spite of himself, feeling like he saw himself again a year ago, when he tried to get up after Côme was born, except that now the roles are reversed.

''How often does this happen to him? Do you think it's the sight of blood?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders as he watches Eliott come to his senses.

''No, he usually doesn't mind, but I think we've had our share of emotions today. Is Nathan okay? How bad is it?''

Nathan's nurse shakes her head as she holds him sitting across from her.

''No, that happens a lot. The little ones have strength. We're going to put him back. If his father's feeling better, will you come help me, Melanie?''

Eliott sighs and Lucas helps him sit down gently while the nurse goes to join Nathan's caregiver.

''I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Is he okay?''

Lucas sits down next to him and strokes his cheek.

''He's okay, don't worry. The nurse will give him one other catheter, it's not your fault.''

Nathan starts crying in a way he's never cried before, a horrible cry that sounds like a cry of pain.

''It's over, baby, come on, you're gonna see it, it's okay.''

The little cry stops and Lucas gets up to come and see him.

''What's that?''

The nurse holding a pipette in Nathan's mouth smiles as Nathan frantically licks the pipette.

''Glucose syrup. The pain is lessened by suckling, and the sugar is the icing on the cake. You just have to be careful with his hands when you change his diaper, but it's okay, he'll be fine. The fever is coming back up but it's only 38°7 so that's good. I gave him his medicine for fever.''

Eliott gets up slowly and sits down in the chair, looking exhausted. Lucas gently takes Nathan up against him and waits until the nurses have left the room to come to Eliott's bedside.

''You can go home if you want. I think you'd better go home and get some sleep.''

Eliott shakes his head.

''No, it's okay. I'm gonna go see Côme, but I'll be right back. I want to stay with you two. It's gonna be all right.''

Lucas kisses him before letting him go, while Nathan, now wide awake, asks for food.

"You really scared us, sweetheart.''

This time Nathan suckles pretty good, but he falls asleep immediately afterwards. The next day, the doctors confirmes that he had a urinary tract infection and that the antibiotics would help him get better quickly. He no longer has a fever as of Sunday morning, and the pediatrician explains that he's only staying in the hospital so that he can do an emergency EEG on Monday morning. And finally, after meeting the neurologist who confirms that everything is fine, they are allowed to go home.

Eliott really insists on going to City Hall as soon as they get home. Lucas tells him that they have time to do it and that they are not a day away, that all that matters is knowing that now Nathan's fine and that as he's two months old today, they are sure that Marie is not going to change her decision, but Eliott gets angry, saying that he wants to do it now and leaves, leaving Lucas alone with Nathan. Eliott's mother plans to bring Côme back after his nap, so Lucas stay alone, with Nathan in his arms, waiting for Eliott's return. 

Eliott comes back half an hour later, saying that they will have the official papers within two weeks at the most, but that everything is fine and he will collapse on their bed.

When the official papers arrive, eight days later, Eliott only left the bed once for more than five minutes: when Yann and Lucas forced him to get up while everyone was dismantling the bed before reassembling it one floor higher in their new bedroom. Eliott almost let them carries him upstairs and went back to bed without even opening his eyes, so Lucas's almost sure that he didn't realize they had changed apartments.

And indeed, when Eliott sits in their bed on the Thursday night after the moving, Lucas immediately sees that he realizes that they have changed apartments.

''Everything's okay, my love.''

Eliott shakes his head and sighs.

''I feel awful.''

Lucas gently strokes his back, not wanting to overwhelm him by touching it too much if Eliott isn't ready for that.

''It's nothing, don't worry, it's okay.''

Eliott sighs and his chin starts shaking as if he's going to cry.

''No, it's not okay. You had to deal with it all by yourself. I'm sorry I abandoned you. I'm so sorry.''

Lucas wraps his arms around him and kisses him gently on the temple.

''I never thought of you as having abandoned me, my love. You weren't well and I feel sorry for you. I don't like to see you like this, but don't worry about us. You imagine that I didn't do this alone. Everyone came on Saturday morning, Idriss and Sofiane even came with Imane. It was your father who ran the operations, and our mothers took care of the childrens. Jules even walked for the first time that day, in the middle of everyone. Frankly, by noon it was over. I'm sorry you missed that.''

Eliott starts crying in the crook of his neck.

''I was so bad. I wasn't even there to help you. I feel so horrible.''

Nathan starts whining and yawns, so Lucas take him in his arms. Eliott sits better and looks at the end of their bed but Lucas shakes his head.

''Côme has been sleeping in his bedroom since the first day. He was too proud to have his bedroom. I know we said they would both sleep there, but I couldn't get Nathan in there. He takes afternoon naps there, but at night I prefer to have him near me for now. I know the doctor said it shouldn't happen again, but I'm too scared at the moment.''

Eliott puts his hand on his, gently caressing Nathan's back.

"I missed you, baby.''

Nathan looks at him and smiles as Eliott nestles a little closer to give him a hug.

''How you doing, Nathan?''

Nathan tries to suck on his nose, and Lucas laughs.

''He's doing great. We couldn't get his shots at the doctor's appointment because he want wait, but we have to go back next week for that.''

Eliott nods and Lucas stops, not wanting to burden him with information.

''Can I go see Côme?''.

Lucas nods with a smile.

''This is your home, my love, our new home.''

Eliott gets up slowly and Lucas gets up almost at the same time to go change Nathan's diaper. Eliott come back with a tiny smile.

''He's so cute. He looks so big in his bedroom. Is it okay if I take a shower?''

Lucas nods and kisses him before going back to the bedroom with Nathan. It's only when Nathan goes back to sleep after eating that Lucas's surprised that Eliott hasn't come back yet. He puts Nathan in his crib and joins Eliott who is sitting on the couch.

''It sounds crazy to me, you moved without me. I feel like I don't deserve you.''

Lucas hugs him and slides his hand through his hair.

''Don't worry, I feel the same way every time you're there to reassure me. You said something about a shower, you want?''

Eliott shakes his head and sighs.

''No, I'm too tired. Tomorrow.''

Lucas takes him back to bed and they lie back together.

''Don't worry, my love, our family is fine. Everything's fine.''  



	42. Chapter 42

just to warn, I'm not giving up on this story but I'm sick. the flu has been shaking me since yesterday (covid test negative) so my brain is a mess and the computer gives me too much headache to write and translate. see you soon 😘❤️🧡💛💚💙💜


	43. A place to return to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like screaming: I'm back! Okay, I know I'm totally addicted to AO3, and frankly it just confirms it but I don't care, I missed it too much!  
> Thanks again for all your messages of encouragement. I decided not to delete the previous chapter because I didn't feel like deleting your messages. I've rarely been this sick, and now I'm still battling a superinfection, but since I've been on antibiotics it's getting better. I've been better for two days, but my dislexic brain apparently needed more time to get back in order and stop making me write sentences that don't mean anything , because I think one word but write another one...
> 
> Anyway, it's just to tell you that I missed you!
> 
> Ok now, go to see my favourite family 😍🦝👶👶🦔😍

Lucas looks at the building in front of him and sighs. He felt like the hardest part was done, but finally the hardest part seems to be done now. 

Last week was particularly trying with the two boys adapting to the daycare center, and yet it went really well. And again this morning, when he dropped them off, he was able to see how good Côme's there. He barely said goodbye, too busy crawling across the room to go and take a pan from a little girl's hands before hitting her on the head with it. He didn't even come back to him when Annabelle explained that he wasn't allowed to do that, he just said "okay" and went to climb the slide. Nathan passed from Lucas' arms to Aurelie's without even reacting.

Frankly, Lucas thought the hardest thing would be to leave his two boys, but now that he's standing there in front of the music school, he realizes that the hardest part is arriving in a class where he doesn't know anyone, two months after that the school starts.

He takes a deep breath and enters in the second years class. He can never regret staying with Côme, and then with his two boys, but it feels weird to be in second grade when the others students who started in same time of him is in last year.

''Lucas, finally! I thought you weren't coming. Come here.''

Martin taps the seat next to him and Lucas smiles as he looks at him. They were together as first year, and often fought over the top marks, so Lucas never thought he would be here.

''What are you doing here?''

Martin sighs and shrugs his shoulders.

''I missed my second year because I had family problems. My dad died in September, so I'm just starting, actually. Just like you. I'm glad I'm not the only one.''

Lucas pulls his stuff out with a smile on his face.

''Me too. Sorry about your dad. Mine died in May.''

Martin looks at him, almost surprised then puts his hand on his.

''Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't know that's why, too. You'll see, Melanie's there too, but. Damn Lucas, you got married?''

Lucas looks at his hand and smiles and nods.

''Yeah, it's been a year since August. But it seems like a long time ago now.''

Melanie gives a shout of joy as she walks into the classroom. Lucas wasn't particularly close to her in first year, but she looks really happy to see them.

''Damn, guys, finally! I'm so happy to see you two. The first years are cool but they're not as good as you are. So, Lucas, what about your baby?''

Lucas frowns, almost surprised because he didn't tell anyone at school that he was having a baby and that's why he postponed for a year.

''Did you have a baby?'' Martin asks, ''Wait, but weren't you gay?''

Lucas laughs shaking his head.

''Yes, I'm married to Eliott, we've been together since high school, and we actually had two babies. They're doing great.''

"Twins.'' Melanie's applauds, "Oh, that's so cute.''

Lucas shakes his head as he pulls out his phone.

''No, they're 10 months apart. That's Côme, and that's Nathan.''

There are a few seconds of silence during which Lucas wonders if he has to explain or if they are going to ask him how they did it. But why should gay couples always have to explain how they got their children? 

''They're so cute," exclaims Melanie, "Are you sure you're going to be able to work it all out?''

''In second grade, we have a lot of work to do around the house. And in groups. Are you sure you're going to be okay?''

Lucas looks at Martin and nods.

''Totally. Don't worry, I'll always get better grades than you.''

Martin starts laughing and gives him a elbow.

''We'll see about that. I won't give you any presents.''

Lucas laughs as he gives him a elbow.

"I don't count on it.''

Melanie laughs as she points at them.

''Damn, it's good to see you again. The four of us are gonna have a great year.''

Martin bends over to look at her.

"Four?''

Melanie nods and waves to a girl with blonde hair and pink tips who enters the room just before the teacher.

"This is Li-Meï. She's the only cool student in this class except us. Lili, come with us. These are the guys I was telling you about. Lucas, and Martin.''

Lucas greets her and then turns to the teacher, finally relieved that everything is going so smoothly. Of course, it doesn't seem so easy when they find out they have a Music History homework assignment next week and they're not excused, but Melanie, Li-Meï and Martin offer to help him revise. 

''I had good results last year before I dropped out of school. My father had cancer and I couldn't help him and deal with everything. I'll give you my lessons if you want.''

The teacher slams her hand on Martin's desk, startled them both.

''Martin! Focus on the class! Have you chosen your partner yet?''

Martin looks at him and it's only natural that Lucas nods. It's kind of weird to be paired up with someone he was competing against, but at least he knows he's doing a good job.

''That's what I was waiting for because the other pairs are already trained. You should know that I wouldn't give you any special treatment. I would evaluate you exactly like the other students, as if you started the year in September. So, I will give you a three weeks to prepare your first duet. I'm waiting for a waltz. It doesn't matter which one, but surprise me.''

She steps back to look at the class and claps her hands to get their attention.

''So in two months we'll have the Christmas concert for the families. The pair who will make me the best duet will have the honor of playing with the last years. You have until the 1st December to prepare your piece, played on the piano. Of course you know me: surprise me. Forget right away ''All I Want for Christmas'', I can't stand this song anymore. Every year, I have at least 12 duets who chose it, so this year it's banned. Okay, now get out your books on page 56.''

Lucas follows the classes rather easily even if frankly it's hard to sit so long. And it's quite natural that he follows Martin to go and buy food off campus so that they can discuss their projects.

''I think we need to start working on the waltz already. The others have been working on it for over a month.''

Martin nods and takes him to a street adjacent to the school where he shows a small bakery.

''Okay, what piece are you thinking of?''

Lucas pushes the bakery door with a shrug.

''Something cool. Not a classic. We have to surprise her.''

Martin nods and orders a chicken sandwich and a muffin.

''What do you want, Lucas? Come on, it's on me.''

Lucas takes the same thing and they go out again, to a nearby park. Lucas watches the games, thinking Côme would love to try that little slide.

''Ok, you're right, we have to find something that sets us apart from the others and makes them forget that we missed the first two months. I guess you don't have much time to work in the evenings after school, so we'll work during the lunch break. Is that okay?''

Lucas nods with a smile.

''Great, yeah. I think we can ask for access to the rehearsal room at lunch. We'll try like this, and if that's not enough, we'll work together more often before the exam so we're really perfect.''

Martin seems hesitant to say anything but it starts raining and they both go back to school.

''Come on, I know a pretty quiet place.''

They settle down in a corner of the auditorium which is completely empty and quickly look for songs they could play. Eliott tries to call him, probably to find out how his day went, but Lucas doesn't want Martin to think he's not focused on his studies, so he just texts him.

_Everything's fine. I'm working on my duet. I love you._

Eliott tells him just seconds later that he's happy it's going well and that he's proud of himself.

''Look, Lucas, what do you think of The Sleeping Beauty Waltz?''

Lucas listens to the song Martin offers him but shakes his head.

''No, it doesn't even sound like a waltz. If you want to pick a cartoon song, you might as well pick Anastasia.''

Martin raises an eyebrow, not seeming to know which song Lucas is talking about and it makes him laugh.

''Come on, Anastasia. Everybody's seen that cartoon. Look at it.''

Lucas throws ''once upon a december'' on his phone and Martin shakes his head and smiles;

''Never seen it. How do you play it on the piano?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and taps "once upon a december piano hard".

''We could add the chords as we play in pairs. You'd have to go over the score completely, but it would be amazing and surprising.''

Martin closes his eyes when the piece plays the chorus and nods gently.

''I fucking love it. We have to play it faster, like you used to play Rioppy. We have to play with the tempo, alternating fast and slow. But if that's okay with you, yeah, I'm in!''

Lucas nods, almost surprised that Martin remembers the way he played the first year.

''What about the Christmas song?''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders as he bites into his sandwich.

''In my opinion, we concentrate already on this one and then we do the other one. Don't you think so?''

Martin nods and they spend the remaining hour looking for the score they are already annotating. That evening, when he comes back home after picking up Côme and Nathan, Martin has already sent him an email with all his notes from last year, and a first version of the modified score. 

Lucas puts his phone in a corner to play with his boys while he's pumping his milk because he feels like he's going to explode. He looks at his phone only to see a message from Eliott telling him that he's going to be home late, so he bathes the boys, helps Côme to eat, while Nathan suckles and ends up on the couch, breastfeeding his two boys with a smile on his face. 

As soon as the boys are in bed, he turns on a washing machine, works on his lessons, then prints out the score and spends a long time playing, happy to have a synthesizer where he can plug in a headset. And it's because he has the headset on his ears and is focused on what he's playing that he jumps when Eliott comes to kiss him.

''Sorry. Have you eaten?''

Lucas shakes his head and turns off the piano.

"No, I was waiting for you.''

Eliott smiles and pulls him into the kitchen while kissing him tenderly.

"So your first day?''

Lucas spends the meal talking about classes, homework, homework projects, Martin, Melanie and Li-Meï and Eliott listens with a smile.

And finally it becomes their new routine. On Monday it's Eliott who finishes first because Lucas has classes until 7pm. On Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, Lucas picks up the kids because he finishes early and on Fridays, Eliott finishes at noon to pick up Côme and Nathan and he works from home during their nap.

And frankly during a few weeks, Lucas's really happy because he manages everything perfectly: the house, the kids, spending time with Eliott, and working.

Until one day he just can't do it anymore because 24 hours is no longer enough for do it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You feel the drama coming on, right? I love drama so much...


	44. Run between all the places.

"Lucas, what are you doing?''

Lucas's startled, not expecting Eliott to get up like that in the middle of the night.

''You scared me. I couldn't sleep, I had to check something for tomorrow's test.''

Eliott looks at the piles of books and lectures scattered around him and shakes his head.

''You need to be well rested to get there. Don't doubt yourself so much, you're going to make it.''

Lucas shakes his head as he resumes his classes.

''You're not helping me by saying stuff like that, you're just putting more pressure on me.''

Eliott sits down next to him and gently strokes his forearm.

''Sorry, that's not what I wanted at all. I just wanted to reassure you. You have to have confidence in yourself. I'm sure the others are already asleep by now. Besides, you've spent the last three nights studying with your friends, haven't you? You're ready.''

Lucas sighs, pulls his arm out and sends a quick message.

''I need to know this by heart by tomorrow and I'm not doing it. Please just let me work.''

His cell phone vibrates in response and he smiles as he quickly shows it to Eliott.

''Look, Martin isn't sleeping either, he's studying. You see, we both have to do more than the others.''

Eliott sighs and gently strokes his back.

''I think you're both practicing and putting too much pressure on each other.''

His phone starts vibrating again and Lucas frowns as he looks at Martin's message.

_Hi Lulu, you'll never guess, I found the annals of the Sorbonne. Every year, it's either medieval or Renaissance music. They talk about the Ockeghem case. We just flew over it, can you imagine if we are questioned about it?_

Lucas sighs and goes back to his classes to look into it. Eliott looks at him but Lucas is already too busy rereading his lessons. Tomorrow he has one of the most important tests of the semester and he absolutely must pass it.

''Babe, it's almost 1:00 a.m. and"

Lucas sighs but forces himself to smile at him by caressing his cheek.

''It's okay. I'm waiting for Nathan to wake up and I'll go back to bed at the same time. There's no point in me going to bed now if he wakes me up in half an hour. I'll come after, I promise.''

His phone vibrates and Lucas picks up the call in Facetime.

''Go to bed, I'll come over after. Martin, I saw your message. I don't think they'd put that in there, but look at chapter 15.''

Lucas watches the babies' bedroom while Eliott disappears into their bedroom. Nathan has been sleeping with Côme for a month now and is almost sleeping through the night. He often wakes up once around midnight or one o'clock in the morning, but oddly enough tonight he hasn't done so yet.

Lucas continues his revisions without worrying about the time. Martin tells him that he's going to bed and that he should do the same, but Lucas prefers to wait for Nathan to wake up. Finally, when he hears Nathan crying, he looks at the clock twice, being sure that he has read the time correctly. He sneaks into the room slowly, but Côme's already sitting in his bed, his hair completely shaggy.

''Good morning my loves. It's already almost 7 o'clock, do you realize what that means, Nathan? You slept through the night, baby.''

Lucas takes Nathan, then Côme, and when he turns around, Eliott's leaning against the doorframe.

"Did you sleep in the living room?''

Lucas looks away, he doesn't want to say he didn't sleep because Eliott will be worried so he nods.

''Yeah sorry, I fell asleep on my books. But tonight it'll be over.''

Eliott takes Côme, who reaches out his arms but shakes his head.

''With your Christmas duet tomorrow, I can't believe you'll sleep better next night. Try to get some rest, baby, okay? You're starting to scare me now.''

Lucas nods, but he already knows he won't have time. Eliott will drop the boys off at the daycare while he goes to his music school. He's going to join Martin to train half an hour before going to class and then pass the fucking check-up. And after the other classes, he will spend two hours rehearsing because Eliott has arranged to pick up the boys. The days are totally timed and Lucas feels like he's always running.

Except that this morning when he joins Martin and they are playing, he feels like he's doing nothing but shit and the presentation is tomorrow.

''Lucas, it's not going well. Okay, stop it, come and have a coffee.''

Lucas kicks his bag before he throws it on his back.

''Fuck it. We should do work more.''

Martin shakes his head and pulls him out of the rehearsal room to the coffee machine.

''Stop it, you're putting too much pressure on yourself. You're doing great, Lucas. Just fucking relax. What's wrong with you right now?''

Lucas sighs while Martin puts a cup of coffee in front of him before gently massaging his shoulders. Lucas releases him almost too violently before turning to look at him.

''What are you doing there?''

Martin laughs as he sit in front of him, taking his cup of coffee.

''I was just trying to help you relax, man. Okay, I should ask Melanie since you're obviously scared every time a guy touches you. I feel sorry for your boyfriend.''

Lucas rolls his eyes when he takes a sip.

''He's already my husband, and besides, he can touch me all he wants. I'm sorry, that was dumb. I know you were just trying to help. I didn't really sleep last night.''

Martin puts his hand on his shoulder and smiles.

''Don't worry, it's okay. I come from a very tactile family, my ex used to tell me that I was out of line. That's why she left me, she thought I was in love with my best friend. Just because he's gay doesn't mean I'm in love with him. Anyway, are we still rehearsing tonight?''

Lucas nods before finishing his coffee, feeling really silly. 

''Now you just relax and focus on the exam, okay? And tonight you sleep because you look like shit.''

Lucas gets up with a sigh and looks at his phone vibrating.

"No distractions, it's time.''

Martin tries to take his phone from him but Lucas stops him.

''Stop it, it's Eliott. It's not normal for him to call right now, and if it's one of our boys who's sick, I have to''

Lucas picks up without finishing his sentence.

''Sorry babe, but since the weather forecast is looking horrible for next week, we're going on a scouting trip today finally. I won't be able to pick up the boys tonight. Can you take care of them?''

Lucas signals to Martin that he's coming back and sighs.

''I can't fucking do it, I've got my exam tomorrow. You know I have to train again.''

''You're ready, babe. I know you're stressed out, but you're ready. I'm sorry, but I have to go. Can you handle the boys, please? I promise I'll make it up to you, but right now I need you to take over.''

Lucas feels all the anger building up in him and his eyes fill with tears. He wants to yell at Eliott that he needs him to take over tonight, and that he doesn't have the right to say for him whether he's ready or not, and that he doesn't have the right to put his work ahead of his studies as if it's more important, and that it's disgusting to let him down the night before his performance.

Martin puts his hand on his shoulder and gently rubs it with a smile, whispering a "All is right?" and Lucas nods with a wipe of his eyes. He knows that Eliott's doing his best to balance his work and their family, and that he has never considered Lucas' studies to be less important than his work. It's just an unfortunate combination of circumstances.

''Babe, are you still there?''

Lucas sighs as he looks at Martin waving to him that it's time to go to class.

''Yes, I'm here. Okay, I'll take care of them, of course, don't worry.''

''You're awesome, babe, I love you. Shit, I got to go. You're gonna kill your exam. I'll see you tonight. Thanks, babe, I love you.''

Eliott hangs up before Lucas has time to answer and he gives a frustrated growl while Martin pulls him into the classroom.

"Are you okay?"

Lucas shakes his head and sighs.

''I can't stay tonight, I have to take care of my boys. Damn it, we need to train but I can't. I'm really sorry.''

Martin smiles as he patted him on the shoulder.

''Don't worry, we'll figure it out. Focus on the exam, and then we'll think about how we can do it. Maybe we can practice when your boys are in bed, right? Babies sleep, right? I'll bring my plug for two headphones and plug it into your keyboard and we're good, right?"

Lucas nods as he sit behind his desk.

''Hell, yeah. You're so fucking right. I'm sorry, I can't think anymore, but you're right, we can totally do that. The boys are asleep around 7:30, let's just rehearse after. It's got to be better than this morning, definitely."

The door slams shut and Lucas turns off his phone before concentrating on his exam. When he turns over his exam sheet, he feels like he doesn't know anything anymore. And finally it comes back and he feels that the more questions he answers, the more things he has to say.

He comes out of there 2 hours later with a big smile on his face, finally relieved.

''So?"

Lucas nods, looking at Melanie who joins him.

''Yeah, really good. I think that went well."

''I'm sure you killed that!'' says Martin ''But I'm sure I'll get a better grade than you.''

Lucas laughs as he pounds his fist against his own.

''I don't think so."

Martin laughs as he shakes his head.

''We'll see about that. Okay, so I'm coming over to your place tonight? If it's too complicated, can we do it in the morning and then come over?"

Lucas shakes his head, feeling really anxious again.

''No, it's got to be better than this morning. Can you come at 7:30 pm? They always sleep at that time normally."

Of course, like every time he makes plans like this, at 7:30 pm neither Côme nor Nathan sleeps. Lucas open the door to Martin with a sigh, while Nathan cries in his arms.

''I'm sorry, I'll be available soon, I promise. Come on, settle down.''

Martin sits down next to Côme, who climbs onto his lap and gives him a toy.

"Hi, Côme. Oh, he's so cute. It's crazy, he look like he's got your eyes.''

Lucas looks at Côme and smiles.

''Yeah, I know. He gets them from me, actually. Okay, I'm gonna put Nathan to bed, and then you come to bed, Côme.''

Côme shakes his head and frowns.

"No. No sleep.''

Martin laughs and Lucas sighs as he takes Nathan to his room.

"Don't laugh or he'll never go to bed.''

When Lucas returns to the living room, Côme's sitting opposite Martin and repeats over and over.

"No sleep.''

Martin laughs and points to Côme with a smile on his face when he sees Lucas.

''It's not my fault, he's just too cute. Look at the look on his face, he looks like you when you're angry. You really look like your daddy.''

Côme claps before he gets his bear and lies down on the floor.

''Wait. Daddy.''

Lucas shakes his head as he picks him up.

''No, you don't wait for Daddy, he come back too late. Come on, go to bed, my big baby.''

Côme starts crying as he sucks his bear's ear.

''Daddy.''

Lucas hugs him a little harder, kissing him on the neck several times because it makes him laugh every time.

''I have to work in the living room with Martin, but Daddy will come and give you a kiss as soon as he gets home, okay?''

Côme sighs as he lies down and Lucas bends over even more to kiss him one last time.

''Good night my babies. Love you.''

''Night. Love. Daddy.''

Lucas smiles as he closes the bedroom door. Martin's got up and looks at the pictures in the living room.

''Are you sure we're the same age? I feel like you're 10 years older than me.''

Lucas laughs as he picks up the toys in the middle of the living room.

''Yeah, me too. Have you eaten?''

Martin shakes his head and smiles.

''I thought maybe we could order some pizza. That way we'll work while we wait for them and we'll have to stop, otherwise we'll work all night and it's useless because we're ready. What do you think?''

Lucas smiles and nods.

''Yeah, that's great.''

They order the pizzas and sit behind the piano. 

''Okay, you start by relaxing, Lucas. Everything's fine, okay? I swear we're ready. I mean, this morning was shit, but it's been good before.''

Lucas sighs as he sets up the score.

"It can't be good, it has to be perfect.''

Martin smiles and elbows him before starting to play.

''Come on, baby, it's not bad out there.''

Lucas laughs and puts his hands on the keyboard. At first it's almost as bad as this morning, but it's quickly really good.

''Lucas, you're going to kill me and love me at the same time. I have a crazy idea.''

Lucas takes his hands off the keyboard and frowns.

''Don't tell me you want to change something when we have to present this tomorrow morning.''

Martin bites his lower lip before he runs a hand through his hair.

''Yes.''

Lucas sighs and resumes the score.

''Go ahead and talk.''

Martin shakes his head and takes the score from his hands.

''No, that's the singing. We should switch. You sing what I play and I sing what you play.''

Lucas thinks quickly and frowns.

''You pissed me off to sing the girl part and now you want to switch? Tell me you're kidding?''

Martin shakes his head and starts playing again.

''It'll make a real duet like this. We should have just thought about it before. Do you think we can do it? Do you want to give it a try?''

Lucas nods, already putting his hands on the keyboard.

''Yeah, that's a good idea. I love the idea, I just wish you'd gotten it sooner, you idiot.''

Martin smiles as he elbows him.

''Better late than never. Okay, ready?''

Lucas nods. They get it wrong twice and start all over again, too used to their games, but in the end it's clear that it's really better.

The pizzas arrive but Lucas leaves them in the oven to keep them warm while they finish rehearsing for another half hour before eating. But contrary to what Martin had said, as soon as they finish eating, they go back behind the keyboard.

Lucas can't help but think that maybe Eliott is right and that he and Martin are training a little too hard on the road to perfection, but at the same time if they have such good grades, it's also thanks to that.

''I think we've got it, but maybe we should''

Côme starts crying and Lucas gets up, rather surprised because usually Côme never wakes up at night.

"I'm coming, I'll see what's wrong with him.''

Côme sits in bed and stretches out his arms crying and Lucas takes him, but Nathan starts to cry.

''Shit, he woke up his brother. Martin, can you take Côme for just two seconds while I try to put Nathan back to sleep.''

Martin nods and takes Côme, and fortunately Nathan goes back to sleep almost immediately.

"It's okay, he's sleeping, sorry.''

Martin tries to calm Côme by rocking him up and down and just when Lucas thinks it's not working at all, Côme stops crying and looks at him before throwing up on him.

''Shit, I'm sorry.''

Martin tries frankly not to look disgusted, but Lucas can't even blame him because it's frankly disgusting. Côme smiles, looks relieved and yawns.

''I'm going to take his temperature and see if he wants to go back to bed. If you want to take a shower, go ahead. Get a towel from the closet.''

Martin looks at his sweater and dripping pants and nods.

''Yeah, I'll do that. That's so gross. I mean, I'm sorry, it's not his fault. I hope he's okay.''

Lucas touches Côme's forehead and smiles.

''Yeah, he looks good. I'll put him back to bed and get you some new clothes. I'm really sorry tonight's a disaster.

Martin laughs as he strokes his arm up and down.

''Don't worry, my sister has 18-month-old twins. Honestly, you seem to be handling it well.''

Lucas goes to change Côme's pajamas and takes his temperature but he doesn't have any so he puts him back down and Côme immediately takes his bear's ear.

He quickly looks at his phone but he doesn't have any news from Eliott. He only has to hope that he comes back soon because he hates being alone with the boys when one of them is sick.

''Lucas, do you have a bag for my clothes?''

Lucas sighs and shakes his head.

''No, put them in the washing machine, I'll bring them back to you. You're not going to walk around with clothes full of vomit in a bag. Wait, I'll bring you some clean clothes.''

Martin opens the bathroom door and Lucas stays there for a few seconds without moving. He's not really used to having a guy just wearing a towel around his waist at home. 

''Okay, I'll bring you some clean clothes.''

Lucas goes to his room and pulls a pair of pants, a T-shirt and a sweater from the closet before coming back to the bathroom.

''Here, I hope it's your size and''

The bathroom door slams behind him, making him jump. Martin seems quite comfortable and Lucas feels like an idiot for not being able to say the same while he's at own home. 

''Shit, sorry, I opened the window because it smelled like vomit, and it must have been a draught, I hope".

"Babe, are you there?''

The door opens and Eliott's startled by looking at them. Lucas sees exactly the moment when his gaze passes from him to Martin who's still wet and shirtless, his towel tied around his waist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet this isn't quite the kind of drama you'd expect. Now I have a question : And you, in Eliott's place, how would you react?
> 
> Me literally like Lucas reacted with Lola 😤🤬😡😠😭😭: screaming in anger and going to cry alone ... (maybe even I would go hit something to vent my anger).  
> Or I kill the two guys 😆😆 (I'm kidding of course)


	45. A place to practice.

''I guess I came home too soon after all. I know I told you to relax but I wasn't thinking like that.''

Lucas sighs as he rolls his eyes, then smiles because he can see that Eliott isn't mad. Which seems a little weird because if he were him, he would already be screaming without even waiting for an explanation.

''Côme threw up on Martin.''

Eliott chuckles as he reaches out to shake Martin's hand.

''Nice to finally meet you, Martin, and sorry my son baptized you. Is he okay?''

Lucas pushes him out of there and closes the door behind him.

''He look fine, he just fell back asleep. You find me in a bathroom with a guy wearing just a towel and you shake his hand? Like really?''

Eliott laughed as he pulled him into a hug.

''Should I be worried? Are you cheating on me?''

Lucas shakes his head with a smile.

''No, of course not.''

Eliott shrugs as he grabs a piece of pizza.

''Then why would I be mad? Cold pizza really is the best.''

Lucas sighs and looks at the bathroom door but looks back at Eliott.

''You find me in a bathroom with an almost naked guy and you have no doubts. You know it's almost offensive to me. It's like you think no other guy would want me.''

Eliott laughed before kissing him.

''Nonsense, it's called trust. And unlike you, I totally trust my husband.''

Lucas widens his eyes and that makes Eliott laugh a little more.

''Don't say anything, babe, anything you say will be held against you. If the situation was reversed, you would have killed me by now. Don't even try to say otherwise. Okay, I'm going to see Côme, but keep working. I'm sorry about tonight, I swear I couldn't do otherwise.''

Lucas quickly kisses him with a smile.

''I know. It's okay, we managed to work anyway.''

Martin looks at Eliott, a weird smile on his lips before coming to sit behind the keyboard.

''Your husband is really cool. My ex hit me for less than that.''

Lucas takes his hands off the keyboard with a frown.

''She hit you?''

Martin nods, running a nervous hand through his hair.

''Yeah. She punched me in the face once, I dumped her after that. I think if Nico, my best friend had been in a towel, she would have killed us. Anyway, shall we play?''

Lucas nods and they play.

''One more time and then I'll leave you alone. Really we're fine, Lulu.''

When Lucas turns around, Eliott's sitting on the couch looking at them with a smile.

''Okay, baby, I'll see you tomorrow.''

Martin turns around and starts coughing.

''Shit, I didn't see you. I'm just saying that for the song you know: _baby it's cold outside_.''

Eliott starts laughing but as he gets up to come right behind them, his face back to being really serious.

''You got a crush on my husband?''

Martin looks at him and his face is enough to answer for him. Lucas might be offended by this if he wasn't relieved that there was no ambiguity between them.

''No, definitely not. Sorry Lucas, no offense but no.''

Lucas laughed as he shook his head.

''No it's okay. You're not my type either.''

Eliott looks at Martin and shrugs his shoulders.

''My husband is difficult, you're pretty cute.''

''Eliott!''

Eliott laughs as he strokes Lucas' shoulder.

''Difficult and so jealous.''

Lucas sighs and turns slightly to look at him.

''Can we play it once for you?''

Eliott nods as he kisses him, murmuring a ''of course'' and goes back to sit on the couch. As soon as the song is over, Lucas turns around but he doesn't have to ask the question to know that something is wrong.

''What do you think?" asks Martin, turning slightly.

Eliott makes a pout that Lucas hates.

''It's good. Not bad.''

Lucas sighs as he rests his head against the wall.

''Not bad? You're fucking kidding me. We're passing tomorrow, we have to be better than not bad. What's wrong?''

Eliott gets up, pulls a chair from the kitchen and sits down, a sweet smile on his face next to him, but Lucas knows it's deceptive and he'll tell them everything that's wrong.

''Okay, so I can't judge the piano part because I don't know anything about it, and I think it's amazing that you manage to play so well at the same time, but you look like robots. Especially you, babe. You need to relax. I think you need to have fun, have fun singing this. You have to be in the song, you have to make it come alive. You have to get into it.''

Martin frowns and Lucas smiles, stroking Eliott's cheek.

''Eliott is a movies director, he sees direction everywhere. We just have to play the best we can.''

Martin shakes his head as he looks at the score.

''No, he's right. We're already playing it perfectly, but we have to figure out what makes the difference. We have to make the song come alive, you're right. But how do we do that?''

Eliott smiled as he looked at him.

''Just tell the story of the song.''

Lucas sighs as he looks at the time. It's 9:30 pm and they are upsetting everything.

''It's a guy who wants to hit on a girl, right?''

Eliott sighs and pulls out his phone.

''That's why you get confused in who's singing what then, right?''

Lucas frowns and shakes his head.

''No, it's done on purpose. I play the high notes but I sing the man part and Martin does the opposite. We thought it would sound more like a duet this way.''

Eliott nods but points to the score.

''Yeah, and that's great, but from that point on you're picking up wrong. You're the one who has to say that.''

Lucas shakes his head and pulls out his phone.

''No, look, it's''

Eliott rolls his eyes as he pushes his phone away.

''This version sucks. Actually, this song is from a movie called ''neptune's daughter.'' Basically, a guy tries to convince a girl to stay and she tries to decline, and in the second part, it's the other way around. Look at the clip of the movie from which this song is taken, you'll understand better.''

Lucas kisses Eliott before turning to look at his phone screen. Eliott goes back for a slice of pizza and Lucas just feels super lucky to have such a supportive husband. He's just spent the day scouting and he might want to spend a quiet evening at home, but instead he helps them.

And now Lucas feels like he's totally rediscovering this song after practicing it for a month.

''He's basically a stalker trying to get it on and when it's done he tries to get out as fast as possible? But why did we take this song?''

Eliott looks at him almost surprised and looks at his phone.

''What? No, it's not that. Okay, let's start over. The movie it's about two sisters. One is a male runner who sets her sights on a polo player, but since her sister finds her behavior indecent, she wants to prevent any affair with the sportsman. Except that her sister has the wrong guy and actually sees the team's masseur instead of the polo player. In the first part of the song, it's the player who tries to convince the sister to stay, and in the second part, it's the girl who tries to convince the masseur to stay.''

Martin blinks with a sigh and rubs his head.

''But how do you know all this?''

Eliott smiles as he gets up to go into the kitchen.

''I studied this film in second year because the way they filmed it was very cutting edge for the time. They were doing the water acts with the camera always moving and with some really great travelling. Shall I make you a tea or a coffee?''

Lucas looks at Martin and turns to Eliott with a smile.

''Yeah two coffees, it's going to be a long night.''

Eliott laughs but nods.

''I didn't mean to discourage you. You see, it's a song where one person is openly hitting on the other, trying to resist just to fit the norms of the time, but making no real move to leave because they don't actually want to. It always comes back to the same thing: it's just a story of someone torn between what he wants to do and what society wants he does. It has to be seen as satire, otherwise it comes across as harassment. Lucas, you're supposed to hit on him, so do it. Like smiles, ambiguous looks. Martin, shift a little when you say you have to go and then get closer. Lucas, you have to be more suggestive, show that you want to win him over. You can't move from behind the piano so you have to convey emotions just with your face and posture. Lucas you have to openly flirt with him and Martin you have to try to resist his charm while showing that you don't really want to do it.''

Lucas bursts out laughing as he touches Eliott's forehead as he brings them the coffees.

''Have you been drinking tonight? Can you hear what you're saying? And stop call me Lucas, I'm not one of your actors.''

Eliott laughs as he removes his hand.

''Sorry. I'm just trying to help you, that's all. But do as you please.''

Martin elbows Lucas with a smile.

''We can try, no? We have the chance to have a professional eye to guide us, we should take advantage of it, no? Go ahead, hit on me, I promise you not to fall in love.''

They stop in the middle of the song the first two times because they burst of laughter but finally Lucas lends himself to the game, trying to remember how he was at the beginning with Eliott, and Eliott declares that it's definitely better, until he stops them.

''Stop, now you're wrong. The moment when you play without singing symbolizes the moment when it changes characters. So either you do it and switch places, but it might be complicated.''

Lucas shakes his head.

''We can't change the score, my love, we have to present this tomorrow morning.''

Eliott gently strokes his shoulder and kisses him on the cheek.

''Okay, then take your idea. The moment when you play without singing symbolizes the moment when the two characters make love. If you could play it looking into each other's eyes, that would be totally awesome. But otherwise it's okay, it was just an idea. Anyway, afterwards, you're the one trying to leave, baby, and it's up to Martin to convince you to stay.''

Lucas rereads the words and sighs.

''So basically the guy got what he wanted and he's trying to leave? Classy.''

Eliott laughs as he kisses him on the cheek.

''Yeah, you could say that. And Merry Christmas, of course.''

Lucas laughs and they practice for a while more before Eliott films them. And it's true that the result is really great, almost perfect.

''Ok, it's almost one in the morning, I'm going to go home. Try to get some sleep, Lulu, you look like tired shit.''

Lucas shows him his middle finger, laughing.

''I return the compliment. Don't you want to sleep here?"

Martin shakes his head and smiles.

''No, don't worry. See you at 8:30?''

Lucas nods and Martin bumps his fist against his own before greeting Eliott.

''Thanks, man, you're really great. I'll see you soon.''

Lucas accompanies him to close the door behind him and returns to join Eliott on the couch.

''Do you know I love you?''

Eliott smiles as he pulls him onto his lap.

''Thanks for managing everything tonight, I'm really sorry I left you down.''

Lucas shakes his head and smiles.

''Are you kidding? You totally helped us out. I hope we will have at least 17/20, that would be nice. Do you think we have to worry about Côme?"

Eliott shrugs his shoulders as he looks toward the babies' room.

''No, he hasn't puked since and he's sleeping fine. Maybe he had eaten too much or maybe he was just smeared. Now come to bed with me, seeing you hit on another guy makes me want to remind you that you are mine.''

Lucas frowns as he looks at him.

''Already it was your idea, and you know I wasn't really hitting on him right? I don't feel anything for him at all and he isn't attracted to me.''

Eliott laughed as he kissed him.

''I know, silly, but still. Let me take care of you.''

Lucas let's Eliott carry him to the bedroom and lies down on their bed, arms wide open.

''Go ahead, take care of me, I'm all yours. Only yours.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was happy to read in your last comments that I was not the only one to imagine that Eliott is not a jealous guy at all. I think in particular that this is why he did not think to warn Lucas of the presence of Lola at their place in season 6, because for him it was clear that it did not mean anything. I'm not saying that I validate this behavior, but I think it's rather difficult when in the same couple there is someone who is jealous and someone who is not at all. it takes a while before you understand why the other is reacting (or not) like this. the lack of reaction that pass for a lack of love, while jealousy can pass for a lack of confidence when in fact I think it depends mostly on the person himself.


	46. A place for a Christmas tree.

As it's Friday, Eliott's already at home with the boys when Lucas comes back from school. And as Lucas comes back in a great mood, despite the lack of sleep he feels, he buys flowers to Eliott to thank him for staying up half the night with them so that their performance this morning is perfect. And frankly, Lucas has really the impression that it was perfect and considering the face of their teacher, it's clear that she was completely surprised. They'll have the grades on Monday, but in the meantime, he's decided not to think about it and not to work all weekend. He only has one more test next Thursday, so he'll have time to study early this week. This weekend, he devotes himself entirely to his family because it's been too long since the four of them have really spent a weekend together.

He knocks gently against the front door as he opens it and smiles because he sees Eliott and Côme painting in the middle of the living room.

''My loves?''

Côme claps, splashing Eliott with paint and Lucas starts laughing.

''Come with us, babe, we were trying to make Christmas presents for our moms.''

Lucas puts down his stuff and looks at the sheet filled with green handprints, forming a Christmas tree.

''When Nathan wakes up, I'll make his handprint here, and after a few modifications, it will be two reindeer. Then we'll make their footprints upside down and that will make snowmen. I think our moms will be happy. In a few years they'll bring it out and show them how small their footprints were.''

Lucas nods as he crouches down to kiss Côme's cheek and then Eliott.

''So? How did it go?''

Lucas pulls out the bouquet of flowers from behind his back with his best smile.

''It was great. Perfect. I think the teacher stopped breathing for a few seconds. Honestly I don't know if she liked it but she was definitely surprised and since she keeps saying she wants to be surprised, I think it's a good thing. Thank you for your help, my love.''

Eliott smells the flowers and takes them before kissing him.

''I just did my job.''

Lucas helps Côme press the paper well to make his prints and looks at Eliott as he takes out a vase in the kitchen.

''Except you weren't paid for it.''

Eliott laughs and comes back to them.

''I was talking about my job as a husband, silly.''

Nathan starts to cry and Lucas stands up, his hands already full of green stains.

''But how did you get dirty when you just got here?''

Lucas shrugs and smiles.

"You love dirty boys.''

He draws a line across Eliott's cheek.

''There, much better. You weren't dirty enough.''

He gets up before Eliott has time to do the same and quickly washes his hands before going to get Nathan.

''He hasn't had his snack yet by the way.''

Lucas emerges from the bedroom, Nathan tugging at his shirt, obviously trying to get his head through the neckline.

''Yeah, I can see that. You're starving, aren't you, big guy? It's normal, it's already 5:00 pm.''

Lucas settles into the couch and strokes the still bald head of this little boy who looks at him with his green eyes. His eyebrows are rather light so maybe he'll be brown like his brother after all. It doesn't really matter, but Lucas often wonders. Most people say that Nathan looks more like Eliott that Côme, and Lucas often wonders if it's because Côme has the same blues eyes as him or if it's just a way of saying that the boys don't look alike.

He looks at Eliott and Côme, really focused on their painting and smiles. As if he could feel his gaze on him, Eliott lifts his head with a smile.

''I think we should go buy a Christmas tree next weekend.''

Lucas shakes his head as he adjusts Nathan's stance a bit.

''No, we should do that this weekend. I'm banning revisions and focusing on the three of you 100%. We could do this tomorrow after Nathan's appointment for his booster shots, right?''

Eliott nods with a smile.

''Definitely!''

Lucas looks at Eliott as he covers Côme's foot with white paint before placing it on the blue sheet and smiles. Their whole family exudes happiness and it's just perfect. Eliott looks at him and immediately frowns.

''Why are you crying?''

Lucas wipes his eyes with a smile.

''I'm just tired.''

Eliott washes Côme's foot and wipes it off before picking him up to come sit next to Lucas and wrap his arms around him.

''So we're going to rest this weekend. We don't have anything to do except take Nathan to the doctor tomorrow morning, but if you want, I can go alone. You need rest.''

Lucas shakes his head before resting it against his.

''No, we're going to go together and then we're going to buy a Christmas tree. I just want the four of us to enjoy this weekend and there's nothing better than putting up the Christmas decorations for that. I'm sure Mika, Camille and Sara have already put up theirs.''

Eliott kisses him and Lucas closes his eyes for a few moments, feeling incredibly good. When he opens them again, Nathan's no longer in his arms, but is playing on the playmat while Eliott is in the kitchen, holding Côme.

''How long was I asleep?''

Eliott turns around and shows him the two too-cute posters where the tiny footprints form a whole Christmas landscape.

''We had time to finish, I gave them a bath and now Côme's helping me make some pasta.''

Lucas gets up, stretches and joins them with a smile.

''I don't know if it's a good thing he's learning to cook with you. Côme, promise me that when you have a girlfriend or boyfriend, you will never make him a cinnamon-fennel omelet. If I had listened to my stomach, you wouldn't be here today.''

Côme hugs him as Eliott slaps his ass.

''You're mean, it wasn't that bad, and I've gotten better since then.''

Lucas raises an eyebrow and starts to laugh.

''The cucumber beet puree, shall we talk about that?''

Eliott sighs as he stirs the sauce in the pan.

''It was an experiment. And it was not so bad.''

Lucas laughs as he shook his head and turn back to Nathan who's put himself on his stomach to be able to look at them better and call out to them, obviously trying to pull himself forward to join them but not moving. 

''Soon you too will be able to crawl and walk on all fours. You already look so big to me now. I'm sure the doctor will say you've grown a lot tomorrow, big boy.''

Côme pulls on his sweater for Lucas to look at him and point at himself.

''Big!''

Lucas nods with a smile.

''Yes, you're a big boy too. But tomorrow the doctor will just take care of Nathan. You can play with his toys.''

Côme applauds, and of course when they arrive at the doctor's office the next morning, the first thing he does is push himself off of Eliott's arms for go into the play area.

''Côme you can say hi to the doctor before you go play.''

''Hi Doc.''

The doctor smiles and watch him take out a puzzle before turning to Nathan.

''So this is for you this morning? You seem to have grown a lot since last month. I wouldn't be surprised if you and your brother were both taller than your dads.''

Indeed, Nathan has grown up well over the past month and he lets himself be measured and weighed without losing his smile. He frown as the doctor gave him his shot and snuggles up to Eliott right after. The doctor puts his things away and stops to look at Côme who's putting the pieces of a puzzle back together.

''You're really good at this, Côme. You think you can do that?''

He hands him a six-piece puzzle that fits together and Côme puts them back together in seconds.

''He still not trying to walk?''

Côme shakes his head with a smile.

''No. Daddy carry.''

''Not at all.'' Lucas sighs ''And he gets angry as soon as we want to stimulate him to stand up.''

The doctor puts the puzzle away and places three cubes in front of Côme.

''Can you give them to me all at once?''

Côme nods and takes a cube in each hand before squeezing them around the third one and placing them in the doctor's hands.

''Great Côme, thank you. You're an amazing little boy.''

The doctor returns to his office and taps away at his computer without saying anything. Côme picks up a book and walks over to the seat where Eliott's sitting so he can lift it up. He sits down next to Nathan and opens the book before telling the story with some real words and some incomprehensive words. Lucas smiles as he looks at him but loses his smile when he sees the way the doctor looks at Côme.

''What's wrong? Is it because he's not walking?''

The doctor shakes his head, resuming a soft smile.

''No, not at all. Before 18 months there's nothing to worry about, but he doesn't have the typical development of a 14-month-old baby.''

Lucas looks at his seemingly perfect little boy and feels like crying. 

''What do you mean?'' asks Eliott ''What should we do?''

''Nothing at all. It was amazing that he could talk so much at his age, and now he combines words to make sentences, but he also knows how to reason logically. I can't say for sure, and maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, but I wouldn't be surprised if he was a gifted children. Not surprised at all.''

Lucas smiles but sees that Eliott looks downright disturbed by this.

''Are you sure?''

The doctor shrugs with a smile.

''I think so, but anyway for now it doesn't change anything. We won't talk to him again when he comes to school if he has any problems. But right now he's a happy little boy and that's all that matters.''

Eliott nods but Lucas can see that things are not going well. They puts the boys back in the baby carriers before leaving the doctor's office, hand in hand. Lucas gently strokes Eliott's hand and stops.

''Are you okay? You look not okay.''

Eliott shakes his head and caresses Côme's cheek.

''Can we talk about this later, please? Come on, let's go home.''

Lucas holds him back with a frown.

''Weren't we supposed to get a Christmas tree? Eliott, it's okay, you know, it's not a bad thing.''

Eliott sighs and nods.

"I just want him to be normal.''

Lucas strokes his Côme cheek as he snuggles up against Eliott and then frowns as he looks at his husband.

''I just want him to be himself. No one is normal. There is no such thing as normal. Do you hear what you're saying? Is that what you want to teach at our sons? To be normal?''

Eliot hug Côme a little harder and shake his head.

''No I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I didn't expect that. It scares me, I don't want him to be different. You know what I mean.''

Lucas strokes his cheek and takes his hand back in his.

''The unknown is scary, that's all. And then you heard what he said? For now we don't have to do anything, just let him grow up. No matter what he's, we'll be there for him and we'll love him, okay? He'll always be different from someone else. We like different, right?''

Eliott sighs and leans in to kiss him before he starts walking again.

''You're right, sorry. I've been praying so hard that he wouldn't be bipolar that I didn't think we'd be told anything else.''

''Did you pray?'' asks Lucas with a big smile on his face ''If you want to go to Christmas mass, you're welcome to, you know.''

Eliott smiles and nudges him.

''Okay.''

Lucas stops with wide eyes.

''What?''

Eliott pulls on his hand to move him forward.

''I said okay. You go every year with your mom, last year I stayed home with Côme, but I guess we could go as a family, right? I don't want to say I believe in it, but I know your mom would like it.''

Lucas nods with a smile.

''Indeed, it would please her.''

Eliott strokes his hand before looking at him.

''And I was thinking that if you're up for it, on the 25th we could go to my aunt's with my parents. What do you think?''

Lucas lets go of his hand and looks around them.

''Who are you and what have you done with my husband?''

Eliott laughs as he takes his hand back.

''My dad keeps telling me how happy he'd be if we came to his sister's house. There will be my grandfather, uncles, aunts, and cousins there, and it's probably going to be a horrible time to spend but I think I want to go. I know my parents would really enjoy it.''

Lucas strokes the top of his hand with his thumb and smiles tenderly at him.

''It's your choice, I'd follow you anywhere and you know it. How far is it? Two hours away?''

Eliott nods, then sighs.

''Dad says this will probably be Grandpa's last Christmas. He said that last year, and I'm not sure if it's true, but I know he'd be happy if we could get a picture of him with the four generations of Demaurys. And then he says the whole family would love to meet our boys. The way they help us out when we need it, I think I'd really like to make him happy.''

Lucas smiles as he stops in front of the tree merchant.

''You don't have to explain yourself. I would love to meet your family.''

Eliott sighs as he runs a hand through his hair.

''I don't know if I'm ready to do that actually. The last time I saw them, I was manic and angry. I screwed up big time and that's why I've hated family events ever since. But since your dad died, I figure we should enjoy the family while it's here. My grandfather taught me to draw when I was a kid and I know he's not forever. I'm afraid I'll regret not going to see him.''

Lucas smiled as he stroked his shoulder.

''I know, my love, and I'd be really happy to meet him. We can go if you want. I'm sure no one will remember what you did...what was it five, six years ago?''

Eliott sighs.

''8 years ago. I was 16 and I was a ball of anger because I felt like nobody understood me. I didn't want to go so I stopped taking my medication a week before but my parents still forced me to go. I totally messed up there and''

Eliott looks at Côme and Nathan who have fallen asleep and sighs.

''I spiced up the Christmas log, exchanged all the tags on the Christmas presents and kissed my cousin in front of the whole family. With the tongue. And the worst part is, she kissed me back.''

Lucas purses his lips and Eliott elbows him.

''Stop it, that's not funny. That was horrible.''

Lucas shrugs and points to a fir tree.

''That was a long time ago. You've changed since then, my love, and I'm sure no one will hold it against you. They'll probably be happy to see you and your family. This one looks good, doesn't it?''

Eliott nods and pays for the tree that a guy's wraps. They both return, their babies asleep on their bellies, the tree under their arms.

''Where do we put it?''

They move some furniture to be able to make a place in the living room and put their boys who wake up slowly on the carpet of awakening before going to seek their box containing the Christmas decorations. Côme spends his time pushing the button on the garland to turn it off and on while Nathan plays with a noisy ball.

''Here we go, perfect. Now I've got''

Lucas' cell phone starts vibrating and he takes it out of his pocket to look. Eliott's obviously waiting for him so he hang up.

''I decided to get us something, and''

Lucas presses his phone through his jeans pocket to mute it and looks at Eliott.

''What is it?''

Eliott grabs a bag but stops because Lucas' phone rings again.

''Sorry, it's Martin, I'll just tell him I'm not studying today.''

Lucas picks up the phone as he looks at the package Eliott is holding, trying to guess what's inside.

''Martin, I don't.''

''Lucas! Have you seen your emails?''

Lucas almost flinches and pulls his phone back because Martin's talking way too loud.

''No, we're putting up our Christmas tree, and''

''We're going to play, Lucas! We're going to play! At the Christmas concert!''

Lucas takes a few seconds to realize then starts jumping up and down.

"We're going to play? Really?''

"Yes! And she wants us to play our waltz too. And you know what that means?''

"We got a 20! We got a 20!"

Lucas does a victory dance before jumping into Eliott's arms.

''We got 20! We got picked to play the Christmas concert! It's because of you, damn it!''

Eliott laughs, shaking his head.

''No, it's because of you two. Well done guys. Martin, are you coming to celebrate with us tonight?''

''I'm going to Nico's tonight, but''

''Come both of you if you want, I would less the feeling like I'm hold the candle.''

Lucas taps him on the shoulder and Eliott laughs.

''Okay. I'm so fucking happy. Thanks Eliott, you're really great. It's all thanks to you.''

Lucas hangs up the phone as he hugs Eliott.

''Thank you. Thank you. I don't care what you say, it's thanks to you.''

Eliott shakes his head as he hugs him.

''I'm too proud of you. And I'm going to be even more proud in two weeks. You're going to perform in front of a room full of people. I'm sure everyone will come to see you. I'm so proud of you.''

Lucas shrugs.

''It's just a Christmas concert for charity, it's not a real concert either. So? You got us a present?''

Eliott takes the cardboard box back and opens it slowly.

''Look, we had the figurines that were on our wedding cake, so I made the same ones for our sons.''

Lucas takes the two little figurines out of the box and smiles because they look exactly like Eliott's drawings. One is a hedgehog with a mask and pointy ears, while the other is a raccoon with hedgehog spikes on his back: two cute mixtures of themselves.

''They're too beautiful. I love them.''

Lucas sets them down on the shelf, between the raccoon and the hedgehog. Eliott joins him and sets the hedgehog next to the raccoon, putting them in order of size.

''No one is taking me away from you, not even our sweet babies.''

Lucas rolls his eyes but hugs him.

''They are so beautiful, thank you my love.''

Nathan fidgets on his mat before he starts to cry and Côme joins him to stroke his belly.

''Daddy milk.''

Lucas hugs Eliott while nodding.

''I'm coming.''

He looks at the four figures again and smiles before kissing him again, whispering a ''that's perfect.''

When he turns around, Côme's sitting up and holding Nathan against him while trying to lift his shirt.

''Côme milk.''

They burst out laughing and Lucas picks Nathan up before stroking Côme's cheek.

''No, that's not possible sweetheart.''

Côme sulks as he crosses his arms over his chest and Lucas sits down next to him.

''But you can help daddy warm up his mashed butternut for afterwards if you want.''

Côme shakes his head and climbs onto his lap to invite himself to suckles.

''I thought you only have milk in the mornings and evenings anymore, big boy?''

Côme closes his eyes and cuddles against him as Lucas gently hugs him, at the same time as his little brother and Eliott comes to slip behind him to be able to surround him with his arms too, sliding a tender kiss in the crook of his neck

''You're right, you do have time to grow up.''


	47. A place for the show.

''No matter what happens, just smile and don't worry about me, okay?''

Lucas frowns, ready to ask what Eliott means by that, but Martin grabs him by the wrist and pulls him backstage.

''It's ours in five minutes. I'm so fucking nervous, have you seen how full the room is?''

Lucas nods, feeling the anxiety take him.

''Definitely. All my friends are here, as well as my mother and my parents-in-law. I can't believe we've been chosen. Ready?''

Martin seems to hesitate, then nods.

''Yeah. Mostly remember, it's just staging, okay?''

Lucas frowns but their teacher waves them over to her.

''Okay, it's your turn in a few minutes. This is a real honor for you so put your best foot forward. I'm really proud of you two. Lucas, I caught a glimpse of your two boys, they are really too cute.''

Lucas thanks her and then walks on stage with Martin. They both wear black jeans and white shirts, and they both have a big smile on their lips as they look out at the packed concert hall applauding them.

They sit down behind the piano and as soon as they start playing, all the stress disappears almost instantly and it's as if everyone in the room disappears too. 

As expected, they start with their version of "Once upon a December", before playing "Baby it's cold outside.''

And frankly Lucas can tell he's having fun. He hears some "oh" when they play the instrumental part without ever taking his eyes off each other, and he smiles a little more, just like Martin. And he can definitely tell, Martin's having as much fun as he's. It's like they are connected by this passion and it's just amazing. It's just perfect.

Until Martin sings the last words _''Get over that hold out.''_ and leans in like he's going to kiss him.

Lucas smiles and before he's time to think, he leans in to close the distance, and after few seconds, his lips leave Martin's smiling ones. It's a quick, almost stolen kiss, immediately followed by thunderous applause. Lucas rises, almost on automatic pilot and Martin takes his hand so that they greet the spectators.

Lucas immediately looks at Eliott who smiles at him and waves Nathan's hand sitting on his lap before leaning towards Côme who's sitting on Imane's lap, pointing at him. He can't miss Yann who's making a angry face, nor the stunned Basile's face. Mika's standing next to Eliott and claps probably as loud as he does while Camille carries Sara in his arms so that she can wave at him, to which Lucas answers.

Lucas waves to the whole room, but he can't smile because he just realize what just happened. What he has just done. In front of everyone. In front of Eliott. In front of their friends. In front of their families. In front of their sons.

Martin pulls him backstage where their teacher applauds them.

''Guys, that was perfect. That cat-and-mouse game really brings out the humor in the song, mitigating all the backlash it's been through. You really brought it to life, even beyond my expectations. Frankly bravo, I'm so proud of you two.''

Lucas lets go of Martin's hand and turns to him with a smile.

''It was great, we were''

Lucas shakes his head frantically.

''Why did I do that? Why did you bend over? Why did you want to kiss me? You're not even gay.''

Martin smiles a little more as he places his hand on her shoulder.

''It was Eliott who suggested I do it. He said it was the best way to end the song and that you'd be so taken with your character that you'd do it. Your husband knows you well.''

Lucas runs his hands through his hair, trying to control the anger that's coming over him.

''I'm going to kill him.''

Martin grabs him by the arm.

''Hey, calm down, it was just for show, he knows that. It's all right, Lucas.''

''I kissed you!'' yells Lucas ''I was the one who made the last move. Holy shit, I feel like I cheated on him.''

Martin grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him gently.

''Cut the bullshit, it wasn't even a real kiss, okay? It was just staged. Like you were an actor. Everybody knows that. He told me to tell you it wasn't any worse than kissing Chloe and thinking about someone else. He said you'd know what that means.''

Lucas takes a deep breath as he nods.

''Okay, I'll kill him. Definitely. Oh fuck, I'm going to kill him. And you too. Get that stupid smile off your lips, I'm going to kill you.''

Martin smiled as he gave his a wink.

''A pretty boy kissed me today, I have a lot to be happy about.''

Lucas nudges him and Martin laughs.

'Come on, it was just for the show. Still buddies?''

Lucas sighs but nods, pounding his fist against hers.

''Sure, but never touch my lips again.''

Martin blows him a kiss and Lucas pushes him away laughing.

''You know that's all anyone's going to talk about at school?''

Martin shrugs with a smile.

''Who cares, it was just a show. And did you see how we got applause? Years ago, two guys who would have done this would have been arrested and hitting. We managed to take a song from the 50's and show that it works really well for a gay couple. You know what that means? That the love has no time or gender. Thinks what you want, I'm super proud of us.''

Lucas smiles as he immediately thought of Mika who must have thought exactly the same thing.

''Me too.''

They wait for the intermission while looking at the last year students who take turns on the stage then join their friends. Nicolas, Martin's best friend, pushes him out of the building as soon as they arrive and Lucas watches them disappear wondering if he should be worried about him but Yann stands in front of him with a hard face.

''What's gotten into you? We all thought you were seeing too much of this guy, but kissing him in front of everyone? Damn it Lucas, are you think to Eliott?''

Lucas quickly looks at his friends as they leave the auditorium and frowns.

''Where is he?''

Emma shrugs.

''He went out right after your performance. But what were you thinking?''

Lucas shrugs in back.

''Nothing. It didn't mean anything and he knows it, it was just for the show.''

''And it was a perfect show.'' Declares Eliott as he slips his arm around his shoulders before kissing him. ''I'm so proud of you, babe.''

Lucas immediately feels relieved and snuggles up to him.

''Where have you been?''

Eliott smiled as he lowered his gaze to Nathan.

''That little man needed to be changed. I'm so proud of you, you were amazing. Where's Martin?''

Lucas looks at the door leading outside and shrugs.

''Nico pushed him out, so, I don't know.''

Eliott looks at the door with a smile.

''Oh...I was sure he was in love with him. Remember I told you when they came in our home. I'm sure he'll admit his feelings, now.''

Lucas looks at the door, as if he can see what's going on on the other side.

''Except Martin isn't attracted to guys.''

Eliott simply shrugs.

''It's just a detail. Sometimes you don't choose. They'd be too cute together, but not as cute as us.''

Eliott kisses him almost greedily, pinning him against the wall behind him, not even caring that he has Nathan in his arms.

''I want you so much. Now.''

Yann pretends to cough while Basile start laughing.

''We're still here. So Lucas kisses another guy and you don't care?''

Eliott frowns as he looks at Yann.

''It was just for the song. I'm the one who helped them with that staging and they were perfect. You should be proud of him, unless you're jealous?''

Yann rolls his eyes, shaking his head.

''Oh no, definitely not. If you're cool, fine. Sorry, it just feels weird.''

Eliott shrugs, pulling Lucas closer to him.

''It's just staged. I kissed Lola and no one made a big deal about it.''

Yann sighs, nodding his head.

''It's not the same.''

Lucas frowns as he moves closer to Yann.

''What? It's exactly the same. Why should he be allowed to kiss Lola and I'm not allowed to kiss Martin?''

Yann raises his eyes to the sky with a sigh.

''Lola is a girl, but Martin is a guy. Lola was not in competition with you, Lucas, but Martin is a guy and you could''

''Eliott isn't competing against anyone, silly. It was just a kiss between friends. We didn't even put our tongues to it, damn it. It was just a kid's kiss.''

Eliott laughed as he kissed him again.

''Glad to hear it. Save your tongue for me.''

Martin comes back with his cheeks completely red, his eyes looking red too, as if he had been crying and leaves in the direction of the backstage.

''Go ahead.''

Yann looks at Eliott and frowns.

''You're not going to send him into his arms?''

Eliott frowns back and gently pushes Yann to the side.

''I'm sending him to comfort his friend because that's what they are: friends. I totally trust my husband and you should trust your best friend. But what's wrong with you?''

Yann sighs and shakes his head.

''It's too weird for me. Okay, I'm going to sit down again, the concert is about to start.''

Lucas kisses Eliott and then Nathan before disappearing into the wings. The school headmaster stops him almost immediately.

''Lucas, the music press loved you and Martin and they want an encore. I want you both to play for the encore after the finale. Whatever you want.''

Lucas nods because he can't say no and points to a shadow.

''I'll get Martin and we'll figure out what to play.''

Martin's sitting with his head in his hands and sighs as Lucas sits down next to him.

''Did you know he loves me?''

Lucas hands him a handkerchief with a smile.

''We kind of suspected it. Well Eliott especially, I have trouble seeing this kind of stuff, but Eliott said it was clear he was in love with you.''

Martin sighs, wiping his eyes.

''I never thought about that. I feel like I've lost my best friend. He said that seeing us kissing was too much for him and he couldn't stand hiding his true feelings anymore. I love him, but not like that. He tried to kiss me and I backed away. I kissed you no problem and for him, I backed off.''

Lucas smiles as he stroke his forearm.

''Maybe it's because you don't care about me at all, but it's not the same about him, right?''

Martin looks at him and sighs.

''That sucks. It was supposed to be a good day.''

Lucas smiles a little more.

''The headmaster wants us to play another piece just after the finale. We have 45 minutes to be ready.''

Martin widens his eyes and dries his tears as he stands up.

''Tell me you're kidding me?''

Lucas shakes his head and the director comes over to them.

''So, did you find that you play?''

Lucas nods with a smile.

''We're doing a medley with our last year songs. We have to go fix it.''

The headmaster nods and they train until it's time for the encore.

Lucas smiles at Eliott and gives him a wink before settling down behind the piano, as close to Martin as possible because they have to play on the same scale.

''Our school likes to challenge its students. Our two second-year students were told 45 minutes ago that they had to play for you again, so you will be able to see the level we ask of our students as well as their responsiveness.''

The room applauded and the headmaster smiled at them. A smile which wants to say _''Do not disappoint me.''_ that Lucas tries to ignore not to panic.

Then he closes his eyes and plays. He knows that Eliott recognizes the music from the first note and he smiles because even if his eyes are closed, he's sure that Eliott smiles too.

No matter how many songs he can play by heart, _I love you_ will always be the one that gives him the most butterflies in his stomach.

He opens his eyes again just as the tempo slows down and Martin puts his hands on his, playing the last two notes with him before Lucas takes his hands away, letting Martin play his favorite song. Not having much time to get ready, they decided to take turns playing excerpts from the music they know best, starting with the softest, before playing the last song together.

Lucas rolls up his sleeves with a smile and slides his hands over his to accompany him to play before taking the piano to play in his place. He raises his eyes just to look at his mother and as he expected, she smiles and wipes her eyes. Lucas thinks of his father who taught him to play the piano when he was little. It's the only thing they ever had in common, and that's why he had stopped playing before playing again for Eliott. So he plays the piece his father used to play all the time, just because he knew his mother loved it: _Mozart's Turkish March_. 

Martin nods and rolls up his sleeves in a gesture just as theatrical as he did a few minutes ago before making the final hands's change to play. They stop, both raising their hands at the same time, and then play a slightly modified introduction to _All I Want for Christmas_ in duet, all the while smiling at their teacher in the front row. Lucas leaps to his feet, leaving Martin alone behind the keyboard, as the curtain behind them rises, revealing the other students in their class. He passes by Li-Mei who start to sing. Li-Mei definitely has the best voice in the class and she really puts this song over the top. 

Lucas almost jumps up to sit behind the drums and plays in just in time, a huge smile on his face, giving the start for the guitars, electric guitars, violins, cellos, trumpets, saxophones and clarinets to join them. It's a good thing the concert was taking place in their school building, otherwise they would never have been able to do this. He looks at Eliott who looks at him, Nathan probably asleep in the baby sling against him. From the way he looks at him, Lucas's sure: no one has ever been more proud of him in his life. And it feels so good to feel all the confidence, love and pride he has for him with just one look. He looks at Côme dancing on his grandmother's lap and really has to hold himself back from crying because everything he wants for Christmas is already there in front of his eyes.

They finish with a thunderous applause and Lucas knows he will look back on this moment for years to come because it's like a kid's dream come true. He walks to the front of the stage with his friends but while everyone is looking at the audience, he looks up just for a moment and then takes Martin's hand in his when he notices he's doing the same thing. His father probably wouldn't have come, he probably wouldn't have invited him to come anyway, but he has a right to be sad that his father is dead. It's a long hard slog, but Eliott's helping him accept everything he's feeling. He would not be here without his father and for that reason alone he wants to think of him and thank him for having passed on this passion.

He looks one last time at his husband, their children, their parents and their friends before leaving the stage smiling because contrary to what he thought a few years ago: he has a family that loves and supports him and he knows that he will never be alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this last scene reminds you of something, it's normal I stole it entirely from my favorite Christmas movie: Love actually 😍😍😍 I love this scene so much (Thomas Brodie-Sangster's so cute 🥺😢)


End file.
